Stress
Had a decent week last week.
I rode Zanga on Tuesday. I was supposed to ride Tucker, but he was running a fever. Zanga was great. Unfortunately, the lesson was a huge waste of time, though. We were in the lower indoor, which has tons of pigeons living in the rafters. Our instructor was also out, so our student teacher was teaching alone. Two of the four horses were flipping out, bucking and rearing and taking off. One would be nervous, so the other would freak, which would set off the first. Our student teacher was really losing her patience with them and taking it out on the two of us that were doing well. She even went so far as to scold me and Zanga for having a proper frame. He was being really cooperative and willingly giving me a good form. If he is going to behave, I'm going to take advantage and reward him for it and look nice, not tell him he is wrong because he is a hunter horse and they "should be long and low, not in a first level frame" (student teacher's words, not mine). No. We are a dressage class. He is used for dressage shows. He can do it. If he is going to willingly give to to me, I'm going to take it, not discipline him for being good. Ugh. She was getting on my nerves. Zanga and I had a good ride, but I still managed to leave feeling like utter crap. For my facilities class afterward I presented a powerpoint about the barn I visited in my area over break. It is the barn I very first rode at when I was 7. It was pretty cool to go back and see how they have expanded.
Wednesday was an off day. Can't quite figure out why, but it was off.
Thursday I rode Twist! We had a lovely ride. I had almost forgotten how lazy he can get, and how nice his canter is. Compared to the last time I rode him, we did very well. He is overly sensitive and a huge baby about it, and I'm crooked, so we aren't exactly a great pair. He likes to pretend he is lame. Heaven forbid you land a touch too hard when posting. He drops his whole hind end and acts like he is broken and falling apart. It's kind of funny to watch when you're not the one dealing with him. If you get after him, though, he miraculously gets better three steps later! hahaha. It was a good morning.
Friday was a dreary kind of day. The whole weekend was dreary, to be honest. Temps were in the 20s with snow, hail, rain, and sleet. Saturday we had an event on campus called Rock The Quad. They held it in the cafeteria because of the weather. It really wasn't very good, to be honest.
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I have decided that people suck. I come to this conclusion every time I make an effort to socialize. Saturday, I messaged a friend and asked him if he wnted to go with me to the event for a bit. He said sure and that he would text me when he got back to campus in thirty minutes. Well, an hour went by and I texted him if he was almost back yet. Turned out, he went with a mutual acquiantance and totally forgot to text me, then got bored and left after twenty minutes. Cool. So I went alone, got some food, and left. I see how it is. But that wasn't the only incident.
Saturday moring, a friend of mine on PS4 (we'll call him Goldfish) messaged me saying "hey! miss you in space! let's play today!" We used to be really great friends, and are in a Destiny clan together. There's 14 of us in the clan and we used to be really tight knit. Then another game came out last May that they all were playing. I got ESO instead because I am not terribly big into FPS. A couple went to ESO with me, which was the start of my Guild. Last summer, there was a bit of Drama and there was a rift within the clan. By fall, me, Goldfish, and a few others were still close, up until The Division came out. Now, they all play that. I have no interest whatsoever in it. I actually got Black Ops 3 because Destiny has nothing to offer solo players anymore. Goldfish usually gives me excuses about being busy or whatever when I message him first, so I don't bother much anymore. So I was happy when he messaged me. I said I had all afternoon, evening, and night to play. So he hops on, we play one mission (all of 15 minutes), and then he hops off to go take a nap. Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. I see how it is. I get it.
Saturday wasn't the end of it. On Friday, a freshman friend of mine asked to hang out Sunday. I said sure, becase she has been busy this semester working and we haven't really gotten to see each other. We agreed for 1pm. So Sunday morning I message her asking what she wants to do. I'm used to people forgetting and flaking, so I text beforehand as a subtle reminder. Well, she doesn't answer. 1:30 rolls around and she finally calls me to say she was hanging out with her ex and completely forgot and she'd be there in half an hour. To make things even worse, she wasn't really sayign mush. She crashed on the couch and surfed the web for an hour, ignoring every attempt at conversation. So, trying to hold her attention, we went to Starbucks, where she just played on her phone. Then she demanded we go to PetSmart so she could visit the pets up for adoption. Whatever, I humored her. As soon as we got back to campus she just hopped in her car and left. Ok. Cool. Hanging out was her idea, she completely forgot, then she spent the whole time acting like there was elsewhere she obviously wanted to be. Fine.
Maybe it's a generation gap. Maybe that's the norm these days, to flake on people. Maybe I'm just expecting too much of people by thinking they will keep their word, especially when it's their idea.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. Just really got to me this weekend. Sadly, that's what happens nearly everytime I try to make plans with people.
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To make this weekend longer, last night around 12:30 I had an anxiety attack triggered by a random sudden pain. Came out of nowhere and lasted just a brief moment, but it was one I haven't felt before. Those kinds of things I've been told are normal for everyone and nothing to be concerned about, since it is brief and not caused by anything. But health freaks me out. Probably around 90-95% of my anxiety and panic attacks are caused by health things, either freaking out over something small, or imagining something with no basis whatsoever and then overthinking it. After the fact, I know it's nothing and I'm fine. However, if I think about it too much it sets me off again. Still recovering from last night's incident. Just figured I would post about it mostly just so I have a record if need be.
I rode Zanga on Tuesday. I was supposed to ride Tucker, but he was running a fever. Zanga was great. Unfortunately, the lesson was a huge waste of time, though. We were in the lower indoor, which has tons of pigeons living in the rafters. Our instructor was also out, so our student teacher was teaching alone. Two of the four horses were flipping out, bucking and rearing and taking off. One would be nervous, so the other would freak, which would set off the first. Our student teacher was really losing her patience with them and taking it out on the two of us that were doing well. She even went so far as to scold me and Zanga for having a proper frame. He was being really cooperative and willingly giving me a good form. If he is going to behave, I'm going to take advantage and reward him for it and look nice, not tell him he is wrong because he is a hunter horse and they "should be long and low, not in a first level frame" (student teacher's words, not mine). No. We are a dressage class. He is used for dressage shows. He can do it. If he is going to willingly give to to me, I'm going to take it, not discipline him for being good. Ugh. She was getting on my nerves. Zanga and I had a good ride, but I still managed to leave feeling like utter crap. For my facilities class afterward I presented a powerpoint about the barn I visited in my area over break. It is the barn I very first rode at when I was 7. It was pretty cool to go back and see how they have expanded.
Wednesday was an off day. Can't quite figure out why, but it was off.
Thursday I rode Twist! We had a lovely ride. I had almost forgotten how lazy he can get, and how nice his canter is. Compared to the last time I rode him, we did very well. He is overly sensitive and a huge baby about it, and I'm crooked, so we aren't exactly a great pair. He likes to pretend he is lame. Heaven forbid you land a touch too hard when posting. He drops his whole hind end and acts like he is broken and falling apart. It's kind of funny to watch when you're not the one dealing with him. If you get after him, though, he miraculously gets better three steps later! hahaha. It was a good morning.
Friday was a dreary kind of day. The whole weekend was dreary, to be honest. Temps were in the 20s with snow, hail, rain, and sleet. Saturday we had an event on campus called Rock The Quad. They held it in the cafeteria because of the weather. It really wasn't very good, to be honest.
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I have decided that people suck. I come to this conclusion every time I make an effort to socialize. Saturday, I messaged a friend and asked him if he wnted to go with me to the event for a bit. He said sure and that he would text me when he got back to campus in thirty minutes. Well, an hour went by and I texted him if he was almost back yet. Turned out, he went with a mutual acquiantance and totally forgot to text me, then got bored and left after twenty minutes. Cool. So I went alone, got some food, and left. I see how it is. But that wasn't the only incident.
Saturday moring, a friend of mine on PS4 (we'll call him Goldfish) messaged me saying "hey! miss you in space! let's play today!" We used to be really great friends, and are in a Destiny clan together. There's 14 of us in the clan and we used to be really tight knit. Then another game came out last May that they all were playing. I got ESO instead because I am not terribly big into FPS. A couple went to ESO with me, which was the start of my Guild. Last summer, there was a bit of Drama and there was a rift within the clan. By fall, me, Goldfish, and a few others were still close, up until The Division came out. Now, they all play that. I have no interest whatsoever in it. I actually got Black Ops 3 because Destiny has nothing to offer solo players anymore. Goldfish usually gives me excuses about being busy or whatever when I message him first, so I don't bother much anymore. So I was happy when he messaged me. I said I had all afternoon, evening, and night to play. So he hops on, we play one mission (all of 15 minutes), and then he hops off to go take a nap. Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. I see how it is. I get it.
Saturday wasn't the end of it. On Friday, a freshman friend of mine asked to hang out Sunday. I said sure, becase she has been busy this semester working and we haven't really gotten to see each other. We agreed for 1pm. So Sunday morning I message her asking what she wants to do. I'm used to people forgetting and flaking, so I text beforehand as a subtle reminder. Well, she doesn't answer. 1:30 rolls around and she finally calls me to say she was hanging out with her ex and completely forgot and she'd be there in half an hour. To make things even worse, she wasn't really sayign mush. She crashed on the couch and surfed the web for an hour, ignoring every attempt at conversation. So, trying to hold her attention, we went to Starbucks, where she just played on her phone. Then she demanded we go to PetSmart so she could visit the pets up for adoption. Whatever, I humored her. As soon as we got back to campus she just hopped in her car and left. Ok. Cool. Hanging out was her idea, she completely forgot, then she spent the whole time acting like there was elsewhere she obviously wanted to be. Fine.
Maybe it's a generation gap. Maybe that's the norm these days, to flake on people. Maybe I'm just expecting too much of people by thinking they will keep their word, especially when it's their idea.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. Just really got to me this weekend. Sadly, that's what happens nearly everytime I try to make plans with people.
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To make this weekend longer, last night around 12:30 I had an anxiety attack triggered by a random sudden pain. Came out of nowhere and lasted just a brief moment, but it was one I haven't felt before. Those kinds of things I've been told are normal for everyone and nothing to be concerned about, since it is brief and not caused by anything. But health freaks me out. Probably around 90-95% of my anxiety and panic attacks are caused by health things, either freaking out over something small, or imagining something with no basis whatsoever and then overthinking it. After the fact, I know it's nothing and I'm fine. However, if I think about it too much it sets me off again. Still recovering from last night's incident. Just figured I would post about it mostly just so I have a record if need be.