annoyed
i'm beginning to go insane. all i do with my life is go to work or school. and their both getting really old. i'm not focused enough to even care about school and you can see it in my grades, i just need to pass my classes this semester and i'm done but i'm to stressed out to even care anymore. all i do is work. i work 6 days a week, no time to myself. but if i even had time to myself it would suck, bc i have no real friends anymore. everyone drinks. and bc of fuckin ottwa county i have no social life. i could go to the bar and watch everyone else drink, but with my luck i'd spend 2 months in jail for fuckin being in a bar. and plus i don't want to watch people get drunk, its not fun. i just want to have a normal free life again. i want to be able to have a night where i can go out with the girls dancing or have a bottle of wine with my boyfriend when we go to dinner, but theres no such thing right now and it sucks. and its not that i'm obsessed with alcohol i am fine without it, its the fact that i can't have it that makes me want to go out more. last night EVERYONE was to busy to even fuckin talk on the phone with me bc they were all getting ready to go out or already at the bar. brice said he was gonna stop drinking with me, which he didn't have to do and still doesn't bc its not his fault i'm in trouble, but if you say your gonna do something with me, then go to the bar with your friends...its gonna make me a little irritated. and i feel like a bitch for even being remotely mad at him drinking but its what this stupid court is turning me into. a fuckin bitch. i don't look forward to waking up anymore bc i don't live a normal life, i go to aa 5/week thats where i am every morning, i start the day off reminding myself that i'm a fucking screw up and do not have a normal life. i can't handle this much longer and am in serious need of a. new friends or b. a new hobby that doesn't consist of aa, school, or work.