Freezer's #NFL Week in Review - Week 7
Welcome to the Week in Review, currently under copyright claim from Nintendo.
Broncos 45, Cardinals 10
Von Miller predicted that "[they were] going to kick [the Cardinals'] ass." Not exactly Joe Namath's guarantee, but I suppose you take inspiration where you can get in the Broncos' situation. Real talk: if the Broncos had lost this game, they might not have Vance Joseph on the flight home.
But still, Denver turned the hapless Cardinals every which way but loose in every aspect of the game. Josh Rosen stood no chance against an energized Bronco front seven, throwing two Pick Sixes (and a third INT to grow on) and losing two fumbles. He also ate six sacks. He also got no help (again) from David Johnson (14-39). It was the worst performance of an offense that has had nothing but bad performances (even in their one win). And someone's head had to roll for this persistent fail. And since Sam Bradford was already off the table, the axe fell on OC Mike McCoy, who became the first coach of any kind that I can recall who was fired in-season in consecutive seasons.
One-and-done head coaches are relatively rare in the NFL. But if new OC Byron Leftwich¹ can't get more out of Rosen, Johnson et. al., it could be time for another house cleaning.
Admit it: You though Leftwich was holding a clipboard somewhere, didn't you?
Titans 19, Chargers 20
The Titans are creeping up on “Trash Fire” status.
Despite Marcus Mariota having a pretty solid game (34/32, 237 yds,1 TD, 1 INT), despite finally getting some help from the running game (13-91 for Dion Lewis), despite facing a Charger team without Melvin Gordon, they still found a way to lose.
The Titans’ margins for error are never the highest, so the multiple receiver drops, the missed field goal by Ryan Succop, Mariota’s first career red zone INT and the failed two-point conversion¹ all conspired to cost them the game. This is their third straight loss, sandwiching last week’s shutout ass whipping around two one-point losses.
At this point, the Titans are basically the Cowboys, with fewer complaints about the coaching.
The second time this season Mike Vrabel has rolled the dice like this this season. Just because it worked vs. Philly doesn’t mean it’s going to always work, Coach.
Patriots, Chicago
The Patriots’ path to victory seems to be:
Bend-But-Don’t-Break defense
Letting Dreamboat bail do his thing.
Eliminate the opponent’s best player. Or in the case of this week: Luck out that the opponent’s best player (in this case: Khalil Mack) is on a bad wheel.
Mitch Trubisky’s inconsistency did as much to hinder the Bears as the Patriots: He threw for 333 and two TDs, but missed several throws (including under throwing a late, potential game-tying pass to an open Anthony Miller) and did more damage with his legs (81 rushing yards) than with this arm.
Yeah, the Pats look vulnerable, but when’s the last time in the last decade we haven’t said that?
And, oh hey! A Kevin White sighting!
And, slight digression: Last week, I went into Tom Brady’s current consensus status as the QB G.O.A.T. (agree or disagree). Many of those same people are trying to confer the same status to Gronk for tight ends.
I’ve probably mentioned this before, but No. Hard No, comrade!
Yes, Gronk - when healthy - is probably the most physically gifted TE there’s ever been. Yes, he s a four-time first team All-Pro and has been to five Pro Bowls. But right now? Can you really say he’s a better TE than Travis Kelce? And historically, in a world where Tony Gonzalez (6 All-Pros, 14 Pro Bowls) and Antonio Gates (3 AP, 8 PB) existed, can you really give Gronk the nod over either of those men?
Gronk is basically the Bill Walton of the NFL: An all-timer, but injuries have kept him from attaining GOAT status.
Bills 5, Colts 37
A.J. McCarron probably would’ve come in handy on Sunday.
Starting the newly-acquired (to be a glorified QB coach) Derek Anderson over the hapless Nathan Peterman, about the only improvement was the lack of Pick Sixes. Shady McCoy going down in the first quarter probably didn’t help.
Andrew Luck and the Pips picked up a badly-needed win, tossing four TDs on only 156 yards and getting help (for once) from a running attack having its best performance since 2007 (220 total rushing yards, led by Marlon Mack’s 126)
Holy crap, the Bills are bad. And they probably won’t get much better, even when Josh Allen returns.
Lions 32, Dolphins 21
Brockamania lasted exactly one week.
The Lions rode a mistake-free Matt Stafford and their highest rushing totals since Barry Sanders was on the team to score their first road win of the season.
The Chargers East lost at home for the first time this season and lost another key player to injury: WR Albert Wilson left in the first half with a hip injury, and is likely done for the season
Osweiler was okay (22/31 for 239, 2 TDs), but the Dolphins’ vertical game seemed to have left with Wilson.
Vikings 37, Jets 17
I was actually shocked to realize that the Jets are 3-4 after Sunday’s loss. It felt like they lost every game since Sam Darnold’s Week 1 MNF coming out party.
And Stefon Diggs and Kyle Rudolph may get all the headlines and highlights, but Adam Thielen might be the most slept-on player at any position in the league, let alone in the Vikings’ receiver corps. Sunday, he became the fifth player to have seven straight 100-yard receiving games and the second to have those seven games start the season. He caught 9 for 110 and a TD, giving him 67, 822 and 5 for the year.
Panthers 21, Eagles 17
Cam Newton scored a big road win over the Eagles, Sunday.
Yes, I put it that way on purpose.
I don’t know how sustainable All Cam, All The Time is, long term (for the Cam or the Panthers), but it’s clear that the Panthers aren’t winning any other way. Again. Wasn’t Christian McCaffrey supposed to take the load off of Cam?
Speaking of missing support: The Philly rushing attack left Carson Wentz high and dry once again: (58 yards on 24 carries as a team). If the Eagles want even a shot at defending their title, they’re going to figure something out.
I feel I should say something about the Eric Reid/Malcolm Jenkins ...Confrontation? Ordinarily, there’s few things that will make me ignore everything someone has to say faster than using the term “sell out”. It’s one of those terms that have been overused and misused to the point of meaninglessness, And “neo-colonialist” is one of those terms that will probably take me years to actually understand.¹
But when someone is feeling strong enough about his politics (and strong enough against the other guy’s) that he’s willing to confront him during the effing coin flip? You gotta mention it - if only to say “Damn, son! Calm the f’ down!”
See also: “Cultural Marxism.”
Browns 23, Bucs 26 (OT)
The Browns are now 1-2-1 in Overtime games this season¹ and continue their proud tradition of finding new and novel ways to lose. In this case, Jabrill Peppers muffing a punt in OT that Tampa immediately cashed in for the winning FG.
Just goes to show it takes more than a promising QB and a new attitude to shake the habits and mindset of two decades of being the NFL’s Butt Monkey.
The record is five in a season (Packers, 1983), in case you were wondering.
Texans 20, Jaguars 7
This is what happens when your offseason moves are aimed more at soothing yoru QBs feelings than shoring up weaknesses - overt and potential.¹
See also: The Giants.
Saints 24, Ravens 23
Once again, I have to wonder at the disdain kickers receive in the NFL, considering how important they are, and how much a kicker failing can hurt your team.
Justin Tucker missed the first extra point of his career, as the Saints managed to hold on for the win. The Saints’ top-ranked offense managed to take down the top-ranked defense of the Ravens. Drew Brees became the fourth QB to throw 500 TDs¹ and the third to beat all 32 NFL teams².
This was also the second time the Saints were gifted a win after last second kicker fail.³.
Oh, and they also made a move to shore up their biggest weakness: Trading for disgruntled Giants S Eli Apple for a 2019 4th and a 2020 7th. That seems suspciously cheap, for someone who was a top 10 pick just two years ago.
Peyton Manning (538), Brett Favre (508), and Tom Brady (504 and counting) are the other three.
Manning and Favre are the other two.
Recall Week 2 and the Browns’ Kickpocalypse.
Rams 39, Niners 10
To paraphrase Weird Al Yankovic: The Rams are tall and strong and brave. And the Niners? Not so much.
Cowboys 17, Fucksnyders 20
I freely admit I turned this one off after the endzone strip sack on Dak.
Glad I did, because had i watched this one live, I would’ve thrown things. What the screaming blue fuck is a “snap infraction” anyway? And once again, we see a coach playing for the long field goal, treating it like a gimmie, only for the Football Gods to punish his timidity.¹ When the chips are down, you can count on Jason Garrett to play not to lose, then lose anyway, more often than not.
But, lo! Did a chorus of angels herald the coming of our savior, Amari Cooper! Yes, if he’s as advertised, he’ll be the best WR Dallas has had since a pre-injury Dez Bryant. If he can regain his form from his first two seasons, he’ll be the first true WR1 Dak has played with as a Cowboy. But I don’t know how much he can truly help if no other WR (not named “Cole Beasley”) can hang on to the ball. Hoping for the best, expecting more of the same.
Seriously: You had 12 seconds and a time out. You couldn’t throw something quick and over the middle to give your kicker a shorter field?
Bengals 10, Chiefs 45
Well, shit. I expected the Bengals to at least put up a fight.
Giants 20, Falcons 23
In a battle of two teams struggling to keep this year from sliding down the drain, the Falcons sucked just enough less than the Giants to take the win. The Falcons’ D kept Saquon Barkley from popping off his big plays, and since he’s all-or-nothing, the Giants’ run game was shut down. But Eli Manning stepped into that void to have his best game of the year (399 yards and a TD).
Imagine if Saquon and Eli could bring their A-game at the same time?
Atlanta, for their part, avoided their infamous red zone issues by avoiding the red zone entirely. (Their TDs came from a 30-yard Tevin Coleman run and a 47-yard Marvin Hall reception) and leaning on Giorgio Tavecchio’s leg.
The Saints are probably quaking in their boots right now.