Today was good too...
I slept in and slept in. I think it was three pm before I woke up. It was good to sleep that much though, I think I needed it. I think I got 11-12 hours sleep. I did some great reading, I feel like so much of the evil, nasty stress I have been under has fallen away. My attitude has gotten great, I have plenty of time to do what needs done, all of a sudden. my finals are going to be handed out on tuesday, and I have worlds of confidence. My head doesn't want to work right, out here, but my emotions do. and now they are beginning to. I will still be very busy when I get home, writing the papers, going to the library; but my brain will work, my time will be my own, except for job seeking. And job seeking is something I can do at the library, too. So, yay! but presently I just feel tired, mentally, and I can't think a straight circle. My body isn't even working right. in the last three days I have dropped the ashtray 5 or more times. I have almost fallen twice, and I can read and walk at the same time. I don't fall! I have mondo-balance. I hope that is coming from my health issues, not from some other random weirdness.
I have started packing up, and getting my belongings ready to come home. I have heard nothing from Spyde yet about the possibility of borrowing a van from his mom, and I NEED to know NOW. because if that doesn't work, I have to come up with a new plan fast.
Also part of me doesn't want to come home, I don't want to leave my clean home, and return to the pigsty that Spy lives in. As I look at the things I _don't_ like I get apprehensive about the challenges that face me at home. Moat of them have something or alot to do with the housing situation. I know that Spyde doesn't like the house we are living in, but I think it could be alot more livable if he would drop that for now, and help get the place clean and decorated. Hell, I hate the house too, but that is no reason to fill it with junk and totally trash it. If it could be cleaned up, made comfortable, then it would not be so terribly hard to live in it. Besides I don't see him looking for another place we could live. If that is not going to happen, the best thing to do, IMHO, is clean up and fix up the house we have, find out why the roof is leaking, fix the plumbing issue, and find out if it would be possible to completely redo the basement. Since we can't lift up the ceiling, we would have to drop the floor, while maintaining the proper slant, and get the bathroom fixed. that does not seem to be entirely that much stuff to do, not in the four or more years that we have been plagued by these SAME problems. I personally made a list of the things that were wrong with the home, and tendered them to the landlord nearly a year ago. but nothing has been done. More and more I see that the things that are important to me, that are priorities, like having a clean home and a home that is comfortable enough to have guests in, or finding out if I can use Spy's mom's car, are not important to him. He is willing to accept my priorities, but only if they don't include _him_ having to do anything. All I need is a little help. pay the rent, and pester the landlord to get the work done. If the landlord won't do the work, we put the rent in escrow. Is that so hard? I don't think so. I want to come back to my kin, who I have missed horribly, but I do not want to live in that house. not the way it is. I am finding some possible solutions, some middle ground, but I don't know what to do. These are the hard times that couples go through, though. If he could talk about this, I think I would feel better, all I'm asking for is an attempt to deal with these things on his part. I would gladly help, if I thought that my bringing it up was more than just nagging, which I hate doing. I have tried to work on it myself, or just ask him to do this one thing or that thing, but I think if it doesn't change; than I will. I could nag more, I could change my own living circumstances. I don't like either of those options, but.... what else can I do?
There is my deep deep thoughts,
and I definitly will be thinking more on this.
I only have one other thought that may help. maybe I could get some of yin'z to help clean up and then the work would be much easier as far as getting the serious issues done along with the landlord. I wish _I_ could call the landlord and prod him, but I don't officially live there. I'm not on the lease. *sigh* yep, I'm in a whiny mood. But none of this is gonna stop me from coming home. No way. It's just why I'll be mean until I can get it fixed.
First priority is coming home, of course, next is the papers I have, and getting a job, but getting the house fixed up is also important. I need a house makeover. definitly. ah well.
back to work with me
I have started packing up, and getting my belongings ready to come home. I have heard nothing from Spyde yet about the possibility of borrowing a van from his mom, and I NEED to know NOW. because if that doesn't work, I have to come up with a new plan fast.
Also part of me doesn't want to come home, I don't want to leave my clean home, and return to the pigsty that Spy lives in. As I look at the things I _don't_ like I get apprehensive about the challenges that face me at home. Moat of them have something or alot to do with the housing situation. I know that Spyde doesn't like the house we are living in, but I think it could be alot more livable if he would drop that for now, and help get the place clean and decorated. Hell, I hate the house too, but that is no reason to fill it with junk and totally trash it. If it could be cleaned up, made comfortable, then it would not be so terribly hard to live in it. Besides I don't see him looking for another place we could live. If that is not going to happen, the best thing to do, IMHO, is clean up and fix up the house we have, find out why the roof is leaking, fix the plumbing issue, and find out if it would be possible to completely redo the basement. Since we can't lift up the ceiling, we would have to drop the floor, while maintaining the proper slant, and get the bathroom fixed. that does not seem to be entirely that much stuff to do, not in the four or more years that we have been plagued by these SAME problems. I personally made a list of the things that were wrong with the home, and tendered them to the landlord nearly a year ago. but nothing has been done. More and more I see that the things that are important to me, that are priorities, like having a clean home and a home that is comfortable enough to have guests in, or finding out if I can use Spy's mom's car, are not important to him. He is willing to accept my priorities, but only if they don't include _him_ having to do anything. All I need is a little help. pay the rent, and pester the landlord to get the work done. If the landlord won't do the work, we put the rent in escrow. Is that so hard? I don't think so. I want to come back to my kin, who I have missed horribly, but I do not want to live in that house. not the way it is. I am finding some possible solutions, some middle ground, but I don't know what to do. These are the hard times that couples go through, though. If he could talk about this, I think I would feel better, all I'm asking for is an attempt to deal with these things on his part. I would gladly help, if I thought that my bringing it up was more than just nagging, which I hate doing. I have tried to work on it myself, or just ask him to do this one thing or that thing, but I think if it doesn't change; than I will. I could nag more, I could change my own living circumstances. I don't like either of those options, but.... what else can I do?
There is my deep deep thoughts,
and I definitly will be thinking more on this.
I only have one other thought that may help. maybe I could get some of yin'z to help clean up and then the work would be much easier as far as getting the serious issues done along with the landlord. I wish _I_ could call the landlord and prod him, but I don't officially live there. I'm not on the lease. *sigh* yep, I'm in a whiny mood. But none of this is gonna stop me from coming home. No way. It's just why I'll be mean until I can get it fixed.
First priority is coming home, of course, next is the papers I have, and getting a job, but getting the house fixed up is also important. I need a house makeover. definitly. ah well.
back to work with me