Loss.

Jun 17, 2009 16:39

Been a rough couple of days. Monday evening, while preparing for our midnight release, I got a phonecall with the news that a good friend had committed suicide over the weekend.

I didn't really know how to process that information, and to be honest, I still don't. This was completely out of left field. Anyone that knew Dan Hendrix knew him as a guy who was almost always cheerful, always cracking jokes and smiling. I don't think any of us could believe the news when we found out - it just didn't sound anything like the guy we all knew. Christ, I just talked to him on Friday, and you would have never thought anything was amiss.

The rest of that night at work, I was pretty much just going through the motions. Tried not to think about it, but that's a lot easier said than done. When I got home that night, I found Sylar waiting on the curb outside my apartment. She gave me a hug and told me she didn't want me to have to be alone at a time like this, and she stuck around to keep me company for a couple of hours until I got sleepy. It was a nice surprise, and one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me.

Tuesday was more of the same - just kinda sleepwalking through the day, trying to stay busy and focus on other things. Dave came over to hang out when I got home from work, and Kate popped in a couple of hours later. They stayed for awhile, and I went to bed a lot later than I should have, but I was glad to have them here. When things are rough, there's nothing like having friends nearby.

Got the call today about funeral services. Looks like they're set for Saturday morning. I'm supposed to work that evening, but I doubt I'll be going in - can't imagine that I would be very useful if i did. It's such a shame that things happened the way they did. You wonder why someone would choose that option, when there are so many other choices available, but in the end, the only person that can answer that question is gone, and there's no way to ever really know the truth.

Now, as I reflect on the time that we knew each other, I feel so guilty for all those times he invited me to come hang out and I never took him up on the offer. I feel like I abandoned him, like I wasted so may opportunities to get to know him better than I did already And now, those opportunities are gone. I feel like I should've been a better friend, ya know?

Can't write anymore. Not right now. Need to find something to keep me busy.
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