Sexuality stuff.
So with the Supreme Court going over Prop 8 and DOMA, my FB feed has been blowing up the last few days. All of the people I personally know have been posting supportive things and/or changing their profile pic to that red = sign, but I made the mistake of reading the comments on some things and saw actual arguments against marriage equality that included Sodom and Gomorrah, 1 man + 1 woman, and comparing homosexuality to pedophilia and bestiality. It's like bigot bingo day on FB. All I need is an "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" and I win with the free space of "It's just wrong".
A lot of this stuff has made me think about my own sexual identity. I was trying to explain to Rich last night that, being a cis gendered bi (pan?*) chick who has mostly dated dudes is kind of confusing at times when it comes to where I stand in the queer community. I know that I have a lot of passing privilege, as evidenced by the fact that I've never really bothered to come out to most of my family because it's never been an issue that's come up since I've never found a girl I wanted to bring home. This is also true of a good portion of people I know--I've just never told them. I don't lie about who I am, but I also don't wear it on my sleeve because I don't really have to.
So there are a lot of times that I feel like an outsider or unwelcome in queer spaces. Which, from what I've gathered, doesn't really seem to be out of the ordinary for bi/pansexuals. Outside of the whole passing privilege thing, I've seen a lot of biphobia and bi-erasure in the form of people saying they don't date bisexuals because they know they're going to cheat (because that's how bisexuality obviously works--you can't be satisfied or happy with just one partner, you need both sets of genitals for sexual pleasure at all times**), that it's just an identity that's claimed before choosing one 'side' or the other, that we're all just overly promiscuous people who can't keep it in our pants, etc. Even in the media, while there have been more of a representation of the LG and T letters in positive ways, the B has kind of been left out or, if it is represented, it's done so in a way that complies to the stereotypes above. This is one of the reasons I tend to avoid queer groups at school or in the community and have always felt kind of awkward at Pride or in gay bars. I feel like people look at me and see a straight ally instead of who I really am so I never feel like I belong.
So I sometimes wonder if my sexual identity even really matters. For all intents and purposes, from the outside looking in, I'm straight. I'm not, according to the definition of straight--I like chicks, too--but it's kind of a tree falling in the woods kind of situation. If I've, for the most part, always been with guys and, if Rich and my's plans work out, will end up marrying a guy, does it matter? Can I still consider myself queer? Am I a comrade or an ally in the fight for equal rights? But the same -phobia and -erasure exists in the straight community (for lack of a better term), as it does the queer one, so I don't belong there, either.
I dunno. It's a confusing thing for me.
*I waffle on bi vs pan a bit because I've never really been close to anyone who isn't on the gender binary to know if such a thing would matter, but I really can't see any reason why it would, so I'm not exactly sure where I would fall on that.
**I do find it interesting that, when I was talking to Rich about this, he said that he didn't mind if I got some lady action on the side. I thought it was a quip about wanting to watch but he said that wasn't the case (though he wouldn't be opposed to it, obviously). So that's something new. I don't think I'd ever take him up on that offer, though seeing as how I'm pretty monogamous in action, if nothing else.
A lot of this stuff has made me think about my own sexual identity. I was trying to explain to Rich last night that, being a cis gendered bi (pan?*) chick who has mostly dated dudes is kind of confusing at times when it comes to where I stand in the queer community. I know that I have a lot of passing privilege, as evidenced by the fact that I've never really bothered to come out to most of my family because it's never been an issue that's come up since I've never found a girl I wanted to bring home. This is also true of a good portion of people I know--I've just never told them. I don't lie about who I am, but I also don't wear it on my sleeve because I don't really have to.
So there are a lot of times that I feel like an outsider or unwelcome in queer spaces. Which, from what I've gathered, doesn't really seem to be out of the ordinary for bi/pansexuals. Outside of the whole passing privilege thing, I've seen a lot of biphobia and bi-erasure in the form of people saying they don't date bisexuals because they know they're going to cheat (because that's how bisexuality obviously works--you can't be satisfied or happy with just one partner, you need both sets of genitals for sexual pleasure at all times**), that it's just an identity that's claimed before choosing one 'side' or the other, that we're all just overly promiscuous people who can't keep it in our pants, etc. Even in the media, while there have been more of a representation of the LG and T letters in positive ways, the B has kind of been left out or, if it is represented, it's done so in a way that complies to the stereotypes above. This is one of the reasons I tend to avoid queer groups at school or in the community and have always felt kind of awkward at Pride or in gay bars. I feel like people look at me and see a straight ally instead of who I really am so I never feel like I belong.
So I sometimes wonder if my sexual identity even really matters. For all intents and purposes, from the outside looking in, I'm straight. I'm not, according to the definition of straight--I like chicks, too--but it's kind of a tree falling in the woods kind of situation. If I've, for the most part, always been with guys and, if Rich and my's plans work out, will end up marrying a guy, does it matter? Can I still consider myself queer? Am I a comrade or an ally in the fight for equal rights? But the same -phobia and -erasure exists in the straight community (for lack of a better term), as it does the queer one, so I don't belong there, either.
I dunno. It's a confusing thing for me.
*I waffle on bi vs pan a bit because I've never really been close to anyone who isn't on the gender binary to know if such a thing would matter, but I really can't see any reason why it would, so I'm not exactly sure where I would fall on that.
**I do find it interesting that, when I was talking to Rich about this, he said that he didn't mind if I got some lady action on the side. I thought it was a quip about wanting to watch but he said that wasn't the case (though he wouldn't be opposed to it, obviously). So that's something new. I don't think I'd ever take him up on that offer, though seeing as how I'm pretty monogamous in action, if nothing else.