(no subject)
So it is almost 1:30 as I type this… I have to be up at 6. I can’t sleep, nor do I really want to. I haven’t felt like this in a while, I guess it is just… I’ve had a lot pent up inside for a bit, and somehow… I just kind of let it all go tonight. Not to anyone, just let it go to myself. I haven’t really talked to anyone about how I feel, like actually feel in a while. Andrew drowns himself in World of Warcraft in some attempt to fill a hole. Lauren, I just can’t taint (: (yes I realize you are there, but you got your own problems you have issues dealing with, so you don’t get mine yet *smile*), and everything else… just kind of falls to the wayside. I guess this stems from the night before last, just something had been eating away at me for a while… and it got put to pasture and I just feel… better. I just got one more thing to get rid of… and all this is gone then. This hostility, I just want it all gone. I don’t want answers or anything like that; I just want to breathe again. I want trust people again, I really want to believe love is an actual feeling, not just a word meaning “fuck friend” just nicer. I still refuse to get into all that though…
I kind of woke up for the first time in a long time, I have been dazed here even lost. I’ve been dwelling. I am picking my feet out of this hole I dug though. I haven’t listen to music in months… I haven’t been myself for the past week, just a zombie… doing enough to get by. I need some motivation in some part of my life… and you know I never ask for anything, but I just kind of want that. I want someone to motivate me, I have always needed that… just keeping pushing, so I can complete the things I really want to.
My next goal is to find some friends here, I suck at doing that… but whatever ill manage I guess. I need to get out of this house… I want to go take pictures… to go sit on the street corner and talk. I really want to go to the beach, it has been… since that one cold night, haha, underline cold, next time we bring a blanket.
Jt, next time I go to PC… we are playing halo. Andrew… websites… baby Jesus wants. Lauren… Beach. Isa… Dennys at 1am. Everything else… who the hell knows, make plans with me.
I kind of woke up for the first time in a long time, I have been dazed here even lost. I’ve been dwelling. I am picking my feet out of this hole I dug though. I haven’t listen to music in months… I haven’t been myself for the past week, just a zombie… doing enough to get by. I need some motivation in some part of my life… and you know I never ask for anything, but I just kind of want that. I want someone to motivate me, I have always needed that… just keeping pushing, so I can complete the things I really want to.
My next goal is to find some friends here, I suck at doing that… but whatever ill manage I guess. I need to get out of this house… I want to go take pictures… to go sit on the street corner and talk. I really want to go to the beach, it has been… since that one cold night, haha, underline cold, next time we bring a blanket.
Jt, next time I go to PC… we are playing halo. Andrew… websites… baby Jesus wants. Lauren… Beach. Isa… Dennys at 1am. Everything else… who the hell knows, make plans with me.