Gift fic for haruka21
Gift fic for: haruka21
From: newsficcon
Title: Private hearts
Rating: PG
Pairing: KoyaShige, slight ShigeMassu
Warnings: None
Summary: Oddities in Shige’s behavior lead Koyama to believe he isn’t needed anymore.
Notes: For haruka21, I know it’s not exactly what you had in mind, but the smutty/sweet stuff I’d originally written you died when my PC did, still I hope you enjoy this nonetheless. I tried to incorporate the plot devices you mentioned, so I’m crossing my fingers that it’s to your tastes. Many thanks to my beta for the quick work, and a big thank you to the mods for being so understanding.
They’d had their fights, plenty.
But none had ever escalated this far.
“I’m fine, Koyama,” Shige said through gritted teeth, his eyes averted.
“Don’t lie to me,” Koyama replied, practically seething. “Don’t you dare stand there and lie to me!”
“I’m not!” Shige exploded, hands balling into fists at his side.
Koyama saw red, his vision wavering slightly as he shook his head. “You are,” he said, his voice dangerously low. If there was one thing Koyama hated above all else, it was lies, and it was a rather big slap in the face to know his best friend was lying straight to his face.
“I know something’s going on,” Koyama continued, “just tell me.”
“Nothing’s going on,” Shige said, running a hand rather roughly through his hair, still unable to look Koyama in the eye.
His deep, unwavering voice sent Koyama over the edge. “I SAW YOU!” he roared.
“Saw what?” Shige yelled back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
Koyama shook his head in disgust, “I know already, the least you can do is admit it! I’m your best friend!”
“SO WHAT?” Shige exploded, face red, hair lightly falling over his forehead, heaving breaths as he glared up at Koyama.
Koyama stopped short; that certainly wasn’t the response he was expecting
There was a beat of silence, wherein Shige’s angry expression softened and his gaze fell from Koyama’s.
“I’m sorry, I’m just having a bad day,” Shige said, pausing. “I think you should go,” he murmured.
Koyama opened his mouth to argue, but a sudden look at Shige’s face had him faltering and within moments he found himself gently being led out and suddenly left staring at the outside of Shige’s apartment door, feeling oddly hollow.
Things shouldn’t have turned out this way.
* * *
Koyama spent the night lying in bed, staring at his pristine white ceiling and mind whirring ahead.
Shige had been behaving rather strangely for the last couple of weeks, distant, and almost melancholy.
Koyama, meanwhile had spent his time fretting over him, only to be pushed aside without warning. He didn’t know why, but he was sure as hell determined to find out what it was.
Koyama’s sleuthing skills weren’t exactly the best, and did little to get information but seemed to be a good way to irritate the living daylights out of Shige, who in turn seemed to seek solace in Masuda’s company.
He’d never thought it odd, after all Shige and Masuda were very old friends, however Koyama did find his sleuthing actually bringing about some results, just not what he’d been expecting.
It had happened earlier that day, a rare occurrence that all six members of the group had been called in for a group shoot together. Koyama had been having quite a bit of fun catching up with his groupmates, lightly teasing Tegoshi out of habit and together with Yamapi falling into lighthearted banter with Ryo.
It wasn’t out of the ordinary.
That is until they got their ten minute break for the sets to quickly be changed. The group dispersed quickly, Yamapi off to answer a phone call from a friend, Ryo wandering out to get a drink from the vending machine and Tegoshi happily prancing about as make-up artists descended upon him.
Koyama searched about for Shige, and noticed that Masuda was also missing, not at the snack table as was his habit during breaks.
Somehow Koyama found himself slipping out of the room and briskly making his way around, unaware of where his feet were really taking him until he heard a pair of low voices conversing just around the corner.
He stopped short, instantly recognizing the deep tenor voice belonging to Shige, and the loud huff belonging to Masuda.
“You need to say something,” Masuda murmured.
Koyama pressed himself against the wall, and strained to hear. He knew eavesdropping was wrong and was already wincing at the blatant breach in privacy, but quickly quelled the thoughts with a reassurance that he was just doing this to better help Shige.
“I can’t,” Shige said, voice cracking slightly. “It’d ruin everything.”
“You don’t know that,” Masuda said softly, there was an odd rustling and ‘pat, pat’ that Koyama assumed was just Masuda comforting the best way he knew how, awkward pats to the shoulder.
“Shige, listen to me,” Masuda said urgently, all rustling suddenly ceasing. His voice lowered to barely above a whisper and Koyama couldn’t make out what he was saying. He pressed even closer, moving an inch or so closer to the edge of the wall. Still he heard nothing but a few mumbles for the next few moments, that is until he heard a loud ‘Thump’.
Koyama practically jumped out of his skin in surprise at the sudden noise, and almost unconsciously poked his head around the corner and felt his jaw drop at the scene before him.
It was Shige and Massu, Massu pressed against the wall, head angled up, lips locked onto Shige’s.
Koyama felt his heart both race and slow all at once.
Shige pressed against Massu, his chest careening against the other’s, a hand cupping Masuda’s cheek tenderly.
Koyama blinked, and within seconds was halfway across the hall, going in the opposite direction. The very image of his two bandmates was permanently seared into his mind.
He entered the room again, feeling as though the very ground beneath had somehow changed.
He found himself lightly perched on one of the empty seats on the set, heart thumping wildly as he listened to his blood pump in his ear, breath slow and deep.
“Kei-chan!” Tegoshi sing-songed as he slid into the seat beside the older man.
“Ne,” he began, before falling short at the look on Koyama’s face. His playfulness immediately disappeared to be replaced with concern. “Are you alright?” he asked, wide-eyed.
Koyama snapped his attention back to Tegoshi before faintly smiling and nodding, “Fine,” he lied.
Tegoshi didn’t look convinced, but the sudden shout from the photographer averted his attention.
Meanwhile Koyama’s roamed to the far door on the left where he’d come through and where Massu and Shige were entering.
His curious eyes picked up on the downcast expression from Shige that Koyama took for embarrassment while Masuda looked a pearly pink color, obviously flushed from his latest tryst.
There wasn’t time for any talk, not that Koyama could find much to say to either Shige or Massu, as the group was separated into duos for a few shots. Koyama lucked out and had Yamapi as a partner and rather effortlessly took to grinning stupidly at Yamapi’s long story about some silly thing that a Junior had said to him.
After taking shots with Yamapi, they were bid to change wardrobe in preparation for the last group shot that would grace the cover the latest edition Wink up.
By the time they were finished Koyama was beyond shocked and had stifled a feeling that could only be described as a smidgen of jealousy, and was now just in the mode of well-founded anger.
It wasn’t the time to be keeping secrets, and Koyama was going to get the truth out of Shige one way or another.
His resolve found him insisting he drive Shige home, and soon enough into the shouting match of all shouting matches as Shige practically kicked him out.
Belatedly Koyama wondered if he’d disturbed the neighbors.
Perhaps I should apologize, he thought, before his mind filtered shut and a fitful sleep took him over.
The unanswered question was to whom.
* * *
He awoke, groggy and with a splitting headache that he chalked up to the few glasses of sake he’d had before bed.
His stomach ached, a reminder of last night’s bout of anger.
Recollecting the evening before, Koyama fell back into his pillows and pulled the covers over his head, letting out a growl.
Something warm and fuzzy wound it’s way about Koyama’s feet; he took a quick peek and found a pair of amber eyes blinking up at him.
“Nyanta,” he crooned, scooping the gray tabby up and snuggling the small animal close.
He ran a hand over her head, gently massaging the soft spots behind her ear, as she purred in content. “Who’s a good kitty?” he crooned, with a smile.
“Ah, don’t we wish Shige were here to bug?” Koyama asked, viciously thinking it would serve his best friend right, and immediately felt guilt pool in his gut.
What the hell was he thinking? Wishing Shige a runny nose, itchy hives and a swollen tongue, it was horrible!
Koyama bit his lip, continuing to pet the cat, thinking.
So Shige lied; it wasn’t that big a deal, was it?
Who’s to say he wasn’t going to tell Koyama sooner or later?
It really wasn’t Koyama’s business anyway, so Shige was seeing Massu, that wasn’t all that big a deal. What problem should he have with that?
I don’t have any problems,he told himself stubbornly, I don’t care.
His heart thumped in protest.
I don’t care, he can kiss whomever he wants.
His heart throbbed painfully as his mind flashed back to the secret kiss Shige and Massu shared in the hallway. Koyama blinked the memory away; here was no need to relive it.
* * *
It was awkward, at least Koyama felt it was, walking into the studio for a crosstalk interview with Shige.
His best hope was to answer quickly and say as little else as possible. The last thing he wanted was a reoccurrence of their last talk.
Shige was already there, and seemed occupied with a bottle of water as the interviewer chatted away.
The door closed sharply behind him, and the interviewer looked up and smiled graciously.
“Koyama-san, you’re here,” she said, calmly motioning him to take the empty seat beside Shige.
He sat, rigidly giving the interviewer a soft smile in return.
Her name was Haruna Tanaka, and she was perfectly friendly and very bubbly, as she delivered her questions one after another. obviously she wasn’t an amateur
Shige answered as best he could, interjecting every now and then when Koyama was speaking. It was rather normal, and Koyama found himself almost at a loss a few times when Shige gently corrected him on a few random Chinese proverbs he’d been talking about.
“Ne, you two seem very close,” Tanaka prompted.
Koyama nodded, “Mmm, we’ve known each other since we were juniors.”
“Yes, we’ve been together, what 9 years already?” Shige asked, looking at Koyama for confirmation.
Koyama nodded, “I think so.”
“Wow, that’s a really long time!” Tanaka commented, her eyes widening in surprise.
Koyama felt himself blush and laughed nervously.
“So, in all this time you two have never had many disagreements?” she asked.
“Oh, no we have,” Shige said nodding vigorously.
“Like when Shige’s mean to me,” Koyama said.
“Eh?” Shige cried, looking scandalized.
“Oh, you know it’s true,” Koyama said grinning. “There was this one time when we were on tour,” he began, describing in detail a silly little prank Shige and Tegoshi had played on him.
“But that was Tegoshi!” Shige nearly wailed.
Koyama snickered, to which Shige pouted and responded with, “Now we see who’s really mean to who!”
Tanaka giggled inanely, breaking the two from their silly banter.
“Well, I think that’s all,” she announced, shutting off her tape recorder.
Almost immediately it was as though the magic had worn off.
The safety blanket of getting their work done was pulled right off as Tanaka packed away her things and bid the two good-bye, leaving them awkwardly staring at the legs of each other’s chairs.
Koyama silently made to pack his things, when Shige quickly cut in with, “Koyama, about what I said.”
Koyama froze, hands clenched to his bag.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I was just having a bad day,” he murmured softly.
Koyama didn’t turn, but stiffly shrugged. “It’s fine, I’m sorry I pried, it’s none of my business.”
“I just -” Shige began.
“It’s fine,” Koyama cut in, turning swiftly to find Shige halfway off his chair, mid-reach to him. Koyama took a quick step back, and immediately regretted it as Shige’s eyes hardened and he fell back to his seat. “Like I said, it’s really none of my business.”
And it wasn’t.
Shige was free to kiss whomever he wanted, and if he wanted to pin Massu to a wall and kiss him senseless, Koyama should have no problem with it.
He really shouldn’t, and even though he did, it was his own problem, not Shige’s.
“I was just worried about you.” Koyama said. “You’ve been acting a bit odd lately,” he added tentatively.
Shige hung his head. “Sorry,” he murmured.
“I just want you to be happy,” Koyama continued. And if what made Shige happy was Massu, who was Koyama to stand in the way?
“I -” Shige began, looking at a total loss for words. He simply stared up at Koyama, eyes wide and confused, as though having an internal battle.
He looked ready to say something, that is until Koyama’s cell phone rang.
A quick glance into his bag told him it was his nephew Ren. Throwing Shige an apologetic glance, he pressed the phone to his ear.
Within seconds Ren was complaining loudly to his uncle Kei about how awful his day was and just how unfair mom was being, always taking his little brother’s side for everything, and he ended with an empty threat of running away that was quickly squashed when Koyama promised to take him out for ice cream the next time he visited.
Hanging up the phone. He turned back to Shige.
“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, tucking the phone back into his bag.
Shige shook his head, but grinned somewhat forcedly, “It’s fine, I’ve got to get going anyway.”
“Ah, so I take it you aren’t free for some ramen?” Koyama asked.
Shige hesitated, before answering with. “Sorry, I’m meeting someone.”
Koyama felt his heart drop, but plastered a warm smile on his face before nodding in understanding and quickly heading out the door.
He resolutely ignored the pang in his chest.
* * *
A single look at her son and Koyama’s mother was hastily pulling him into a warm embrace and had a plate of hot ramen sitting before him.
Koyama smiled gratefully at his mother, eyes betraying nothing of the chaos that was running through his mind. Noting his mother’s brown eyes still trained on him like a hawk, he picked up his chopsticks and clumsily started eating.
The steaming noodles scalded his throat and made him thirsty for the hard ache of alcohol.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, gently caressing his dark brown locks.
“Just a bad day,” he replied, staring up at her through red-rimmed eyes.
She nodded, “Well remember, it’ll always be better in the morning.”
Koyama didn’t reply, perhaps it would be best not to disagree.
“I’m sure Shige-kun will come around,” she murmured, giving her a son a soft kiss to the temple.
He wasn’t sure why he was surprised, but he was. Nothing seems to slip past her, even if it’s glaringly oblivious to Koyama himself.
“Times like these you should keep tight hold of your positivity,” she advised, as she took Koyama’s empty bowl to the sink.
Koyama let out a bark of laughter, “Oh yes, mom; positivity will keep me going.”
She frowned at him, “Keiichiro, what’s going on with you?”
Koyama shook his head, “Nothing, mom, I’m just tired,” he gave her a swift hug before dragging himself to his room and falling into bed.
He’d likely have another sleepless night full of self-discussion and absolute confusion.
This would get old quickly.
* * *
It would be an absolute lie to say Koyama wasn’t avoiding either Shige or Massu, although it wasn’t for lack of trying.
Within a week he found himself roped into a photo shoot with Massu that incidentally meant he actually had to be physically present.
It went without saying that photoshopping Koyama’s face into the picture was out of the question, at least not with this particular photographer who demanded nothing but organic expressions of emotion from his subjects.
Koyama had to bite back a remark more than once as the photographer complained about a lack of vigor in his eyes.
“People don’t want to see zombies in magazines!” he yelled, before stalking off the set, demanding a new set of lenses.
Massu blinked after him, “Well that was odd.”
Koyama nodded.
“I thought you were posing well, I mean we’re supposed to try playful for this shoot, right?” Massu added, giving him a reassuring smile.
Koyama barely managed to return the smile, awkward and terse, but still a smile was a smile.
“So,” Massu began, gently pulling on Koyama’s sleeve, leading him to a pair of chairs idly waiting in the corner. “Have you spoken to Shige?” He asked.
Koyama felt his heart jump into his throat, before nodding. “Uhm, yes, we sorted some things out.”
Massu didn’t look convinced, “So, he told you?”
Koyama shook his head, “No. but I already know.”
Massu’s eyes widened, “You, do?”
Koyama gave him a curt nod, not entirely trusting himself to keep from exploding on an unsuspecting Massu.
“Thank god,” Massu said, looking absolutely relieved.
Koyama grinned.
“So,” Massu said, relaxing into his chair, “what are you going to do?”
“Do?” Koyama asked, staring at him quizzically.
“About Shige?” Massu prompted.
“Eh? I thought Shige was doing you,” he said without thinking.
It took less than a second for Koyama to slap a hand over his mouth, horrified. Massu simply gaped at him, mouth opening and closing in what Koyama thought was a good impression of a fish.
It took several moments of openmouthed staring before Massu mustered up the nerve to ask, “What are you talking about?”
Koyama blushed to the very roots of his hair, sweat beginning to lightly dampen his neck. “It’s just, I saw you two,” he stuttered, utterly horrified, mortified and scandalized at the mere idea of having this conversation, and was having a rather tough time believing it was actually happening.
“Last week,” Koyama explained, eyes trained to the ground in shame.
He didn’t have to glance up to know Massu must look both offended and embarrassed. Clearly Koyama was intruding upon his privacy and if there was one thing Massu liked, it was his privacy.
Massu floundered for a moment, trying to find something to say, and settled with, “It’s not what it looked like.”
Koyama shook his head, still blushing profusely, “it’s none of my business.”
“Of course it’s your business,” Massu cut in, laying a hand on Koyama’s shoulder. “I’m just not sure it’s my place to say anything.”
“I don’t understand,” Koyama said confusedly.
“I think you should talk to Shige,” Massu said, kindly.
For some reason that Koyama just couldn’t understand, his heart was practically dancing in place. Perhaps it really wasn’t what it seemed.
* * *
Lies, all of it a figment of Koyama’s overactive imagination. Heart hammering, he hardly dared believe what Shige was saying.
“It was a mistake,” Ahige explained, “just something that happened in the heat of the moment.”
“Heat of the moment,” Koyama echoed, just a hint of disbelief present in his voice.
“I just snapped a bit,” Shige said, embarressed. “it didn’t mean anything.”
Koyama didn’t reply.
“I couldn’t hold it in anymore, and Massu was just there, listening to me whine and pine, and I-” Shige attempted to explain.
“kissed him,” Koyama finished quietly.
Shige nodded, he seemed teeming on the brink of a decision. And within moments, the inquisitive and somewhat unsure glint in his eye was replaced by a determined fervor that let loose an avalanche of words, most of which left Koyama speechless and his heart to practically jump out of his chest in excitement.
Soon enough words left him as he whispered tenderly, and stared terrified before averting his eyes his head downcast, awaiting the impending blow from what he expected to me a disgusted Koyama.
The air between the two hung heavy with Shige’s previous words of a whispered ‘I love you’.
“We’ve been friends for a while,” Koyama commented, idly splaying his hands on the leg of his jeans.
Shige didn’t reply, only the stiffening of his shoulders had Koyama certain that he was listening. “Best friends, even,” Koyama continued, voice soft.
“And I’m not going to lie, I was livid when I saw you,” he said, taking a single step closer to Shige with every word he spoke. “I couldn’t believe you were lying to me this entire time, seeing Massu behind my back the entire time.” He paused, staring at Shige who had yet to move an inch, still facing the ground, posture clear to be that of defeat.
“When the reality was that I was angry you were kissing him at all,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I’d lost you,” he added, voice cracking ever so slightly.
Shige glanced up at him, hardly daring to believe what he was hearing, and practically jumping after noting the proximity in which he found Koyama to be.
“You could never lose me,” Shige murmured. “Even if you don’t see me the same way I see you, you’re still my best friend.”
Shige stared up at Koyama reassuringly, his simple stare saying everything he couldn’t put into words. ‘I won’t leave you, I’ll always need you.’
“I love you,” Shige murmured, taking a minute step closer to Koyama.
And within moments Koyama felt his heart practically burst as he leaned in, closing the small distance between himself and Shige.
It was simply surreal, Shige’s lips were soft, dry yet supple as they gently pressed against Koyama’s. The kiss was short, sweet and utterly perfect.
Different from the kisses with girls he’s had before, there was a severe lacking in sticky lip-gloss, and the usual lumps that separated him from his partner were gone. Instead Koyama held in his arms the lithe form of a man he’d grown up with, his mouth still laced with the hot taste of Shige’s lips.
Shige’s own arms were possessively wrapped around Koyama’s hips, gently caressing him closer and closer until his nose was buried in the crook of his neck. Koyama leaned ever closer, softly breathing into Shige’s ear.
Hot breath ghosting over his neck, Shige shivered as he heard the whisper of “I love you too.”
From: newsficcon
Title: Private hearts
Rating: PG
Pairing: KoyaShige, slight ShigeMassu
Warnings: None
Summary: Oddities in Shige’s behavior lead Koyama to believe he isn’t needed anymore.
Notes: For haruka21, I know it’s not exactly what you had in mind, but the smutty/sweet stuff I’d originally written you died when my PC did, still I hope you enjoy this nonetheless. I tried to incorporate the plot devices you mentioned, so I’m crossing my fingers that it’s to your tastes. Many thanks to my beta for the quick work, and a big thank you to the mods for being so understanding.
They’d had their fights, plenty.
But none had ever escalated this far.
“I’m fine, Koyama,” Shige said through gritted teeth, his eyes averted.
“Don’t lie to me,” Koyama replied, practically seething. “Don’t you dare stand there and lie to me!”
“I’m not!” Shige exploded, hands balling into fists at his side.
Koyama saw red, his vision wavering slightly as he shook his head. “You are,” he said, his voice dangerously low. If there was one thing Koyama hated above all else, it was lies, and it was a rather big slap in the face to know his best friend was lying straight to his face.
“I know something’s going on,” Koyama continued, “just tell me.”
“Nothing’s going on,” Shige said, running a hand rather roughly through his hair, still unable to look Koyama in the eye.
His deep, unwavering voice sent Koyama over the edge. “I SAW YOU!” he roared.
“Saw what?” Shige yelled back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
Koyama shook his head in disgust, “I know already, the least you can do is admit it! I’m your best friend!”
“SO WHAT?” Shige exploded, face red, hair lightly falling over his forehead, heaving breaths as he glared up at Koyama.
Koyama stopped short; that certainly wasn’t the response he was expecting
There was a beat of silence, wherein Shige’s angry expression softened and his gaze fell from Koyama’s.
“I’m sorry, I’m just having a bad day,” Shige said, pausing. “I think you should go,” he murmured.
Koyama opened his mouth to argue, but a sudden look at Shige’s face had him faltering and within moments he found himself gently being led out and suddenly left staring at the outside of Shige’s apartment door, feeling oddly hollow.
Things shouldn’t have turned out this way.
* * *
Koyama spent the night lying in bed, staring at his pristine white ceiling and mind whirring ahead.
Shige had been behaving rather strangely for the last couple of weeks, distant, and almost melancholy.
Koyama, meanwhile had spent his time fretting over him, only to be pushed aside without warning. He didn’t know why, but he was sure as hell determined to find out what it was.
Koyama’s sleuthing skills weren’t exactly the best, and did little to get information but seemed to be a good way to irritate the living daylights out of Shige, who in turn seemed to seek solace in Masuda’s company.
He’d never thought it odd, after all Shige and Masuda were very old friends, however Koyama did find his sleuthing actually bringing about some results, just not what he’d been expecting.
It had happened earlier that day, a rare occurrence that all six members of the group had been called in for a group shoot together. Koyama had been having quite a bit of fun catching up with his groupmates, lightly teasing Tegoshi out of habit and together with Yamapi falling into lighthearted banter with Ryo.
It wasn’t out of the ordinary.
That is until they got their ten minute break for the sets to quickly be changed. The group dispersed quickly, Yamapi off to answer a phone call from a friend, Ryo wandering out to get a drink from the vending machine and Tegoshi happily prancing about as make-up artists descended upon him.
Koyama searched about for Shige, and noticed that Masuda was also missing, not at the snack table as was his habit during breaks.
Somehow Koyama found himself slipping out of the room and briskly making his way around, unaware of where his feet were really taking him until he heard a pair of low voices conversing just around the corner.
He stopped short, instantly recognizing the deep tenor voice belonging to Shige, and the loud huff belonging to Masuda.
“You need to say something,” Masuda murmured.
Koyama pressed himself against the wall, and strained to hear. He knew eavesdropping was wrong and was already wincing at the blatant breach in privacy, but quickly quelled the thoughts with a reassurance that he was just doing this to better help Shige.
“I can’t,” Shige said, voice cracking slightly. “It’d ruin everything.”
“You don’t know that,” Masuda said softly, there was an odd rustling and ‘pat, pat’ that Koyama assumed was just Masuda comforting the best way he knew how, awkward pats to the shoulder.
“Shige, listen to me,” Masuda said urgently, all rustling suddenly ceasing. His voice lowered to barely above a whisper and Koyama couldn’t make out what he was saying. He pressed even closer, moving an inch or so closer to the edge of the wall. Still he heard nothing but a few mumbles for the next few moments, that is until he heard a loud ‘Thump’.
Koyama practically jumped out of his skin in surprise at the sudden noise, and almost unconsciously poked his head around the corner and felt his jaw drop at the scene before him.
It was Shige and Massu, Massu pressed against the wall, head angled up, lips locked onto Shige’s.
Koyama felt his heart both race and slow all at once.
Shige pressed against Massu, his chest careening against the other’s, a hand cupping Masuda’s cheek tenderly.
Koyama blinked, and within seconds was halfway across the hall, going in the opposite direction. The very image of his two bandmates was permanently seared into his mind.
He entered the room again, feeling as though the very ground beneath had somehow changed.
He found himself lightly perched on one of the empty seats on the set, heart thumping wildly as he listened to his blood pump in his ear, breath slow and deep.
“Kei-chan!” Tegoshi sing-songed as he slid into the seat beside the older man.
“Ne,” he began, before falling short at the look on Koyama’s face. His playfulness immediately disappeared to be replaced with concern. “Are you alright?” he asked, wide-eyed.
Koyama snapped his attention back to Tegoshi before faintly smiling and nodding, “Fine,” he lied.
Tegoshi didn’t look convinced, but the sudden shout from the photographer averted his attention.
Meanwhile Koyama’s roamed to the far door on the left where he’d come through and where Massu and Shige were entering.
His curious eyes picked up on the downcast expression from Shige that Koyama took for embarrassment while Masuda looked a pearly pink color, obviously flushed from his latest tryst.
There wasn’t time for any talk, not that Koyama could find much to say to either Shige or Massu, as the group was separated into duos for a few shots. Koyama lucked out and had Yamapi as a partner and rather effortlessly took to grinning stupidly at Yamapi’s long story about some silly thing that a Junior had said to him.
After taking shots with Yamapi, they were bid to change wardrobe in preparation for the last group shot that would grace the cover the latest edition Wink up.
By the time they were finished Koyama was beyond shocked and had stifled a feeling that could only be described as a smidgen of jealousy, and was now just in the mode of well-founded anger.
It wasn’t the time to be keeping secrets, and Koyama was going to get the truth out of Shige one way or another.
His resolve found him insisting he drive Shige home, and soon enough into the shouting match of all shouting matches as Shige practically kicked him out.
Belatedly Koyama wondered if he’d disturbed the neighbors.
Perhaps I should apologize, he thought, before his mind filtered shut and a fitful sleep took him over.
The unanswered question was to whom.
* * *
He awoke, groggy and with a splitting headache that he chalked up to the few glasses of sake he’d had before bed.
His stomach ached, a reminder of last night’s bout of anger.
Recollecting the evening before, Koyama fell back into his pillows and pulled the covers over his head, letting out a growl.
Something warm and fuzzy wound it’s way about Koyama’s feet; he took a quick peek and found a pair of amber eyes blinking up at him.
“Nyanta,” he crooned, scooping the gray tabby up and snuggling the small animal close.
He ran a hand over her head, gently massaging the soft spots behind her ear, as she purred in content. “Who’s a good kitty?” he crooned, with a smile.
“Ah, don’t we wish Shige were here to bug?” Koyama asked, viciously thinking it would serve his best friend right, and immediately felt guilt pool in his gut.
What the hell was he thinking? Wishing Shige a runny nose, itchy hives and a swollen tongue, it was horrible!
Koyama bit his lip, continuing to pet the cat, thinking.
So Shige lied; it wasn’t that big a deal, was it?
Who’s to say he wasn’t going to tell Koyama sooner or later?
It really wasn’t Koyama’s business anyway, so Shige was seeing Massu, that wasn’t all that big a deal. What problem should he have with that?
I don’t have any problems,he told himself stubbornly, I don’t care.
His heart thumped in protest.
I don’t care, he can kiss whomever he wants.
His heart throbbed painfully as his mind flashed back to the secret kiss Shige and Massu shared in the hallway. Koyama blinked the memory away; here was no need to relive it.
* * *
It was awkward, at least Koyama felt it was, walking into the studio for a crosstalk interview with Shige.
His best hope was to answer quickly and say as little else as possible. The last thing he wanted was a reoccurrence of their last talk.
Shige was already there, and seemed occupied with a bottle of water as the interviewer chatted away.
The door closed sharply behind him, and the interviewer looked up and smiled graciously.
“Koyama-san, you’re here,” she said, calmly motioning him to take the empty seat beside Shige.
He sat, rigidly giving the interviewer a soft smile in return.
Her name was Haruna Tanaka, and she was perfectly friendly and very bubbly, as she delivered her questions one after another. obviously she wasn’t an amateur
Shige answered as best he could, interjecting every now and then when Koyama was speaking. It was rather normal, and Koyama found himself almost at a loss a few times when Shige gently corrected him on a few random Chinese proverbs he’d been talking about.
“Ne, you two seem very close,” Tanaka prompted.
Koyama nodded, “Mmm, we’ve known each other since we were juniors.”
“Yes, we’ve been together, what 9 years already?” Shige asked, looking at Koyama for confirmation.
Koyama nodded, “I think so.”
“Wow, that’s a really long time!” Tanaka commented, her eyes widening in surprise.
Koyama felt himself blush and laughed nervously.
“So, in all this time you two have never had many disagreements?” she asked.
“Oh, no we have,” Shige said nodding vigorously.
“Like when Shige’s mean to me,” Koyama said.
“Eh?” Shige cried, looking scandalized.
“Oh, you know it’s true,” Koyama said grinning. “There was this one time when we were on tour,” he began, describing in detail a silly little prank Shige and Tegoshi had played on him.
“But that was Tegoshi!” Shige nearly wailed.
Koyama snickered, to which Shige pouted and responded with, “Now we see who’s really mean to who!”
Tanaka giggled inanely, breaking the two from their silly banter.
“Well, I think that’s all,” she announced, shutting off her tape recorder.
Almost immediately it was as though the magic had worn off.
The safety blanket of getting their work done was pulled right off as Tanaka packed away her things and bid the two good-bye, leaving them awkwardly staring at the legs of each other’s chairs.
Koyama silently made to pack his things, when Shige quickly cut in with, “Koyama, about what I said.”
Koyama froze, hands clenched to his bag.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I was just having a bad day,” he murmured softly.
Koyama didn’t turn, but stiffly shrugged. “It’s fine, I’m sorry I pried, it’s none of my business.”
“I just -” Shige began.
“It’s fine,” Koyama cut in, turning swiftly to find Shige halfway off his chair, mid-reach to him. Koyama took a quick step back, and immediately regretted it as Shige’s eyes hardened and he fell back to his seat. “Like I said, it’s really none of my business.”
And it wasn’t.
Shige was free to kiss whomever he wanted, and if he wanted to pin Massu to a wall and kiss him senseless, Koyama should have no problem with it.
He really shouldn’t, and even though he did, it was his own problem, not Shige’s.
“I was just worried about you.” Koyama said. “You’ve been acting a bit odd lately,” he added tentatively.
Shige hung his head. “Sorry,” he murmured.
“I just want you to be happy,” Koyama continued. And if what made Shige happy was Massu, who was Koyama to stand in the way?
“I -” Shige began, looking at a total loss for words. He simply stared up at Koyama, eyes wide and confused, as though having an internal battle.
He looked ready to say something, that is until Koyama’s cell phone rang.
A quick glance into his bag told him it was his nephew Ren. Throwing Shige an apologetic glance, he pressed the phone to his ear.
Within seconds Ren was complaining loudly to his uncle Kei about how awful his day was and just how unfair mom was being, always taking his little brother’s side for everything, and he ended with an empty threat of running away that was quickly squashed when Koyama promised to take him out for ice cream the next time he visited.
Hanging up the phone. He turned back to Shige.
“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, tucking the phone back into his bag.
Shige shook his head, but grinned somewhat forcedly, “It’s fine, I’ve got to get going anyway.”
“Ah, so I take it you aren’t free for some ramen?” Koyama asked.
Shige hesitated, before answering with. “Sorry, I’m meeting someone.”
Koyama felt his heart drop, but plastered a warm smile on his face before nodding in understanding and quickly heading out the door.
He resolutely ignored the pang in his chest.
* * *
A single look at her son and Koyama’s mother was hastily pulling him into a warm embrace and had a plate of hot ramen sitting before him.
Koyama smiled gratefully at his mother, eyes betraying nothing of the chaos that was running through his mind. Noting his mother’s brown eyes still trained on him like a hawk, he picked up his chopsticks and clumsily started eating.
The steaming noodles scalded his throat and made him thirsty for the hard ache of alcohol.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, gently caressing his dark brown locks.
“Just a bad day,” he replied, staring up at her through red-rimmed eyes.
She nodded, “Well remember, it’ll always be better in the morning.”
Koyama didn’t reply, perhaps it would be best not to disagree.
“I’m sure Shige-kun will come around,” she murmured, giving her a son a soft kiss to the temple.
He wasn’t sure why he was surprised, but he was. Nothing seems to slip past her, even if it’s glaringly oblivious to Koyama himself.
“Times like these you should keep tight hold of your positivity,” she advised, as she took Koyama’s empty bowl to the sink.
Koyama let out a bark of laughter, “Oh yes, mom; positivity will keep me going.”
She frowned at him, “Keiichiro, what’s going on with you?”
Koyama shook his head, “Nothing, mom, I’m just tired,” he gave her a swift hug before dragging himself to his room and falling into bed.
He’d likely have another sleepless night full of self-discussion and absolute confusion.
This would get old quickly.
* * *
It would be an absolute lie to say Koyama wasn’t avoiding either Shige or Massu, although it wasn’t for lack of trying.
Within a week he found himself roped into a photo shoot with Massu that incidentally meant he actually had to be physically present.
It went without saying that photoshopping Koyama’s face into the picture was out of the question, at least not with this particular photographer who demanded nothing but organic expressions of emotion from his subjects.
Koyama had to bite back a remark more than once as the photographer complained about a lack of vigor in his eyes.
“People don’t want to see zombies in magazines!” he yelled, before stalking off the set, demanding a new set of lenses.
Massu blinked after him, “Well that was odd.”
Koyama nodded.
“I thought you were posing well, I mean we’re supposed to try playful for this shoot, right?” Massu added, giving him a reassuring smile.
Koyama barely managed to return the smile, awkward and terse, but still a smile was a smile.
“So,” Massu began, gently pulling on Koyama’s sleeve, leading him to a pair of chairs idly waiting in the corner. “Have you spoken to Shige?” He asked.
Koyama felt his heart jump into his throat, before nodding. “Uhm, yes, we sorted some things out.”
Massu didn’t look convinced, “So, he told you?”
Koyama shook his head, “No. but I already know.”
Massu’s eyes widened, “You, do?”
Koyama gave him a curt nod, not entirely trusting himself to keep from exploding on an unsuspecting Massu.
“Thank god,” Massu said, looking absolutely relieved.
Koyama grinned.
“So,” Massu said, relaxing into his chair, “what are you going to do?”
“Do?” Koyama asked, staring at him quizzically.
“About Shige?” Massu prompted.
“Eh? I thought Shige was doing you,” he said without thinking.
It took less than a second for Koyama to slap a hand over his mouth, horrified. Massu simply gaped at him, mouth opening and closing in what Koyama thought was a good impression of a fish.
It took several moments of openmouthed staring before Massu mustered up the nerve to ask, “What are you talking about?”
Koyama blushed to the very roots of his hair, sweat beginning to lightly dampen his neck. “It’s just, I saw you two,” he stuttered, utterly horrified, mortified and scandalized at the mere idea of having this conversation, and was having a rather tough time believing it was actually happening.
“Last week,” Koyama explained, eyes trained to the ground in shame.
He didn’t have to glance up to know Massu must look both offended and embarrassed. Clearly Koyama was intruding upon his privacy and if there was one thing Massu liked, it was his privacy.
Massu floundered for a moment, trying to find something to say, and settled with, “It’s not what it looked like.”
Koyama shook his head, still blushing profusely, “it’s none of my business.”
“Of course it’s your business,” Massu cut in, laying a hand on Koyama’s shoulder. “I’m just not sure it’s my place to say anything.”
“I don’t understand,” Koyama said confusedly.
“I think you should talk to Shige,” Massu said, kindly.
For some reason that Koyama just couldn’t understand, his heart was practically dancing in place. Perhaps it really wasn’t what it seemed.
* * *
Lies, all of it a figment of Koyama’s overactive imagination. Heart hammering, he hardly dared believe what Shige was saying.
“It was a mistake,” Ahige explained, “just something that happened in the heat of the moment.”
“Heat of the moment,” Koyama echoed, just a hint of disbelief present in his voice.
“I just snapped a bit,” Shige said, embarressed. “it didn’t mean anything.”
Koyama didn’t reply.
“I couldn’t hold it in anymore, and Massu was just there, listening to me whine and pine, and I-” Shige attempted to explain.
“kissed him,” Koyama finished quietly.
Shige nodded, he seemed teeming on the brink of a decision. And within moments, the inquisitive and somewhat unsure glint in his eye was replaced by a determined fervor that let loose an avalanche of words, most of which left Koyama speechless and his heart to practically jump out of his chest in excitement.
Soon enough words left him as he whispered tenderly, and stared terrified before averting his eyes his head downcast, awaiting the impending blow from what he expected to me a disgusted Koyama.
The air between the two hung heavy with Shige’s previous words of a whispered ‘I love you’.
“We’ve been friends for a while,” Koyama commented, idly splaying his hands on the leg of his jeans.
Shige didn’t reply, only the stiffening of his shoulders had Koyama certain that he was listening. “Best friends, even,” Koyama continued, voice soft.
“And I’m not going to lie, I was livid when I saw you,” he said, taking a single step closer to Shige with every word he spoke. “I couldn’t believe you were lying to me this entire time, seeing Massu behind my back the entire time.” He paused, staring at Shige who had yet to move an inch, still facing the ground, posture clear to be that of defeat.
“When the reality was that I was angry you were kissing him at all,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I’d lost you,” he added, voice cracking ever so slightly.
Shige glanced up at him, hardly daring to believe what he was hearing, and practically jumping after noting the proximity in which he found Koyama to be.
“You could never lose me,” Shige murmured. “Even if you don’t see me the same way I see you, you’re still my best friend.”
Shige stared up at Koyama reassuringly, his simple stare saying everything he couldn’t put into words. ‘I won’t leave you, I’ll always need you.’
“I love you,” Shige murmured, taking a minute step closer to Koyama.
And within moments Koyama felt his heart practically burst as he leaned in, closing the small distance between himself and Shige.
It was simply surreal, Shige’s lips were soft, dry yet supple as they gently pressed against Koyama’s. The kiss was short, sweet and utterly perfect.
Different from the kisses with girls he’s had before, there was a severe lacking in sticky lip-gloss, and the usual lumps that separated him from his partner were gone. Instead Koyama held in his arms the lithe form of a man he’d grown up with, his mouth still laced with the hot taste of Shige’s lips.
Shige’s own arms were possessively wrapped around Koyama’s hips, gently caressing him closer and closer until his nose was buried in the crook of his neck. Koyama leaned ever closer, softly breathing into Shige’s ear.
Hot breath ghosting over his neck, Shige shivered as he heard the whisper of “I love you too.”