One day
I wonder why, just as I lay in my bed, pajamas etc, that 5 people call me to go out. To this party, to this persons house, to this club(I'm, so anti-social late at night, all I really want to do is talk on the phone to someone I love until I speak words of delirium). I wonder why, if someone isn't in love with someone, how the other person can be in love. There is no love without love. So if you say you're in love with someone and they don't share the same feelings, they obviously don't express anything of the sort. So how the hell can you be in love, if the other person isn't? I don't think it's possible. I think some people like to pretend, for security, for lack of security. They dream it. They live the dream, in their head, not heart. The funny thing is. They don't even love that other person, because they obviously don't really know the honest meaning of love. Love is 2 ways. They haven't felt it back, so they don't know. Maybe they want to be in love, they hope to be love, they wish it. But it's not real. Love in the end is unspoken. You know it by the eyes, not the words. Because love isn't what you say, it's what you feel. Not the mind, just the heart. So fuck all the people that say they're in love and have no idea what the word means.
This could be directed to one person in particular, but it's an actual independent thought.
I miss my boyfriend. You must understand I had no other choice than to push him away. There really was nothing to push. Seemed he had already jumped. It was basically no drastic change physically, but mentally and emotionally, it was change. It still is. I like change. Not this kind. I was fine, doing well for awhile. Then you start thinking about little things, those tiny memories. Like when he sings the Geico song to you in the hotel room, or the word "chillin" and the real meaning behind it. Him thinking I was bulemic and how cute and upset he got. Him buying me donuts and making me coffee in the morning. Those bring tears.
But then, there's the aftertaste. The one where you are driving home and you feel empty and you don't feel like you ever felt at all. Maybe you just pretended, maybe he just pretended. Maybe you can pretend together, and you are both so damn good at it. But you realize what you've done, or have lacked to do. And you feel empty. Maybe we always were empty. It's weird to feel like you don't know someone that you were so close to. It's weird to feel like something is missing when he's in your presence. It's odd to hear these stories and see these pictures or hear his name and not link myself to him.
I did the right thing. I felt, my instinct told me. It would have happened sooner or later, he was just too much of an absent minded dreamer, and I was the soul survivor of his latest. And you know in months I will see him on T.V, that always happens to me, I told him. He will get where he wants to go, he has ambition and talent and everything. Even the 3 lip rings. Girls swoon. But there's only so much one can do. I give more than I get. It's all basic and simple. I pretended, we wanted to be, but it wasn't. We both knew it, but he was to afraid to say. So I did.
It was the right thing,
I miss him.
maybe one day
This could be directed to one person in particular, but it's an actual independent thought.
I miss my boyfriend. You must understand I had no other choice than to push him away. There really was nothing to push. Seemed he had already jumped. It was basically no drastic change physically, but mentally and emotionally, it was change. It still is. I like change. Not this kind. I was fine, doing well for awhile. Then you start thinking about little things, those tiny memories. Like when he sings the Geico song to you in the hotel room, or the word "chillin" and the real meaning behind it. Him thinking I was bulemic and how cute and upset he got. Him buying me donuts and making me coffee in the morning. Those bring tears.
But then, there's the aftertaste. The one where you are driving home and you feel empty and you don't feel like you ever felt at all. Maybe you just pretended, maybe he just pretended. Maybe you can pretend together, and you are both so damn good at it. But you realize what you've done, or have lacked to do. And you feel empty. Maybe we always were empty. It's weird to feel like you don't know someone that you were so close to. It's weird to feel like something is missing when he's in your presence. It's odd to hear these stories and see these pictures or hear his name and not link myself to him.
I did the right thing. I felt, my instinct told me. It would have happened sooner or later, he was just too much of an absent minded dreamer, and I was the soul survivor of his latest. And you know in months I will see him on T.V, that always happens to me, I told him. He will get where he wants to go, he has ambition and talent and everything. Even the 3 lip rings. Girls swoon. But there's only so much one can do. I give more than I get. It's all basic and simple. I pretended, we wanted to be, but it wasn't. We both knew it, but he was to afraid to say. So I did.
It was the right thing,
I miss him.
maybe one day