Lord please give me patience
I just got back from Michigan yesterday, from my great grandmas funeral - I've been gone from Atlanta for a week and I feel off track. I need to readjust to my schedule here - still looking for a job, trying to scrap up money working at Longhorn (Ugh isn't 4 years enough torture) and just getting back involved in the church. I'm so excited to go to church tonight, I need some praise and worship time and a good message. not to mention being around my friends there always puts me in a great mood - right now I'm just blah.
I'm sooooo frustrated with Austin. I don't even know how to handle the situation anymore - I want him in my life and I'm fine with how things were a few weeks back where we just saw eachother once or twice a week but at least touched base almost every day. Right now I hear from him once or twice a week and haven't seen him since last saturday for like 30 minutes (when he drove me to the airport). I don't know if I'll see him at all this week - he's just so busy with everything going on with his music I know this, and I know he has a lot happening with his family right now so I'm trying to cut him some slack but honestly I don't know how much longer I can handle this. I miss him and I want to at least be able to talk to him - but I can't even get that out of him anymore. And its to the point where I'm asking myself - okay do I try to talk to him about this AGAIN or do I just write him off and see if he comes around. I thought about doing all his marketing stuff and finishing the base of it by the end of this week and if he doesn't try to make things work by then just send it to him through email with a message saying I'm done trying to adjust to his lifestyle and not everything is about him. (in a nicer, you're gonna miss me tone) but its just so hard to even think about doing that bc Austin is an AMAZING guy - I would be stupid to let him go - BUT if he's not in this and its just me trying I deserve better then that. I can't live my whole life around him
I'm starting to feel like Austin is my new Tulpa - God help me, haha. It took me a whole year to get Tulpa to finally want to be committed to me...then that lasted a month - ha. what a joke - I pray that it won't turn into that - but right now it's totally giving me flashbacks of how frustrated I'd get with Tulpa - sick.
I'm done thinking about this, I'm totally just going to try and put this all in God's hand and let him deal with it. Because He only knows what I can handle and he has a plan for me - I just wish He'd make things a bit more clear right now - no steady job, no steady austin, just a steady church - which is awesome and I love/need the most - but a stable financial income and clearer answers with austin would be nice. Am I asking for to much?
I'm sooooo frustrated with Austin. I don't even know how to handle the situation anymore - I want him in my life and I'm fine with how things were a few weeks back where we just saw eachother once or twice a week but at least touched base almost every day. Right now I hear from him once or twice a week and haven't seen him since last saturday for like 30 minutes (when he drove me to the airport). I don't know if I'll see him at all this week - he's just so busy with everything going on with his music I know this, and I know he has a lot happening with his family right now so I'm trying to cut him some slack but honestly I don't know how much longer I can handle this. I miss him and I want to at least be able to talk to him - but I can't even get that out of him anymore. And its to the point where I'm asking myself - okay do I try to talk to him about this AGAIN or do I just write him off and see if he comes around. I thought about doing all his marketing stuff and finishing the base of it by the end of this week and if he doesn't try to make things work by then just send it to him through email with a message saying I'm done trying to adjust to his lifestyle and not everything is about him. (in a nicer, you're gonna miss me tone) but its just so hard to even think about doing that bc Austin is an AMAZING guy - I would be stupid to let him go - BUT if he's not in this and its just me trying I deserve better then that. I can't live my whole life around him
I'm starting to feel like Austin is my new Tulpa - God help me, haha. It took me a whole year to get Tulpa to finally want to be committed to me...then that lasted a month - ha. what a joke - I pray that it won't turn into that - but right now it's totally giving me flashbacks of how frustrated I'd get with Tulpa - sick.
I'm done thinking about this, I'm totally just going to try and put this all in God's hand and let him deal with it. Because He only knows what I can handle and he has a plan for me - I just wish He'd make things a bit more clear right now - no steady job, no steady austin, just a steady church - which is awesome and I love/need the most - but a stable financial income and clearer answers with austin would be nice. Am I asking for to much?