beware. its not pretty
Title: Addicted to You
Summary: Ianto couldn’t give Jack up if he tried… but he has to let go.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: it’s very dark. Character death. Not fluffy in any way.
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It's like you’re a drug
Wherever Jack went, Ianto was sure to follow not far behind.
It’s like you’re a demon I can’t face down
Even when ordered to leave, to go home, Ianto never did, always staying close to Jack’s side, in the Hub, on the prowl for weevils, on the lookout for some alien that could easily kill Ianto.
It's like I’m stuck
He couldn’t leave Jack, because he was so afraid that he was going to loose him, or that he was never going to see him again. After Tosh and Owen had died, he realised it was only a matter of time before something happened to him and he was forced to spend the rest of eternity in the dark without Jack.
It's like I’m running from you all the time
At first he had tried to run from it, not wanting to become to engrossed in Jack, not wanting to cause himself the pain of knowing that one day, something was going to happen to take Jack away from him, or visa-versa.
And I know
It’s like the only company I seek
Is misery all around
He could see the pain in Jack’s eyes at how clingy Ianto had become. He wasn’t the Ianto Jack remembered, he knew that, and he knew he was just a shell of the man Jack had fallen in love with, but Jack couldn’t bring himself to push Ianto away, because he knew why he was hurting.
It’s like your leech
Sucking the life from me
The more time he spent like this, the harder going on became, but it was a vicious circle. He needed Jack, to keep what was left of his sanity in place, but he knew that the presence of Jack was what was causing him to fall apart. He was falling apart inside.
It’s like I cant breathe
Without you inside of me
Ianto revelled in the tender moments when Jack would make love to him, making him feel alive again, reminding him who he was. It was strange, because when he was with Jack like this he felt like the old Ianto.
And I know
I let you have all the power
And I realise I’m never gonna a quit you over time
He’d gasp as Jack filled him, wanting nothing more than to stay like that forever. Jack had always dominated him, always been in control and now was no different. Ianto needed the control that Jack had over him, loved it, craved it, because it made him feel alive when Jack threw himself behind the driving thrusts of his passion, and made Ianto feel like he was himself again.
It’s like I cant breathe
Its like I cant feel anything
But when it stopped, when they were apart, it was so empty, so lonely, because he needed Jack to be near by. Always close. If someone had to stay behind in the Hub it was always Gwen, because Ianto couldn’t bear to be away from Jack for that long, even with the sound of his voice soothing him over the comms.
Nothing but you
When he was with Jack was the only time he could feel. It was the only time he could really exist. So he made every effort to exist with Jack.
I’m addicted you
He couldn’t get away from it. He’d tried, and Jack had tried to support him and help him through, more than once, but it never worked, because Ianto always came back and clung to Jack more and more every time.
It’s like I can’t think
Without you interrupting me
There was nothing but Jack.
In my thoughts
Always there
In my dreams
Constantly
Your taking over me
Jack was more a part of him than he was.
It’s like I’m not me,
He was loosing himself in Jack.
It’s like I’m not me
He had already lost himself in Jack.
It’s like I’m lost
There wasn’t any of the drive he’d had before to save the world and be a protector of the earth, all of the things that had made him a member of Torchwood in the first place, all those years ago at Torchwood one.
It’s like I’m giving up slowly,
He couldn’t keep living like this any more. It wasn’t fair to him and it wasn’t fair to Jack.
It’s like you’re a ghost that’s haunting me
He could always feel Jack’s presence in his mind, looking out for him and trying to ensure that Ianto wasn’t about to collapse somewhere. It was draining to see Jack worry over him so much.
Leave me alone
He pushed Jack’s presence in his mind away a lot, not wanting Jack to get so deeply concerned. They were getting strained.
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
There were so many options he could take, none of them really good ideas but he needed to do something, so he started trying to work out which one would work better.
And I know I’ll never change my ways
If I don’t give you up now
He needed to sort it out. Jack was beginning to show signs of stress and strain and he was getting careless when he was on missions, dieing more frequently because Ianto was taking his toll on the Captain.
It’s like I cant breathe
Its like I cant feel anything
Nothing but you
I’m addicted you
It’s like I can’t think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You’re taking over me
It’s like I’m not me,
It’s like I’m not me
And now he was lying in Jack’s arms, stroking the other man’s hair out of his face, caressing him gently as he remembered to be the Ianto Jack knew and loved. So he remembered him this way.
I’m hooked on you
Jack slips his hand down, cupping Ianto’s erection, squeezing a moan from his younger lover.
I need a fix
And Ianto let him, wanting the feeling of Jack around him, stroking him, teasing him. Making him complete.
I can’t take it
But he couldn’t handle the tender caresses Jack was bestowing on him. He needed something rougher, just once more.
Just one more hit
He needed Jack to pound him into the mattress of the small camp bed beneath his office. He conveyed this wish verbally, though slightly more eloquently, and Jack looked at him a little shocked, searching his eyes for a reason.
I promise
I can deal with it
Ianto smiled, hiding behind a perfected veneer, which even Jack couldn’t see through if Ianto didn’t want him to. He knew what he had to do to convince Jack that this was ok, when really, Ianto was anything but ok.
I’ll handle it
But Jack couldn’t be shown that, or he’d stop it. And Ianto needed it, needed Jack to understand that he wasn’t doing what he was doing to hurt Jack, only to take care of him, and let him go.
Quit it
This was the last time he’d let Jack touch him like this. The last time he’d be able to, because there was no way that Jack would be able to stop him.
Just one more time
Then that’s it
Jack fucked him hard, and Ianto memorised every touch, every caress, knowing it would be the last.
Just a little bit more
He held off his own orgasm, waiting for Jack, so that the two came off together, for the first and last time.
To get me through this
He was such a coward. He knew he wouldn’t be able to go through with it if he didn’t go to Jack first. He wasn’t strong enough to do it without the love of his Captain and the feel of him fresh in his mind.
I’m hooked on you
His thoughts raced
I need a fix
He knew he needed to act.
I cant take it
And when he slipped a sedative into Jack’s water when he passed it to the other man in the dark,
Just one more hit
He knew this was it.
I promise
He kissed Jack soundly,
I can deal with it
Making it a good last kiss,
I’ll handle it
One Jack would remember when he woke up,
Quit it
And felt him slip into sleep.
Just one more time
And as Ianto slipped from the bed, dressing and leaving his pre-written note on Jack’s pillow,
Then that’s it
He knew he was doing the right thing.
Just a little bit more
He was letting Jack go.
To get me through this
He kissed Jack’s lips one last time, murmured his last goodbye, his last “I love you” and climbed up the ladder.
It’s like I cant breathe
He straightened a few things on Jack’s desk, left a pile of the reports he knew needed signing and sending off and left the office.
Its like I cant feel anything
He left a note on Gwen’s desk, with instructions on how to feed the pterodactyl and how to work the coffee machine. He also left his front door keys, so they could sort out his flat.
Nothing but you
He glanced one last time around the Hub before checking his pockets and walking out of the door. He wasn’t worried about the cog door waking Jack, not really. Jack was out ‘til at least the next morning. He took the lift up to the tourist office, locking the door behind him and pushing the key through the letterbox.
I’m addicted you
He looked into the CCTV camera, knowing Jack would look at them in the morning and saluted, a straight backed, military salute, like he’d seen Jack use when he came into contact with other soldiers, normally mocking it was true, but Ianto meant this one. He nodded to the camera and left, walking away.
It’s like I cant think
He couldn’t feel guilt. He couldn’t.
Without you interrupting me
It was better in the long run, for jack and for him. For everyone.
In my thoughts
He needed to do this.
In my dreams
He needed to go.
Your taking over me
That’s what he told himself over and over and over again in his head as he walked through the pouring rain. He wasn’t thinking straight, he knew that, but he hadn’t been for a while. And it was just getting worse. They used to say there was only one cure for madness.
Its like I'm not me,
Maybe they were right. He walked out onto the top of the Millennium centre. It was one of Jack’s favourite places to be when he needed to be alone. Maybe this wasn’t the best place then, but maybe it would get rid of Jack’s fixation with rooftops. ?Ianto had tried, but to no avail. Not that it mattered all that much now.
Its like I’m not me
He pulled the gun out of his pocket and put it to his head, cocking it and taking a deep shuddering breath. This was possibly the biggest mistake he was going to make, but it wouldn’t matter. Not a bit, because Jack would be free. Free of him and his obsession. And maybe one day the Doctor would find a way to fix Jack and Jack could join him if he wanted to. Then it was his choice. He wouldn’t be forced to bear Ianto’s presence.
The wind picked up, and Ianto nearly fell, but he steadied himself. This was on his terms.
“I love you Jack.” He whispered into the night as he pulled the trigger.
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I have no idea where this came from. It is completely random. Its ok if you hate it, I’m not too sure about it but there we go.
Feed back is love.
Summary: Ianto couldn’t give Jack up if he tried… but he has to let go.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: it’s very dark. Character death. Not fluffy in any way.
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
It's like you’re a drug
Wherever Jack went, Ianto was sure to follow not far behind.
It’s like you’re a demon I can’t face down
Even when ordered to leave, to go home, Ianto never did, always staying close to Jack’s side, in the Hub, on the prowl for weevils, on the lookout for some alien that could easily kill Ianto.
It's like I’m stuck
He couldn’t leave Jack, because he was so afraid that he was going to loose him, or that he was never going to see him again. After Tosh and Owen had died, he realised it was only a matter of time before something happened to him and he was forced to spend the rest of eternity in the dark without Jack.
It's like I’m running from you all the time
At first he had tried to run from it, not wanting to become to engrossed in Jack, not wanting to cause himself the pain of knowing that one day, something was going to happen to take Jack away from him, or visa-versa.
And I know
It’s like the only company I seek
Is misery all around
He could see the pain in Jack’s eyes at how clingy Ianto had become. He wasn’t the Ianto Jack remembered, he knew that, and he knew he was just a shell of the man Jack had fallen in love with, but Jack couldn’t bring himself to push Ianto away, because he knew why he was hurting.
It’s like your leech
Sucking the life from me
The more time he spent like this, the harder going on became, but it was a vicious circle. He needed Jack, to keep what was left of his sanity in place, but he knew that the presence of Jack was what was causing him to fall apart. He was falling apart inside.
It’s like I cant breathe
Without you inside of me
Ianto revelled in the tender moments when Jack would make love to him, making him feel alive again, reminding him who he was. It was strange, because when he was with Jack like this he felt like the old Ianto.
And I know
I let you have all the power
And I realise I’m never gonna a quit you over time
He’d gasp as Jack filled him, wanting nothing more than to stay like that forever. Jack had always dominated him, always been in control and now was no different. Ianto needed the control that Jack had over him, loved it, craved it, because it made him feel alive when Jack threw himself behind the driving thrusts of his passion, and made Ianto feel like he was himself again.
It’s like I cant breathe
Its like I cant feel anything
But when it stopped, when they were apart, it was so empty, so lonely, because he needed Jack to be near by. Always close. If someone had to stay behind in the Hub it was always Gwen, because Ianto couldn’t bear to be away from Jack for that long, even with the sound of his voice soothing him over the comms.
Nothing but you
When he was with Jack was the only time he could feel. It was the only time he could really exist. So he made every effort to exist with Jack.
I’m addicted you
He couldn’t get away from it. He’d tried, and Jack had tried to support him and help him through, more than once, but it never worked, because Ianto always came back and clung to Jack more and more every time.
It’s like I can’t think
Without you interrupting me
There was nothing but Jack.
In my thoughts
Always there
In my dreams
Constantly
Your taking over me
Jack was more a part of him than he was.
It’s like I’m not me,
He was loosing himself in Jack.
It’s like I’m not me
He had already lost himself in Jack.
It’s like I’m lost
There wasn’t any of the drive he’d had before to save the world and be a protector of the earth, all of the things that had made him a member of Torchwood in the first place, all those years ago at Torchwood one.
It’s like I’m giving up slowly,
He couldn’t keep living like this any more. It wasn’t fair to him and it wasn’t fair to Jack.
It’s like you’re a ghost that’s haunting me
He could always feel Jack’s presence in his mind, looking out for him and trying to ensure that Ianto wasn’t about to collapse somewhere. It was draining to see Jack worry over him so much.
Leave me alone
He pushed Jack’s presence in his mind away a lot, not wanting Jack to get so deeply concerned. They were getting strained.
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
There were so many options he could take, none of them really good ideas but he needed to do something, so he started trying to work out which one would work better.
And I know I’ll never change my ways
If I don’t give you up now
He needed to sort it out. Jack was beginning to show signs of stress and strain and he was getting careless when he was on missions, dieing more frequently because Ianto was taking his toll on the Captain.
It’s like I cant breathe
Its like I cant feel anything
Nothing but you
I’m addicted you
It’s like I can’t think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You’re taking over me
It’s like I’m not me,
It’s like I’m not me
And now he was lying in Jack’s arms, stroking the other man’s hair out of his face, caressing him gently as he remembered to be the Ianto Jack knew and loved. So he remembered him this way.
I’m hooked on you
Jack slips his hand down, cupping Ianto’s erection, squeezing a moan from his younger lover.
I need a fix
And Ianto let him, wanting the feeling of Jack around him, stroking him, teasing him. Making him complete.
I can’t take it
But he couldn’t handle the tender caresses Jack was bestowing on him. He needed something rougher, just once more.
Just one more hit
He needed Jack to pound him into the mattress of the small camp bed beneath his office. He conveyed this wish verbally, though slightly more eloquently, and Jack looked at him a little shocked, searching his eyes for a reason.
I promise
I can deal with it
Ianto smiled, hiding behind a perfected veneer, which even Jack couldn’t see through if Ianto didn’t want him to. He knew what he had to do to convince Jack that this was ok, when really, Ianto was anything but ok.
I’ll handle it
But Jack couldn’t be shown that, or he’d stop it. And Ianto needed it, needed Jack to understand that he wasn’t doing what he was doing to hurt Jack, only to take care of him, and let him go.
Quit it
This was the last time he’d let Jack touch him like this. The last time he’d be able to, because there was no way that Jack would be able to stop him.
Just one more time
Then that’s it
Jack fucked him hard, and Ianto memorised every touch, every caress, knowing it would be the last.
Just a little bit more
He held off his own orgasm, waiting for Jack, so that the two came off together, for the first and last time.
To get me through this
He was such a coward. He knew he wouldn’t be able to go through with it if he didn’t go to Jack first. He wasn’t strong enough to do it without the love of his Captain and the feel of him fresh in his mind.
I’m hooked on you
His thoughts raced
I need a fix
He knew he needed to act.
I cant take it
And when he slipped a sedative into Jack’s water when he passed it to the other man in the dark,
Just one more hit
He knew this was it.
I promise
He kissed Jack soundly,
I can deal with it
Making it a good last kiss,
I’ll handle it
One Jack would remember when he woke up,
Quit it
And felt him slip into sleep.
Just one more time
And as Ianto slipped from the bed, dressing and leaving his pre-written note on Jack’s pillow,
Then that’s it
He knew he was doing the right thing.
Just a little bit more
He was letting Jack go.
To get me through this
He kissed Jack’s lips one last time, murmured his last goodbye, his last “I love you” and climbed up the ladder.
It’s like I cant breathe
He straightened a few things on Jack’s desk, left a pile of the reports he knew needed signing and sending off and left the office.
Its like I cant feel anything
He left a note on Gwen’s desk, with instructions on how to feed the pterodactyl and how to work the coffee machine. He also left his front door keys, so they could sort out his flat.
Nothing but you
He glanced one last time around the Hub before checking his pockets and walking out of the door. He wasn’t worried about the cog door waking Jack, not really. Jack was out ‘til at least the next morning. He took the lift up to the tourist office, locking the door behind him and pushing the key through the letterbox.
I’m addicted you
He looked into the CCTV camera, knowing Jack would look at them in the morning and saluted, a straight backed, military salute, like he’d seen Jack use when he came into contact with other soldiers, normally mocking it was true, but Ianto meant this one. He nodded to the camera and left, walking away.
It’s like I cant think
He couldn’t feel guilt. He couldn’t.
Without you interrupting me
It was better in the long run, for jack and for him. For everyone.
In my thoughts
He needed to do this.
In my dreams
He needed to go.
Your taking over me
That’s what he told himself over and over and over again in his head as he walked through the pouring rain. He wasn’t thinking straight, he knew that, but he hadn’t been for a while. And it was just getting worse. They used to say there was only one cure for madness.
Its like I'm not me,
Maybe they were right. He walked out onto the top of the Millennium centre. It was one of Jack’s favourite places to be when he needed to be alone. Maybe this wasn’t the best place then, but maybe it would get rid of Jack’s fixation with rooftops. ?Ianto had tried, but to no avail. Not that it mattered all that much now.
Its like I’m not me
He pulled the gun out of his pocket and put it to his head, cocking it and taking a deep shuddering breath. This was possibly the biggest mistake he was going to make, but it wouldn’t matter. Not a bit, because Jack would be free. Free of him and his obsession. And maybe one day the Doctor would find a way to fix Jack and Jack could join him if he wanted to. Then it was his choice. He wouldn’t be forced to bear Ianto’s presence.
The wind picked up, and Ianto nearly fell, but he steadied himself. This was on his terms.
“I love you Jack.” He whispered into the night as he pulled the trigger.
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I have no idea where this came from. It is completely random. Its ok if you hate it, I’m not too sure about it but there we go.
Feed back is love.