my windows are open and taxis aren't honking...
every time i risk coming back here to california i forget the reality of
the situation. I forget the way life here really is when I'm
merely making plans. Of course I identify a certain feeling of
deep pain when the thought enters my head, but until I am in my little
bedroom at the top of the stairs, collapsed and contemplating while
stark naked, I cannot fully connect with the emotions.
this place haunts me.
I look into the mirror, and I see my wee little high school self, that fragile girl who didn't deserve any of that, or THAT for that matter, and I remember my pain exactly. I even feel it a little, because it used to overcome me, right here in this spot.
no one knows what happened.
after talking to peter today, I realized that my time here is going to be difficutl, but it is also going to be a rejuvenation. I am going to have quiet time. Marie time. I am going to fill my days with candles, bubble baths, poetry, painting, Shakespeare, and welch's popsicles. My family dosen't speak, but rather than looking at the clearly negative side of that, I will recognize the fact I now have hours of quality alone time. Here's to a deep cleansing of Marie.
we are moving in together. that is all I needed to hear right now.
you are so immature. ha! you call yourself a genius and you can't even have a simple conversation with me. And yet, I want to forget you, but I never will.
I am officially not looking anymore.
this place haunts me.
I look into the mirror, and I see my wee little high school self, that fragile girl who didn't deserve any of that, or THAT for that matter, and I remember my pain exactly. I even feel it a little, because it used to overcome me, right here in this spot.
no one knows what happened.
after talking to peter today, I realized that my time here is going to be difficutl, but it is also going to be a rejuvenation. I am going to have quiet time. Marie time. I am going to fill my days with candles, bubble baths, poetry, painting, Shakespeare, and welch's popsicles. My family dosen't speak, but rather than looking at the clearly negative side of that, I will recognize the fact I now have hours of quality alone time. Here's to a deep cleansing of Marie.
we are moving in together. that is all I needed to hear right now.
you are so immature. ha! you call yourself a genius and you can't even have a simple conversation with me. And yet, I want to forget you, but I never will.
I am officially not looking anymore.