(no subject)
God i'm tired of this. I was running late for work, so of course got all anxious today. Then after getting in a fight with my dad, he kicked me out of the truck and left. He did come back by, but him screaming in the background with Denali saying "get back in" isn't too inviting. I'm tired of him making my week, then hurting me, shoving me over and threatening to kill me. I don't know which one of him to believe. I'm NOT going back to cutting, and i'm NOT going back to over dosing. Or drinking because of him. So after yelling at my mother to pull over after she got angry after picking me up from work, and opening the door quite about to throw my bag and jump, I just left. I walked to the cove. And looked up at the stars, and talked to Hannah. It was cold after half an hour. I left at quarter till 9, and got back at 11:15. My mother called me twice, a family friend called me once. I should have taken the train to stay with Belinda, that's far enough away and I think she has an appartment by herself.
I got to work an hour late. I'm tired of him, my family. Before they wanted me to feel better, now, when I actually have a drive to push myself forward, they tear me down, over and over again.
I wish they'd fix me, this ADD, or something, I don't know is screwing me up. I don't think anymore, because it's too hard. Hell, I can't remember the last time I actually treid to do homework. I don't anymore. I can't remember shit. I have to write it all down on my arm. Then it just gets smudged and I forget anyway. I feel like I'm always half drunk, never actually alive. So would i even feel it? would it be so bad to lose a life that isn't alive? Help, I'm so lost. I'm so incredibly fucking lost.
I got to work an hour late. I'm tired of him, my family. Before they wanted me to feel better, now, when I actually have a drive to push myself forward, they tear me down, over and over again.
I wish they'd fix me, this ADD, or something, I don't know is screwing me up. I don't think anymore, because it's too hard. Hell, I can't remember the last time I actually treid to do homework. I don't anymore. I can't remember shit. I have to write it all down on my arm. Then it just gets smudged and I forget anyway. I feel like I'm always half drunk, never actually alive. So would i even feel it? would it be so bad to lose a life that isn't alive? Help, I'm so lost. I'm so incredibly fucking lost.