Elite Beat Angst
Last week I picked up Elite Beat Agents for my DS.
"Ooo!" thinks I, "An official Nintendo rhythm game where a trio of secret agents must cheer-lead, sing and homo-erotically dance to incredibly MiddleOfTheRoad Hits, like Sk8er Boi, YMCA, and Let's Dance! For a fiver! What could possibly go wrong!"
Unsurprisingly, the game's good. And hard. And addictive.
Watching three black-suited secret agents with ridiculous Japanese Pop Culture Hairdoes (One has a Red Afro, another a Ginger Delinquent Pompador) thrust and Shimmy while supposedly singing a very feminine voiced "Material Girl" is highly amusing.
Then came the 12 or so level. Up to this point, songs come in selections of 2 to 4. This song is a loner, meaning to progress you have no option but to play it now.
The song is Chicago's "You're The inspiration". Which is quite frankly horrible. But that's not the problem.
Every song has a scenario. an unfortunate has cried for Help, and the Elite Beat Agents have arrived to cheer them on and make their struggle a success. For instance, Material Girl is two Paris Hilton-esque sisters surviving on a desert island by flirting with the savage Beasts. Let's Dance is an Oil Tycoon striving to earn back his millions. YMCA a crusty sea-dog searching for treasure. All humorous situations. Remember that.
You're The Inspiration starts with a little girl asking her daddy to bring her another Teddy back for Christmas as he leaves for work. The intro suddenly switches to "six months later" where a grieving mother is trying to explain to her ever-expectant daughter that Daddy isn't coming home.
You're mission is to prolong the illusion that Daddy is still around, including witnessing a Blue Force Ghost Daddy deliver the Promised Teddy.
I know the message is supposed to be warm and fuzzy, but i almost failed twice due to fist-biting.
Remember that you have to play this song now, so teh anxiety of lying to children is forced.
This monstrous confusion of rhythm-keeping, lies and abominable rock-ballads isn't helped by the completion Message of "Merry Christmas". In June.
I am so cold right now.
"Ooo!" thinks I, "An official Nintendo rhythm game where a trio of secret agents must cheer-lead, sing and homo-erotically dance to incredibly MiddleOfTheRoad Hits, like Sk8er Boi, YMCA, and Let's Dance! For a fiver! What could possibly go wrong!"
Unsurprisingly, the game's good. And hard. And addictive.
Watching three black-suited secret agents with ridiculous Japanese Pop Culture Hairdoes (One has a Red Afro, another a Ginger Delinquent Pompador) thrust and Shimmy while supposedly singing a very feminine voiced "Material Girl" is highly amusing.
Then came the 12 or so level. Up to this point, songs come in selections of 2 to 4. This song is a loner, meaning to progress you have no option but to play it now.
The song is Chicago's "You're The inspiration". Which is quite frankly horrible. But that's not the problem.
Every song has a scenario. an unfortunate has cried for Help, and the Elite Beat Agents have arrived to cheer them on and make their struggle a success. For instance, Material Girl is two Paris Hilton-esque sisters surviving on a desert island by flirting with the savage Beasts. Let's Dance is an Oil Tycoon striving to earn back his millions. YMCA a crusty sea-dog searching for treasure. All humorous situations. Remember that.
You're The Inspiration starts with a little girl asking her daddy to bring her another Teddy back for Christmas as he leaves for work. The intro suddenly switches to "six months later" where a grieving mother is trying to explain to her ever-expectant daughter that Daddy isn't coming home.
You're mission is to prolong the illusion that Daddy is still around, including witnessing a Blue Force Ghost Daddy deliver the Promised Teddy.
I know the message is supposed to be warm and fuzzy, but i almost failed twice due to fist-biting.
Remember that you have to play this song now, so teh anxiety of lying to children is forced.
This monstrous confusion of rhythm-keeping, lies and abominable rock-ballads isn't helped by the completion Message of "Merry Christmas". In June.
I am so cold right now.