Updates on miserable me
So I sum it up like this. I actually wrote this in my diary.
Dear World/Life,
You suck! GGPO!
Lauren
But seriously. I read it after and realized it would make the funniest suicide note ever(I wonder if Vandal and I ever had this convo? Deja Vu). Not that that was my intention, I was just venting.
But seriously. I am stuck. I am up a creek. I have no paddles. I cant swim. And theres a waterfall coming up... With hungry genetically enhanced sharks at the bottom... They like to nibble off your toes and slowly eat up your limbs so you are in excruciating pain before you bleed to death.
Im trying to get my life together. Step 1 was getting more confident. Im now a size 4 and still fine tuning my body. OK so confidence +1
I started studying for the GED seriously, when I have the time. I know now after doing some pre tests in my book/CDROM that came with it I'd probably go in and pass it no problem without studying. But I want to cover my bases. Im supposed to go Wednesday to get my permit. Ive been looking into applying to MCC for nursing or dental hygienist. All sounds positive right? NO
Nato has become the ultimate ASSHOLE. Since last Wednesday he's decided to throw a hissy fit daily. Last Wednesday we cleaned the house, cause my dad was coming over. It looked pretty decent. Then, later than night he flips out and TEARS apart the place. I mean, he moved furniture, dumped bags/toy bins, threw clothes everywhere. Like a tornado hit it. The first few times I sat back and watched as he cleaned it alll himself. His fucking mess. Yesterday he got violently so, he did it worse than any other day. He threw the vacuum and it came within inches of hitting Aurelia. I tried to tell him to stop. I started being assertive since my dad said I had to take control after his last fits. That backfired, he started yelling in my face and I quickly backed down cause I was getting scared.
At this point I had an anxiety attack, I called my dad - Ive had enough. He asked to talk to Nato. Who immediately flipped into calm good guy mode and began saying "Oh Bob, Im just cleaning, Im not flipping out" etc which began making me hyperventilate... Then he starts lieing to my dad - about me and the things I do and starts saying "I sacrifice everything for her, I go to work she doesnt, I give up my gym time so she can go". Let me point out something - He WONT let me work. Everytime we have the me returning to work convo he shoots it down.
Of course, my dad sided more with him (cause he was calm). So I left in my pajamas and sat in the snowy park on the swings for an hour crying and freezing my ass off and chain smoking. I talked to my mom who said Im welcome to move up to Kittery ME with her. Which wouldnt be so bad (especially cause I could get a job and she could watch Aurelia)except for her drinking problem (shes working on it, but its still too much of a problem).
I cant get my life together here. I wish I could run away.
Dear World/Life,
You suck! GGPO!
Lauren
But seriously. I read it after and realized it would make the funniest suicide note ever(I wonder if Vandal and I ever had this convo? Deja Vu). Not that that was my intention, I was just venting.
But seriously. I am stuck. I am up a creek. I have no paddles. I cant swim. And theres a waterfall coming up... With hungry genetically enhanced sharks at the bottom... They like to nibble off your toes and slowly eat up your limbs so you are in excruciating pain before you bleed to death.
Im trying to get my life together. Step 1 was getting more confident. Im now a size 4 and still fine tuning my body. OK so confidence +1
I started studying for the GED seriously, when I have the time. I know now after doing some pre tests in my book/CDROM that came with it I'd probably go in and pass it no problem without studying. But I want to cover my bases. Im supposed to go Wednesday to get my permit. Ive been looking into applying to MCC for nursing or dental hygienist. All sounds positive right? NO
Nato has become the ultimate ASSHOLE. Since last Wednesday he's decided to throw a hissy fit daily. Last Wednesday we cleaned the house, cause my dad was coming over. It looked pretty decent. Then, later than night he flips out and TEARS apart the place. I mean, he moved furniture, dumped bags/toy bins, threw clothes everywhere. Like a tornado hit it. The first few times I sat back and watched as he cleaned it alll himself. His fucking mess. Yesterday he got violently so, he did it worse than any other day. He threw the vacuum and it came within inches of hitting Aurelia. I tried to tell him to stop. I started being assertive since my dad said I had to take control after his last fits. That backfired, he started yelling in my face and I quickly backed down cause I was getting scared.
At this point I had an anxiety attack, I called my dad - Ive had enough. He asked to talk to Nato. Who immediately flipped into calm good guy mode and began saying "Oh Bob, Im just cleaning, Im not flipping out" etc which began making me hyperventilate... Then he starts lieing to my dad - about me and the things I do and starts saying "I sacrifice everything for her, I go to work she doesnt, I give up my gym time so she can go". Let me point out something - He WONT let me work. Everytime we have the me returning to work convo he shoots it down.
Of course, my dad sided more with him (cause he was calm). So I left in my pajamas and sat in the snowy park on the swings for an hour crying and freezing my ass off and chain smoking. I talked to my mom who said Im welcome to move up to Kittery ME with her. Which wouldnt be so bad (especially cause I could get a job and she could watch Aurelia)except for her drinking problem (shes working on it, but its still too much of a problem).
I cant get my life together here. I wish I could run away.