(no subject)
i'd really like to know when i am going to meet another human being who has dignity and maturity. just a friend. someone who actually holds themself accountable for things. i'm definitely not this person, and i've never met anyone who is. i'd like to learn and grow into someone who deserves respect, not someone who simply demands it. someone whose entire being reflects grace and poise, not just on a physical plain.
people are so deeply unconscious. me moreso than most.
but, then again, alcohol might just do strange things to people. the other night i was at a party, and, of course, everyone is wasted and the egos are so exposed they're practically visible to the naked eye. i definitely don't exclude myself from this behavior, i was just aware of it. either way, everybody just seemed so sad. it wasn't really outward, it just manifested itself in the way that people were acting. everyone overly focussed on their sexuality (obvi, alcohol and party and half naked girls) to almost an aggressive point.
first and foremost, though, one has to realize that sexual energy is present in many forms. as much as women are flapping their tits around, it's deeply set in the actions of everybody. ie. arguments among men, disgusting comments about women, mild competition. it got me really curious, because none of this had ever bothered me before. i went to a party last night, and had a huge discussion about this by a campfire. it was nice. my temper was out of control, proooobably the wine, but it's nice reflecting on the conversation now. at the time it was an incredibly heated discussion.
essentially, the argument was if men and women can be friends without sexual pretenses. like, genuine friends without an underlying attraction (physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually). my argument was that, yes, it's entirely possible. that you can be attracted to someone's personality without having a romantic interest in that attraction. though, i'm using the word attraction relatively loosely. i mean drawn to. the main focus point in my argument is that humans are connected by more than just words and bodies. so, of course, when you take gender away from the equation (which you can't, really... but that's what clothes are for), you can be interested in their minds and souls alone.
the opposing argument was that sexuality and the need for physical gratification outweighs that. though, keep in mind, i was having this talk with two men of an entirely different culture. they basically said that they don't speak to women unless they want to bang them (one was someone i'd been seeing up until a few weeks ago, and the other was someone who claimed that i was 'the exception this', hahahaa. they also didn't say it in such crude terms). they take company among men because women are too different (which is true, we are pretty emotional creatures) and they have no interest in being simply friends for the sake of being friends. that it's not possible. that there will always be a sexual energy surrounding the friendship.
maybe they're right. maybe i'm right. maybe people are just way too difficult to understand. but maybe i'm just looking for something that doesn't exist. the two did give me something to think about, though. knowledge isn't power, but a headache. the world would be much too frustrating and shallow if everybody were just out to bang. its an overwhelmingly depressing thought.
anyways. to be a bit lighter, i got drunk on friday and told a close friend i was in love with them, passed out cold, ate mcdonalds and got put in the back of a cop car later on.
last night i got drunk again, danced to bollywood music, argued, and ate sushi in breadalbane.
my social persona is too wild, it's conflicting.
people are so deeply unconscious. me moreso than most.
but, then again, alcohol might just do strange things to people. the other night i was at a party, and, of course, everyone is wasted and the egos are so exposed they're practically visible to the naked eye. i definitely don't exclude myself from this behavior, i was just aware of it. either way, everybody just seemed so sad. it wasn't really outward, it just manifested itself in the way that people were acting. everyone overly focussed on their sexuality (obvi, alcohol and party and half naked girls) to almost an aggressive point.
first and foremost, though, one has to realize that sexual energy is present in many forms. as much as women are flapping their tits around, it's deeply set in the actions of everybody. ie. arguments among men, disgusting comments about women, mild competition. it got me really curious, because none of this had ever bothered me before. i went to a party last night, and had a huge discussion about this by a campfire. it was nice. my temper was out of control, proooobably the wine, but it's nice reflecting on the conversation now. at the time it was an incredibly heated discussion.
essentially, the argument was if men and women can be friends without sexual pretenses. like, genuine friends without an underlying attraction (physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually). my argument was that, yes, it's entirely possible. that you can be attracted to someone's personality without having a romantic interest in that attraction. though, i'm using the word attraction relatively loosely. i mean drawn to. the main focus point in my argument is that humans are connected by more than just words and bodies. so, of course, when you take gender away from the equation (which you can't, really... but that's what clothes are for), you can be interested in their minds and souls alone.
the opposing argument was that sexuality and the need for physical gratification outweighs that. though, keep in mind, i was having this talk with two men of an entirely different culture. they basically said that they don't speak to women unless they want to bang them (one was someone i'd been seeing up until a few weeks ago, and the other was someone who claimed that i was 'the exception this', hahahaa. they also didn't say it in such crude terms). they take company among men because women are too different (which is true, we are pretty emotional creatures) and they have no interest in being simply friends for the sake of being friends. that it's not possible. that there will always be a sexual energy surrounding the friendship.
maybe they're right. maybe i'm right. maybe people are just way too difficult to understand. but maybe i'm just looking for something that doesn't exist. the two did give me something to think about, though. knowledge isn't power, but a headache. the world would be much too frustrating and shallow if everybody were just out to bang. its an overwhelmingly depressing thought.
anyways. to be a bit lighter, i got drunk on friday and told a close friend i was in love with them, passed out cold, ate mcdonalds and got put in the back of a cop car later on.
last night i got drunk again, danced to bollywood music, argued, and ate sushi in breadalbane.
my social persona is too wild, it's conflicting.