(54) The first time in weeks.
I haven't cried once since I started these pills. Boredom found me to reading emails. I realized in my old account I still had a "Dean" folder. I promise you he has deleted every email I ever sent him, and his "Robyn folder. I clicked one. It contained one of the only pictures Dean and I ever took. The only picture I have of him. Tears flooded my
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I know that anything I write will only be cheapened by the fact that I'm investing my words in a fucking LiveJournal. But here it goes.
Robyn, it hurts me to see you like this. You know that.
I've known you--really known you--for about a year now, and it just so happened to have been the biggest year of your life so far. And in that time a lot of amazing things have happened, but you've crawled through a lot of shit as well. A lot of shit. Sometimes I was trying to pull you along, sometimes I was crawling through it with you, and a lot of the time I was just watching (or listening!).
And I've also seen you overcome things--big things. You are strong. So strong. This is something that I believe in. For a long time after "The Saga of Jack (TM)", you were a symbol of strength to me. You did what, at one time, we never thought would be possible. And so you became one of the only role models in my life. I looked up to you, because I knew you could do things that I probably couldn't. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but it's been an unspoken fact up to this point.
That's why I was so shocked when all of this happened. That's why it's so upsetting.
It's also why I know you have it in you to get over this. You don't need to live under a perpetual cloud of sadness. You deserve so much better than that. I look at you, into your eyes (those big fucking beautiful eyes, oh my god) and I KNOW you deserve to be happy.
Before I go on for too long and start sounding like a motivational youth counsellor or something, I'll just get to the point.
I know we've been over a lot of this before. I know I probably can't do or say anything that will make any of this better. And my words don't contain any brilliant revelations that will guide you.
But please remember that you are loved. The best I can do is promise to stick by your side for as long as that is humanly possible--and that is something I do promise. It will always be up to you--you need to turn on the bright lights (excuse my cheasiness, but it IS our song). But I'll always be there, too, if you need it.
Anyway. You don't need instruction. You don't need to be told. You're always lightyears ahead of me anyway. You always know.
I'll be off for now. See you in a few days. I'll call you when and if I can.
New York Cares, and Godspeed.
P.S. Nice skirt. ;-)
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Eberybody's Gotta Learn Sometime. And of course, I did. And as you know from "Strangers We've Meet" I am Sofia. I will never be happy because it is my pestimistic, "tourted soul" (as my mother calls me) way of life. But thank you. You are truly the best friend anyone could ever have.
godspeed,
.:Robyn
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