Escape velocity part 1
Title: Escape Velocity
Pairing: Nishikato
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~14.5k
Summary: And somehow, this became your daily life. It’s like life in a black hole, and you know you’ll never get out.
Notes: This is why my imagination shouldn’t be allowed to run free in robotics classes. Major AU, idek.
With the advance of both technology and A.I., which could technically be called the same thing, the development of humanoid robots was furthered much more quickly than anyone could've imagined before. Japan, as expected, was at the forefront of these technological marvels. Eventually, both software and hardware got to the point where it was able to pass as human - or close enough to it for most people. In the spirit of Japanese naming (or, rather, bad English), they were given, at least in that country, the portmanteau name of Konpanion (made out of the butchered words for "computer" and "companion").
After their release, due to their unique features and desirable qualities ("Blowup dolls are nothing compared to these," one popular icon was once heard saying), Konpanions quickly became household names and fixtures.
And this, as cliché as it sounds to say, is where it all begins.
Nishikido Ryo hadn’t really wanted to go out and get a Konpanion, but Jin and Yamapi had said (their words) that he “was living in the 24th century and really needed to get a life because they couldn’t be around to babysit him all the time.”
And so here he was, at a relatively high-end store - you deserve a good one, they’d said, if you buy a fucking bootleg or something we’ll put Nair in your shampoo - standing in front of the door and wondering, yet again, why the hell he was there.
He opens the door. The saleswoman - demure and mature, just as expected of a store like this - looks up at him and smiles. “Ah, welcome. How can I help you.”
Ryo swallows nervously. “Can I look at this season’s models?”
“Of course,” she says, getting up and guiding him to the near wall. Display models are lined up all the way down, male and female, young and old, all dressed in trendy clothes that were cut and draped to flatter the (perfect) bodies as much as possible.
He looks around, walking around from one end of the store to the other. It's interesting, seeing these life-like mannequins lined up, knowing that they could just as easily be mistaken on the street for - for someone real. Technology is something that's, recently, gotten scary.
And nothing really appeals. He frowns. The sales lady sees, knows what she should do. “If you’d like, there are some special models we can order in for a modest fee.”
Ryo looks at her, hesitates, and voices and agreement. She gets a binder from under her station, and they sit at a cute little table in the corner, put there specially for this purpose, as he flips through the pages slowly. The faces are all pretty - they've all been designed to be, of course they are - but still, none of them really click.
“I’m sorry,” he says, shutting the binder eventually. “Nothing’s really catching my eye.” He feels bad. He knows he probably shouldn't.
The lady is sad, she’s missed a sale. “Apologies for that, sir. Maybe you can check one of the other stores on the street?” This is Konpa-district, the streets are full of stores stocking different company’s models. Ryo’s (kind of) sure he’ll find something somewhere.
“Thank you for your time,” Ryo says. He’s about to leave when he sees one of the display models that he missed before, tucked into the front corner, looking rather…left over.
“Sorry,” he asks apologetically, “who’s this?”
The lady looks surprised. “He’s a model from last season…he didn’t really sell that well, so the display model was going to be sent back to the factory next week for reconstruction.”
Ryo looks at him. The facial features are carefully composed into a slight smile, looking away. The Konpa feels shy. Ryo isn’t quite sure why he’s standing out to him.
“I’ll take this one,” Ryo says finally.
“Wait,” Jin asks in disbelief, “so out of all the hot new models that they just came out with last week you decided to get one from the July release. Are you fucking serious.”
Ryo sighs, for probably the billionth time. “Shut up, Jin.”
“He’s actually kind of cute,” Yamapi calls from the couch, examining the Konpa closely. “At least Ryo has some semblance of taste.”
Jin rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah - oh hey, you’re kind of right,” Jin says, looking over again. He frowns, refusing to give up. “Hey, give me the owner’s manual.” Ryo throws it at his head. “N.E.W.S. model eleven-oh-seven,” Jin reads. “Pretty advanced, good brand name…okay, so maybe it wasn’t a completely shit decision.” Ryo smirks at him. He closes the booklet. “So, you going to give him a personality?”
“Oops,” they hear Yamapi say just as Ryo’s about to ask what the hell Jin is talking about. “Too late. Jin, what’s the twelfth one?”
Jin flips through the manual quickly. “Oh,” he says, handing it over to Ryo. “Here, look for yourself.” Ryo looks at it, raises his eyebrows and sighs again.
“I hope you weren’t hoping for a docile fuck buddy or something,” Jin says.
Ryo snorts. “As if. Why would I need one?”
“One what?” They turn and see the Konpa open his eyes - and Yamapi looking away innocently. “One what?” he asks again, leaning forward and looking at Ryo expectantly.
Ryo blinks. “Never mind.”
“Hey,” Jin whispers rather obviously, “he needs a name.”
“Yeah,” Yamapi agrees loudly, “a name.”
“How the hell am I supposed to think of something?” Ryo whispers back.
N.E.W.S. model 1107 sighs, exasperated.
“Okay so,” Yamapi had said, “what we’ll do is flip through the dictionary and choose whatever kanji comes up.”
“That’s a stupid idea,” Ryo said.
“I don’t see you coming up with anything better,” Yamapi sniffed.
And thus he had been named Kato Shigeaki.
“It’s kind of a stupid name,” Ryo said. “Awkward sounding, you know?”
“I kind of like it,” Kato Shigeaki interrupted thoughtfully. "I think it sounds nice."
“You have a nice apartment,” Shigeaki says. Ryo looks at him closely again and realizes that Shigeaki looks about seventeen, or something. He feels kind of old, and kind of creepy too, at that. He looks again and notices the sparks and circuits in Shigeaki’s eyes and realizes he doesn’t know the first thing about what the hell he’s doing. Ryo opens the manual again and figures that he might as well start from the beginning.
“There’s not really much to know,” Shigeaki says, seeing Ryo open the booklet determinedly. “You’ll learn better through experience.”
Ryo pauses at this. “How old are you?” he asks, for lack of something better to ask.
“As old as you want me to be,” Shigeaki says, laughing a little. “What about you?”
“Twenty-two.” He looks at Shigeaki, goes with his original guess of seventeen but adds on another year anyways so he doesn’t feel creepy. “We’ll say you’re eighteen, then.”
Shigeaki laughs again, probably at Ryo because that's the way his personality seems to be developing. “That's fine with me.”
The doorbell rings. Shigeaki runs to get it, and is met with Jin and Yamapi jostling each other to be in front, elbowing each other in the side.
“Hi,” Yamapi says, shoving at Jin. “Um, you probably - oi, stop it - saw us the other day but anyways. I'm Yamashita Tomohisa, but call me Yamapi because everyone calls me that. This idiot - ouch, that hurt, you dick - is Akanishi Jin. We’re - oof - we're taking you shopping.”
“You’re not allowed to say no,” Jin adds, stepping on Yamapi's foot. Yamapi winces. Jin is probably heavier than he looks.
Ryo shows up behind Shigeaki, probably because he heard those two (they're not the quietest people around) and frowns because this situation makes him feel like he’s supposed to. “I have work today, you know.”
Jin grins easily. “Exactly. You’d just be a drag anyways.” Ryo protests at that, something about how Shigeaki was his responsibility and he did not need his friends fucking things up. “We’ll pay,” Jin adds, “don’t worry.” They drag Shigeaki out the door - “I’m in my pajamas,” “Don’t worry, we’ll get you something new to wear anyways, and I like your pajamas” - before Ryo can complain some more.
“You don’t have to do this,” Shigeaki says, on the light rail train to the nice shopping districts. “I don’t really need clothes.”
“You know how when like your friend or sister or something gets a kid and you kind of want to spoil them?” Yamapi asks.
Shigeaki looks mildly amused. “Um, no, not really. Can't say that's ever happened to me.”
“Well,” Yamapi replies. “it’s kind of like that.” He looks back at his phone, before grinning at Shigeaki. “You'll understand someday.”
“We really just want to make sure that you don’t get Ryo’s shitty gross cast-offs or something, because he really doesn’t have any sense of style at all,” Jin explains. "And they probably won't fit you if he did anyways, because Ryo's short and...well, you're not all that tall either, but you know what I mean. They're still shitty gross cast-offs."
Shigeaki purses his lips. “I'm probably gonna grow, you know,” he says, in that way that teenagers have that makes them sound like you've just trampled on their feelings and flung them in the nearest dumpster to decompose.
Jin grins. “Then it'll be all the more fun, that way.”
"Here," Yamapi says, holding a shirt out at Shigeaki, "hold this."
Shigeaki blinks, taking it. "Er. Okay." Yamapi just continues to put stuff in Shigeaki's arms. "Do you...want me to try these on?" he asks.
"If you want," Yamapi says thoughtfully. "I'm sure they'll fit you because you're standard size, right? And either way clothes look good on you, because you're lucky like that, but I guess it would be eye candy if you did, so go ahead, actually." He shoves Shigeaki towards one of the fitting rooms, who comes out periodically, looking awkward in this shirt or that jeans, to Yamapi and Jin's approving stares.
"I don't think I'd want to be your real nephew or whatever," Shigeaki says, in between the navy tee and the black skinny jeans. "I don't think I could handle it."
"I think you secretly don't mind the attention," Jin says, because Jin is really just unthinking like that.
But he's right, though. It does feel kind of nice, having people focus on you.
Shigeaki thinks he's lucky, or thinks he's lucky as much as someone with A.I. for a mind can think they're lucky.
“See,” Yamapi tells Shige later that day when they’re sitting at a café as Jin browses belts next door, “Ryo-chan gets lonely easily, and we can’t be around all the time. So that’s where you come in, to be there when we can't be.”
“But I can’t solve everything,” Shigeaki says - so worldly, for how young he looks. “I’m not perfect.”
“You are more than we are,” Yamapi says, sort of smiling. “Either way, you might just be what Ryo-chan needs. That’s an order, Shigeaki." He pauses. "No, Shige. That sounds better, don't you think?"
Shige looks down shyly. “I’ll try my best.”
Later that day, Shige realizes just exactly how much Jin wants a nephew (or something) to spoil. He didn’t realize carrying clothes could get so heavy, although to his credit Yamapi carried a lot too. Jin is just lazy. (And fat, but that's just Ryo's opinion.)
“Welcome back,” Ryo says absentmindedly, fumbling with something at the kitchen counter. “How was shopping?”
“It was fun,” Shige says, peeking in through the doorframe. “Your friends shop a lot.”
Ryo sighs. “They do, don’t they? It’s a wonder their closets aren’t full yet-hey, what did they get you?”
“It’s all near the couch,” Shige says. “I don’t know where to put it.” Ryo goes to the doorway of the kitchen and his eyes widen.
“Holy…what the hell, how much did they spend on you?”
“Less than I cost,” Shige says. Ryo can practically hear Jin laughing at him. He looks at Shige, still in shock. “Not that much,” Shige amends. “They know where to shop too, it seems.”
“I don’t think there’s enough space to store all those clothes,” Ryo says, still wide-eyed.
Shige looks up thoughtfully. “That could end up being a problem.”
“Jin,” Ryo hisses into the phone, “you are a fucking bastard.”
“Ah, Ryo-chan,” Yamapi says, after a few long seconds. “Er. Jin isn’t here right now. Well, he is, but he told me he doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“Tell Jin he’s a fucking coward,” Ryo says.
“You’re a fucking coward,” he hears Yamapi repeat away from the phone. “No, Ryo-chan said that and told me to tell you, okay, I don’t think you’re a coward-hey, Ryo-chan, Jin says you’re an idiot.”
“Tell Jin he’s an idiot too,” Ryo says. “And that he didn’t need to buy so many fricking clothes, because I think Kato has more than I do now and it’s really fucking ridiculous.”
“Ryo says that you’re an idiot and you didn’t need to buy Shige so many clothes because now he has more than Ryo-chan has himself, or something like,” Yamapi says, muffled. He waits as Jin gives him an answer. “Jin says-“
“Just give him the damn phone,” Ryo sighs. He waits. It sounds like someone dropped it on the other end. Knowing Yamapi and Jin, it was probably on purpose.
“Hi,” Jin chirps into the phone cheerily.
“Jin, you dumbshit,” Ryo growls, “he doesn’t need that many clothes!”
“Well, they looked good on him and I don’t trust your taste. What are you doing to do about it?”
Ryo can practically hear the shrug in Jin's voice. He falters, because he really doesn’t know. “I’m going to punch you in the face the next time I see you, you know that?” Ryo grumbles.
They end up storing all the clothes in cardboard boxes left over from when Ryo first moved into his apartment, pushed against the wall of the guest room that Kato's been using in tall stacks. Winter clothes are in the bottom boxes, and summer clothes are in the top ones.
Shigeaki calls it an inefficient system, because sooner or later it's going to be winter and at the very least he'll have to look like he's dressing appropriately for the weather. Ryo just calls it Box Mountain.
Ryo's job isn't really anywhere near his dream job, but it pays the rent and has not-horrible hours. He isn't quite an average nine to five salaryman (just yet?), but he isn't your average burger flipper either. He took the job because he really didn't know what he was going to do after he graduated high school, but his mom wanted him to have some stability in his life, so he hunted around some in the summer, found one that he could do (and it wasn't serving fries at the local Magnetron Burger, thank you very much) and then it just, well, happened. His job became his job, not "that thing that I took up because I really didn't have anything better to do with my life at the time".
("But I still don't have anything better to do with my life," Ryo had once said, extremely drunk, to Yamapi. "Otherwise I still wouldn't be doing it, would I?" He woke up the morning after with a pounding headache and a sympathetic best friend. He probably could've done without both. Ryo pretends that that conversation never ever happened ever nowadays.)
Either way, his job takes up the better part of his time. It pays the bills, with more than some left over, because Ryo is a decent worker and got promoted pretty regularly and can afford a decent apartment in a decent part of Tokyo, too. He doesn't hesitate to rub it in Jin and Yamapi's faces when they're frantically flipping through all the (free) job market magazines they can find because they got laid off again because that tiny, dinky little corner shop they worked at ("It'll grow," they'd always say indignantly, "you'll see!) went under. Except Yamapi and Jin then tell Ryo that even if they don't have a job they still have several centimeters of height and he doesn't, so Ryo doesn't do it as much as he'd like to.
He finds himself thinking that job security is a wonderful thing, at times.
And then he wonders just when it meant giving up everything interesting in return.
Shigeaki, though. Shigeaki is interesting, in good and bad sense of the word. He laughs and promises not to tell (because Jin and Yamapi would never let him live it down) when Ryo shrieks, high pitched and shrill, at the realization that the back of Shigeaki's neck pops off to reveal the charger port and the HDT dock hidden there. (To his credit, the marvels of technology mean that the seam line is not visible at all to the normal eye.) Ryo thinks he's accidentally broken something. Shigeaki just laughs at him some more and gently clicks it back into place.
"Please tell me if you're going to do that again," Ryo says shakily. He doesn't think he'll get used to the sight anytime soon.
"If it makes you feel better," Shige says considerately, "I can charge while you're at work."
"Please do," Ryo says. He feels like he's getting old before his time. The thought is disconcerting. "Really."
Shigeaki starts getting used to Ryo's routine, and as the days, weeks and months go by, Ryo comes home less and less to a Konpa jacked into the nearest wall-socket (now, he just winces lightly and goes to the other room while Shigeaki retracts the cord and puts the panel back in place) and more and more to Shigeaki reading one of Ryo's old textbooks or a free magazine that somehow got delivered to their door or watching some random program on the telescreen.
"Do you ever get bored?" Ryo asks him one day. "I mean, I don't really have the shortest job hours ever so you're stuck at home a lot, aren't you?"
"Not really," Shigeaki says thoughtfully. "I kind of go on sleep mode when you're not here, so I don't really do anything when you're away. I guess you don't notice because I reactivate quickly..."
Ryo winces. "It's kind of creepy hearing you refer to yourself as a computer," he complains. "I mean, you look like a human, you sound like a human, but you're a machine. Sometimes I just don't get it."
Shigeaki shrugs. "It's one of the laws of robotics, y'know. A robot must always know he is a robot. Scary shit could happen if I didn't realize that."
Ryo knows about this scary shit, kind of. He knows people who've gone through it, at the least. He doesn't think he'd like to go through this scary shit anytime soon. "But still," he protests, "could you at least tone down the computer speak a bit?"
Shigeaki looks up thoughtfully. "Well, if you want, I can download a plugin that makes me pretend as if I'm more human, somehow, I guess." No doubt he was scanning the official sites for these just a moment ago, then. He pauses and grins. "There's also a plugin if you want me to act bored, if you'd like."
Ryo doesn't even have to think about it. "I'll pass," he says. Bored, more-human-than-they-already-are robots are something he doesn't think he can deal with, ever.
Jin and Yamapi visit the next day while Ryo's away at work, and they're still visiting when Ryo gets back.
"I'm home," he calls out absentmindedly, taking his shoes off. Shigeaki doesn't call back, and he frowns. Glass breaks somewhere. Ryo winces. This isn't a good start to the evening.
"What did you break?" Ryo calls, walking quickly to the kitchen in socked feet. "I swear to god that if it was that cup I like..."
"Sorry, Ryo-chan," someone who definitely isn't Shigeaki calls back. "Um, we didn't mean to," Yamapi fumbles, "and it was totally all Jin's fault anyways, so-"
"No it wasn't!" Jin interrupts loudly. "You clearly dropped it before I did."
"That doesn't even make sense!" Shigeaki says, sighing in defeat.
"Hey, Jin," Ryo says, standing in the doorframe of the kitchen. "Come here for a sec, will you?"
"Okay," Jin says uncertainly, tiptoeing across the kitchen floor. "Why...?"
Ryo punches him in the face. Jin shrieks like a little girl, Yamapi starts laughing and Shigeaki just facepalms.
"Alright," Ryo says, shaking his hand out a bit, "why are you bastards here?"
"We figured we'd drop in," Yamapi says, as Jin sulks on the corner of the couch with a bag of frozen tiger shrimp on his face. "Since you're away at work all the time we thought Shige would be lonely, you know?"
Ryo frowns. "So you decided to use my kitchen and break my dishes?" He looks over at the remains of what once was his favourite cup. "You owe me, you know."
"It's not my fault Pi's a clumsy oaf," Jin mutters. "And you didn't have to punch me!"
"The earth's gravity was strong today, okay?" Yamapi argues. "And you were totally the one who dropped it anyways."
Ryo sighs. "I'm going to punch you too, Pi, if you keep up with this gravity bullshit." He turns to Shigeaki. "Who really dropped it?"
Shigeaki shrugs. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I don't know."
"Great," Ryo groans.
"We'll make you dinner," Yamapi says placatingly. "Won't we, Jin?"
"Why should I help make dinner," Jin grumbles, "my face is going to be like majorly bruised tomorrow." Yamapi just glares at him. "Okay, okay, fine."
"Do you need help?" Shigeaki asks.
"It had better be good," Ryo warns.
Shigeaki can actually can cook, they all find out, much to their surprise. He's better at it than Yamapi or Jin (and probably the both of them combined, too), more efficient, faster. He doesn't spread out mixing bowls and plates of ingredients over the counters like the others do, preferring instead to keep the fuss (and the mess) to a minimum.
Eventually, he gets annoyed with Yamapi and Jin constantly getting in the way and kicks them out of the kitchen to wait with Ryo on the couch.
"I feel like I just lost a contest," Jin says mournfully. "It doesn't feel right."
"Yeah, well, you're an idiot," Yamapi sighs. "And you can't actually cook."
"I can so cook!" Jin protests.
"No, you can't," Ryo says. "We just let you think that because we're nice people."
"Fine!" Jin says, offended. "Fuck you all, I'll learn to cook then. And it'll be better than your food and I'll rub it in your face - but not actually, because that would be a waste of totally awesome food that I made and then we'll see who can't cook!"
Yamapi and Ryo aren't particularly bothered by this challenge. "Alright," Yamapi says, and Ryo nods in agreement, because all it really means in the end is that they get free food out of it. Jin still hasn't realized this, and if they have it their way, hopefully he won't anytime soon.
Shigeaki calls them to dinner shortly after Jin's declaration of war. They find it all laid out neatly on the table, all vegetable dishes and chicken and steaming bowls of rice. It looks good, immaculate, even maybe perfect. Shigeaki watches them sit down, looking nervous and young in the apron that Ryo never uses that's hanging loosely off his slim frame.
"Tell me how it is," Shigeaki says, "if it's not good then I can try and fix it, or something, so..."
"Don't worry," Yamapi says, smiling, "I'm sure it'll be fine. Better than someone else's, at the very least..." Jin glares at him. Ryo rolls his eyes, saying a quiet itadakimasu~ before picking up his chopsticks.
"What do you think?" Shigeaki asks again. He looks like he'd like to wring his hands in anticipation but won't for some reason or another.
Ryo chews slowly. "Not bad," he says thoughtfully.
And that's all that's needed for Yamapi and Jin to proceed to demolish three quarters of what's on the table.
Shigeaki smiles.
The news is on, but Ryo doesn't like watching the news so they watch some mundane rerun of a random game show that's on one of the other kind of sketchy channels instead.
"I didn't know how to say this earlier," Ryo says out of the blue, "but your cooking is kind of bland."
Shige looks over. This is something rather surprising, and it takes a while for his algorithms to catch up. "What do you mean?" he asks, frowning. "I followed the recipes, didn't I?"
Ryo doesn't look at him, seemingly engrossed in whatever stupid set of charades the contestants have to bullshit next. "Did you follow them exactly?"
"Of course," Shige says, letting the faintest hint of indignity creep into his tone. He's a Konpa, not a human, so he's expected to not make those kinds of mistakes on something as simple as cooking - of course he's able to (and will, unless he feels particularly vindictive that day) follow a recipe to a T.
"There's the problem," Ryo says, looking over at Shige on the other side of the couch. "That's why it tastes bland, I guess."
"How can that be?" Shige asks. He's utterly confused, and Ryo's logic - or, maybe the lack thereof - is totally lost on him. (And, honestly, he's a little offended - being told your food is bland isn't quite the best thing to hear for anyone, computer or not.)
"When we - well, humans, I guess, really - cook," Ryo starts, "the way we cook is influenced by our lives." He pauses, trying to find the right words. "I mean, the way we've lived influences the way we cook, even if we don't notice it. If we like our food spicy, we'll add a bit more than the recipe calls for without noticing. If we like our vegetables a bit softer, we'll boil it for a bit longer without realizing. Things like that, it adds up bit by bit, so eventually, we each have our own style of cooking without even noticing it. If me and Pi and Jin were to make the same recipe, it still wouldn't taste the same, because Jin likes his food a bit sweeter and Pi doesn't like spicy things and I - well, I think my food is normal, but it's still different from theirs. You know?"
Shigeaki stares. "I guess," he says. He isn't quite sure what else would be appropriate.
"Hey," Ryo says, finally turning off the TV show that neither of them are even pretending to watch at this point in time, "can you eat? I mean, I know you don't have to for obvious reasons but could you, like, taste food if you ate it and stuff?"
"I think so," Shigeaki says, "but if you want to make sure you can check the manual, I think."
Ryo rolls his eyes. "Fuck the manual, we're teaching you how to cook and I promise that by the time we're done it's still gonna be better than Jin's." He stands up. "Come on, let's go shopping."
Shigeaki just looks at him oddly, but he goes along with him anyways.
Unfortunately for Ryo's grand plans, all the grocery stores nearby are closed.
"So much for your great idea," Shige says sarcastically, while Ryo just glares at him and swears at the world in general some more.
Ryo's job is nine-to-five and then a little more somedays, and what with overtime and commute times and traffic and the occasional drink after work with colleagues and other things like that, sometimes Ryo doesn't get back until late. It kind of sucks, but he has regular days off and a decent amount of vacation time and hey, his apartment is ten times better than the tiny place that Jin and Yamapi share.
That's probably why they're over at his place so much, but that's not the point.
The point is, his relationship with Shigeaki is starting to feel kind of like a marriage at a standstill, and sometimes he's afraid that if it goes on like this (and if he wasn't so totally awesome, and probably only if Shigeaki was a horny housewife) he's going to come home someday to find Shigeaki fucking the next door neighbour. But he knows he won't, because Konpa have better self-control than that (unless you bought one purely as a one-payment high-class live-in whore, and that kind of thing is what you go for, but that's also the kind of thing you don't tell people without a ton of alcohol first), and Konpa aren't really the type to let their libidos (do they even have libidos?) take over.
But either way, if things keep on happening the way they're happening now, he's going to end up having nightmares of underage robot sex involving Kato in a dress and the next door neighbour, who is some creepy guy that Ryo doesn't really talk to ever. And Ryo doesn't really want nightmares of that at all, thank you very much, which is why he's knocking on Shigeaki's bedroom door at seven thirty on a Sunday morning.
Kato opens it after about thirty seconds, hair messed up and glaring for all he's worth (which is a lot, so his glare is super potent - luckily Ryo is positive that he can outglare anyone, robot or not, so he doesn't really give a shit). "I was sleeping, Nishikido. What do you want?"
"You don't really need it," Ryo informs him. "Get dressed, we're going on a date." He pauses. "Actually, no, let me pick out your clothes, because even if Jin bought them you still have shit fashion sense." Shigeaki blushes angrily at this. "So let me get you clothes and then get dressed and then we're going on a date."
"What brought this on?" Shigeaki asks tiredly, sitting on the bed as Ryo digs through the top of Box Mountain. He tries not to laugh as Ryo finds out, horrifically and absolutely hilariously, that he's too short to really reach the top few cartons.
"I don't want to have nightmares about you in a dress fucking the next door neighbour," Ryo says grimly, not bothering to explain further as he drags one of the boxes across the room to stand on. Shigeaki just looks at him as if he's grown an extra head, and like five arms for good measure, then winces as the box Ryo's standing on collapses in on itself.
"Here we go," Ryo says, throwing a bunch of clothing at Shigeaki.
It hits him square in the face. Shigeaki picks it up off his lap with near-distaste. "If you screw up my face," he comments dryly, "there's not going to be anyone to blame except you."
Ryo rolls his eyes. "Whatever, you're nearly indestructible or something anyways. Clothing isn't going to hurt you. Come on, get dressed." Shigeaki just looks at him, and he sighs. "Fine, you wuss," he says, getting off his box (the shape is nearly unrecognizeable now) and leaving the room. "Tell me if you need help with the buttons," he says sarcastically as he leaves.
"So, seriously," Shigeaki says, coming out of his room as he fixes his shirt collar, "what brought this on?"
Ryo shrugs. "I figured you're getting lonely, stuck at home keeping house all day. So we're going somewhere, so be grateful, otherwise I'll break your fingers."
"You'd probably break a finger just trying to do that," Shige says. Ryo glares at him. Shige just shrugs in return. "I'm telling the truth."
"Anyways," Ryo continues pointedly, "you'd better fucking have fun otherwise I'll be pissed off. Come on, let's go."
Shigeaki shrugs again. What else can you do, when your owner (as awkward as that sounds) decides to bring you to places unknown on the pretenses of a date? He follows Ryo out of the apartment, making sure to lock the door behind him.
"Disneyland?" Shigeaki asks, as they catch a glimpse of it on the horizon. "Disneyland? Seriously?"
Ryo glares. "Shut up, it's a good place for a date."
"You're treating me like your girlfriend," Shigeaki laughs. "Sorry to say, but I'm not a teenage girl."
"Do me a favour and pretend you are for the day," Ryo says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Shigeaki smirks and decides to do just that. "I totally had to fight to get today off, just so you know."
"Thank you," Shigeaki says, glancing over at Ryo shyly. Ryo just looks at him oddly, but figures he should probably keep his eyes on the road and doesn't really think much of it until he forgets about it five minutes later.
"So," Shigeaki says, grabbing Ryo's wrist lightly, "Nishikido-kun~, where do you want to go first?"
"Anywhere, I guess," Ryo says. "I don't really care."
"I've never been here before," Shigeaki says, wonderingly. "I don't know my way around very well, so please decide for me~"
Ryo looks at him kind of oddly, but chalks it up to it being a new place. "Alright, we'll go this way then.."
"Thank you for bringing me here, Nishikido-kun," Shigeaki says happily as they take a break in a quaint cafe that's supposed to remind people of Paris, or something. He sits with his knees in, leaning forward and smiles, tilting his head in a pleased way, eyes bright. "It's really fun!"
"It's no problem," Ryo says. Something's wrong about this, somehow. "I'm glad you're having fun," he adds, kind of awkwardly. It feels like the first date he ever had, at a small amusement park called Wonderland when he was fifteen. The girl was nice and it was fun, but in the end nothing ever really came of it and he mostly forgot about it. "Is there anywhere you want to go next?"
"I don't really know," Shigeaki says thoughtfully, "It doesn't matter, I think. I don't mind as long as you're there, Nishikido-kun~"
Ryo stares. "Um. Shigeaki, you're really starting to creep me out a little. Why the personality change?"
"What do you mean?" Shigeaki asks, looking at him demurely. "I-I don't know what you're talking about..."
Ryo stares. Shigeaki - albeit weakly - stares back. Somehow it turns into an impromptu staring contest that Ryo somehow loses.
Shigeaki bursts out laughing as soon as Ryo looks away. "Man, you should've seen your face!" he gasps out. "That was absolutely hilarious!"
"W-wait, what the hell? What's up with the fucking one-eighty? What the fuck?"
"Sorry," Shige says, in between bursts of laughter, "I had to. Sorry about that."
"Oh jesus christ," Ryo says, "you're a fucking bastard."
"Don't swear," Shigeaki says, still laughing, "there are children around."
"Here's a tip, Shigeaki," Ryo says, leaning in as well, "if you ever pretend to be a teenage girl ever again I swear to god I will do something that will be horrible and devastating and completely tragic and it will happen to you. Got that?"
"Glad to know that's not one of your kinks," Shigeaki says cheerily. He pauses. "Hey. Shige. Call me Shige."
"Why should I?" Ryo asks.
"Your friends do," Shigeaki shrugs. "You might as well, too."
Ryo considers this. "Alright," he says finally, "but call me Ryo then. None of this 'Nishikido-kun~' bullshit otherwise I'll cut your hair when you're asleep."
"It'll grow back," Shige mutters. "Alright, Nishikido-kun." He winces. "I meant Ryo. I really did"
"Don't worry," Ryo assures him, "I know a good hairdresser."
"I still don't think this is totally necessary," Shige says nervously, as the hairdresser wraps him in miles and miles of plastic cape. "I think my hair is fine the way it is, you know..."
"And I happen to think your hair looks like shit," Ryo says, texting someone on his 'link. "Just suck it up - at least this way, nobody'll ever mistake you for a high school girl from faraway again."
"If this is about the Disneyland thing," Shige says hurriedly, "I'm really sorry about that, you know. I hope you know that. I really didn't mean to, I-"
"Oh, shut up," Ryo says, snapping his 'link shut. "Forget about the Disneyland thing, I just think you'd look better with short hair, okay?"
Shige nods hesitantly, but still looks like he's about to cry when they start cutting his hair anyways.
"It's pointy," Shige says to the mirror in awe, gently patting the top of his head. "It feels so weird. Whoa."
Ryo runs his fingers through Shige's hair idly. "It suits you better," he says, nodding. "I knew I made a good decision. What do you think?"
Shige peers at his reflection some more. "...I like it," he says. "I actually kind of do." He grins at Ryo in the mirror. "Thanks. Really." He pauses, before his lips curve in a playful smile. "Nishikido-kun~"
"I'm home," Ryo calls as he opens the door, toeing his shoes off in the genkan.
"Welcome back," Shige calls out sleepily from the living room. "You're home early, I was taking a nap."
"Golden week starts tomorrow," Ryo informs him. "I have it off, so guess what?"
"What?" Shige asks. Ryo can see him stretch lazily from where he is now. "You have a date
"No," Ryo says, "although that would be better than what I have planned. I," he says importantly, "am going to teach you how to cook?"
Shige turns around on the couch and ends up looking at Ryo's stomach. He looks directly up and ends up staring right at Ryo's face.
"...do I have to?" Shige asks, shoulders slumping.
"Of course," Ryo smirks.
"This time," Ryo says determinedly in the car, "there is going to be at least one grocery store that's open. Just watch." Shige tries not to laugh at him but ends up failing a little at that.
Today's a lucky day though, and the good supermarket (not the sketchy one with the orange juice brands that look a little out of date and illegal) is open. Ryo drags Shige through the aisles with a malicious glee, making him push the shopping cart and snapping at him when he's slow to follow.
"I kind of hate you for this," Shige grumbles as he takes the cart around a too-tight corner and nearly tips it for the fourth time. "I fail to see the worth in this."
"You'll be making me happy," Ryo says, reaching up to get a carton of milk. Shige stands there, arms crossed, and doesn't offer to help. "Technically, that's what you're supposed to do, right?"
"Technically," Shige grumbles. "Nobody ever said anything about real-life-ically, though!"
Ryo looks over his shoulder at Shige. "It'll be fun," he says, and smiles. "I promise."
The milk carton decides to fall on his head at that point in time. They nearly get kicked out because of Ryo's swearing.
"What are we making?" Shige asks, as Ryo deftly lays out their day's shopping on the kitchen counter.
"Potato nikorogashi," Ryo answers, not stopping in his organizing.
Shige stares. "That's pretty easy, you know," he says slowly. "I...can already make that. Several times over. Maybe even with my eyes closed."
"Well," Ryo says, turning around, "you can cook but you can't cook. You know what I mean?"
"No," Shige replies, "I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what you mean."
Ryo grins. "Too bad. I always thought you were smart."
They really do end up making nikorogoshi. Or, rather, at least five different minor variations on it - Shige still doesn't get it but Ryo is insistent when he wants to be, so now Shige's sitting in front of the tiny dishes that they use to hold kimchi and other stuff during meal times each filled with a different type.
"This is stupid," Shige asks. "It's not like it really matters to me, you know?"
"It does to me," Ryo says stubbornly. "Even if you don't think anything's wrong with your cooking, other people who eat it are gonna get bored. And I don't want to get bored. My life is already boring enough."
"Even with me around?" Shige asks, faking hurt. He eyes the potato chunks like they just took his lunch money and called him names. "Does it matter which one I start with?"
Ryo shakes his head. "Just go in order from one side to another." Shige looks at him warily and then at the potatoes, before picking up a piece of the one on the right first. He eats it slowly, getting used to the feeling of the systems needed to process it.
"What do you think?" Ryo asks after Shige's done swallowing.
"It's good," Shige murmurs, touching his jaw absentmindedly. "Didn't expect that."
"That's good," Ryo says noncommitally, writing something down on the lone piece of paper in the counter. "You only have...seven or so more to go, so keep at it."
"Which one did you like the most?" Ryo asks him at the end, while Shige's staring at the row of dishes and wondering just how long it makes you to make nikorogashi.
"I...don't know," Shige says semi-frantically. "They all taste almost the same!"
"Choose one," Ryo orders. "You don't have to tell me why - just choose!"
Shige hesitates. "That one," he say eventually, pointing to a dish third from a left.
"Alright," Ryo mutters, marking something off. "We're done for today," he says. "Remember what we've learned, okay?"
Ryo's cooking projects get easier and easier as the days go by. When Ryo announces that they're making rice balls, Shige nearly wants to cry out of frustration.
"I still don't get the point of all this!" Shige cries out suddenly in frustration after they make popcorn, of all things.
"You still don't?" Ryo asks wonderingly. "And here I thought you were supposed to be smart..." Shige just glares at him almost-tearfully. Ryo sighs. "Seriously? Okay, so I've been asking you which ones you liked, right? And there were definitely some you liked more than others." Shige nods slowly. "Because now you know what kinds of food you like, when you cook, you're going to do little things unconsciously that aren't in the recipe - but that's not a bad thing at all." Ryo pauses, trying to look for the right words. "It just means that you have your own cooking style now, really."
Ryo's finally run out of simple things to cook a million and two times. He declares Shige "competent" and then tells him he'll be cooking for everyone again.
"I feel vaguely like a battered housewife," Shige mutters when he hears this.
Ryo laughs. "Should I get you a frilly apron to match? I'm sure you'd look good in one."
It's much the same as the last meal Shige cooked for them was. Shige isn't too worried about pleasing Yamapi or Jin, they're nowhere near the word picky. It's Ryo that he's concerned about, that what he's cooked isn't good enough. He can only really taste everything in a muted way, like tasting it through a sheet of cotton (as gross as that would be), and instinctively he has no idea which ones taste "good" and "bad" - his pseudo taste buds don't work the same way humans' do.
So he's guessed. Sort of. Kind of. Either way, he thinks it should have some sort of flavour.
He's just not sure if it's, well, a good one or a bad one.
"This is pretty good," Ryo says (with a hint of surprise in his tone, that bastard), after trying some of Shige's food.
"You think so?" Shige asks hopefully.
Ryo nods. "Yeah. Here, try some." He snags a piece of beef and some bean sprouts before motioning for Shige to open his mouth with his left hand. Shige does, and Ryo drops the food in and watches as Shige chews thoughtfully.
"Mm, I guess," Shige says after swallowing. "You really think so?"
"It's really good," Jin insists, pointing his chopsticks at Shige. "Stop being so mature, you won't get any girls that way." Shige splutters, Yamapi nods in agreement - nobody's sure about which statement, though - and Ryo just rolls his eyes. "It's really good," Jin says again for emphasis, and smiles.
Ryo's gotten a promotion (somehow) so he's been spending less time at home and more at the office. Shige isn't worried - they aren't a married couple, despite what others may seem to think - but he does miss Ryo when he's not there.
Jin and Yamapi, on the other hand, are freshly laid-off and have lots of time to spend with him. They bring over game consoles and games, both electronic and not-electronic, and spend hours with him just playing or talking or even watching something on the TV in comfortable silence. Shige can't help but feel that they're treating him like you would a younger cousin or a nephew, but he's not going to complain. They're good friends.
Shige likes that he can call them that in his head.
He’s not quite sure what to call Ryo, though. Ryo is - something that is not a good friend, but probably something better than that at the same time. He likes Ryo, a lot, so he figures he’ll probably just continue to call him Ryo. Or Nishikido-kun if he feels like being creepy. It works, for now at least.
"I used to have a Konpa," Jin says one day, out of the blue. Ryo's at work - it's a Thursday afternoon - and Yamapi isn't there. It's odd, seeing Jin without Yamapi - in the time that Shige's known the two, which has pretty much been the exact same time that he's known Ryo for, he can count the number of times that he's seen one without the other on his hands. Maybe even on one hand.
They're sitting both sitting at the kotatsu staring at a blank turned-off TV. He's not quite sure why Jin is there, but he's prone to showing up randomly, without notice like that.
"Did you really?" Shige asks. He isn't quite sure what else would be appropriate to say. It would be like if a friend of yours randomly told you he had sex for the first time if you were like, fifteen and it was in the middle of a conversation about something else.
"Yeah." Jin doesn't seem to notice how awkward Shige feels, which is weird because Shige's personality is awkward by nature and he isn't really good at hiding that at all (although he tells himself that maybe he'll get better with, like, experience or something, or maybe just as he grows.) Jin stares into his bottle of ramune. "Well, I guess had isn't the right word. I never had him, I guess..."
"What do you mean?" Shige wonders. He really isn't quite sure where Jin's going with this, or really why Jin's telling him this at all. "Didn't you buy him?"
"No," Jin says, "nothing like that." He smiles kind of bitterly. "I found him in the neighbour's trash, actually. This was before I moved in with Pi and before Ryo-chan moved here, and he was just sitting there, like any homeless kid you'd find in like, the sketchy parts of town that you have to go to sometimes but you never really want to be there because you think someone's going to gank your wallet or your 'link or your shoes without you noticing, or something. And, I don't know, part of me knew he must've been there for a reason but the other part didn't care."
"Why was he in the trash?" Shige asked. "Did he crash?"
Jin shakes his head. "That wasn't it. That was never it. He was top of the line, but this was a few years ago so even then brand name had a few problems here and there. I guess he must have just glitched out, a problem with his software or wiring, or something. Nothing you could fix easily."
"What did you do when you met him?" Shige questions. He isn't quite sure where Jin's going with this story, but it's interesting, anyways.
"I should say nothing," Jin says, "but one man's treasure is another man's trash, or whatever the fuck grandmas say. I took him home." He sighs. "It was a mistake."
"What happened?" Shige asks.
"His name was Kazuya," Jin says, "or at least that's what he told me after I met him. Kamenashi Kazuya. That should've been the first sign, because I knew he was a Konpa - it wasn't obvious, but it was there. He should've been wiped if he got thrown out, should've started out blank. But I liked his name. The way he said it sounded good, I thought.
"They don't call you, if you break the law with a Konpa, did you know?" Jin asks. It's a rhetorical question, and Shige shakes his head because he wouldn't know the answer anyways. He isn't human, it's something he's always - and will always - known. "You get little red slips of paper telling you just exactly which law you're fucking over and a cease and desist. Three strikes and you're out, basically, or something like that."
"Which law was it?" Shige asks. "Um, if you don't mind me asking, that is." Nobody's ever said tact was his strong point.
"The fifth law," Jin tells him. "You know what that one is, right?"
"Of course," Shige says, slightly offended that Jin would think otherwise. "A robot must know that it is a robot. Of course I know, we all have to."
"Kame...Kame didn't. Or, I guess he just forgot all the laws in general." Jin pauses, trying to find his words. "I have a friend, he does Konpa repairs for a living. I took Kame to him after it all, he told me it was a glitch with his personality, with his wiring or software or something. I don't really remember. Something irreparable, kind of like brain cancer in a human or something. Either way, Kame - Kame didn't know. Didn't know that he was a Konpa. He thought he was just as human as me or - well, not you, but you know what I mean." Shige nods sympathetically. "I - he liked me. I liked him back, even though I shouldn't have, I guess. I had to turn him off, after the second warning came. Kind of killed me inside, you know?
"I guess I just kept on hoping that maybe they'd ignore me, maybe they'd overlooked him for some miracle reason. But they didn't, and...you know how the law is."
"What happened to him?" Shige asks hesitantly.
Jin shrugs. "I'm not sure. My friend said it was a wiring problem, so no matter how many times you rebooted or reset him it'd still be the same. Eventually I sent him back, I couldn't just leave him in the apartment. It just...didn't feel right."
"I'm sorry," Shige says. It feels like the right thing to say, even though it isn't.
"You kind of remind me of him," Jin says. "That's probably why I'm telling you this. Or maybe Ryo reminds me of how I was." He closes his eyes briefly. "Yeah, that's probably it."
"What do you mean?" Shige asks.
"Don't ever change," Jin says. "I don't want to see it happen again. Okay?"
And Shige nods, murmurs an agreement, because really, what else can you do?
Shige lets slip to Ryo about that afternoon's conversation with Jin while Ryo washes the dishes and he dries them (the dish soap does something weird to his synthskin, so he stays away from it as much as possible). He didn't quite mean to, but it happened while he tried to find things to talk about because Ryo was tired that day and didn't really feel like saying much.
"Holy shit," Ryo says in awe, after Shige recaps the entire thing to him, "Jin has fucking tough luck."
Shige winces. "That wasn't quite the way I would've put it, but yeah, I guess."
Ryo sighs. "The idiot. Falling in love with an illegal Konpa who was doomed anyways. It's just like him."
"D'you think he's still okay about it?" Shige asks, worried. He likes Jin, after all, because Jin challenges him to silly games on the Ultimet console that Ryo has on top of the TV whenever he's over, and bought him clothes and brings him places along with Yamapi when Ryo has work and is away for a while, and things like that. Jin is a nice person, as clumsy and stupid as he might be.
"Well, that's why he moved in with Yamapi, isn't it?" Ryo asks rhetorically, handing dish after dish after cup to Shige. "He won't be getting a Konpa anytime soon, though, that's for sure."
Winter comes before either of them really notice it. Ryo wakes up on the first day and decides to stay in bed a little longer because it's cold out.
It starts getting gradually colder, though. He spends a Sunday searching his entire apartment for the kotatsu - Shige just sits on the couch and laughs at him - finally crowing in triumph when he finds it.
It's broken, though. Ryo swears a lot after he finds this out and then goes on a search for spare blankets.
Shige, on the other hand, has his own heating system.
"It's cold," Ryo whines, huddled up at the foot of the couch in several blankets. He's not watching the news, or even any ridiculous game show, instead just devoting all his will into not shuddering.
"You're just a wimp," Shige says from above him where he's stretched out. Ryo thinks he's never envied Shige as much as he does right now, being able to stretch out full length and not freeze. "I'm perfectly warm."
"That's because you have your own heating system," Ryo complains. His eyes widen as a realization dawns on him. "You...have your own heating system."
"Congratulations," Shige says distantly, "you know one of the most obvious facts about me."
Ryo stands abruptly. "Shove over," he orders, attempting to lie down on the small sliver of couch that Shige hasn't taken up. It fails. He falls back onto the carpet, and scowls.
"Are you okay?" Shige asks, peeking over the edge in concern.
"Rugburn," Ryo answers. There's a round pink patch on his elbow where a few layers of skin have been scraped off. "It'll be fine." He stands again. "You'd better move over this time, though," he warns. Shgie sighs, squishing closer to the edge obligingly. Ryo lies down again, sighing happily at Shige's normal body temperature.
"You're really warm," he says, wrapping his legs around Shige's, the temperature change making him drowsy . It's possibly one of the most awkward positions ever, and Shige's blushing into Ryo's chest on pure instinct because of it. Ryo doesn't seem to care, though, and just settles his blankets across them both.
"You're humming," Ryo says, sounding rather sleepy.
"The processors and premptors," Shige explains. "Sorry, they can't make them any less noticeable yet..."
"Don't apologize," Ryo sniffs. "I was just stating something. It's actually pretty soothing."
"Are you going to fall asleep?" Shige asks, grinning.
"No," Ryo says. He yawns, his eyes fluttering shut gently. "Of course not."
Neither of them end up waking up until it's well past dinner time.
Pairing: Nishikato
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~14.5k
Summary: And somehow, this became your daily life. It’s like life in a black hole, and you know you’ll never get out.
Notes: This is why my imagination shouldn’t be allowed to run free in robotics classes. Major AU, idek.
With the advance of both technology and A.I., which could technically be called the same thing, the development of humanoid robots was furthered much more quickly than anyone could've imagined before. Japan, as expected, was at the forefront of these technological marvels. Eventually, both software and hardware got to the point where it was able to pass as human - or close enough to it for most people. In the spirit of Japanese naming (or, rather, bad English), they were given, at least in that country, the portmanteau name of Konpanion (made out of the butchered words for "computer" and "companion").
After their release, due to their unique features and desirable qualities ("Blowup dolls are nothing compared to these," one popular icon was once heard saying), Konpanions quickly became household names and fixtures.
And this, as cliché as it sounds to say, is where it all begins.
Nishikido Ryo hadn’t really wanted to go out and get a Konpanion, but Jin and Yamapi had said (their words) that he “was living in the 24th century and really needed to get a life because they couldn’t be around to babysit him all the time.”
And so here he was, at a relatively high-end store - you deserve a good one, they’d said, if you buy a fucking bootleg or something we’ll put Nair in your shampoo - standing in front of the door and wondering, yet again, why the hell he was there.
He opens the door. The saleswoman - demure and mature, just as expected of a store like this - looks up at him and smiles. “Ah, welcome. How can I help you.”
Ryo swallows nervously. “Can I look at this season’s models?”
“Of course,” she says, getting up and guiding him to the near wall. Display models are lined up all the way down, male and female, young and old, all dressed in trendy clothes that were cut and draped to flatter the (perfect) bodies as much as possible.
He looks around, walking around from one end of the store to the other. It's interesting, seeing these life-like mannequins lined up, knowing that they could just as easily be mistaken on the street for - for someone real. Technology is something that's, recently, gotten scary.
And nothing really appeals. He frowns. The sales lady sees, knows what she should do. “If you’d like, there are some special models we can order in for a modest fee.”
Ryo looks at her, hesitates, and voices and agreement. She gets a binder from under her station, and they sit at a cute little table in the corner, put there specially for this purpose, as he flips through the pages slowly. The faces are all pretty - they've all been designed to be, of course they are - but still, none of them really click.
“I’m sorry,” he says, shutting the binder eventually. “Nothing’s really catching my eye.” He feels bad. He knows he probably shouldn't.
The lady is sad, she’s missed a sale. “Apologies for that, sir. Maybe you can check one of the other stores on the street?” This is Konpa-district, the streets are full of stores stocking different company’s models. Ryo’s (kind of) sure he’ll find something somewhere.
“Thank you for your time,” Ryo says. He’s about to leave when he sees one of the display models that he missed before, tucked into the front corner, looking rather…left over.
“Sorry,” he asks apologetically, “who’s this?”
The lady looks surprised. “He’s a model from last season…he didn’t really sell that well, so the display model was going to be sent back to the factory next week for reconstruction.”
Ryo looks at him. The facial features are carefully composed into a slight smile, looking away. The Konpa feels shy. Ryo isn’t quite sure why he’s standing out to him.
“I’ll take this one,” Ryo says finally.
“Wait,” Jin asks in disbelief, “so out of all the hot new models that they just came out with last week you decided to get one from the July release. Are you fucking serious.”
Ryo sighs, for probably the billionth time. “Shut up, Jin.”
“He’s actually kind of cute,” Yamapi calls from the couch, examining the Konpa closely. “At least Ryo has some semblance of taste.”
Jin rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah - oh hey, you’re kind of right,” Jin says, looking over again. He frowns, refusing to give up. “Hey, give me the owner’s manual.” Ryo throws it at his head. “N.E.W.S. model eleven-oh-seven,” Jin reads. “Pretty advanced, good brand name…okay, so maybe it wasn’t a completely shit decision.” Ryo smirks at him. He closes the booklet. “So, you going to give him a personality?”
“Oops,” they hear Yamapi say just as Ryo’s about to ask what the hell Jin is talking about. “Too late. Jin, what’s the twelfth one?”
Jin flips through the manual quickly. “Oh,” he says, handing it over to Ryo. “Here, look for yourself.” Ryo looks at it, raises his eyebrows and sighs again.
“I hope you weren’t hoping for a docile fuck buddy or something,” Jin says.
Ryo snorts. “As if. Why would I need one?”
“One what?” They turn and see the Konpa open his eyes - and Yamapi looking away innocently. “One what?” he asks again, leaning forward and looking at Ryo expectantly.
Ryo blinks. “Never mind.”
“Hey,” Jin whispers rather obviously, “he needs a name.”
“Yeah,” Yamapi agrees loudly, “a name.”
“How the hell am I supposed to think of something?” Ryo whispers back.
N.E.W.S. model 1107 sighs, exasperated.
“Okay so,” Yamapi had said, “what we’ll do is flip through the dictionary and choose whatever kanji comes up.”
“That’s a stupid idea,” Ryo said.
“I don’t see you coming up with anything better,” Yamapi sniffed.
And thus he had been named Kato Shigeaki.
“It’s kind of a stupid name,” Ryo said. “Awkward sounding, you know?”
“I kind of like it,” Kato Shigeaki interrupted thoughtfully. "I think it sounds nice."
“You have a nice apartment,” Shigeaki says. Ryo looks at him closely again and realizes that Shigeaki looks about seventeen, or something. He feels kind of old, and kind of creepy too, at that. He looks again and notices the sparks and circuits in Shigeaki’s eyes and realizes he doesn’t know the first thing about what the hell he’s doing. Ryo opens the manual again and figures that he might as well start from the beginning.
“There’s not really much to know,” Shigeaki says, seeing Ryo open the booklet determinedly. “You’ll learn better through experience.”
Ryo pauses at this. “How old are you?” he asks, for lack of something better to ask.
“As old as you want me to be,” Shigeaki says, laughing a little. “What about you?”
“Twenty-two.” He looks at Shigeaki, goes with his original guess of seventeen but adds on another year anyways so he doesn’t feel creepy. “We’ll say you’re eighteen, then.”
Shigeaki laughs again, probably at Ryo because that's the way his personality seems to be developing. “That's fine with me.”
The doorbell rings. Shigeaki runs to get it, and is met with Jin and Yamapi jostling each other to be in front, elbowing each other in the side.
“Hi,” Yamapi says, shoving at Jin. “Um, you probably - oi, stop it - saw us the other day but anyways. I'm Yamashita Tomohisa, but call me Yamapi because everyone calls me that. This idiot - ouch, that hurt, you dick - is Akanishi Jin. We’re - oof - we're taking you shopping.”
“You’re not allowed to say no,” Jin adds, stepping on Yamapi's foot. Yamapi winces. Jin is probably heavier than he looks.
Ryo shows up behind Shigeaki, probably because he heard those two (they're not the quietest people around) and frowns because this situation makes him feel like he’s supposed to. “I have work today, you know.”
Jin grins easily. “Exactly. You’d just be a drag anyways.” Ryo protests at that, something about how Shigeaki was his responsibility and he did not need his friends fucking things up. “We’ll pay,” Jin adds, “don’t worry.” They drag Shigeaki out the door - “I’m in my pajamas,” “Don’t worry, we’ll get you something new to wear anyways, and I like your pajamas” - before Ryo can complain some more.
“You don’t have to do this,” Shigeaki says, on the light rail train to the nice shopping districts. “I don’t really need clothes.”
“You know how when like your friend or sister or something gets a kid and you kind of want to spoil them?” Yamapi asks.
Shigeaki looks mildly amused. “Um, no, not really. Can't say that's ever happened to me.”
“Well,” Yamapi replies. “it’s kind of like that.” He looks back at his phone, before grinning at Shigeaki. “You'll understand someday.”
“We really just want to make sure that you don’t get Ryo’s shitty gross cast-offs or something, because he really doesn’t have any sense of style at all,” Jin explains. "And they probably won't fit you if he did anyways, because Ryo's short and...well, you're not all that tall either, but you know what I mean. They're still shitty gross cast-offs."
Shigeaki purses his lips. “I'm probably gonna grow, you know,” he says, in that way that teenagers have that makes them sound like you've just trampled on their feelings and flung them in the nearest dumpster to decompose.
Jin grins. “Then it'll be all the more fun, that way.”
"Here," Yamapi says, holding a shirt out at Shigeaki, "hold this."
Shigeaki blinks, taking it. "Er. Okay." Yamapi just continues to put stuff in Shigeaki's arms. "Do you...want me to try these on?" he asks.
"If you want," Yamapi says thoughtfully. "I'm sure they'll fit you because you're standard size, right? And either way clothes look good on you, because you're lucky like that, but I guess it would be eye candy if you did, so go ahead, actually." He shoves Shigeaki towards one of the fitting rooms, who comes out periodically, looking awkward in this shirt or that jeans, to Yamapi and Jin's approving stares.
"I don't think I'd want to be your real nephew or whatever," Shigeaki says, in between the navy tee and the black skinny jeans. "I don't think I could handle it."
"I think you secretly don't mind the attention," Jin says, because Jin is really just unthinking like that.
But he's right, though. It does feel kind of nice, having people focus on you.
Shigeaki thinks he's lucky, or thinks he's lucky as much as someone with A.I. for a mind can think they're lucky.
“See,” Yamapi tells Shige later that day when they’re sitting at a café as Jin browses belts next door, “Ryo-chan gets lonely easily, and we can’t be around all the time. So that’s where you come in, to be there when we can't be.”
“But I can’t solve everything,” Shigeaki says - so worldly, for how young he looks. “I’m not perfect.”
“You are more than we are,” Yamapi says, sort of smiling. “Either way, you might just be what Ryo-chan needs. That’s an order, Shigeaki." He pauses. "No, Shige. That sounds better, don't you think?"
Shige looks down shyly. “I’ll try my best.”
Later that day, Shige realizes just exactly how much Jin wants a nephew (or something) to spoil. He didn’t realize carrying clothes could get so heavy, although to his credit Yamapi carried a lot too. Jin is just lazy. (And fat, but that's just Ryo's opinion.)
“Welcome back,” Ryo says absentmindedly, fumbling with something at the kitchen counter. “How was shopping?”
“It was fun,” Shige says, peeking in through the doorframe. “Your friends shop a lot.”
Ryo sighs. “They do, don’t they? It’s a wonder their closets aren’t full yet-hey, what did they get you?”
“It’s all near the couch,” Shige says. “I don’t know where to put it.” Ryo goes to the doorway of the kitchen and his eyes widen.
“Holy…what the hell, how much did they spend on you?”
“Less than I cost,” Shige says. Ryo can practically hear Jin laughing at him. He looks at Shige, still in shock. “Not that much,” Shige amends. “They know where to shop too, it seems.”
“I don’t think there’s enough space to store all those clothes,” Ryo says, still wide-eyed.
Shige looks up thoughtfully. “That could end up being a problem.”
“Jin,” Ryo hisses into the phone, “you are a fucking bastard.”
“Ah, Ryo-chan,” Yamapi says, after a few long seconds. “Er. Jin isn’t here right now. Well, he is, but he told me he doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“Tell Jin he’s a fucking coward,” Ryo says.
“You’re a fucking coward,” he hears Yamapi repeat away from the phone. “No, Ryo-chan said that and told me to tell you, okay, I don’t think you’re a coward-hey, Ryo-chan, Jin says you’re an idiot.”
“Tell Jin he’s an idiot too,” Ryo says. “And that he didn’t need to buy so many fricking clothes, because I think Kato has more than I do now and it’s really fucking ridiculous.”
“Ryo says that you’re an idiot and you didn’t need to buy Shige so many clothes because now he has more than Ryo-chan has himself, or something like,” Yamapi says, muffled. He waits as Jin gives him an answer. “Jin says-“
“Just give him the damn phone,” Ryo sighs. He waits. It sounds like someone dropped it on the other end. Knowing Yamapi and Jin, it was probably on purpose.
“Hi,” Jin chirps into the phone cheerily.
“Jin, you dumbshit,” Ryo growls, “he doesn’t need that many clothes!”
“Well, they looked good on him and I don’t trust your taste. What are you doing to do about it?”
Ryo can practically hear the shrug in Jin's voice. He falters, because he really doesn’t know. “I’m going to punch you in the face the next time I see you, you know that?” Ryo grumbles.
They end up storing all the clothes in cardboard boxes left over from when Ryo first moved into his apartment, pushed against the wall of the guest room that Kato's been using in tall stacks. Winter clothes are in the bottom boxes, and summer clothes are in the top ones.
Shigeaki calls it an inefficient system, because sooner or later it's going to be winter and at the very least he'll have to look like he's dressing appropriately for the weather. Ryo just calls it Box Mountain.
Ryo's job isn't really anywhere near his dream job, but it pays the rent and has not-horrible hours. He isn't quite an average nine to five salaryman (just yet?), but he isn't your average burger flipper either. He took the job because he really didn't know what he was going to do after he graduated high school, but his mom wanted him to have some stability in his life, so he hunted around some in the summer, found one that he could do (and it wasn't serving fries at the local Magnetron Burger, thank you very much) and then it just, well, happened. His job became his job, not "that thing that I took up because I really didn't have anything better to do with my life at the time".
("But I still don't have anything better to do with my life," Ryo had once said, extremely drunk, to Yamapi. "Otherwise I still wouldn't be doing it, would I?" He woke up the morning after with a pounding headache and a sympathetic best friend. He probably could've done without both. Ryo pretends that that conversation never ever happened ever nowadays.)
Either way, his job takes up the better part of his time. It pays the bills, with more than some left over, because Ryo is a decent worker and got promoted pretty regularly and can afford a decent apartment in a decent part of Tokyo, too. He doesn't hesitate to rub it in Jin and Yamapi's faces when they're frantically flipping through all the (free) job market magazines they can find because they got laid off again because that tiny, dinky little corner shop they worked at ("It'll grow," they'd always say indignantly, "you'll see!) went under. Except Yamapi and Jin then tell Ryo that even if they don't have a job they still have several centimeters of height and he doesn't, so Ryo doesn't do it as much as he'd like to.
He finds himself thinking that job security is a wonderful thing, at times.
And then he wonders just when it meant giving up everything interesting in return.
Shigeaki, though. Shigeaki is interesting, in good and bad sense of the word. He laughs and promises not to tell (because Jin and Yamapi would never let him live it down) when Ryo shrieks, high pitched and shrill, at the realization that the back of Shigeaki's neck pops off to reveal the charger port and the HDT dock hidden there. (To his credit, the marvels of technology mean that the seam line is not visible at all to the normal eye.) Ryo thinks he's accidentally broken something. Shigeaki just laughs at him some more and gently clicks it back into place.
"Please tell me if you're going to do that again," Ryo says shakily. He doesn't think he'll get used to the sight anytime soon.
"If it makes you feel better," Shige says considerately, "I can charge while you're at work."
"Please do," Ryo says. He feels like he's getting old before his time. The thought is disconcerting. "Really."
Shigeaki starts getting used to Ryo's routine, and as the days, weeks and months go by, Ryo comes home less and less to a Konpa jacked into the nearest wall-socket (now, he just winces lightly and goes to the other room while Shigeaki retracts the cord and puts the panel back in place) and more and more to Shigeaki reading one of Ryo's old textbooks or a free magazine that somehow got delivered to their door or watching some random program on the telescreen.
"Do you ever get bored?" Ryo asks him one day. "I mean, I don't really have the shortest job hours ever so you're stuck at home a lot, aren't you?"
"Not really," Shigeaki says thoughtfully. "I kind of go on sleep mode when you're not here, so I don't really do anything when you're away. I guess you don't notice because I reactivate quickly..."
Ryo winces. "It's kind of creepy hearing you refer to yourself as a computer," he complains. "I mean, you look like a human, you sound like a human, but you're a machine. Sometimes I just don't get it."
Shigeaki shrugs. "It's one of the laws of robotics, y'know. A robot must always know he is a robot. Scary shit could happen if I didn't realize that."
Ryo knows about this scary shit, kind of. He knows people who've gone through it, at the least. He doesn't think he'd like to go through this scary shit anytime soon. "But still," he protests, "could you at least tone down the computer speak a bit?"
Shigeaki looks up thoughtfully. "Well, if you want, I can download a plugin that makes me pretend as if I'm more human, somehow, I guess." No doubt he was scanning the official sites for these just a moment ago, then. He pauses and grins. "There's also a plugin if you want me to act bored, if you'd like."
Ryo doesn't even have to think about it. "I'll pass," he says. Bored, more-human-than-they-already-are robots are something he doesn't think he can deal with, ever.
Jin and Yamapi visit the next day while Ryo's away at work, and they're still visiting when Ryo gets back.
"I'm home," he calls out absentmindedly, taking his shoes off. Shigeaki doesn't call back, and he frowns. Glass breaks somewhere. Ryo winces. This isn't a good start to the evening.
"What did you break?" Ryo calls, walking quickly to the kitchen in socked feet. "I swear to god that if it was that cup I like..."
"Sorry, Ryo-chan," someone who definitely isn't Shigeaki calls back. "Um, we didn't mean to," Yamapi fumbles, "and it was totally all Jin's fault anyways, so-"
"No it wasn't!" Jin interrupts loudly. "You clearly dropped it before I did."
"That doesn't even make sense!" Shigeaki says, sighing in defeat.
"Hey, Jin," Ryo says, standing in the doorframe of the kitchen. "Come here for a sec, will you?"
"Okay," Jin says uncertainly, tiptoeing across the kitchen floor. "Why...?"
Ryo punches him in the face. Jin shrieks like a little girl, Yamapi starts laughing and Shigeaki just facepalms.
"Alright," Ryo says, shaking his hand out a bit, "why are you bastards here?"
"We figured we'd drop in," Yamapi says, as Jin sulks on the corner of the couch with a bag of frozen tiger shrimp on his face. "Since you're away at work all the time we thought Shige would be lonely, you know?"
Ryo frowns. "So you decided to use my kitchen and break my dishes?" He looks over at the remains of what once was his favourite cup. "You owe me, you know."
"It's not my fault Pi's a clumsy oaf," Jin mutters. "And you didn't have to punch me!"
"The earth's gravity was strong today, okay?" Yamapi argues. "And you were totally the one who dropped it anyways."
Ryo sighs. "I'm going to punch you too, Pi, if you keep up with this gravity bullshit." He turns to Shigeaki. "Who really dropped it?"
Shigeaki shrugs. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I don't know."
"Great," Ryo groans.
"We'll make you dinner," Yamapi says placatingly. "Won't we, Jin?"
"Why should I help make dinner," Jin grumbles, "my face is going to be like majorly bruised tomorrow." Yamapi just glares at him. "Okay, okay, fine."
"Do you need help?" Shigeaki asks.
"It had better be good," Ryo warns.
Shigeaki can actually can cook, they all find out, much to their surprise. He's better at it than Yamapi or Jin (and probably the both of them combined, too), more efficient, faster. He doesn't spread out mixing bowls and plates of ingredients over the counters like the others do, preferring instead to keep the fuss (and the mess) to a minimum.
Eventually, he gets annoyed with Yamapi and Jin constantly getting in the way and kicks them out of the kitchen to wait with Ryo on the couch.
"I feel like I just lost a contest," Jin says mournfully. "It doesn't feel right."
"Yeah, well, you're an idiot," Yamapi sighs. "And you can't actually cook."
"I can so cook!" Jin protests.
"No, you can't," Ryo says. "We just let you think that because we're nice people."
"Fine!" Jin says, offended. "Fuck you all, I'll learn to cook then. And it'll be better than your food and I'll rub it in your face - but not actually, because that would be a waste of totally awesome food that I made and then we'll see who can't cook!"
Yamapi and Ryo aren't particularly bothered by this challenge. "Alright," Yamapi says, and Ryo nods in agreement, because all it really means in the end is that they get free food out of it. Jin still hasn't realized this, and if they have it their way, hopefully he won't anytime soon.
Shigeaki calls them to dinner shortly after Jin's declaration of war. They find it all laid out neatly on the table, all vegetable dishes and chicken and steaming bowls of rice. It looks good, immaculate, even maybe perfect. Shigeaki watches them sit down, looking nervous and young in the apron that Ryo never uses that's hanging loosely off his slim frame.
"Tell me how it is," Shigeaki says, "if it's not good then I can try and fix it, or something, so..."
"Don't worry," Yamapi says, smiling, "I'm sure it'll be fine. Better than someone else's, at the very least..." Jin glares at him. Ryo rolls his eyes, saying a quiet itadakimasu~ before picking up his chopsticks.
"What do you think?" Shigeaki asks again. He looks like he'd like to wring his hands in anticipation but won't for some reason or another.
Ryo chews slowly. "Not bad," he says thoughtfully.
And that's all that's needed for Yamapi and Jin to proceed to demolish three quarters of what's on the table.
Shigeaki smiles.
The news is on, but Ryo doesn't like watching the news so they watch some mundane rerun of a random game show that's on one of the other kind of sketchy channels instead.
"I didn't know how to say this earlier," Ryo says out of the blue, "but your cooking is kind of bland."
Shige looks over. This is something rather surprising, and it takes a while for his algorithms to catch up. "What do you mean?" he asks, frowning. "I followed the recipes, didn't I?"
Ryo doesn't look at him, seemingly engrossed in whatever stupid set of charades the contestants have to bullshit next. "Did you follow them exactly?"
"Of course," Shige says, letting the faintest hint of indignity creep into his tone. He's a Konpa, not a human, so he's expected to not make those kinds of mistakes on something as simple as cooking - of course he's able to (and will, unless he feels particularly vindictive that day) follow a recipe to a T.
"There's the problem," Ryo says, looking over at Shige on the other side of the couch. "That's why it tastes bland, I guess."
"How can that be?" Shige asks. He's utterly confused, and Ryo's logic - or, maybe the lack thereof - is totally lost on him. (And, honestly, he's a little offended - being told your food is bland isn't quite the best thing to hear for anyone, computer or not.)
"When we - well, humans, I guess, really - cook," Ryo starts, "the way we cook is influenced by our lives." He pauses, trying to find the right words. "I mean, the way we've lived influences the way we cook, even if we don't notice it. If we like our food spicy, we'll add a bit more than the recipe calls for without noticing. If we like our vegetables a bit softer, we'll boil it for a bit longer without realizing. Things like that, it adds up bit by bit, so eventually, we each have our own style of cooking without even noticing it. If me and Pi and Jin were to make the same recipe, it still wouldn't taste the same, because Jin likes his food a bit sweeter and Pi doesn't like spicy things and I - well, I think my food is normal, but it's still different from theirs. You know?"
Shigeaki stares. "I guess," he says. He isn't quite sure what else would be appropriate.
"Hey," Ryo says, finally turning off the TV show that neither of them are even pretending to watch at this point in time, "can you eat? I mean, I know you don't have to for obvious reasons but could you, like, taste food if you ate it and stuff?"
"I think so," Shigeaki says, "but if you want to make sure you can check the manual, I think."
Ryo rolls his eyes. "Fuck the manual, we're teaching you how to cook and I promise that by the time we're done it's still gonna be better than Jin's." He stands up. "Come on, let's go shopping."
Shigeaki just looks at him oddly, but he goes along with him anyways.
Unfortunately for Ryo's grand plans, all the grocery stores nearby are closed.
"So much for your great idea," Shige says sarcastically, while Ryo just glares at him and swears at the world in general some more.
Ryo's job is nine-to-five and then a little more somedays, and what with overtime and commute times and traffic and the occasional drink after work with colleagues and other things like that, sometimes Ryo doesn't get back until late. It kind of sucks, but he has regular days off and a decent amount of vacation time and hey, his apartment is ten times better than the tiny place that Jin and Yamapi share.
That's probably why they're over at his place so much, but that's not the point.
The point is, his relationship with Shigeaki is starting to feel kind of like a marriage at a standstill, and sometimes he's afraid that if it goes on like this (and if he wasn't so totally awesome, and probably only if Shigeaki was a horny housewife) he's going to come home someday to find Shigeaki fucking the next door neighbour. But he knows he won't, because Konpa have better self-control than that (unless you bought one purely as a one-payment high-class live-in whore, and that kind of thing is what you go for, but that's also the kind of thing you don't tell people without a ton of alcohol first), and Konpa aren't really the type to let their libidos (do they even have libidos?) take over.
But either way, if things keep on happening the way they're happening now, he's going to end up having nightmares of underage robot sex involving Kato in a dress and the next door neighbour, who is some creepy guy that Ryo doesn't really talk to ever. And Ryo doesn't really want nightmares of that at all, thank you very much, which is why he's knocking on Shigeaki's bedroom door at seven thirty on a Sunday morning.
Kato opens it after about thirty seconds, hair messed up and glaring for all he's worth (which is a lot, so his glare is super potent - luckily Ryo is positive that he can outglare anyone, robot or not, so he doesn't really give a shit). "I was sleeping, Nishikido. What do you want?"
"You don't really need it," Ryo informs him. "Get dressed, we're going on a date." He pauses. "Actually, no, let me pick out your clothes, because even if Jin bought them you still have shit fashion sense." Shigeaki blushes angrily at this. "So let me get you clothes and then get dressed and then we're going on a date."
"What brought this on?" Shigeaki asks tiredly, sitting on the bed as Ryo digs through the top of Box Mountain. He tries not to laugh as Ryo finds out, horrifically and absolutely hilariously, that he's too short to really reach the top few cartons.
"I don't want to have nightmares about you in a dress fucking the next door neighbour," Ryo says grimly, not bothering to explain further as he drags one of the boxes across the room to stand on. Shigeaki just looks at him as if he's grown an extra head, and like five arms for good measure, then winces as the box Ryo's standing on collapses in on itself.
"Here we go," Ryo says, throwing a bunch of clothing at Shigeaki.
It hits him square in the face. Shigeaki picks it up off his lap with near-distaste. "If you screw up my face," he comments dryly, "there's not going to be anyone to blame except you."
Ryo rolls his eyes. "Whatever, you're nearly indestructible or something anyways. Clothing isn't going to hurt you. Come on, get dressed." Shigeaki just looks at him, and he sighs. "Fine, you wuss," he says, getting off his box (the shape is nearly unrecognizeable now) and leaving the room. "Tell me if you need help with the buttons," he says sarcastically as he leaves.
"So, seriously," Shigeaki says, coming out of his room as he fixes his shirt collar, "what brought this on?"
Ryo shrugs. "I figured you're getting lonely, stuck at home keeping house all day. So we're going somewhere, so be grateful, otherwise I'll break your fingers."
"You'd probably break a finger just trying to do that," Shige says. Ryo glares at him. Shige just shrugs in return. "I'm telling the truth."
"Anyways," Ryo continues pointedly, "you'd better fucking have fun otherwise I'll be pissed off. Come on, let's go."
Shigeaki shrugs again. What else can you do, when your owner (as awkward as that sounds) decides to bring you to places unknown on the pretenses of a date? He follows Ryo out of the apartment, making sure to lock the door behind him.
"Disneyland?" Shigeaki asks, as they catch a glimpse of it on the horizon. "Disneyland? Seriously?"
Ryo glares. "Shut up, it's a good place for a date."
"You're treating me like your girlfriend," Shigeaki laughs. "Sorry to say, but I'm not a teenage girl."
"Do me a favour and pretend you are for the day," Ryo says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Shigeaki smirks and decides to do just that. "I totally had to fight to get today off, just so you know."
"Thank you," Shigeaki says, glancing over at Ryo shyly. Ryo just looks at him oddly, but figures he should probably keep his eyes on the road and doesn't really think much of it until he forgets about it five minutes later.
"So," Shigeaki says, grabbing Ryo's wrist lightly, "Nishikido-kun~, where do you want to go first?"
"Anywhere, I guess," Ryo says. "I don't really care."
"I've never been here before," Shigeaki says, wonderingly. "I don't know my way around very well, so please decide for me~"
Ryo looks at him kind of oddly, but chalks it up to it being a new place. "Alright, we'll go this way then.."
"Thank you for bringing me here, Nishikido-kun," Shigeaki says happily as they take a break in a quaint cafe that's supposed to remind people of Paris, or something. He sits with his knees in, leaning forward and smiles, tilting his head in a pleased way, eyes bright. "It's really fun!"
"It's no problem," Ryo says. Something's wrong about this, somehow. "I'm glad you're having fun," he adds, kind of awkwardly. It feels like the first date he ever had, at a small amusement park called Wonderland when he was fifteen. The girl was nice and it was fun, but in the end nothing ever really came of it and he mostly forgot about it. "Is there anywhere you want to go next?"
"I don't really know," Shigeaki says thoughtfully, "It doesn't matter, I think. I don't mind as long as you're there, Nishikido-kun~"
Ryo stares. "Um. Shigeaki, you're really starting to creep me out a little. Why the personality change?"
"What do you mean?" Shigeaki asks, looking at him demurely. "I-I don't know what you're talking about..."
Ryo stares. Shigeaki - albeit weakly - stares back. Somehow it turns into an impromptu staring contest that Ryo somehow loses.
Shigeaki bursts out laughing as soon as Ryo looks away. "Man, you should've seen your face!" he gasps out. "That was absolutely hilarious!"
"W-wait, what the hell? What's up with the fucking one-eighty? What the fuck?"
"Sorry," Shige says, in between bursts of laughter, "I had to. Sorry about that."
"Oh jesus christ," Ryo says, "you're a fucking bastard."
"Don't swear," Shigeaki says, still laughing, "there are children around."
"Here's a tip, Shigeaki," Ryo says, leaning in as well, "if you ever pretend to be a teenage girl ever again I swear to god I will do something that will be horrible and devastating and completely tragic and it will happen to you. Got that?"
"Glad to know that's not one of your kinks," Shigeaki says cheerily. He pauses. "Hey. Shige. Call me Shige."
"Why should I?" Ryo asks.
"Your friends do," Shigeaki shrugs. "You might as well, too."
Ryo considers this. "Alright," he says finally, "but call me Ryo then. None of this 'Nishikido-kun~' bullshit otherwise I'll cut your hair when you're asleep."
"It'll grow back," Shige mutters. "Alright, Nishikido-kun." He winces. "I meant Ryo. I really did"
"Don't worry," Ryo assures him, "I know a good hairdresser."
"I still don't think this is totally necessary," Shige says nervously, as the hairdresser wraps him in miles and miles of plastic cape. "I think my hair is fine the way it is, you know..."
"And I happen to think your hair looks like shit," Ryo says, texting someone on his 'link. "Just suck it up - at least this way, nobody'll ever mistake you for a high school girl from faraway again."
"If this is about the Disneyland thing," Shige says hurriedly, "I'm really sorry about that, you know. I hope you know that. I really didn't mean to, I-"
"Oh, shut up," Ryo says, snapping his 'link shut. "Forget about the Disneyland thing, I just think you'd look better with short hair, okay?"
Shige nods hesitantly, but still looks like he's about to cry when they start cutting his hair anyways.
"It's pointy," Shige says to the mirror in awe, gently patting the top of his head. "It feels so weird. Whoa."
Ryo runs his fingers through Shige's hair idly. "It suits you better," he says, nodding. "I knew I made a good decision. What do you think?"
Shige peers at his reflection some more. "...I like it," he says. "I actually kind of do." He grins at Ryo in the mirror. "Thanks. Really." He pauses, before his lips curve in a playful smile. "Nishikido-kun~"
"I'm home," Ryo calls as he opens the door, toeing his shoes off in the genkan.
"Welcome back," Shige calls out sleepily from the living room. "You're home early, I was taking a nap."
"Golden week starts tomorrow," Ryo informs him. "I have it off, so guess what?"
"What?" Shige asks. Ryo can see him stretch lazily from where he is now. "You have a date
"No," Ryo says, "although that would be better than what I have planned. I," he says importantly, "am going to teach you how to cook?"
Shige turns around on the couch and ends up looking at Ryo's stomach. He looks directly up and ends up staring right at Ryo's face.
"...do I have to?" Shige asks, shoulders slumping.
"Of course," Ryo smirks.
"This time," Ryo says determinedly in the car, "there is going to be at least one grocery store that's open. Just watch." Shige tries not to laugh at him but ends up failing a little at that.
Today's a lucky day though, and the good supermarket (not the sketchy one with the orange juice brands that look a little out of date and illegal) is open. Ryo drags Shige through the aisles with a malicious glee, making him push the shopping cart and snapping at him when he's slow to follow.
"I kind of hate you for this," Shige grumbles as he takes the cart around a too-tight corner and nearly tips it for the fourth time. "I fail to see the worth in this."
"You'll be making me happy," Ryo says, reaching up to get a carton of milk. Shige stands there, arms crossed, and doesn't offer to help. "Technically, that's what you're supposed to do, right?"
"Technically," Shige grumbles. "Nobody ever said anything about real-life-ically, though!"
Ryo looks over his shoulder at Shige. "It'll be fun," he says, and smiles. "I promise."
The milk carton decides to fall on his head at that point in time. They nearly get kicked out because of Ryo's swearing.
"What are we making?" Shige asks, as Ryo deftly lays out their day's shopping on the kitchen counter.
"Potato nikorogashi," Ryo answers, not stopping in his organizing.
Shige stares. "That's pretty easy, you know," he says slowly. "I...can already make that. Several times over. Maybe even with my eyes closed."
"Well," Ryo says, turning around, "you can cook but you can't cook. You know what I mean?"
"No," Shige replies, "I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what you mean."
Ryo grins. "Too bad. I always thought you were smart."
They really do end up making nikorogoshi. Or, rather, at least five different minor variations on it - Shige still doesn't get it but Ryo is insistent when he wants to be, so now Shige's sitting in front of the tiny dishes that they use to hold kimchi and other stuff during meal times each filled with a different type.
"This is stupid," Shige asks. "It's not like it really matters to me, you know?"
"It does to me," Ryo says stubbornly. "Even if you don't think anything's wrong with your cooking, other people who eat it are gonna get bored. And I don't want to get bored. My life is already boring enough."
"Even with me around?" Shige asks, faking hurt. He eyes the potato chunks like they just took his lunch money and called him names. "Does it matter which one I start with?"
Ryo shakes his head. "Just go in order from one side to another." Shige looks at him warily and then at the potatoes, before picking up a piece of the one on the right first. He eats it slowly, getting used to the feeling of the systems needed to process it.
"What do you think?" Ryo asks after Shige's done swallowing.
"It's good," Shige murmurs, touching his jaw absentmindedly. "Didn't expect that."
"That's good," Ryo says noncommitally, writing something down on the lone piece of paper in the counter. "You only have...seven or so more to go, so keep at it."
"Which one did you like the most?" Ryo asks him at the end, while Shige's staring at the row of dishes and wondering just how long it makes you to make nikorogashi.
"I...don't know," Shige says semi-frantically. "They all taste almost the same!"
"Choose one," Ryo orders. "You don't have to tell me why - just choose!"
Shige hesitates. "That one," he say eventually, pointing to a dish third from a left.
"Alright," Ryo mutters, marking something off. "We're done for today," he says. "Remember what we've learned, okay?"
Ryo's cooking projects get easier and easier as the days go by. When Ryo announces that they're making rice balls, Shige nearly wants to cry out of frustration.
"I still don't get the point of all this!" Shige cries out suddenly in frustration after they make popcorn, of all things.
"You still don't?" Ryo asks wonderingly. "And here I thought you were supposed to be smart..." Shige just glares at him almost-tearfully. Ryo sighs. "Seriously? Okay, so I've been asking you which ones you liked, right? And there were definitely some you liked more than others." Shige nods slowly. "Because now you know what kinds of food you like, when you cook, you're going to do little things unconsciously that aren't in the recipe - but that's not a bad thing at all." Ryo pauses, trying to look for the right words. "It just means that you have your own cooking style now, really."
Ryo's finally run out of simple things to cook a million and two times. He declares Shige "competent" and then tells him he'll be cooking for everyone again.
"I feel vaguely like a battered housewife," Shige mutters when he hears this.
Ryo laughs. "Should I get you a frilly apron to match? I'm sure you'd look good in one."
It's much the same as the last meal Shige cooked for them was. Shige isn't too worried about pleasing Yamapi or Jin, they're nowhere near the word picky. It's Ryo that he's concerned about, that what he's cooked isn't good enough. He can only really taste everything in a muted way, like tasting it through a sheet of cotton (as gross as that would be), and instinctively he has no idea which ones taste "good" and "bad" - his pseudo taste buds don't work the same way humans' do.
So he's guessed. Sort of. Kind of. Either way, he thinks it should have some sort of flavour.
He's just not sure if it's, well, a good one or a bad one.
"This is pretty good," Ryo says (with a hint of surprise in his tone, that bastard), after trying some of Shige's food.
"You think so?" Shige asks hopefully.
Ryo nods. "Yeah. Here, try some." He snags a piece of beef and some bean sprouts before motioning for Shige to open his mouth with his left hand. Shige does, and Ryo drops the food in and watches as Shige chews thoughtfully.
"Mm, I guess," Shige says after swallowing. "You really think so?"
"It's really good," Jin insists, pointing his chopsticks at Shige. "Stop being so mature, you won't get any girls that way." Shige splutters, Yamapi nods in agreement - nobody's sure about which statement, though - and Ryo just rolls his eyes. "It's really good," Jin says again for emphasis, and smiles.
Ryo's gotten a promotion (somehow) so he's been spending less time at home and more at the office. Shige isn't worried - they aren't a married couple, despite what others may seem to think - but he does miss Ryo when he's not there.
Jin and Yamapi, on the other hand, are freshly laid-off and have lots of time to spend with him. They bring over game consoles and games, both electronic and not-electronic, and spend hours with him just playing or talking or even watching something on the TV in comfortable silence. Shige can't help but feel that they're treating him like you would a younger cousin or a nephew, but he's not going to complain. They're good friends.
Shige likes that he can call them that in his head.
He’s not quite sure what to call Ryo, though. Ryo is - something that is not a good friend, but probably something better than that at the same time. He likes Ryo, a lot, so he figures he’ll probably just continue to call him Ryo. Or Nishikido-kun if he feels like being creepy. It works, for now at least.
"I used to have a Konpa," Jin says one day, out of the blue. Ryo's at work - it's a Thursday afternoon - and Yamapi isn't there. It's odd, seeing Jin without Yamapi - in the time that Shige's known the two, which has pretty much been the exact same time that he's known Ryo for, he can count the number of times that he's seen one without the other on his hands. Maybe even on one hand.
They're sitting both sitting at the kotatsu staring at a blank turned-off TV. He's not quite sure why Jin is there, but he's prone to showing up randomly, without notice like that.
"Did you really?" Shige asks. He isn't quite sure what else would be appropriate to say. It would be like if a friend of yours randomly told you he had sex for the first time if you were like, fifteen and it was in the middle of a conversation about something else.
"Yeah." Jin doesn't seem to notice how awkward Shige feels, which is weird because Shige's personality is awkward by nature and he isn't really good at hiding that at all (although he tells himself that maybe he'll get better with, like, experience or something, or maybe just as he grows.) Jin stares into his bottle of ramune. "Well, I guess had isn't the right word. I never had him, I guess..."
"What do you mean?" Shige wonders. He really isn't quite sure where Jin's going with this, or really why Jin's telling him this at all. "Didn't you buy him?"
"No," Jin says, "nothing like that." He smiles kind of bitterly. "I found him in the neighbour's trash, actually. This was before I moved in with Pi and before Ryo-chan moved here, and he was just sitting there, like any homeless kid you'd find in like, the sketchy parts of town that you have to go to sometimes but you never really want to be there because you think someone's going to gank your wallet or your 'link or your shoes without you noticing, or something. And, I don't know, part of me knew he must've been there for a reason but the other part didn't care."
"Why was he in the trash?" Shige asked. "Did he crash?"
Jin shakes his head. "That wasn't it. That was never it. He was top of the line, but this was a few years ago so even then brand name had a few problems here and there. I guess he must have just glitched out, a problem with his software or wiring, or something. Nothing you could fix easily."
"What did you do when you met him?" Shige questions. He isn't quite sure where Jin's going with this story, but it's interesting, anyways.
"I should say nothing," Jin says, "but one man's treasure is another man's trash, or whatever the fuck grandmas say. I took him home." He sighs. "It was a mistake."
"What happened?" Shige asks.
"His name was Kazuya," Jin says, "or at least that's what he told me after I met him. Kamenashi Kazuya. That should've been the first sign, because I knew he was a Konpa - it wasn't obvious, but it was there. He should've been wiped if he got thrown out, should've started out blank. But I liked his name. The way he said it sounded good, I thought.
"They don't call you, if you break the law with a Konpa, did you know?" Jin asks. It's a rhetorical question, and Shige shakes his head because he wouldn't know the answer anyways. He isn't human, it's something he's always - and will always - known. "You get little red slips of paper telling you just exactly which law you're fucking over and a cease and desist. Three strikes and you're out, basically, or something like that."
"Which law was it?" Shige asks. "Um, if you don't mind me asking, that is." Nobody's ever said tact was his strong point.
"The fifth law," Jin tells him. "You know what that one is, right?"
"Of course," Shige says, slightly offended that Jin would think otherwise. "A robot must know that it is a robot. Of course I know, we all have to."
"Kame...Kame didn't. Or, I guess he just forgot all the laws in general." Jin pauses, trying to find his words. "I have a friend, he does Konpa repairs for a living. I took Kame to him after it all, he told me it was a glitch with his personality, with his wiring or software or something. I don't really remember. Something irreparable, kind of like brain cancer in a human or something. Either way, Kame - Kame didn't know. Didn't know that he was a Konpa. He thought he was just as human as me or - well, not you, but you know what I mean." Shige nods sympathetically. "I - he liked me. I liked him back, even though I shouldn't have, I guess. I had to turn him off, after the second warning came. Kind of killed me inside, you know?
"I guess I just kept on hoping that maybe they'd ignore me, maybe they'd overlooked him for some miracle reason. But they didn't, and...you know how the law is."
"What happened to him?" Shige asks hesitantly.
Jin shrugs. "I'm not sure. My friend said it was a wiring problem, so no matter how many times you rebooted or reset him it'd still be the same. Eventually I sent him back, I couldn't just leave him in the apartment. It just...didn't feel right."
"I'm sorry," Shige says. It feels like the right thing to say, even though it isn't.
"You kind of remind me of him," Jin says. "That's probably why I'm telling you this. Or maybe Ryo reminds me of how I was." He closes his eyes briefly. "Yeah, that's probably it."
"What do you mean?" Shige asks.
"Don't ever change," Jin says. "I don't want to see it happen again. Okay?"
And Shige nods, murmurs an agreement, because really, what else can you do?
Shige lets slip to Ryo about that afternoon's conversation with Jin while Ryo washes the dishes and he dries them (the dish soap does something weird to his synthskin, so he stays away from it as much as possible). He didn't quite mean to, but it happened while he tried to find things to talk about because Ryo was tired that day and didn't really feel like saying much.
"Holy shit," Ryo says in awe, after Shige recaps the entire thing to him, "Jin has fucking tough luck."
Shige winces. "That wasn't quite the way I would've put it, but yeah, I guess."
Ryo sighs. "The idiot. Falling in love with an illegal Konpa who was doomed anyways. It's just like him."
"D'you think he's still okay about it?" Shige asks, worried. He likes Jin, after all, because Jin challenges him to silly games on the Ultimet console that Ryo has on top of the TV whenever he's over, and bought him clothes and brings him places along with Yamapi when Ryo has work and is away for a while, and things like that. Jin is a nice person, as clumsy and stupid as he might be.
"Well, that's why he moved in with Yamapi, isn't it?" Ryo asks rhetorically, handing dish after dish after cup to Shige. "He won't be getting a Konpa anytime soon, though, that's for sure."
Winter comes before either of them really notice it. Ryo wakes up on the first day and decides to stay in bed a little longer because it's cold out.
It starts getting gradually colder, though. He spends a Sunday searching his entire apartment for the kotatsu - Shige just sits on the couch and laughs at him - finally crowing in triumph when he finds it.
It's broken, though. Ryo swears a lot after he finds this out and then goes on a search for spare blankets.
Shige, on the other hand, has his own heating system.
"It's cold," Ryo whines, huddled up at the foot of the couch in several blankets. He's not watching the news, or even any ridiculous game show, instead just devoting all his will into not shuddering.
"You're just a wimp," Shige says from above him where he's stretched out. Ryo thinks he's never envied Shige as much as he does right now, being able to stretch out full length and not freeze. "I'm perfectly warm."
"That's because you have your own heating system," Ryo complains. His eyes widen as a realization dawns on him. "You...have your own heating system."
"Congratulations," Shige says distantly, "you know one of the most obvious facts about me."
Ryo stands abruptly. "Shove over," he orders, attempting to lie down on the small sliver of couch that Shige hasn't taken up. It fails. He falls back onto the carpet, and scowls.
"Are you okay?" Shige asks, peeking over the edge in concern.
"Rugburn," Ryo answers. There's a round pink patch on his elbow where a few layers of skin have been scraped off. "It'll be fine." He stands again. "You'd better move over this time, though," he warns. Shgie sighs, squishing closer to the edge obligingly. Ryo lies down again, sighing happily at Shige's normal body temperature.
"You're really warm," he says, wrapping his legs around Shige's, the temperature change making him drowsy . It's possibly one of the most awkward positions ever, and Shige's blushing into Ryo's chest on pure instinct because of it. Ryo doesn't seem to care, though, and just settles his blankets across them both.
"You're humming," Ryo says, sounding rather sleepy.
"The processors and premptors," Shige explains. "Sorry, they can't make them any less noticeable yet..."
"Don't apologize," Ryo sniffs. "I was just stating something. It's actually pretty soothing."
"Are you going to fall asleep?" Shige asks, grinning.
"No," Ryo says. He yawns, his eyes fluttering shut gently. "Of course not."
Neither of them end up waking up until it's well past dinner time.