Unpleasant Choices
Someone please cross-post to clan stuff- Thanks
I have been meditating and contemplating the life I lead when I realized something. Being a free-form hippie chick is fine when it's just me. When you have the added responsibility of lovable little monkey twins who didn't ask for, and do not deserve the downside of that life: wondering where rent money will come from when the month is already half over, hoping they won't shut off the lights because this months bill had to be ignored, or spending the last $20 on gas and smokes instead of milk and bread: I realize- there is only one way out of this. after all these years, I _MUST_ take action. I know what has to be done, but I am not looking forward to doing it. Not only because I hate conflict, but also because it will mean turning my back on the things that made me who I am. But, who I _am_ is not who I am meant to be. I need to strive. I need to reach out. I need a full time job. I need to commit to giving my kids the best possible life.
The other day, Spyder tried something I have known was coming since my checking acct wound up -700 dollars. He wanted to get into the kids savings certificate to pay rent with. I know him. It wasn't just about rent. He had been bugging to get into the firesafe for weeks before he found the way in. Luckily, Angie is a canny wench, and moved the CD to my mom's house for safe keeping. Otherwise, I don't know if he would even have talked to me about it. Without that paper, he has to get me to sign. ;)
So I have made a painful decision. I am leaving. The kids and I will be moving up here, to my mom's house, and to no surprise to most of Clan, Spyder will not. I plan to keep this information from him and his mom for as long as possible, i.e. I would like to wait until people are loading up my stuff in the U-haul before I tell him. I don't know how well I can do that, but I do need the help of Clanfolks. I need to go through the boxes of c**p in that house and get out all the stuff that is mine, especially if it will sell for a few bucks. If I don't get it all at once, I'll never get it. I know he will sell it for booze money. What I need is for people to come over in 2s, 3s, or 4s, preferably while he is working, and help me sort stuff. (I need the extra folks to help watch the kids)
I refuse to stay in that house and let my kids watch him run away from life, especially in such a dangerous way. I would have to kill him if my son thought that _his_ was the way to live.
Sorry this was so long. can't remember how to cut for space.
I have been meditating and contemplating the life I lead when I realized something. Being a free-form hippie chick is fine when it's just me. When you have the added responsibility of lovable little monkey twins who didn't ask for, and do not deserve the downside of that life: wondering where rent money will come from when the month is already half over, hoping they won't shut off the lights because this months bill had to be ignored, or spending the last $20 on gas and smokes instead of milk and bread: I realize- there is only one way out of this. after all these years, I _MUST_ take action. I know what has to be done, but I am not looking forward to doing it. Not only because I hate conflict, but also because it will mean turning my back on the things that made me who I am. But, who I _am_ is not who I am meant to be. I need to strive. I need to reach out. I need a full time job. I need to commit to giving my kids the best possible life.
The other day, Spyder tried something I have known was coming since my checking acct wound up -700 dollars. He wanted to get into the kids savings certificate to pay rent with. I know him. It wasn't just about rent. He had been bugging to get into the firesafe for weeks before he found the way in. Luckily, Angie is a canny wench, and moved the CD to my mom's house for safe keeping. Otherwise, I don't know if he would even have talked to me about it. Without that paper, he has to get me to sign. ;)
So I have made a painful decision. I am leaving. The kids and I will be moving up here, to my mom's house, and to no surprise to most of Clan, Spyder will not. I plan to keep this information from him and his mom for as long as possible, i.e. I would like to wait until people are loading up my stuff in the U-haul before I tell him. I don't know how well I can do that, but I do need the help of Clanfolks. I need to go through the boxes of c**p in that house and get out all the stuff that is mine, especially if it will sell for a few bucks. If I don't get it all at once, I'll never get it. I know he will sell it for booze money. What I need is for people to come over in 2s, 3s, or 4s, preferably while he is working, and help me sort stuff. (I need the extra folks to help watch the kids)
I refuse to stay in that house and let my kids watch him run away from life, especially in such a dangerous way. I would have to kill him if my son thought that _his_ was the way to live.
Sorry this was so long. can't remember how to cut for space.