I know what you want so desperately...
[Dear LJ... Stop trying to get me to use the new post editor!!! I think it looks awful and has terrible formatting. Way too much wasted space. Sincerely, Nope]
Today felt like a long day. It wasn't terrible or busy, it just felt... awful, for lack of a more precise word.
I woke up feeling like it was an ok day. Better than the normal contempt that I start most mornings with. Passed my mother in the kitchen who had a snide remark about me being out the door earlier than normal. It was all of four minutes, big deal. One thingthat I cannot stand by any stretch is people talking to me in the morning. I have enough contempt for people as it is, and I need some time to get that under control in the morning before it is safe to talk to me. I can play cordial, but most people tend to run the other way when they see me anyway. If you think resting bitch face is bad, apparently I look ready to stab people in the throat and keep on walking. That's pretty much how I feel, too. So when people try to talk or joke or make stupid obnoxious comments, it fills me with a violent rage that I know better than to act on, but then it just ruins my entire day from there. It's like when someone upsets you really bad but you don't talk to anyone about it so it just eats away at you. Same concept. I know it's not healthy, but that's my only coping mechanism for it. If I opened my mouth to say anything back theother person would end up getting the verbal beat-down of their lifetime and it never ends well. I've grown in the past ten years.
Anyway, my neighbor at work, Timon, was out sick today. He left early yesterday to see a doctor. He thought he was coming down with a cold, but my money is on the flu by how he looked and was acting, so I wasn't surprised he didn't come in. It was really nice to actually be able to completely focus on my work all day and not be interrupted constantly for him to make stupid pointless comments about nothing at all. I have never met anyone who needs attention as much as him, and that's saying something after the characters I went to school with at Cent.
I had a question early on in the day and messaged my trainer to ask her. It was a simple yes/no question, but she walked over to my desk anyway and when she gave me an answer she looked like she was irritated with me and that I had done something wrong. I have no idea why or what I would have done, since it was a small question about something I haven't seen before... Yesterday, she was verifying my work for some reason (it was supposed to be someone else) and she bounced two things back to me for minor errors, but her messages were in all caps with an extra question mark at the end. The caps-lock thing is normal because we input in caps and most people don't bother to turn it off, but the excessive punction is not common. It made me feel like an idiot and that I should know better. She's normally a nice person, but I know she'd had a tough input earlier that morning so I chalked yesterday up to her being stressed. Then when she looked at me and talked down to me, quite literally, first thing this morning, it made me feel like absolute shit. Like I'm stupid and I should know better and I'm wasting her time. So I ended up wasting some of my own time today on something that I would normally message her about. We get invoices signed by people, and some of them are legible, but I have a table of illegible ones I find with the name so that I can easily look them up and find the closest matching scribble. Well, I got a scribble that I didn't recognize. Normally, I screencap just the signature and ask her in a quick IM, but today I went the super long way about it. I could make out one single letter in the entire name, so I looked in our database on the main server and spent almost 30 minutes going through every name that started with that letter. I don't know if I definitely picked the right one in the end, but the person verifying me didn't bounce it back so I guess it was right? I don't know. I didn't want to bother my trainer again after the first time, so I did everything I could to avoid it. She was friendly when we passed each other on the way out to lunch, but it didn't make me feel any better.
Towards the end of the day, I got a bunch of things bounced back from the girl verifying me. This girl is really nice and always explains everything. She also does not use caps-lock when messaging, which does wonders for making messages seem less intimidating. So I got a bunch of stuff back for 4 different reasons. I think I mentioned I was getting trained on something new this week. Well, that new thing has a ton of nuance, and my tyrainer never actually trained me on it. She just kind of said "Input everything that comes in and if you run into problems let me know." Well, I didn't really run into problems. It was little things like "if this says [blank], check [other screen] for [number] and put it in [box f]." That level of complicated. When she finished verifying my stuff, she was nice enough to come over and explain everything to me, so that I actually understood and could fix them and get them right tomorrow. It was a huge relief to me that she verified my work today, because she is very understanding and happy to help and explain. She has never made me feel like I screwed up or should have known better. I wanted to thank her on the way out after work, but someone else was talking to her, so maybe tomorrow if I get a chance.
Anyway, so now I feel like I'm an idiot who doesn't know anything. That's how my day has been. Doesn't help much now to write it out, but it does help on the good days to look back and think "See? Things do get better after rough days." Then on said rough days I can remember the good one, looking back and knowing the feeling will pass. That sounds way more complicated than it is.
Hope your day was cheerful!
Today felt like a long day. It wasn't terrible or busy, it just felt... awful, for lack of a more precise word.
I woke up feeling like it was an ok day. Better than the normal contempt that I start most mornings with. Passed my mother in the kitchen who had a snide remark about me being out the door earlier than normal. It was all of four minutes, big deal. One thingthat I cannot stand by any stretch is people talking to me in the morning. I have enough contempt for people as it is, and I need some time to get that under control in the morning before it is safe to talk to me. I can play cordial, but most people tend to run the other way when they see me anyway. If you think resting bitch face is bad, apparently I look ready to stab people in the throat and keep on walking. That's pretty much how I feel, too. So when people try to talk or joke or make stupid obnoxious comments, it fills me with a violent rage that I know better than to act on, but then it just ruins my entire day from there. It's like when someone upsets you really bad but you don't talk to anyone about it so it just eats away at you. Same concept. I know it's not healthy, but that's my only coping mechanism for it. If I opened my mouth to say anything back theother person would end up getting the verbal beat-down of their lifetime and it never ends well. I've grown in the past ten years.
Anyway, my neighbor at work, Timon, was out sick today. He left early yesterday to see a doctor. He thought he was coming down with a cold, but my money is on the flu by how he looked and was acting, so I wasn't surprised he didn't come in. It was really nice to actually be able to completely focus on my work all day and not be interrupted constantly for him to make stupid pointless comments about nothing at all. I have never met anyone who needs attention as much as him, and that's saying something after the characters I went to school with at Cent.
I had a question early on in the day and messaged my trainer to ask her. It was a simple yes/no question, but she walked over to my desk anyway and when she gave me an answer she looked like she was irritated with me and that I had done something wrong. I have no idea why or what I would have done, since it was a small question about something I haven't seen before... Yesterday, she was verifying my work for some reason (it was supposed to be someone else) and she bounced two things back to me for minor errors, but her messages were in all caps with an extra question mark at the end. The caps-lock thing is normal because we input in caps and most people don't bother to turn it off, but the excessive punction is not common. It made me feel like an idiot and that I should know better. She's normally a nice person, but I know she'd had a tough input earlier that morning so I chalked yesterday up to her being stressed. Then when she looked at me and talked down to me, quite literally, first thing this morning, it made me feel like absolute shit. Like I'm stupid and I should know better and I'm wasting her time. So I ended up wasting some of my own time today on something that I would normally message her about. We get invoices signed by people, and some of them are legible, but I have a table of illegible ones I find with the name so that I can easily look them up and find the closest matching scribble. Well, I got a scribble that I didn't recognize. Normally, I screencap just the signature and ask her in a quick IM, but today I went the super long way about it. I could make out one single letter in the entire name, so I looked in our database on the main server and spent almost 30 minutes going through every name that started with that letter. I don't know if I definitely picked the right one in the end, but the person verifying me didn't bounce it back so I guess it was right? I don't know. I didn't want to bother my trainer again after the first time, so I did everything I could to avoid it. She was friendly when we passed each other on the way out to lunch, but it didn't make me feel any better.
Towards the end of the day, I got a bunch of things bounced back from the girl verifying me. This girl is really nice and always explains everything. She also does not use caps-lock when messaging, which does wonders for making messages seem less intimidating. So I got a bunch of stuff back for 4 different reasons. I think I mentioned I was getting trained on something new this week. Well, that new thing has a ton of nuance, and my tyrainer never actually trained me on it. She just kind of said "Input everything that comes in and if you run into problems let me know." Well, I didn't really run into problems. It was little things like "if this says [blank], check [other screen] for [number] and put it in [box f]." That level of complicated. When she finished verifying my stuff, she was nice enough to come over and explain everything to me, so that I actually understood and could fix them and get them right tomorrow. It was a huge relief to me that she verified my work today, because she is very understanding and happy to help and explain. She has never made me feel like I screwed up or should have known better. I wanted to thank her on the way out after work, but someone else was talking to her, so maybe tomorrow if I get a chance.
Anyway, so now I feel like I'm an idiot who doesn't know anything. That's how my day has been. Doesn't help much now to write it out, but it does help on the good days to look back and think "See? Things do get better after rough days." Then on said rough days I can remember the good one, looking back and knowing the feeling will pass. That sounds way more complicated than it is.
Hope your day was cheerful!