Nerves
Don't have a song for this one. Writing kind of spur of the moment, so it will be a short one. I'm getting ready to head out for the weekend, to visit extended family. It is my father's side of the family... Things have always been rough with all of them. My father was one of I think around 5 kids that my grandparents adopted, then they had two daughters of their own. Three of the adopted kids have all been excommunicated within the past 20 years because they are horrible poeple. One of them, my father's biological sister, killed herself some years back. My father and their two bological children are the only ones my grandparents keep in touch with.
My grandparents have always been bad people in my eyes, for as long as I can remember. When we would visit them while I was little I remember countless times I would be sitting at the top of the steps listening to my father arguing with my grandfather downstairs, and my mother and grandmother talking about how much they hated each other and felt disrespected. They all tried to keep the arguments down so my brothers and I wouldn't hear, but I listened. My brothers were always going off to play together and didn't wnt me around, so I had nothing else to do. The arguments I overheard were the same kind of things I would hear my own parents saying to each other. People wonder why I have such a dark view of humans.
My aunts, the two bological daughters, were always, to me, irritating and I did not like them very much. They are both maybe 10 years younger than my father, if that. The one has always had a very prissy "I'm better than everyone" attitude, and I never wanted to be around her, to this day. The other had a few mental breakdowns, but about ten years ago she finally found help and is doing so much better. I wouldn't mind getting to know her more, but... Well, no one in that family has veer gotten along. Every interaction would devolve into petty screaming matches over nothing. So once my brothers and I were all in high school we stopped visiting. It's been maybe 12 years since I have actually seen any of them, aside from the one aunt I don't mind these days. I have been trying to write letters to my grandmother in the hopes of improving the relationship now that I am older, but it just feels like trying to force a feeling of closeness with someone whom you have never even met but have only heard negative things about.
Both of my aunts have kids, but they are all 10-13. We have nothing in common and I have never met any of them...
I worry it will be a long weekend. Wish me luck and strength, if you have any to spare. It would be much appreciated.
My grandparents have always been bad people in my eyes, for as long as I can remember. When we would visit them while I was little I remember countless times I would be sitting at the top of the steps listening to my father arguing with my grandfather downstairs, and my mother and grandmother talking about how much they hated each other and felt disrespected. They all tried to keep the arguments down so my brothers and I wouldn't hear, but I listened. My brothers were always going off to play together and didn't wnt me around, so I had nothing else to do. The arguments I overheard were the same kind of things I would hear my own parents saying to each other. People wonder why I have such a dark view of humans.
My aunts, the two bological daughters, were always, to me, irritating and I did not like them very much. They are both maybe 10 years younger than my father, if that. The one has always had a very prissy "I'm better than everyone" attitude, and I never wanted to be around her, to this day. The other had a few mental breakdowns, but about ten years ago she finally found help and is doing so much better. I wouldn't mind getting to know her more, but... Well, no one in that family has veer gotten along. Every interaction would devolve into petty screaming matches over nothing. So once my brothers and I were all in high school we stopped visiting. It's been maybe 12 years since I have actually seen any of them, aside from the one aunt I don't mind these days. I have been trying to write letters to my grandmother in the hopes of improving the relationship now that I am older, but it just feels like trying to force a feeling of closeness with someone whom you have never even met but have only heard negative things about.
Both of my aunts have kids, but they are all 10-13. We have nothing in common and I have never met any of them...
I worry it will be a long weekend. Wish me luck and strength, if you have any to spare. It would be much appreciated.