whose stories are they?

[nextian]

This is a personal essay I have been trying to write for a very, very long time. It isn't sparked by one thing in particular, but it comes in response to, and accord with, things I've read by chopchica and miriam_heddy and roga and dafnap and abyssinia4077 and xiphias and kita0610 and ... yeah

Comments

[nepheliad]

I want to thank you for this post again - I am going to thank you for it again and again, whenever I link someone to it to say "This is what I think when you say that," because you say it all better than I do.

I wish I could have known your rabbi; that is a concept that never came by me before. My religious school was largely a bad experience that had nothing to do with the religion and everything to do with my fellow students, and that was half the reason I never got my Bat Mitzvah. That and questioning whether or not I deserved it, because my mother is a convert whose conversion was complete three days after my birth (despite having received a mikvah and Simchat Bat of my own) - now she and I still want to do it together, someday, now that we are both Too Old in the eyes of the common public.

(Then again, what do they know?)

I still don't have words beyond the words I tried to give you before - that this is a little piece of perfection, a little bit like reading my mind, and thank you. ♥

And the next time Beth says "Old Testament" around me, I'll make her read this again. And I wish I had a more eloquent, less selfish-sounding response, but I said a lot of it in my previous comment! That and some tears.

[nextian]

Uncoincidentally, that rabbi is the reason our Sunday school is so fantastic, because if nothing else he understands how important it is to really teach the kids. He's just a remarkable man and I hope you can meet him one day, and the other rabbis who kept me Jewish even though I'm a big atheist, and who suckered me into this persistent desire to be the world's only totally unbelieving unreligious rabbi.

I also, as I've said before, think you deserve an anshei mitzvah more than almost anyone I know. ♥

God, thank you, Rue. It means a lot to me that you know what I'm talking about. This comment doesn't sound selfish in the slightest.

[nepheliad]

I love being Jewish because I can say "I don't believe in God but I believe in my culture and my people" and my culture and people don't ... y'know, kick me out of the club. I think you'd be an awesome rabbi.

(And then when California fixes its mixup from November, you can perform our godless lesbian Jewish wedding.)

[museclio]

Hi, you don't know me, and I know this is on an incredibly old post - was reading through some other links. But there are other atheistic rabbits out there. Two whole movements of them even, and my mom is one of them. Looks for either the Congress of Secular Jewish Organizations or the Society for Humanistic Judaism.

[nextian]

Thank you for letting me know, that's fascinating! A+ to your mom, and thanks for reading.

[museclio]

Welcome - though I suppose it would have made a lot more sense if I'd written rabbi, rather than rabbit!

[nextian]

But that would discount the many and valid experiences of secular rabbits in this world! We don't want to contribute to the growing tide of rabbit essentialism.

Oh, *wow*

[bastette_joyce]

I'm getting to this late - I hope you get email notices when you receive responses! I came to this thread via rydra_wong's "linkspam".

Anyway, your story is very similar to my own. I also had a crappy experience in Hebrew school - not traumatic, but not at all inspiring, either. My mother is a convert, too - and she converted two years after I was born. She and I took the mikva together and I still remember it, even though I had no idea what it was about at the time. But because of that, I've spent my life feeling like I wasn't Jewish enough.

When I was in my late 20s, I went to a feminist conference, and met once a day with a support group for Jewish women. It was a large group, maybe 50 of us, and most of us were from the US. The theme I kept hearing, over and over, was "I don't feel Jewish enough". My own belief about myself was just one among many! I really think this is a pretty common experience for American Jews of my generation (late Baby Boom, born in '54). It was just post-Holocaust, and world Jewry was traumatized and in shock. The generations who were helping me grow up, my parents' and grandparents' generations, were all numb. So many people I knew grew up feeling disconnected from Judaism, except in token ways. I'm not trying to imply that this was everyone's experience, but I do know a lot of people who grew up in a similar place and time as myself, and many of us do share these experiences.

I really enjoyed reading your comment.