this is not pretty so be very careful with it. you have been warned.
wrote this in a poetry workshop about three years ago. its the only piece of literature i can honestly say i'm proud of, so be nice to it! i still love it even now. please note i'm not a self harmer, and never have been, though lots of my friends have been.
a thousand questions
Caged, like an animal,
Trammelled, like some wild thing,
Trapped, inside a small space,
Frightened, I don't know what to do,
Edgy, small sounds make me jump,
Darkness, I'm shrouded in shadows.
Pain, this is what traps me,
Fear, this is what binds me,
Loyalty, I can't just leave them,
Tears, forever falling,
Scars, emotional or physical,
Anger, why won't they stop this?
Taunts, they'll never end,
Wild, it's what I'm becoming,
I'm screaming, not that it helps,
Death, an unwelcome subject,
Pleading, it doesn't work,
Suicide, an ever present enemy.
Blood, a release from pain,
Cutting, dragged on be habit,
The knife, is their best friend,
Scars, are everywhere,
Pain, is always there,
The cycle, starts again.
Always, they say the same thing,
'No one, can ever help me.'
Alone, it's what they are now,
Paranoia, they can't escape it,
Harm, complete mutilation,
Phone calls, turn into fights.
Fights, they end in tears,
Tears, a pleading sound,
A saviour, can't be found,
Survival, no longer an option,
No promises, they can't be kept,
Accusation, eyes turn to me.
Walking, without a purpose,
Thinking, of all that's been,
Rain, falls down upon me,
Mingles, with my tears,
Washes, away my fears,
I'm now, as cold as stone.
The knife, calls out to me,
Death, seems like an option,
Escape, it's what I've prayed for,
There, it's in my grasp,
Pain, only for a short while,
I'm sorry, I've failed this time.