My Brand New Normal
Sorry I've been MIA. It wasn't that I don't care about you guys. I do, and I really enjoy seeing what you all are up to. I just haven't been myself lately. For those who know me, that statement usually means that I've been someone else (it comes with the disorder). This time, however, I've been me, I just haven't been... well, my usual chipper cynical self. I have been horrifically depressed. No, before you roll your eyes at "another attention seeking mental disorder post", this isn't one of those. I am not going to go into why, as I rather prefer staying in denial. If I didn't have denial I would have nothing, and having nothing is not a feeling that I ever want to repeat. So that is why I have been MIA. Now on to better things.
A friend of the family own a few horses. She has two clydesdales (Penny and Flip), and one gorgeous black percheron mare named Kiara. Back in January when I was home on break the family friend invited me out to ride Kiara. The owner has only been riding for a few years, and only for fun, which is great to see an equestrian who isn't a tryhard for once. She adopted Kiara from a rescue a couple of years back, and at the time Kiara was 8 but had never really been worked before. She taught Kiara the basics, and has done fairly well, I would say. Anyway, she said that I can ride pretty much whenever I want. The farm is half an hour away, so I go out once a week, usually on Friday afternoons. I have been having fun. Kiara doesn't really know very much, but that is ok. For instance, she knows that when you squeeze with both legs she is supposed to go faster. If you put just one leg on, she SHOULD move sideways away from it. She actually just goes faster, so we're working on that, haha. She is also very headstrong, which, when the horse is basically a tank, that can get very scary very fast. When I went out to ride her yesterday (friday) she was in a very "I DO WHAT I WANT" attitude, which involved a lot of yanking the reins and attempting to buck. Thankfully, when you're that massive, bucking is not something you can really do. In the end, we did 45 minutes of walk-trot transitions and pretty much nothing else. Some days the fight just isn't worth it, so you bore them into submission. Whatever works. The owner invited me to show her in some local (extremely) casual dressage schooling shows. I am seriously considering it. I haven't properly showed since I was maybe 18. Showing was never fun for me. I had two trainers who constantly pushed me to show and stressed over their own ideas of the "perfect ride" and pointing out my screwups. I started showing when I was probably 13. You don't do that to a kid .You should tell that "you did great!" even if they got the lowest score in class. It takes a lot of guts to ride in a dressage ring. I could go into why, but I'm sure that doesn't really interest you guys. Suffice it to say, I did not enjoy a single show that I ever rode in, and when I stopped working with the second trainer I swore off showing entirely. I never wanted to step into another show ring ever again. I looked into this circuit, however, and they are incredibly casual (you can ride in riding pants and a polo!!! No jacket!!!), and seem really nice. I would consider going. Down side is Kiara's temperment. She gets very bullheaded, and the last thing I want is for us to step into the show ring unprepared and end up in a fight. If I get to know her better, I may look into some end of season ones. Otherwise I may give it a go next year and show with the owner's daughter (she shows Penny).
I have been looking for jobs just about every day. I send out applications just about every day. I have been doing this since mid-May. I have not gotten a single call. It is really getting to me. It is the main source of why I have been down. I have been applying for just about every kind of full time (non-sales) job, not just barn work. I hnoestly haven't looked too much into barn work. I want to stick to the business end of the industry if I go the equine route. Please, if it is not too much, could you keep your fingers crossed for me that someone finally calls me back soon?
To keep myself busy, I signed up to essentially audit a course on Coursera. I used to LOVE the site, then they decided to charge for literally everything, just so that you can write on your resume "hey I passed this class on some website!" That is not certification. The class I am auditing is for Android app development. Sure, they could charge me $50 to write on my resume that I took the class. OR I could audit, get the info, learn how to do it, and write on my resume "Skills: Android App Deveopment [link to my app]". So... I don't get it. Anyway, I am doing ok with it for now. I wish it was more in depth, though. I am working with Android Studio. Really, what I want to learn is how to save user input so that I can use that information for things. My first little test app is basically a character sheet for D&D. I know there are a bunch out already, but I want to learn how to do it myself. Then, I want to make checklists. I know that sounds kind of dumb, so let me explain. When I game, I keep checklists for EVERYTHING, like missions/quests, gear, and stats. I have a bunch of spreadsheets in Google Drive that I use. I want to turn them into applications so that I can check things when I am away, track without my computer (which can be an issue), and even pull information and stats from the internet so that I don't have to keep writing it all up myself. I know that apps like these probably already exist, but I still want to make them, add the things that I want to see, and customize them. Plus, it could be a fun little skill to have (Java for life~).
I think I will also spend some time brushing up on my Korean. I used to be conversationally fluent, and I love the language and culture. Since I am trying to keep busy, I thought it might be nice to learn it again. I love learning languages. There is nothing I love learning about more than other languages and cultures. Once I got into high school and started learning Latin, all I wanted to do was teach languages in high school. My goal when I graduated high school was to teach Mandarin Chinese. I still would love to do that, but it's more of a wishful thinking kind of deal at this point because it will never happen. It's a long, frustrating story. Anyways, I love languages, and Korean was my favorite to learn, so I am going to relearn it and see if I can get even better!
I have been thinking about someone a lot lately. I am chalking it up to too much free time and too many reminders, now that I am back in this town. Our story is an unusual one. We were friends, then best friends, then she found out that I am multiple, then she fell for one of them, then he fell for her, then boundaries were crossed, then I had to end things. I still miss her. She was my only real best friend that I ever had. We were as close as sisters. Well, I guess actually closer in the grand scheme. I wish I could forget about it, about everything, about ever knowing her. I think it is because we never had closure. We never had a big fight about things, or even talked about it. She crossed some very important lines, and things became dangerous, so I cut her out entirely. That was just over three years ago in May. How do you forget someone who you spent every moment with for four straight years? Someone who was once your entire world? Someone who was that important to you?
Games: STEAM SUMMER SALE!!! I am proud of myself. I did not spend any money this year. I still had ~$15 left over from Christmas gift cards, so I picked up this typing game called Epistory - Typing Chronicles. Normally I don't care for typing games (I am a horrible typer...), but I liked the art and the story sounded interesting. I tried the demo first and was hooked immediately. The graphics are pretty unique. It is a 3D environment that builds itself as you go, like Bastion. However, everything is made from paper. You play a girl riding on an origami fox, for instance. It was a pretty interesting game, and I am proud to say that I was able to improve my typing skills and beat it!
I AM SO PSYCHED FOR DESTINY 2!!!!!!!!!!!! It comes out in a few more months, but the early access beta starts on July 18. I am so excited. Like, my desktop wallpaper cycles through promo art. I don't get this excited very often, but when I do I give in. I am only a few quests away from being abl to get the Destiny AGe of Triumph shirt from the bungie store (They list it at $77,777.77, but when you finish this record book in ght egame you get a code that brings it down to the actual price of a shirt). The shirt is pretty cool, and you can get your screen name on it! That's really all I want it for, haha. I only need a few more tasks checked off and then I will get my code. Ahhh the last little stretch is the most exciting and stressful! The event ends on August 1, so I am trying to hurry.
Books: I am still slowly working my way through American Gods. Unfortunately, when I try to sit down with a fiction book lately my mind wanders immediately to other thoughts that it shouldn't, so I haven't been able to focus. I did, however, start Astrophysics for People in a Hurry (Neil deGrasse Tyson). Since it is nonfiction and very in-depth science it was harder for me to lose focus. Seriously, if you miss a sentence in certain spots you're going to be very lost. It is very informative and educational. Plus, the way that NdGT writes is very informal, as if you were sitting in the living room after dinner and he was just telling you an interesting anecdote. I absolutely love it and recommend it.
Shows: I recently watched a show called Schitts Creek... That was... interesting. I won't lie, it's pretty annoyingly awful at first. It is about a very wealthy family of four (the parents and two adult children) who suddenly have all of their things repossessed. The only thing left to their name is a terrible little backwoods town called Schitts Creek that the father bought as a joke for his son. The bank saw absolutely no value in it, so they let the family keep it. The premise already sounds kind of cringe-y, no? The two main female actresses overact to the point where I wish they weren't even in the show. The father character isn't too bad, but in the first season the son is almost as bad as the women. In season 2 things get a bit less terrible, and I feel like some of the cast went to acting class. The main plot got pretty dull and drawn out, but the subplots definitely improved. Overall, I would not recommend season one, but if you don't mind an overacted sarcastic half-hour sitcom, season 2 isn't so bad.
Hope everyone is well.
A friend of the family own a few horses. She has two clydesdales (Penny and Flip), and one gorgeous black percheron mare named Kiara. Back in January when I was home on break the family friend invited me out to ride Kiara. The owner has only been riding for a few years, and only for fun, which is great to see an equestrian who isn't a tryhard for once. She adopted Kiara from a rescue a couple of years back, and at the time Kiara was 8 but had never really been worked before. She taught Kiara the basics, and has done fairly well, I would say. Anyway, she said that I can ride pretty much whenever I want. The farm is half an hour away, so I go out once a week, usually on Friday afternoons. I have been having fun. Kiara doesn't really know very much, but that is ok. For instance, she knows that when you squeeze with both legs she is supposed to go faster. If you put just one leg on, she SHOULD move sideways away from it. She actually just goes faster, so we're working on that, haha. She is also very headstrong, which, when the horse is basically a tank, that can get very scary very fast. When I went out to ride her yesterday (friday) she was in a very "I DO WHAT I WANT" attitude, which involved a lot of yanking the reins and attempting to buck. Thankfully, when you're that massive, bucking is not something you can really do. In the end, we did 45 minutes of walk-trot transitions and pretty much nothing else. Some days the fight just isn't worth it, so you bore them into submission. Whatever works. The owner invited me to show her in some local (extremely) casual dressage schooling shows. I am seriously considering it. I haven't properly showed since I was maybe 18. Showing was never fun for me. I had two trainers who constantly pushed me to show and stressed over their own ideas of the "perfect ride" and pointing out my screwups. I started showing when I was probably 13. You don't do that to a kid .You should tell that "you did great!" even if they got the lowest score in class. It takes a lot of guts to ride in a dressage ring. I could go into why, but I'm sure that doesn't really interest you guys. Suffice it to say, I did not enjoy a single show that I ever rode in, and when I stopped working with the second trainer I swore off showing entirely. I never wanted to step into another show ring ever again. I looked into this circuit, however, and they are incredibly casual (you can ride in riding pants and a polo!!! No jacket!!!), and seem really nice. I would consider going. Down side is Kiara's temperment. She gets very bullheaded, and the last thing I want is for us to step into the show ring unprepared and end up in a fight. If I get to know her better, I may look into some end of season ones. Otherwise I may give it a go next year and show with the owner's daughter (she shows Penny).
I have been looking for jobs just about every day. I send out applications just about every day. I have been doing this since mid-May. I have not gotten a single call. It is really getting to me. It is the main source of why I have been down. I have been applying for just about every kind of full time (non-sales) job, not just barn work. I hnoestly haven't looked too much into barn work. I want to stick to the business end of the industry if I go the equine route. Please, if it is not too much, could you keep your fingers crossed for me that someone finally calls me back soon?
To keep myself busy, I signed up to essentially audit a course on Coursera. I used to LOVE the site, then they decided to charge for literally everything, just so that you can write on your resume "hey I passed this class on some website!" That is not certification. The class I am auditing is for Android app development. Sure, they could charge me $50 to write on my resume that I took the class. OR I could audit, get the info, learn how to do it, and write on my resume "Skills: Android App Deveopment [link to my app]". So... I don't get it. Anyway, I am doing ok with it for now. I wish it was more in depth, though. I am working with Android Studio. Really, what I want to learn is how to save user input so that I can use that information for things. My first little test app is basically a character sheet for D&D. I know there are a bunch out already, but I want to learn how to do it myself. Then, I want to make checklists. I know that sounds kind of dumb, so let me explain. When I game, I keep checklists for EVERYTHING, like missions/quests, gear, and stats. I have a bunch of spreadsheets in Google Drive that I use. I want to turn them into applications so that I can check things when I am away, track without my computer (which can be an issue), and even pull information and stats from the internet so that I don't have to keep writing it all up myself. I know that apps like these probably already exist, but I still want to make them, add the things that I want to see, and customize them. Plus, it could be a fun little skill to have (Java for life~).
I think I will also spend some time brushing up on my Korean. I used to be conversationally fluent, and I love the language and culture. Since I am trying to keep busy, I thought it might be nice to learn it again. I love learning languages. There is nothing I love learning about more than other languages and cultures. Once I got into high school and started learning Latin, all I wanted to do was teach languages in high school. My goal when I graduated high school was to teach Mandarin Chinese. I still would love to do that, but it's more of a wishful thinking kind of deal at this point because it will never happen. It's a long, frustrating story. Anyways, I love languages, and Korean was my favorite to learn, so I am going to relearn it and see if I can get even better!
I have been thinking about someone a lot lately. I am chalking it up to too much free time and too many reminders, now that I am back in this town. Our story is an unusual one. We were friends, then best friends, then she found out that I am multiple, then she fell for one of them, then he fell for her, then boundaries were crossed, then I had to end things. I still miss her. She was my only real best friend that I ever had. We were as close as sisters. Well, I guess actually closer in the grand scheme. I wish I could forget about it, about everything, about ever knowing her. I think it is because we never had closure. We never had a big fight about things, or even talked about it. She crossed some very important lines, and things became dangerous, so I cut her out entirely. That was just over three years ago in May. How do you forget someone who you spent every moment with for four straight years? Someone who was once your entire world? Someone who was that important to you?
Games: STEAM SUMMER SALE!!! I am proud of myself. I did not spend any money this year. I still had ~$15 left over from Christmas gift cards, so I picked up this typing game called Epistory - Typing Chronicles. Normally I don't care for typing games (I am a horrible typer...), but I liked the art and the story sounded interesting. I tried the demo first and was hooked immediately. The graphics are pretty unique. It is a 3D environment that builds itself as you go, like Bastion. However, everything is made from paper. You play a girl riding on an origami fox, for instance. It was a pretty interesting game, and I am proud to say that I was able to improve my typing skills and beat it!
I AM SO PSYCHED FOR DESTINY 2!!!!!!!!!!!! It comes out in a few more months, but the early access beta starts on July 18. I am so excited. Like, my desktop wallpaper cycles through promo art. I don't get this excited very often, but when I do I give in. I am only a few quests away from being abl to get the Destiny AGe of Triumph shirt from the bungie store (They list it at $77,777.77, but when you finish this record book in ght egame you get a code that brings it down to the actual price of a shirt). The shirt is pretty cool, and you can get your screen name on it! That's really all I want it for, haha. I only need a few more tasks checked off and then I will get my code. Ahhh the last little stretch is the most exciting and stressful! The event ends on August 1, so I am trying to hurry.
Books: I am still slowly working my way through American Gods. Unfortunately, when I try to sit down with a fiction book lately my mind wanders immediately to other thoughts that it shouldn't, so I haven't been able to focus. I did, however, start Astrophysics for People in a Hurry (Neil deGrasse Tyson). Since it is nonfiction and very in-depth science it was harder for me to lose focus. Seriously, if you miss a sentence in certain spots you're going to be very lost. It is very informative and educational. Plus, the way that NdGT writes is very informal, as if you were sitting in the living room after dinner and he was just telling you an interesting anecdote. I absolutely love it and recommend it.
Shows: I recently watched a show called Schitts Creek... That was... interesting. I won't lie, it's pretty annoyingly awful at first. It is about a very wealthy family of four (the parents and two adult children) who suddenly have all of their things repossessed. The only thing left to their name is a terrible little backwoods town called Schitts Creek that the father bought as a joke for his son. The bank saw absolutely no value in it, so they let the family keep it. The premise already sounds kind of cringe-y, no? The two main female actresses overact to the point where I wish they weren't even in the show. The father character isn't too bad, but in the first season the son is almost as bad as the women. In season 2 things get a bit less terrible, and I feel like some of the cast went to acting class. The main plot got pretty dull and drawn out, but the subplots definitely improved. Overall, I would not recommend season one, but if you don't mind an overacted sarcastic half-hour sitcom, season 2 isn't so bad.
Hope everyone is well.