Not!Morning Page: Resolutions
I've always looked at New Years Resolutions as basically culturally sanctioned opportunities for failure and guilt. Ways you set yourself up to not live up to your own and other people's expectations.
And yet.
And yet I always make them. And then I feel guilty when life causes me to change my plans. But you know, I think that's the wrong attitude to take. I think one of my strengths is adaptability. (Don't argue with me yet, let me persist in the delusion a little.) I'm one of those people who likes to leave things to the last minute. Who is perfectly happy making plans a half hour before carrying them out. Who gets a little anxious having things in the calendar too far in advance.
I roll with the punches and come up fighting, or at least I like to think I do. So if I make some resolutions that involve behavior changes, and then a few weeks or months down the line something happens in my life and I stop doing the thing I resolved to do, well, is that necessarily a sign that I'm an inferior person who lacks dedication and willpower, or is it a sign that I adapt to changing conditions and don't get locked into old plans when new circumstances demand different responses?
Of course there's part of me saying yeah, you know what else you're really good at? Rationalization.
Anyway. I made a few resolutions:
I'm getting up at the ungodly hour of 0640 and hiking with my housemate DK every morning. We're starting easy with a 2.4 mile round-trip hike from our front door that follows the coast south to the Bootleggers Steps up Mori Point. There are 186 steps to the top of the cliff. So far we've managed it every day since the first, but the weather has cooperated magnificently. I'm worried how we'll manage when the rains come.
So far we have enjoyed sunrise more than we thought we would, seen some wildlife, and developed a keen appreciation for ibuprofen. I now understand how Achilles was killed by his calf tendons, as mine are most definitely killing me. I'm also feeling ridiculously good about myself for getting up when I don't want to and exercising when it's painful because I know it's good for me. It's really, really helpful to have a partner for this.
I've failed pretty spectacularly at point two so far, but that doesn't mean it's not worth trying. Also, see how I'm implementing point five here, and not castigating myself too severely for my dinner of mac and cheese?
As for point four. I don't know. I'll try.
Anyway. That's the morning page. Written at night. I should probably call it a night page. Or a daily page. Or an almost-daily page. Whatever. Who cares? Point Five.
And yet.
And yet I always make them. And then I feel guilty when life causes me to change my plans. But you know, I think that's the wrong attitude to take. I think one of my strengths is adaptability. (Don't argue with me yet, let me persist in the delusion a little.) I'm one of those people who likes to leave things to the last minute. Who is perfectly happy making plans a half hour before carrying them out. Who gets a little anxious having things in the calendar too far in advance.
I roll with the punches and come up fighting, or at least I like to think I do. So if I make some resolutions that involve behavior changes, and then a few weeks or months down the line something happens in my life and I stop doing the thing I resolved to do, well, is that necessarily a sign that I'm an inferior person who lacks dedication and willpower, or is it a sign that I adapt to changing conditions and don't get locked into old plans when new circumstances demand different responses?
Of course there's part of me saying yeah, you know what else you're really good at? Rationalization.
Anyway. I made a few resolutions:
- Exercise more
- Eat more vegetables and protein
- Rededicate myself to writing
- Be more present in my relationships
- Cut myself some slack
I'm getting up at the ungodly hour of 0640 and hiking with my housemate DK every morning. We're starting easy with a 2.4 mile round-trip hike from our front door that follows the coast south to the Bootleggers Steps up Mori Point. There are 186 steps to the top of the cliff. So far we've managed it every day since the first, but the weather has cooperated magnificently. I'm worried how we'll manage when the rains come.
So far we have enjoyed sunrise more than we thought we would, seen some wildlife, and developed a keen appreciation for ibuprofen. I now understand how Achilles was killed by his calf tendons, as mine are most definitely killing me. I'm also feeling ridiculously good about myself for getting up when I don't want to and exercising when it's painful because I know it's good for me. It's really, really helpful to have a partner for this.
I've failed pretty spectacularly at point two so far, but that doesn't mean it's not worth trying. Also, see how I'm implementing point five here, and not castigating myself too severely for my dinner of mac and cheese?
As for point four. I don't know. I'll try.
Anyway. That's the morning page. Written at night. I should probably call it a night page. Or a daily page. Or an almost-daily page. Whatever. Who cares? Point Five.