time spent under red blankets and in white rooms
Right now I feel a tug on my heart....wondering if he's okay. I know he is, I just worry. Its what I do. I'm really annoyed that I have to be in school right now, I'd rather be in waiting rooms....waiting.
Its a horrible day outside. Drizzly and gray and still kind of cold. Whenever Rodney fixes his allergy to breathing, we'll go outside and it will be the most wonderful day. I'm making a pinkie swear with God for that to happen.
I've been constantly on the move. Keeping myself going, from one place to another and I think its good b/c I don't have time to waste on napping and I'm not tired all the time, even though, considering, I should be. Rodney is keeping me motivated....get everything done so that I can see him. Its a great plan. I'm starting to feel more comfortable with myself. Even though I'm behind, even though I have so much to do and not enough money and probably no place to live in 8 months, I don't care. Do you have any idea how amazing that is? I DON'T CARE! Its completely insane and I'm fine. I'm more than fine. Everything is beginning to work out even though its really not working out at all. Everything just seems so trival in comparison to what is really important. And maybe if I just continue to do the things that keep me happy, then everything will be fine from now on. I know that shouldn't seem so hard to figure out. If its taken me 21 years to get to this point, then I think I'm deserving of feeling happy, of loving what I do, of having someone to fall in love with, and damnit of feeling fucking deserving.
I don't want anyone to worry. You don't have to worry about me. This is the best I've been in years....since senior year I would say. I just want everyone to know how much I fucking love them. You all mean so much to me.
Its a horrible day outside. Drizzly and gray and still kind of cold. Whenever Rodney fixes his allergy to breathing, we'll go outside and it will be the most wonderful day. I'm making a pinkie swear with God for that to happen.
I've been constantly on the move. Keeping myself going, from one place to another and I think its good b/c I don't have time to waste on napping and I'm not tired all the time, even though, considering, I should be. Rodney is keeping me motivated....get everything done so that I can see him. Its a great plan. I'm starting to feel more comfortable with myself. Even though I'm behind, even though I have so much to do and not enough money and probably no place to live in 8 months, I don't care. Do you have any idea how amazing that is? I DON'T CARE! Its completely insane and I'm fine. I'm more than fine. Everything is beginning to work out even though its really not working out at all. Everything just seems so trival in comparison to what is really important. And maybe if I just continue to do the things that keep me happy, then everything will be fine from now on. I know that shouldn't seem so hard to figure out. If its taken me 21 years to get to this point, then I think I'm deserving of feeling happy, of loving what I do, of having someone to fall in love with, and damnit of feeling fucking deserving.
I don't want anyone to worry. You don't have to worry about me. This is the best I've been in years....since senior year I would say. I just want everyone to know how much I fucking love them. You all mean so much to me.