Catatonic
Forgive me for the short entry, but I'm at a bit of a loss for words. If I've said it once, I've probably said it a hundred times... I feel so violated. I imagine this is what rape would feel like. F#&*ing investigators won't leave me alone. Every aspect of my life is being questionned & they've started pestering Eoin. When will they understand that I'm just an average woman in an ordinarily disfunctional marriage.
I've been visiting Ham the past few days (still unconscious) and it preturbs me that my police detail feels that my visits are disingenuous. During our visits I hold his hand, talk to him & read him the paper. I don't know if he hears me. I'd like to think that he does. It upsets me that my guard just rolls his eyes & laughs as I spend time with my husband. He watches like a hawk to make sure I don't harm Hamish.
Its strange that asside from the anger I feel towards the police at this moment, I really don't know how to feel. The time I'm now spending with my husband is probably the best time I have spent with him in nearly 8 months (how messed up is that). He's getting the care that he desperately needed & I'm getting the space I wanted. Not having to contend with his jealousy has been a relief.
I have always wanted to believe that there was a god & that there was some greater cosmic plan. But at times like this I just have to wonder what that plan is & what is its purpose. If there is a god, (s)he has some messed up sense of humour.
I've been visiting Ham the past few days (still unconscious) and it preturbs me that my police detail feels that my visits are disingenuous. During our visits I hold his hand, talk to him & read him the paper. I don't know if he hears me. I'd like to think that he does. It upsets me that my guard just rolls his eyes & laughs as I spend time with my husband. He watches like a hawk to make sure I don't harm Hamish.
Its strange that asside from the anger I feel towards the police at this moment, I really don't know how to feel. The time I'm now spending with my husband is probably the best time I have spent with him in nearly 8 months (how messed up is that). He's getting the care that he desperately needed & I'm getting the space I wanted. Not having to contend with his jealousy has been a relief.
I have always wanted to believe that there was a god & that there was some greater cosmic plan. But at times like this I just have to wonder what that plan is & what is its purpose. If there is a god, (s)he has some messed up sense of humour.