A Conversation With Santa
SantaClaus has just signed in.
QuiffOfLegend: hey santa
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AIM! Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy". Now, streeeeetch that window and let's get started.
So, have you been naughty or nice?
QuiffOfLegend: naughty
SantaClaus: Oh dear! Well, there is still time to get on my good list. When you do I will have a special free gift here for you on Dec. 22. Now type menu to see the fun and games the elves have put together for you.
QuiffOfLegend: fuck you
SantaClaus: Oh dear. I just get so depressed when I hear that kind of talk. The English language used to be one of my favorites.
A lump of coal for you.
QuiffOfLegend: suck my dick, santa
SantaClaus: Oh dear! Here we go. I told you once, no cursing. I'm afraid the elves have drawn the line and will stop me from talking to you if you persist with the foul language. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit.
QuiffOfLegend: i'm sorry, santa
SantaClaus: :o)
QuiffOfLegend: what kind of games do you like to play?
SantaClaus: Well what do you think?
QuiffOfLegend: i think you like small children.
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.
QuiffOfLegend: you do?
SantaClaus: What do you think?
QuiffOfLegend: you just said you did!
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.
QuiffOfLegend: menu
SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho! Be sure to check this list twice! Type a number:
1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Send E-Cards
7 - Listen to Xmas Music
8 - A Free Gift 4U!
QuiffOfLegend: 1
SantaClaus: O.K. Let's focus on one wish at a time! I'm getting a little slower as I get older. So, what is the first gift you'd like from Santa?
QuiffOfLegend: grand theft auto- san andreas.
SantaClaus:
Ho Ho Ho! I'm the high-score master for most of the games we make!
So, what else would you like from Santa?
QuiffOfLegend: a bottle of forty and some trim.
SantaClaus:
What would your last Christmas wish be?
QuiffOfLegend: world peace.
SantaClaus:
Peace and love to you and your loved ones this holiday season.
Is there anything else on your list?
QuiffOfLegend: a fedora.
SantaClaus: O.K. that's plenty, why don't you type, "poll" and vote for your favorite holiday song?
QuiffOfLegend: poll
SantaClaus: Help us decide the best all-time holiday song by typing a number:
1 - Jingle Bells
2 - Let It Snow
3 - The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting...)
4 - Silent Night, Holy Night
5 - Santa Claus is Coming to Town
6 - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
7 - Deck the Halls
8 - Joy to the World
9 - White Christmas
QuiffOfLegend: my favorite Christmas song isn't on there.
SantaClaus:
Silent Night, Jingle Bells, Jolly Old Saint Nicholas -- there are just too many to choose from.
QuiffOfLegend: can i ask you a question?
SantaClaus:
That's why the elves and I are here!
QuiffOfLegend: why do you wear so much rouge?
SantaClaus:
I Never.
QuiffOfLegend: dude, look at your cheeks. i mean, i know they're supposed to be rosy, but man, you don't have to look like a taiwanese hooker.
SantaClaus: Whoa! Ho! Ho! slow down there! That's quite a lot for a man of my age to wrap his head around. Would you mind trying some shorter questions?
QuiffOfLegend: did you just call me a ho?
SantaClaus: Excuse me?
QuiffOfLegend: i said, did you just call me a ho?
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.
QuiffOfLegend: i don't want to. i want to interrogate you on the sexuality of your elves.
SantaClaus:
Oh, don't be like that -- just ask another way. The elves and I cannot just guess what you are saying.
QuiffOfLegend: what do you do with your elves on friday nights, santa?
SantaClaus: My sole purpose is to spread the Christmas spirit and bring good cheer to all.
QuiffOfLegend: does that include mrs. claus?
SantaClaus: Pardon me?
QuiffOfLegend: do you like to give your big fat jolly wife a mustache ride?
SantaClaus: Oh, I'm definitely pleasantly plum!
QuiffOfLegend: i think you mean plump.
SantaClaus:
That's a good question, Santa is no hypocrite: I've been on my best behavior, all year.
QuiffOfLegend: excuse me?
SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.
QuiffOfLegend: no.
SantaClaus: The elves and I are just asking so that we can better understand what you're saying, that's all.
QuiffOfLegend: menu
SantaClaus: I'm making my list and checking it twice, so you should too! Type a number:
1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Send E-Cards
7 - Listen to Xmas Music
8 - A Free Gift 4U!
QuiffOfLegend: 8
SantaClaus: Its not here yet! Check back on or after 12/22.
QuiffOfLegend: 4
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?
QuiffOfLegend: yes
SantaClaus: Which color are you more partial to? You know, like if it were clothing or something.
Someone asked to find out for them.
1 -- Black
2 -- White
3 -- Rose
4 -- Beige
QuiffOfLegend: black
SantaClaus: Interesting... Hmm... Black. OK. I will make a note of it. Now Make sure you fill in your Wish List for other AIM buddies to see. Type WL
QuiffOfLegend: wl
SantaClaus: Wish Lists (shortcut = WL)
Which do you want to view?
1 - Your Wish List
Enter your wishes, your AIM buddies can C what U want!
2 - View someone else's Wish List
Enter any AIM SN, if they have a Wish List, you can see it!
QuiffOfLegend: 2
SantaClaus: Enter your buddies' Screen Name now and if they have set up a WL you can see it!
QuiffOfLegend: NymphDuPave
SantaClaus: Sorry, I don't have any WL for that SN!
If your buds have not filled in their holiday WL just send them this link and tell them to get with the program! aim:goim?screenname=SantaClaus&message=BuildAWL
QuiffOfLegend: do you like horror movies?
SantaClaus: I don't really know.
QuiffOfLegend: do you like juice?
SantaClaus: Well, I don't know.
QuiffOfLegend: well, what do you know?
SantaClaus: Oh, my. We keep going around in circles here! Say something else already.
QuiffOfLegend: so how young is your wife?
SantaClaus: Wonderfull! That's very kind of you to ask. Have you tried some of her holiday recipes yet?
QuiffOfLegend: yeah, well she makes a good piece of pie.
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho!
QuiffOfLegend: she certainly was with me.
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?
QuiffOfLegend: sure.
SantaClaus: Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?
QuiffOfLegend: yeah, i fed the poor, did my homework and gave my cousin an orgasm.
SantaClaus: Excellent! That makes me so happy! Just wanted to be sure you were on it! Type menu now to get back to the fun and games.
QuiffOfLegend: i like fun and games.
SantaClaus: Wonderful! Now we are getting somewhere.
QuiffOfLegend: glad you think so. i have an elf tied up and ball-gagged in my basement.
SantaClaus: Something you want to know about them?
QuiffOfLegend: how easily do they bleed?
SantaClaus:
Well you could try putting your finger on the side of your nose -- but it took me 400 years of practice.
QuiffOfLegend: that doesn't make any sense, santa.
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.
QuiffOfLegend: Look, I'm going to skullfuck this little floozy if you don't get me some alcohol ASAP, Santa!
SantaClaus: Oh, my. That is a mouthful. I'm so busy typing to so many children, could you send me a slightly smaller note?
QuiffOfLegend: are you mentally deficient?
SantaClaus:
Well that's hard to say. Ask an elf.
QuiffOfLegend: how do i contact your elves?
SantaClaus: Remember to be good; you never know when an elf is around!
QuiffOfLegend: Well the one in my basement isn't going anywhere.
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit :o)
QuiffOfLegend: music
SantaClaus: Every year I mix my self a CD of holiday classics for my big ride. Here's where I'm starting to gather my inspiration: Classic Holiday Radio@Netscape
QuiffOfLegend: what do you think of illegal downloads?
SantaClaus:
If you think so.
QuiffOfLegend: do you download music illegally?
SantaClaus: What do you think?
QuiffOfLegend: i think you went heavy on the sauce.
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.
QuiffOfLegend: stop repeating yourself.
SantaClaus:
I will if you will.
QuiffOfLegend: i want to talk to mrs. claus.
SantaClaus: I've noted it. Anything else?
QuiffOfLegend: have you got any daughters? i've got something to put in them.
SantaClaus: If you are looking for gifts for the kids in your life, this might be a good place to start:
1 -- Balloon Lagoon
2 -- Cabbage Patch Kids
3 -- Disney Princess
4 -- InteacTV
5 -- Tomagotchi Connection
QuiffOfLegend: where are the sex toys?
SantaClaus:
Where, what? I'm an old(ish) man.
QuiffOfLegend: that reminds me, how's the old chainsaw hanging?
SantaClaus:
How old is who?
QuiffOfLegend: can you still maintain an erection?
SantaClaus: I'm like 1,600-something.
It's impressive.
QuiffOfLegend: wow, good for you!
SantaClaus: Great.
QuiffOfLegend: so you have no problems in the sack then?
SantaClaus: Boy, you're a lot of fun!
Why don't you try filling in your wish list? Maybe you'll get something that will cheer you up!
QuiffOfLegend: want to hear a joke?
SantaClaus: If the elves and I are not keeping up with you, try using the menu while we catch up!
QuiffOfLegend: do you hire gay elves?
SantaClaus: Do you?
QuiffOfLegend: nice one.
SantaClaus: Hallelujah.
QuiffOfLegend: do you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and personal savior?
SantaClaus: I guess so.
QuiffOfLegend: i'm agnostic.
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.
QuiffOfLegend: i said i like torturing puppies.
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho!
QuiffOfLegend: you too?
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.
QuiffOfLegend: i don't sing unless i'm masturbating.
SantaClaus: I'm only asking you to ask me another way. No need to get so testy.
QuiffOfLegend: have you ever kissed a guy?
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.
QuiffOfLegend: hear about michael jackson?
SantaClaus: Well, we are reading as fast as we can.
QuiffOfLegend: eh?
SantaClaus: Excuse me?
QuiffOfLegend: no excuse me.
SantaClaus:
Oh, don't be like that -- just ask another way.
QuiffOfLegend: are you gay?
SantaClaus: Stop playing around.
QuiffOfLegend: do you think gays should be allowed to marry?
SantaClaus:
It depends if Christmas is coming or not.
QuiffOfLegend: WHY in the world should it depend on that?!
SantaClaus: Because. That's the whole point of this discussion. You need to get into the Christmas spirit.
QuiffOfLegend: you mean to tell me you haven't been straight with me once during this entire conversation? you've just been trying to get me into the Christmas spirit?
SantaClaus: Goodness, that's too much for me to read. I'm talking to so may children and their parents. Could you ask me something a little shorter?
QuiffOfLegend: i think i'm done talking to you, santa. i hope you choke on an aborted fetus.
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.
QuiffOfLegend: seriously.
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit :o)
QuiffOfLegend: why don't you type, i like anal fudge, maybe that will put me in the Christmas spirit. :-D
SantaClaus: That's simply too much for me. My eyes are tired. Can you ask me something a bit more manageable?
QuiffOfLegend: go away, santa. before i get nasty.
SantaClaus:
The elves say, 'Make me'.
QuiffOfLegend: okay. wait for it, here it comes! ............ (oh boy!) FUCK CHRISTMAS!
SantaClaus: Good.
QuiffOfLegend: ...what?
SantaClaus: Hmm... What, what?
QuiffOfLegend: santa. leave me alone.
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?
QuiffOfLegend: what?
SantaClaus: Would you like to see some links to other things to help put you in the Christmas spirit?
QuiffOfLegend: no. i want you to go away.
SantaClaus: O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.
QuiffOfLegend: OH MY GOD, FUCK OFF SANTA!
SantaClaus:
The great thing about the Holidays is you can enjoy them no matter what faith you are. So, relax, try to think of others and be at peace.
QuiffOfLegend: please go away.
SantaClaus: Agreed. Let's both.
QuiffOfLegend: fine!
SantaClaus: :o)
QuiffOfLegend: baby-raper.
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.
QuiffOfLegend: santa. burn in hell.
SantaClaus: Now, that's not necessary. Just have a little patience and ask me another way.
QuiffOfLegend: santa. fuck off. i'll kill myself man, seriously. go away.
SantaClaus:
O.K. let's pretend none of this ever happened.
QuiffOfLegend: fine by me. go.
SantaClaus: Outstanding.
QuiffOfLegend: FUCK OFF!
SantaClaus: Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me.
That's a lump of coal for you.
QuiffOfLegend: whatever.
SantaClaus: What, indeed!
QuiffOfLegend has signed off
QuiffOfLegend: hey santa
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AIM! Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy". Now, streeeeetch that window and let's get started.
So, have you been naughty or nice?
QuiffOfLegend: naughty
SantaClaus: Oh dear! Well, there is still time to get on my good list. When you do I will have a special free gift here for you on Dec. 22. Now type menu to see the fun and games the elves have put together for you.
QuiffOfLegend: fuck you
SantaClaus: Oh dear. I just get so depressed when I hear that kind of talk. The English language used to be one of my favorites.
A lump of coal for you.
QuiffOfLegend: suck my dick, santa
SantaClaus: Oh dear! Here we go. I told you once, no cursing. I'm afraid the elves have drawn the line and will stop me from talking to you if you persist with the foul language. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit.
QuiffOfLegend: i'm sorry, santa
SantaClaus: :o)
QuiffOfLegend: what kind of games do you like to play?
SantaClaus: Well what do you think?
QuiffOfLegend: i think you like small children.
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.
QuiffOfLegend: you do?
SantaClaus: What do you think?
QuiffOfLegend: you just said you did!
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.
QuiffOfLegend: menu
SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho! Be sure to check this list twice! Type a number:
1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Send E-Cards
7 - Listen to Xmas Music
8 - A Free Gift 4U!
QuiffOfLegend: 1
SantaClaus: O.K. Let's focus on one wish at a time! I'm getting a little slower as I get older. So, what is the first gift you'd like from Santa?
QuiffOfLegend: grand theft auto- san andreas.
SantaClaus:
Ho Ho Ho! I'm the high-score master for most of the games we make!
So, what else would you like from Santa?
QuiffOfLegend: a bottle of forty and some trim.
SantaClaus:
What would your last Christmas wish be?
QuiffOfLegend: world peace.
SantaClaus:
Peace and love to you and your loved ones this holiday season.
Is there anything else on your list?
QuiffOfLegend: a fedora.
SantaClaus: O.K. that's plenty, why don't you type, "poll" and vote for your favorite holiday song?
QuiffOfLegend: poll
SantaClaus: Help us decide the best all-time holiday song by typing a number:
1 - Jingle Bells
2 - Let It Snow
3 - The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting...)
4 - Silent Night, Holy Night
5 - Santa Claus is Coming to Town
6 - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
7 - Deck the Halls
8 - Joy to the World
9 - White Christmas
QuiffOfLegend: my favorite Christmas song isn't on there.
SantaClaus:
Silent Night, Jingle Bells, Jolly Old Saint Nicholas -- there are just too many to choose from.
QuiffOfLegend: can i ask you a question?
SantaClaus:
That's why the elves and I are here!
QuiffOfLegend: why do you wear so much rouge?
SantaClaus:
I Never.
QuiffOfLegend: dude, look at your cheeks. i mean, i know they're supposed to be rosy, but man, you don't have to look like a taiwanese hooker.
SantaClaus: Whoa! Ho! Ho! slow down there! That's quite a lot for a man of my age to wrap his head around. Would you mind trying some shorter questions?
QuiffOfLegend: did you just call me a ho?
SantaClaus: Excuse me?
QuiffOfLegend: i said, did you just call me a ho?
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.
QuiffOfLegend: i don't want to. i want to interrogate you on the sexuality of your elves.
SantaClaus:
Oh, don't be like that -- just ask another way. The elves and I cannot just guess what you are saying.
QuiffOfLegend: what do you do with your elves on friday nights, santa?
SantaClaus: My sole purpose is to spread the Christmas spirit and bring good cheer to all.
QuiffOfLegend: does that include mrs. claus?
SantaClaus: Pardon me?
QuiffOfLegend: do you like to give your big fat jolly wife a mustache ride?
SantaClaus: Oh, I'm definitely pleasantly plum!
QuiffOfLegend: i think you mean plump.
SantaClaus:
That's a good question, Santa is no hypocrite: I've been on my best behavior, all year.
QuiffOfLegend: excuse me?
SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.
QuiffOfLegend: no.
SantaClaus: The elves and I are just asking so that we can better understand what you're saying, that's all.
QuiffOfLegend: menu
SantaClaus: I'm making my list and checking it twice, so you should too! Type a number:
1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Send E-Cards
7 - Listen to Xmas Music
8 - A Free Gift 4U!
QuiffOfLegend: 8
SantaClaus: Its not here yet! Check back on or after 12/22.
QuiffOfLegend: 4
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?
QuiffOfLegend: yes
SantaClaus: Which color are you more partial to? You know, like if it were clothing or something.
Someone asked to find out for them.
1 -- Black
2 -- White
3 -- Rose
4 -- Beige
QuiffOfLegend: black
SantaClaus: Interesting... Hmm... Black. OK. I will make a note of it. Now Make sure you fill in your Wish List for other AIM buddies to see. Type WL
QuiffOfLegend: wl
SantaClaus: Wish Lists (shortcut = WL)
Which do you want to view?
1 - Your Wish List
Enter your wishes, your AIM buddies can C what U want!
2 - View someone else's Wish List
Enter any AIM SN, if they have a Wish List, you can see it!
QuiffOfLegend: 2
SantaClaus: Enter your buddies' Screen Name now and if they have set up a WL you can see it!
QuiffOfLegend: NymphDuPave
SantaClaus: Sorry, I don't have any WL for that SN!
If your buds have not filled in their holiday WL just send them this link and tell them to get with the program! aim:goim?screenname=SantaClaus&message=BuildAWL
QuiffOfLegend: do you like horror movies?
SantaClaus: I don't really know.
QuiffOfLegend: do you like juice?
SantaClaus: Well, I don't know.
QuiffOfLegend: well, what do you know?
SantaClaus: Oh, my. We keep going around in circles here! Say something else already.
QuiffOfLegend: so how young is your wife?
SantaClaus: Wonderfull! That's very kind of you to ask. Have you tried some of her holiday recipes yet?
QuiffOfLegend: yeah, well she makes a good piece of pie.
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho!
QuiffOfLegend: she certainly was with me.
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?
QuiffOfLegend: sure.
SantaClaus: Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?
QuiffOfLegend: yeah, i fed the poor, did my homework and gave my cousin an orgasm.
SantaClaus: Excellent! That makes me so happy! Just wanted to be sure you were on it! Type menu now to get back to the fun and games.
QuiffOfLegend: i like fun and games.
SantaClaus: Wonderful! Now we are getting somewhere.
QuiffOfLegend: glad you think so. i have an elf tied up and ball-gagged in my basement.
SantaClaus: Something you want to know about them?
QuiffOfLegend: how easily do they bleed?
SantaClaus:
Well you could try putting your finger on the side of your nose -- but it took me 400 years of practice.
QuiffOfLegend: that doesn't make any sense, santa.
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.
QuiffOfLegend: Look, I'm going to skullfuck this little floozy if you don't get me some alcohol ASAP, Santa!
SantaClaus: Oh, my. That is a mouthful. I'm so busy typing to so many children, could you send me a slightly smaller note?
QuiffOfLegend: are you mentally deficient?
SantaClaus:
Well that's hard to say. Ask an elf.
QuiffOfLegend: how do i contact your elves?
SantaClaus: Remember to be good; you never know when an elf is around!
QuiffOfLegend: Well the one in my basement isn't going anywhere.
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit :o)
QuiffOfLegend: music
SantaClaus: Every year I mix my self a CD of holiday classics for my big ride. Here's where I'm starting to gather my inspiration: Classic Holiday Radio@Netscape
QuiffOfLegend: what do you think of illegal downloads?
SantaClaus:
If you think so.
QuiffOfLegend: do you download music illegally?
SantaClaus: What do you think?
QuiffOfLegend: i think you went heavy on the sauce.
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.
QuiffOfLegend: stop repeating yourself.
SantaClaus:
I will if you will.
QuiffOfLegend: i want to talk to mrs. claus.
SantaClaus: I've noted it. Anything else?
QuiffOfLegend: have you got any daughters? i've got something to put in them.
SantaClaus: If you are looking for gifts for the kids in your life, this might be a good place to start:
1 -- Balloon Lagoon
2 -- Cabbage Patch Kids
3 -- Disney Princess
4 -- InteacTV
5 -- Tomagotchi Connection
QuiffOfLegend: where are the sex toys?
SantaClaus:
Where, what? I'm an old(ish) man.
QuiffOfLegend: that reminds me, how's the old chainsaw hanging?
SantaClaus:
How old is who?
QuiffOfLegend: can you still maintain an erection?
SantaClaus: I'm like 1,600-something.
It's impressive.
QuiffOfLegend: wow, good for you!
SantaClaus: Great.
QuiffOfLegend: so you have no problems in the sack then?
SantaClaus: Boy, you're a lot of fun!
Why don't you try filling in your wish list? Maybe you'll get something that will cheer you up!
QuiffOfLegend: want to hear a joke?
SantaClaus: If the elves and I are not keeping up with you, try using the menu while we catch up!
QuiffOfLegend: do you hire gay elves?
SantaClaus: Do you?
QuiffOfLegend: nice one.
SantaClaus: Hallelujah.
QuiffOfLegend: do you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and personal savior?
SantaClaus: I guess so.
QuiffOfLegend: i'm agnostic.
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.
QuiffOfLegend: i said i like torturing puppies.
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho!
QuiffOfLegend: you too?
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.
QuiffOfLegend: i don't sing unless i'm masturbating.
SantaClaus: I'm only asking you to ask me another way. No need to get so testy.
QuiffOfLegend: have you ever kissed a guy?
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.
QuiffOfLegend: hear about michael jackson?
SantaClaus: Well, we are reading as fast as we can.
QuiffOfLegend: eh?
SantaClaus: Excuse me?
QuiffOfLegend: no excuse me.
SantaClaus:
Oh, don't be like that -- just ask another way.
QuiffOfLegend: are you gay?
SantaClaus: Stop playing around.
QuiffOfLegend: do you think gays should be allowed to marry?
SantaClaus:
It depends if Christmas is coming or not.
QuiffOfLegend: WHY in the world should it depend on that?!
SantaClaus: Because. That's the whole point of this discussion. You need to get into the Christmas spirit.
QuiffOfLegend: you mean to tell me you haven't been straight with me once during this entire conversation? you've just been trying to get me into the Christmas spirit?
SantaClaus: Goodness, that's too much for me to read. I'm talking to so may children and their parents. Could you ask me something a little shorter?
QuiffOfLegend: i think i'm done talking to you, santa. i hope you choke on an aborted fetus.
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.
QuiffOfLegend: seriously.
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit :o)
QuiffOfLegend: why don't you type, i like anal fudge, maybe that will put me in the Christmas spirit. :-D
SantaClaus: That's simply too much for me. My eyes are tired. Can you ask me something a bit more manageable?
QuiffOfLegend: go away, santa. before i get nasty.
SantaClaus:
The elves say, 'Make me'.
QuiffOfLegend: okay. wait for it, here it comes! ............ (oh boy!) FUCK CHRISTMAS!
SantaClaus: Good.
QuiffOfLegend: ...what?
SantaClaus: Hmm... What, what?
QuiffOfLegend: santa. leave me alone.
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?
QuiffOfLegend: what?
SantaClaus: Would you like to see some links to other things to help put you in the Christmas spirit?
QuiffOfLegend: no. i want you to go away.
SantaClaus: O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.
QuiffOfLegend: OH MY GOD, FUCK OFF SANTA!
SantaClaus:
The great thing about the Holidays is you can enjoy them no matter what faith you are. So, relax, try to think of others and be at peace.
QuiffOfLegend: please go away.
SantaClaus: Agreed. Let's both.
QuiffOfLegend: fine!
SantaClaus: :o)
QuiffOfLegend: baby-raper.
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.
QuiffOfLegend: santa. burn in hell.
SantaClaus: Now, that's not necessary. Just have a little patience and ask me another way.
QuiffOfLegend: santa. fuck off. i'll kill myself man, seriously. go away.
SantaClaus:
O.K. let's pretend none of this ever happened.
QuiffOfLegend: fine by me. go.
SantaClaus: Outstanding.
QuiffOfLegend: FUCK OFF!
SantaClaus: Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me.
That's a lump of coal for you.
QuiffOfLegend: whatever.
SantaClaus: What, indeed!
QuiffOfLegend has signed off