wicked little town
Today was...bad. And what I put here may seem odd, but then after I think about it, who really reads it anyway? The only person who cares enough to read it is Cassey, and I think its probably only when I tell her to. Or the occasional person looking for broadway stuff.
Anyway. Since this is mainly for me ranting to make myself feel better, I guess I dont beat around the bush to talk to myself. I was sexually harrassed today in second hour. Not to the tramatizing, life altering degree, but enough to make me want to fall over and down into a hole. And what did I do? I laughed. I giggled. Because when I don't know what to do it's all I can do. On the inside I was screaming "get the hell away from me", on the outside, I just turned aside and chuckled to myself while trying to make eye contact with someone on the other side of the room. And I did. And they paused a moment, looked concerned, then...went back to talking.
I dont expect a knight in shining armor, but a little help would be appreciated. One guy, after a good half hour of me squeaking, rolling my eyes desperately and sinking as far back into the corner as possible, called over casually, "Dude, leave her alone." A few looked over, curious. Saw me laughing nervously again, and decided to ignore it. I cant say Im surprised, I wasnt screaming for help. Although when the black guy came over to introduce himself randomly to me, I said (and again with a laugh, because thats what I do when I panic-I honestly break into hysterics at funerals) "Save me from this guy." He laughed and joked around before shaking my hand (which I held onto unusualy long) and left.
Like I said, it wasn't life altering, but enough where it sickens me to go back to that class tomorrow. Most of it was verbal. Which people dont take as seriously as physical. Although he did hit me enough where I was like okay someone had to have seen that. Everyone at my table was gone though. It was a free day. I should have been able to move around to another seat, but they all were taken. And I didn't really know what to do anyway. It never occured to me to leave the classroom either. Or tell the teacher, because of that stupid tattle-tale reputation I'd get. "He's being mean."
I'm not comfortable saying what he said to me, even if I know its just me reading this. Possibly The Cassey.
As a side note, he wrecked my book. He stabbed it with a pencil, scribbled all over it, ripped the edging, put it down his shirt so I couldn't get it back (Im not going in there no matter how much I love this book) and finally, an hour later, he found me again and threw it in the trash can. After a lunch hour. You do the math. And to top it all off, it was my Adam Rapp book. The brother of an original RENT cast member, and also my favorite author and quite possibly my inspiration to write. Too many times to count he's grabbed it from me and thrown it on the ground, but today...I ought to make him buy me a new one, but I know no one could get him to. Plus, Adam Rapp books ARE NOT EASY TO FIND.
All I could do at the end of the day was go crying to my big brother. Matt, who you've seen previous posts about him refusing to admit he loves me, asked where the kid lived before I even got my story out. He has several large strong friends who'd like to meet this kid. But I dont think violence will solve anything, and I say this with a smile, because ultimately if it happens again, I have five men ready to attack him. Ha.
Good news though. I won a t-shirt today. Its a school store staff shirt, and its adorable. I also finished Christmas shopping and got extra credit in English.
Anyway. Since this is mainly for me ranting to make myself feel better, I guess I dont beat around the bush to talk to myself. I was sexually harrassed today in second hour. Not to the tramatizing, life altering degree, but enough to make me want to fall over and down into a hole. And what did I do? I laughed. I giggled. Because when I don't know what to do it's all I can do. On the inside I was screaming "get the hell away from me", on the outside, I just turned aside and chuckled to myself while trying to make eye contact with someone on the other side of the room. And I did. And they paused a moment, looked concerned, then...went back to talking.
I dont expect a knight in shining armor, but a little help would be appreciated. One guy, after a good half hour of me squeaking, rolling my eyes desperately and sinking as far back into the corner as possible, called over casually, "Dude, leave her alone." A few looked over, curious. Saw me laughing nervously again, and decided to ignore it. I cant say Im surprised, I wasnt screaming for help. Although when the black guy came over to introduce himself randomly to me, I said (and again with a laugh, because thats what I do when I panic-I honestly break into hysterics at funerals) "Save me from this guy." He laughed and joked around before shaking my hand (which I held onto unusualy long) and left.
Like I said, it wasn't life altering, but enough where it sickens me to go back to that class tomorrow. Most of it was verbal. Which people dont take as seriously as physical. Although he did hit me enough where I was like okay someone had to have seen that. Everyone at my table was gone though. It was a free day. I should have been able to move around to another seat, but they all were taken. And I didn't really know what to do anyway. It never occured to me to leave the classroom either. Or tell the teacher, because of that stupid tattle-tale reputation I'd get. "He's being mean."
I'm not comfortable saying what he said to me, even if I know its just me reading this. Possibly The Cassey.
As a side note, he wrecked my book. He stabbed it with a pencil, scribbled all over it, ripped the edging, put it down his shirt so I couldn't get it back (Im not going in there no matter how much I love this book) and finally, an hour later, he found me again and threw it in the trash can. After a lunch hour. You do the math. And to top it all off, it was my Adam Rapp book. The brother of an original RENT cast member, and also my favorite author and quite possibly my inspiration to write. Too many times to count he's grabbed it from me and thrown it on the ground, but today...I ought to make him buy me a new one, but I know no one could get him to. Plus, Adam Rapp books ARE NOT EASY TO FIND.
All I could do at the end of the day was go crying to my big brother. Matt, who you've seen previous posts about him refusing to admit he loves me, asked where the kid lived before I even got my story out. He has several large strong friends who'd like to meet this kid. But I dont think violence will solve anything, and I say this with a smile, because ultimately if it happens again, I have five men ready to attack him. Ha.
Good news though. I won a t-shirt today. Its a school store staff shirt, and its adorable. I also finished Christmas shopping and got extra credit in English.