Fic: Burning Fuse the Only Flame I Have
Title: Burning Fuse the Only Flame I Have
Characters/Pairings: Bill/Laura, Laura, Kara
Rating: T
Word Count: ~4700
Disclaimer: don't own them.
Warning: Major Character Death
Summary: As Bill and Laura grow closer again after New Caprica, Laura and Kara also develop a friendship
A/N: Much thanks to lanalucy for working through this one with me. *hugs*
A/N2: Title comes from Katatonia's "Idle Blood"
Bill was pacing his quarters. Up and back, and again. She lost count of the number of times. It didn’t take a detective to know something was wrong. “Okay, spill it, Bill.”
He looked over at her, finally stopping his pacing, and sat down next to her. “Kara...she...I can’t reach her anymore. Saul either, but I know he just needs time. I don’t know with Kara.”
Laura put her hand on his left shoulder. “None of us know exactly what happened to her. Not even Sam.” She sighed. “But I have ideas, and none of them are good. In fact, they get progressively worse.”
He put his right hand on top of hers. “All right, tell me.”
“She spent four months as Leoben’s captive. That’s all we know for sure. But...”
He looked away. “Kara’s tough.”
“She is. Cylons are tougher. And they don’t die.”
He put his head in his hands. “What can I do for her?”
She hmmed. “Kicking her out of a chair probably isn’t going to do the trick.”
“You heard about that?”
“Yeah. It was the talk of Galactica.”
Bill hung his head, and her heart broke for him a little more. He was clearly torn between being a father and being a commanding officer, and neither of those roles was what Kara needed. He was losing his family. Again. But maybe she could help him. “Can I fix this?” he asked.
“I’m not sure this is something that can be fixed.” She squeezed his shoulder. “Why don’t I have a go?”
There was something of a smile forming on his face. It was the best he’d looked since she entered his quarters. Their meeting had been supplanted by his nervous pacing. The fuel reports could wait, as far as she was concerned. “Yeah, maybe you can reach her. I mean, you are the one who convinced her to go to Caprica.” There was no trace of hostility or anger in that statement. It was something of...awe. A clear sign of how far they’d come.
She grinned. “This will be different, though. No agenda, just two women talking.” She giggled. “And I promise not to inspire insurrection in your top pilot.”
He covered her hand again, squeezing it. “Thank you, Laura. And I’d take her insurrection gladly.” She snorted. “Okay, maybe not, but...just bring her back.” Then he brought her hand to up to his lips, kissing it, one finger at a time. She moaned.
She stroked his cheek. “Better?”
“Yeah.” He pulled her in for a hug and kissed her hair. “I missed this.”
“What’s that?” She broke free just enough to look at him, while still allowing him to hold her.
“Missed you. Our talks. The smell of your hair. Those sounds you make when you’re thinking.” He held her tighter. “I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay and fight and die.”
“You had to leave.” She kissed his cheek. “How else were we gonna get off that mudball?”
“So you’re not mad?”
She hmmed. “Oh, I’m mad about a lot of things. But not with you. Not over that. You did exactly what I would have ordered you to do.”
He held her for a few minutes. He had become more...tactile since the exodus. It was obvious he needed the contact, the physical connection between them. And if she were honest, she needed it too. They sat quietly, as she rested her head against his chest. The only sounds were Galactica’s steady rumbling and creaking and their breathing. “I guess we should get to those fuel reports,” he said.
She grinned against his chest. He was back.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
“You wanted to see me, Sir?”
Kara Thrace stood in front of Laura’s desk. Looking like...a shadow of her former self. But there was just enough of Starbuck to give Laura hope. This would work, maybe not right away, but she could do it. They could do it. Laura smiled. “Yes I did.” She gestured to the chair. “Why don’t you take a seat?”
Kara stood stiffer. “I’d rather stand until I know why I’m here.”
Laura nodded. “And why do you think you’re here?”
“Frak if I know--sir.” Laura fought the urge to laugh, but kept it in, and Kara continued, “Last time we met, you convinced me to go against the Old Man, leave behind everything I loved and cared about. For a vision. For Earth. And then, what?”
“Everything went to pot, I know. And I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” Kara looked...incredulous.
Laura nodded. “I acted rashly. Perhaps I was inspired by a certain pilot.” Kara snorted. “I gave you a mission because I knew you could handle it. I knew you were the only one who could handle it. I just…believed. You understand that, right? Faith, belief?” Kara let out a grunt. “But that’s not why you’re here today. I just want to...talk.”
“Um, yeah, all due respect, I don’t...talk.”
Laura sighed. “Neither do I, really, but maybe we can change that.”
“This is about New Caprica, isn’t it?” Kara clearly wasn’t pleased to be there, but she sat down. “It’s not like I have anywhere else to be right now.”
“Thank you.” Laura looked in Kara’s eyes. “Now that I have you here, I don’t know where to begin.”
Kara laughed. “The President of the Twelve Colonies is speechless. That’s a story for the press.”
“It is, isn’t it? Don’t tell them, though. They’re annoying enough as it is.”
“And here I thought you enjoyed their presence.”
Laura groaned. “Not even a little. But they have their uses.”
“Is this when you get me to open up?”
Laura sighed. “Only if you want to. I have dismissed my staff for the afternoon. Anything you say, whatever you choose to say, none of that will ever leave this office. And I can tell you things, if you want.”
“Things?”
Laura nodded. “You were...away for four months. Stuff happened in that time.”
“Frakkin’ New Caprica.”
“Frakkin’ New Caprica. I blame myself, you know?”
“What the frak for?!”
Laura sighed and continued, “I mean, when I’m not blaming that frakweasel. You know that ‘tabulation error’ the final night of voting?” Kara nodded. “It wasn’t an error. I tried to steal the election.”
“And the Old Man caught you.”
“And I chose not to go through with it. Had I done what I knew was best for the people, none of--” Laura gestured toward New Caprica and everything it represented to them with her hands. “--that would have happened.”
Kara grunted. “If only, right?” She put up her hands. “If you’re going to be passing blame around, you can give some to the idiots who voted for that frakweasel, Zarek for advising him, Gaeta for being his love puppy or whatever, The Old Man for his do-what’s-right morality. Oh, and what about the cylons? And their grand notions of communal living.” Kara snorted. “It sucked, all right? It was a truly frakked up place--even before the cylons got there--and it wasn’t your job to save us. And maybe you couldn’t have.”
“You’re gonna absolve me, Kara?”
Kara shook her head. “There’s nothing to absolve. But if I get my hands on that frakweasel...well, it will be unpleasant for him.”
“And Leoben?”
Kara smirked. “You wouldn’t even have time to airlock him before I got to him.”
“Would that help? Killing a man who can’t die?”
Kara shrugged. “If he’s dumb enough to keep coming back, I’ll keep killing him.”
“But why does he come back? Why you?”
Kara smirked. “Maybe I’m just special.”
“Yes, you are. I’ve known that from the beginning.”
Kara raised a brow. “Really?”
“Yes, really. My first knowledge of you involved both Adamas refusing to follow my orders. Refusing to leave you, and then, moments after they gave up hope, you returning to us. Having stolen a raider, no less. So yes, Kara Thrace, I know you’re special, and it goes beyond being the ‘top gun’.”
“Kat’s the top gun now.”
Laura shook her head. “Maybe at the moment, if you’re only looking at sheer numbers, but you’ve done things, seen things, she can’t imagine. That no one really can.”
“He was...nice to me, I guess.” Kara shrugged. “Never raised his voice. Fed me.”
“It was a trick, a game.”
Kara nodded. “And I killed him every night. It was like...he saw it coming but didn’t care. Almost wanted it.”
Laura gave a small nod, hoping Kara would continue.
“I’d stab him during dinner and then continue eating as he bled out. But...there was always another one. And he never disposed of the body right away.” Kara shook her head. “There was only one bedroom, so I had a choice. The living Leoben upstairs or the dead one downstairs.”
“And?”
“I always chose the dead one.”
“How did...that must have been...I...I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well. The cylons don’t follow the rules of war.” Kara gestured to Laura. “I was promised a story.”
Laura shrugged. “Mine’s not...well, after you were taken, Sam started to recover. Cottle did whatever he could for him, but it wasn’t much, and with the ships gone, there were even fewer supplies.” She shuddered at the memory. “The cylons could have provided us basic necessities, but they didn’t, and even if they did, I’m sure few of us would have accepted them.”
“Probably not.”
“Anyway, we started a resistance. My position within the school helped with contacts. Children’s parents, things like that.”
Kara raised a brow. “I know about the resistance. Sam and Tigh told me. I want your story.”
Laura sighed. “My story is their story. Every sick child because the environment couldn’t sustain human life. Every cylon raid. Every vacant stare as the people kept going past their endurance. Every scream inside the detention center.”
Kara’s eyes widened. “Were you--”
Laura shook her head. “I didn’t need to be. My scars are in here.” She gestured to her heart. “That’s how they tried to break me, but I...wouldn’t...couldn’t--” She broke off, her tears falling softly but steadily. She wiped them away with her right hand. “No one can say The President doesn’t cry, huh?”
Kara nodded. “I’m...uh, sorry. I’m sorry, Madame President. And man, now I know why you say it, but frak, it doesn’t help at all, does it?”
Laura laughed through her tears. “If anyone can figure out something else to say or do that would help, it would be you, Kara.”
Kara snorted. “I don’t know about that. I’m not really...the helping type.”
“Yes, you are. You just have your own way. Your own style. I admire that, really, I do.”
Kara grinned. “I can’t wait to tell that to Colonel Tigh when he gives me a hard time.”
“By all means, use it for that piece of work.”
Kara shrugged. “He’s not so bad. I...I don’t know...I feel bad for him now.”
Laura nodded. And they each reflected on the frakkin’ planet and its many many victims. The Tighs high on their list.
Kara broke out of her thoughts first. “I should go, Madame President. Thanks for...just thanks.”
Laura gave a small smile. “Thank you, Kara. This was...helpful, I think. We should talk again soon.”
“Yeah, this wasn’t so bad. No offense.”
“None taken.”
Laura stood and offered Kara her hand. They shook hands, and exchanged goodbyes and well wishes. Then Kara made her exit. Laura watched her retreating form. That had gone better than she expected. She smiled as she thought of how relieved Bill would be. Not that she would reveal anything that was said, but she could safely tell him Kara was already making progress. And so was Laura, but he didn’t need to know that.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
“How’d it go?” Bill asked as soon as he picked up the phone.
“Hello to you too,” she said, close to giggles.
He chuckled. “Sorry, Madame President. Hello. How are you tonight?”
“I’m fine, Bill, thanks. And I think we made real progress in our meeting.”
He let out a breath. “Thanks, Laura. I should have thought to go to you in the first place.”
“You wanted to handle it yourself. And given your history, I understand that. She wants nothing more than to please you, you know. She cares so much about what you think.”
“So you got through to her?”
“I think I did. However, we’ll need to continue meeting. Otherwise, the effect won’t last.”
“Of course. She could...use someone like you in her life. I mean if you can spare the time.”
She smiled into the phone. “I can. I should get off the phone. 0500 comes early. Good night, Bill.”
He wished her a good night, and they hung up. She laid back against her cot. She had so much work to do the next day.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Kara sat at attention across from Laura. The pilot was wearing her uniform, and there was a look of barely disguised anger on her face. Whatever the cause, the anger wasn’t directed at Laura, which was probably why it was disguised at all. Laura made a show of closing the folder in front of her, and then she looked up, removed her glasses, and gave Kara her undivided attention. “How are you today, Captain?”
“Fine, sir.”
“You’re back in your viper?”
Kara nodded.
Laura smiled. “That must feel great.”
“I guess.” She fidgeted in the chair. “Is there something you need, Madame President?”
Laura didn’t drop her smile but it did fade a little. “I need many things, of course. But at this time, no.” She tried to look inviting. “What about you? Anything you’d like to talk about?” She leaned in slightly, pleased Kara didn’t move back against her chair. “Remember, the same rules apply. Nothing leaves this office.”
Kara shrugged. “I’m flying, and it feels good, but the CAG is riding my ass about every little thing--”
“I thought you two were close.”
“What do you know?!”
Laura shrugged. “I see things. More than you’d think, I’m sure.”
Kara looked like she wasn’t sure what to make of that. But curiosity won. “Like what?”
“Well, I remember when you were lost, crashed on that moon, Captain Apollo--” Kara snickered at the pet name. Laura giggled. “I guess he’s Major Apollo now.”
“More like Major Pain in the Ass.”
Laura nodded. “I admit, he can be that too.” She waved her hand slightly. “Anyway, he refused to stop looking, he and the Old Man. They only stopped when I ordered them to give up. It was the first time they had agreed on anything since I’d known them.”
Kara’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know that.”
Laura grinned. “I also remember that kiss.”
“What?”
“You know? On the Astral Queen.”
“Oh, right. That one.”
That one? There had been kisses. Plural. And it didn’t seem like Bill had a clue. “I’m sorry you’re not getting along right now, but I’m sure you of all people can patch things up.”
Kara rolled her eyes. “Yeah. I don’t know.”
They had clearly both married the wrong people and were both angry and hurt by it. There was nothing that could be done about that at the moment, though it might bear further study. “When you’re not flying, what do you do?”
Kara shrugged. “I’m not the fleet fun girl right now. Tigh and I drink together.”
Laura raised a brow. She had known there was no love lost between them before New Caprica.
“Surprised me too. I guess that frakked up planet really did change everything.”
“Yes, it did.”
“Well, speaking of Tigh, I kind of said I’d meet him after my shift.”
Laura nodded. “We’ll have to meet again soon, okay? And you know, you’re always free to stop by.” She winked. “I can always stand to take a break.”
Kara stood and offered Laura a salute, which she returned before exiting. Laura sank back into her chair, semi-relieved the young woman was more concerned about her personal relationships than with the events on New Caprica. For the moment anyway.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
“You really had no idea?” Laura asked, eyebrow raised.
Bill shook his head. “None.”
“I shouldn’t say more. I won’t break her confidence - any more than I already have.”
Bill patted Laura’s kneecap. “Her secret’s safe with me. Yours too.” He sighed. “You know, I used to have this...fantasy, I guess you could say.”
“Go on.”
He chuckled. “Get your head out of the gutter, Roslin.”
She giggled and rested her head against his shoulder. It was so steady, solid - like the rest of him. She had missed him so much on that planet. His sound, logical mind, his counsel and friendship. She had missed him. Endstop.
“After Zak...Lee and I had our falling out.”
“I remember something about that, yes.”
He nodded. “But then there was Kara. It was like seeing my young self in a young woman. My very own daughter, you know?”
She hmmed in the affirmative, having noticed the similarities between them.
“That reminds me...I’ll be right back.” He moved out from under Laura’s head and got off the couch and went to his desk. One of the drawers he didn’t use much, at least not from what she could tell. Then he returned with something. He handed it to Laura and sat down. “She gave me this for my birthday.”
She opened it. It was a picture of Kara grinning, wearing a fake mustache. She really did take after the Old Man. She handed it back to Bill. “I can see the resemblance, can’t you?”
He nodded. All the love and pride of a father. “Anyway, I used to think if Kara and Lee got together it would be like I had my family back. I’d still miss Zak, of course, but we’d be...complete.”
It seemed like he had nearly gotten his wish without knowing it. “Then what?”
“Kara met Sam. And he’s a really great kid, nice guy. I thought…”
“And Dee’s a lovely young woman.”
He smiled fondly. “Yes she is.” He draped his arm around Laura, and she leaned against him again. “Now, I just want them all to be happy. And safe.”
She sighed. “Well, we’re doing our best with the safe part. No guarantees there, though. And their happiness….I think Kara has to believe she deserves it.”
“And she doesn’t?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why...I don’t..”
“I don’t know.”
“You think you can help her?”
She stroked his cheek. “I’ll certainly try.”
He kissed her hand. One finger at a time. That was becoming their thing, it seemed. It was a good thing she enjoyed it. “You’re quite the therapist, Madame President. Bet you never saw that coming?”
She grinned. “You’d be surprised, Bill. In my earlier life I was a guidance counselor.”
He chuckled. “Is there anything you haven’t done?”
“Hmm. I never served in the military.”
They both laughed, and then they fell into an easy silence. She rested against him, as he rubbed her head and hair. She moaned. And he kept rubbing. His hands were made for this. “You’re gonna put me to sleep,” she said.
"Maybe that's my plan. It's like I keep saying. You're always welcome in one of my beds."
She swatted his arm, and they laughed again. "You never know, Bill, I may take you up on that one day."
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Their sessions continued. Kara didn’t bring up Lee, Sam, or even Leoben again. They rarely talked about New Caprica. Instead, Kara talked about flying. She had an almost poetic way of describing the sensations she experienced inside her viper.
It was a delight to listen to, and Laura knew, even on a good day at her job, she had never felt that passionately about anything she’d done throughout her political career. The last time Laura had felt that strongly about work was during her final year as a teacher.
New Caprica had begun to reawaken those feelings, and like the illusion it had always been, the planet cruelly destroyed them. The cylons had returned, like she had always known they would, and it was the final confirmation that they were not on Earth. That they hadn’t finished their journey. Perhaps the gods were even punishing them for their insolence.
Kara even asked Laura questions: What it had felt like when she had her first vision, how she had ended up in politics, did she like her job, was Zarek much of an improvement over Baltar. Laura answered each question candidly, and they had laughed at some of her answers, especially her hesitant ‘yes’ to the final question.
And they talked about Earth.
“I used to think neither of us would see our bright, shiny future, but maybe I was wrong,” Kara had said. She had asked what Laura wanted to see most on Earth.
“Hmm. I’d like an actual coffee shop. A bathroom with a tub. And most of all, someone else to take this job.”
Kara had grinned. “Does that tub have room for two?” She had laughed after Laura snorted out the water she’d just sipped. “I see the way he looks at you.” She had gazed at Laura. “It’s a lot like your face right now.”
Laura had nodded. “Then, yes, my dream tub would be built for two.”
Kara had ended the session after that.
After Katraine had died, Kara showed up, unscheduled but not unexpected. Kara looked broken. She sat in front of Laura’s desk. “I’ll just sit here for awhile, if that’s okay, sir.”
Laura nodded. “Of course.” She smiled sympathetically. “How are the rest of the crew?” Bill had mentioned how beloved Katraine, or Kat, had been, second only to Kara herself.
“Everyone will be fine, sir. It’s not the first…”
“No, it isn’t. But it’s okay to mourn, Kara. It’s okay to feel.”
Kara snorted. “She was such a pain in the ass.”
Laura nodded. “The best friends usually are.”
Kara was quiet after that, and Laura glanced at the open file on her desk. “I was going to address the fleet, acknowledge the sacrifices made and reassure them that we’ll be able to sustain ourselves,” Laura said.
“I liked your last address. It was real. Honest, you know.”
“I was terrified.”
Kara nodded. “I should get ready for the service. The Old Man asked me to speak.” She shrugged. “I guess I’ll wing it.”
“Just speak from the heart. You can’t go wrong that way.”
Kara stood up, and Laura rose, following Kara toward the exit. “Maybe I’ll see you there.”
Kara’s eyes widened. Laura had done her best to attend the services, especially those for Galactica’s crewmembers, but she hadn’t always been able to. In this case, she’d had Tory clear her schedule for the day.
Kara hugged Laura. It was a lot like the one she had given after the tyllium mission years ago. Spontaneous. Friendly. Caring. Laura held Kara tight. She could feel the pilot relax against her. When Kara pulled back, she said, “Thanks, Laura. For...just thanks.”
Laura smiled. “Thank you, Kara. I’ll see you later, okay?”
Kara left the office, and Laura returned to her desk to draft that address.
////////////////////////////////////////////////
When Kara had stopped them in the corridor to give Bill that figurine, it had been like a sign that Laura didn’t need to worry about Kara anymore. She had been sweet and loving and still perfectly Starbuck.
She and Bill had continued to his quarters, and Laura thought of what Kara had said before: The way he looked at her didn’t gel with what he had said about their responsibilities, and then there was the offer of a bed, and all the...touching. Perhaps she needed to take a page out of Kara’s book and make a frakkin’ move because waiting for Bill was equal parts confusing and frustrating.
They had conducted their meeting like normal. She had watched him place the figurine on his desk next to the model ship. She knew he would spend whatever time he could spare later to affix it to the ship, probably after polishing the figurine first.
She returned to Colonial One after their meeting and was finishing up some last minute files before getting ready to retire to her private quarters with the book she had borrowed from Bill. Her phone rang.
She answered and was surprised to hear Colonel Tigh on the other end. “Starbuck’s gone, Madame President.”
“Gone?”
She thought she heard him choke up slightly. “Dead. Her viper exploded in that maelstrom. Apollo saw the whole thing. I thought you should know.”
“I’ll be right there.”
“Yes, sir.”
He ended the call. She rested the phone in its cradle and put her head in her hands. How could this have happened?
She entered her private bathroom and turned on the water, as hot as she could stand, undressed quickly, and stood under the stream. Her tears fell freely then, and she had no idea which water droplets were from the shower and which were tears. Bill had mentioned Lee’s concerns with her flying. Had the three of them missed something? Had they failed to keep her safe?
When Laura was cried out, she turned off the water, got dressed, and returned to her office ready to notify Tory of her evening plans.
The phone rang before she could get ahold of Tory. It was Doctor Cottle. “I think you should come by for some tests.”
She sighed. That could only mean one thing. “I’ll be aboard Galactica tonight. I can stop by tomorrow morning. Will that do?”
“Yeah. That'll work. Now get your ass over here. You’re the only one who can come close to calming that fool of a man.”
Bill. “Understood.” She hung up the phone, quickly notified Tory. Early morning medical tests were a very convenient excuse, at least.
///////////////////////////////////////////////
As she walked through the corridors, she could see the difference in the crew. They were all as stunned and saddened as she. Aside from exchanged salutes, no one engaged her. It was as though they all knew what she was there to do and didn’t want to hold her up a second.
She knocked on Bill’s hatch.
“Not now,” he shouted.
She opened the hatch, thinking she was prepared for the worst. “Not even for me, Bill?”
He was slumped on the couch. His jacket open and tanks untucked. His beautiful model ship was lying in pieces on the desk. He looked up at her, but it was like he didn’t see her at first, but then it clicked. “You can stay.”
She fully entered the quarters, closing the hatch behind her, and sat on the sofa next to him.
“I guess you heard.”
She took his hand in hers. “I’m so sorry.”
He sobbed openly then, and she pulled him in for a hug, holding him tight. She said nothing, refusing to utter the lie that everything would be okay. It wouldn’t be. Instead, she stroked his back.
When his sobs subsided, he pulled back. “I got your jacket wet.”
She stroked his cheek. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Do you have to go back?”
She shook her head. “I’m staying aboard ‘til tomorrow.”
He nodded.
“I thought I’d finally take you up on your offer.”
The only change in his face was in his eyes. He was glad she was there, glad she was staying, but he couldn’t be happy. And neither could she. Not that night. Probably not for a long time.
He took her hand in his and stroked her fingers and palm absently. She leaned her head against his shoulder. They wouldn’t speak of Kara or the accident that night. That’d be for the next day. And she wouldn’t mention that other thing until then either. Tonight would be for mourning, for contact, for Kara, for them.
Characters/Pairings: Bill/Laura, Laura, Kara
Rating: T
Word Count: ~4700
Disclaimer: don't own them.
Warning: Major Character Death
Summary: As Bill and Laura grow closer again after New Caprica, Laura and Kara also develop a friendship
A/N: Much thanks to lanalucy for working through this one with me. *hugs*
A/N2: Title comes from Katatonia's "Idle Blood"
Bill was pacing his quarters. Up and back, and again. She lost count of the number of times. It didn’t take a detective to know something was wrong. “Okay, spill it, Bill.”
He looked over at her, finally stopping his pacing, and sat down next to her. “Kara...she...I can’t reach her anymore. Saul either, but I know he just needs time. I don’t know with Kara.”
Laura put her hand on his left shoulder. “None of us know exactly what happened to her. Not even Sam.” She sighed. “But I have ideas, and none of them are good. In fact, they get progressively worse.”
He put his right hand on top of hers. “All right, tell me.”
“She spent four months as Leoben’s captive. That’s all we know for sure. But...”
He looked away. “Kara’s tough.”
“She is. Cylons are tougher. And they don’t die.”
He put his head in his hands. “What can I do for her?”
She hmmed. “Kicking her out of a chair probably isn’t going to do the trick.”
“You heard about that?”
“Yeah. It was the talk of Galactica.”
Bill hung his head, and her heart broke for him a little more. He was clearly torn between being a father and being a commanding officer, and neither of those roles was what Kara needed. He was losing his family. Again. But maybe she could help him. “Can I fix this?” he asked.
“I’m not sure this is something that can be fixed.” She squeezed his shoulder. “Why don’t I have a go?”
There was something of a smile forming on his face. It was the best he’d looked since she entered his quarters. Their meeting had been supplanted by his nervous pacing. The fuel reports could wait, as far as she was concerned. “Yeah, maybe you can reach her. I mean, you are the one who convinced her to go to Caprica.” There was no trace of hostility or anger in that statement. It was something of...awe. A clear sign of how far they’d come.
She grinned. “This will be different, though. No agenda, just two women talking.” She giggled. “And I promise not to inspire insurrection in your top pilot.”
He covered her hand again, squeezing it. “Thank you, Laura. And I’d take her insurrection gladly.” She snorted. “Okay, maybe not, but...just bring her back.” Then he brought her hand to up to his lips, kissing it, one finger at a time. She moaned.
She stroked his cheek. “Better?”
“Yeah.” He pulled her in for a hug and kissed her hair. “I missed this.”
“What’s that?” She broke free just enough to look at him, while still allowing him to hold her.
“Missed you. Our talks. The smell of your hair. Those sounds you make when you’re thinking.” He held her tighter. “I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay and fight and die.”
“You had to leave.” She kissed his cheek. “How else were we gonna get off that mudball?”
“So you’re not mad?”
She hmmed. “Oh, I’m mad about a lot of things. But not with you. Not over that. You did exactly what I would have ordered you to do.”
He held her for a few minutes. He had become more...tactile since the exodus. It was obvious he needed the contact, the physical connection between them. And if she were honest, she needed it too. They sat quietly, as she rested her head against his chest. The only sounds were Galactica’s steady rumbling and creaking and their breathing. “I guess we should get to those fuel reports,” he said.
She grinned against his chest. He was back.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
“You wanted to see me, Sir?”
Kara Thrace stood in front of Laura’s desk. Looking like...a shadow of her former self. But there was just enough of Starbuck to give Laura hope. This would work, maybe not right away, but she could do it. They could do it. Laura smiled. “Yes I did.” She gestured to the chair. “Why don’t you take a seat?”
Kara stood stiffer. “I’d rather stand until I know why I’m here.”
Laura nodded. “And why do you think you’re here?”
“Frak if I know--sir.” Laura fought the urge to laugh, but kept it in, and Kara continued, “Last time we met, you convinced me to go against the Old Man, leave behind everything I loved and cared about. For a vision. For Earth. And then, what?”
“Everything went to pot, I know. And I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” Kara looked...incredulous.
Laura nodded. “I acted rashly. Perhaps I was inspired by a certain pilot.” Kara snorted. “I gave you a mission because I knew you could handle it. I knew you were the only one who could handle it. I just…believed. You understand that, right? Faith, belief?” Kara let out a grunt. “But that’s not why you’re here today. I just want to...talk.”
“Um, yeah, all due respect, I don’t...talk.”
Laura sighed. “Neither do I, really, but maybe we can change that.”
“This is about New Caprica, isn’t it?” Kara clearly wasn’t pleased to be there, but she sat down. “It’s not like I have anywhere else to be right now.”
“Thank you.” Laura looked in Kara’s eyes. “Now that I have you here, I don’t know where to begin.”
Kara laughed. “The President of the Twelve Colonies is speechless. That’s a story for the press.”
“It is, isn’t it? Don’t tell them, though. They’re annoying enough as it is.”
“And here I thought you enjoyed their presence.”
Laura groaned. “Not even a little. But they have their uses.”
“Is this when you get me to open up?”
Laura sighed. “Only if you want to. I have dismissed my staff for the afternoon. Anything you say, whatever you choose to say, none of that will ever leave this office. And I can tell you things, if you want.”
“Things?”
Laura nodded. “You were...away for four months. Stuff happened in that time.”
“Frakkin’ New Caprica.”
“Frakkin’ New Caprica. I blame myself, you know?”
“What the frak for?!”
Laura sighed and continued, “I mean, when I’m not blaming that frakweasel. You know that ‘tabulation error’ the final night of voting?” Kara nodded. “It wasn’t an error. I tried to steal the election.”
“And the Old Man caught you.”
“And I chose not to go through with it. Had I done what I knew was best for the people, none of--” Laura gestured toward New Caprica and everything it represented to them with her hands. “--that would have happened.”
Kara grunted. “If only, right?” She put up her hands. “If you’re going to be passing blame around, you can give some to the idiots who voted for that frakweasel, Zarek for advising him, Gaeta for being his love puppy or whatever, The Old Man for his do-what’s-right morality. Oh, and what about the cylons? And their grand notions of communal living.” Kara snorted. “It sucked, all right? It was a truly frakked up place--even before the cylons got there--and it wasn’t your job to save us. And maybe you couldn’t have.”
“You’re gonna absolve me, Kara?”
Kara shook her head. “There’s nothing to absolve. But if I get my hands on that frakweasel...well, it will be unpleasant for him.”
“And Leoben?”
Kara smirked. “You wouldn’t even have time to airlock him before I got to him.”
“Would that help? Killing a man who can’t die?”
Kara shrugged. “If he’s dumb enough to keep coming back, I’ll keep killing him.”
“But why does he come back? Why you?”
Kara smirked. “Maybe I’m just special.”
“Yes, you are. I’ve known that from the beginning.”
Kara raised a brow. “Really?”
“Yes, really. My first knowledge of you involved both Adamas refusing to follow my orders. Refusing to leave you, and then, moments after they gave up hope, you returning to us. Having stolen a raider, no less. So yes, Kara Thrace, I know you’re special, and it goes beyond being the ‘top gun’.”
“Kat’s the top gun now.”
Laura shook her head. “Maybe at the moment, if you’re only looking at sheer numbers, but you’ve done things, seen things, she can’t imagine. That no one really can.”
“He was...nice to me, I guess.” Kara shrugged. “Never raised his voice. Fed me.”
“It was a trick, a game.”
Kara nodded. “And I killed him every night. It was like...he saw it coming but didn’t care. Almost wanted it.”
Laura gave a small nod, hoping Kara would continue.
“I’d stab him during dinner and then continue eating as he bled out. But...there was always another one. And he never disposed of the body right away.” Kara shook her head. “There was only one bedroom, so I had a choice. The living Leoben upstairs or the dead one downstairs.”
“And?”
“I always chose the dead one.”
“How did...that must have been...I...I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well. The cylons don’t follow the rules of war.” Kara gestured to Laura. “I was promised a story.”
Laura shrugged. “Mine’s not...well, after you were taken, Sam started to recover. Cottle did whatever he could for him, but it wasn’t much, and with the ships gone, there were even fewer supplies.” She shuddered at the memory. “The cylons could have provided us basic necessities, but they didn’t, and even if they did, I’m sure few of us would have accepted them.”
“Probably not.”
“Anyway, we started a resistance. My position within the school helped with contacts. Children’s parents, things like that.”
Kara raised a brow. “I know about the resistance. Sam and Tigh told me. I want your story.”
Laura sighed. “My story is their story. Every sick child because the environment couldn’t sustain human life. Every cylon raid. Every vacant stare as the people kept going past their endurance. Every scream inside the detention center.”
Kara’s eyes widened. “Were you--”
Laura shook her head. “I didn’t need to be. My scars are in here.” She gestured to her heart. “That’s how they tried to break me, but I...wouldn’t...couldn’t--” She broke off, her tears falling softly but steadily. She wiped them away with her right hand. “No one can say The President doesn’t cry, huh?”
Kara nodded. “I’m...uh, sorry. I’m sorry, Madame President. And man, now I know why you say it, but frak, it doesn’t help at all, does it?”
Laura laughed through her tears. “If anyone can figure out something else to say or do that would help, it would be you, Kara.”
Kara snorted. “I don’t know about that. I’m not really...the helping type.”
“Yes, you are. You just have your own way. Your own style. I admire that, really, I do.”
Kara grinned. “I can’t wait to tell that to Colonel Tigh when he gives me a hard time.”
“By all means, use it for that piece of work.”
Kara shrugged. “He’s not so bad. I...I don’t know...I feel bad for him now.”
Laura nodded. And they each reflected on the frakkin’ planet and its many many victims. The Tighs high on their list.
Kara broke out of her thoughts first. “I should go, Madame President. Thanks for...just thanks.”
Laura gave a small smile. “Thank you, Kara. This was...helpful, I think. We should talk again soon.”
“Yeah, this wasn’t so bad. No offense.”
“None taken.”
Laura stood and offered Kara her hand. They shook hands, and exchanged goodbyes and well wishes. Then Kara made her exit. Laura watched her retreating form. That had gone better than she expected. She smiled as she thought of how relieved Bill would be. Not that she would reveal anything that was said, but she could safely tell him Kara was already making progress. And so was Laura, but he didn’t need to know that.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
“How’d it go?” Bill asked as soon as he picked up the phone.
“Hello to you too,” she said, close to giggles.
He chuckled. “Sorry, Madame President. Hello. How are you tonight?”
“I’m fine, Bill, thanks. And I think we made real progress in our meeting.”
He let out a breath. “Thanks, Laura. I should have thought to go to you in the first place.”
“You wanted to handle it yourself. And given your history, I understand that. She wants nothing more than to please you, you know. She cares so much about what you think.”
“So you got through to her?”
“I think I did. However, we’ll need to continue meeting. Otherwise, the effect won’t last.”
“Of course. She could...use someone like you in her life. I mean if you can spare the time.”
She smiled into the phone. “I can. I should get off the phone. 0500 comes early. Good night, Bill.”
He wished her a good night, and they hung up. She laid back against her cot. She had so much work to do the next day.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Kara sat at attention across from Laura. The pilot was wearing her uniform, and there was a look of barely disguised anger on her face. Whatever the cause, the anger wasn’t directed at Laura, which was probably why it was disguised at all. Laura made a show of closing the folder in front of her, and then she looked up, removed her glasses, and gave Kara her undivided attention. “How are you today, Captain?”
“Fine, sir.”
“You’re back in your viper?”
Kara nodded.
Laura smiled. “That must feel great.”
“I guess.” She fidgeted in the chair. “Is there something you need, Madame President?”
Laura didn’t drop her smile but it did fade a little. “I need many things, of course. But at this time, no.” She tried to look inviting. “What about you? Anything you’d like to talk about?” She leaned in slightly, pleased Kara didn’t move back against her chair. “Remember, the same rules apply. Nothing leaves this office.”
Kara shrugged. “I’m flying, and it feels good, but the CAG is riding my ass about every little thing--”
“I thought you two were close.”
“What do you know?!”
Laura shrugged. “I see things. More than you’d think, I’m sure.”
Kara looked like she wasn’t sure what to make of that. But curiosity won. “Like what?”
“Well, I remember when you were lost, crashed on that moon, Captain Apollo--” Kara snickered at the pet name. Laura giggled. “I guess he’s Major Apollo now.”
“More like Major Pain in the Ass.”
Laura nodded. “I admit, he can be that too.” She waved her hand slightly. “Anyway, he refused to stop looking, he and the Old Man. They only stopped when I ordered them to give up. It was the first time they had agreed on anything since I’d known them.”
Kara’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know that.”
Laura grinned. “I also remember that kiss.”
“What?”
“You know? On the Astral Queen.”
“Oh, right. That one.”
That one? There had been kisses. Plural. And it didn’t seem like Bill had a clue. “I’m sorry you’re not getting along right now, but I’m sure you of all people can patch things up.”
Kara rolled her eyes. “Yeah. I don’t know.”
They had clearly both married the wrong people and were both angry and hurt by it. There was nothing that could be done about that at the moment, though it might bear further study. “When you’re not flying, what do you do?”
Kara shrugged. “I’m not the fleet fun girl right now. Tigh and I drink together.”
Laura raised a brow. She had known there was no love lost between them before New Caprica.
“Surprised me too. I guess that frakked up planet really did change everything.”
“Yes, it did.”
“Well, speaking of Tigh, I kind of said I’d meet him after my shift.”
Laura nodded. “We’ll have to meet again soon, okay? And you know, you’re always free to stop by.” She winked. “I can always stand to take a break.”
Kara stood and offered Laura a salute, which she returned before exiting. Laura sank back into her chair, semi-relieved the young woman was more concerned about her personal relationships than with the events on New Caprica. For the moment anyway.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
“You really had no idea?” Laura asked, eyebrow raised.
Bill shook his head. “None.”
“I shouldn’t say more. I won’t break her confidence - any more than I already have.”
Bill patted Laura’s kneecap. “Her secret’s safe with me. Yours too.” He sighed. “You know, I used to have this...fantasy, I guess you could say.”
“Go on.”
He chuckled. “Get your head out of the gutter, Roslin.”
She giggled and rested her head against his shoulder. It was so steady, solid - like the rest of him. She had missed him so much on that planet. His sound, logical mind, his counsel and friendship. She had missed him. Endstop.
“After Zak...Lee and I had our falling out.”
“I remember something about that, yes.”
He nodded. “But then there was Kara. It was like seeing my young self in a young woman. My very own daughter, you know?”
She hmmed in the affirmative, having noticed the similarities between them.
“That reminds me...I’ll be right back.” He moved out from under Laura’s head and got off the couch and went to his desk. One of the drawers he didn’t use much, at least not from what she could tell. Then he returned with something. He handed it to Laura and sat down. “She gave me this for my birthday.”
She opened it. It was a picture of Kara grinning, wearing a fake mustache. She really did take after the Old Man. She handed it back to Bill. “I can see the resemblance, can’t you?”
He nodded. All the love and pride of a father. “Anyway, I used to think if Kara and Lee got together it would be like I had my family back. I’d still miss Zak, of course, but we’d be...complete.”
It seemed like he had nearly gotten his wish without knowing it. “Then what?”
“Kara met Sam. And he’s a really great kid, nice guy. I thought…”
“And Dee’s a lovely young woman.”
He smiled fondly. “Yes she is.” He draped his arm around Laura, and she leaned against him again. “Now, I just want them all to be happy. And safe.”
She sighed. “Well, we’re doing our best with the safe part. No guarantees there, though. And their happiness….I think Kara has to believe she deserves it.”
“And she doesn’t?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why...I don’t..”
“I don’t know.”
“You think you can help her?”
She stroked his cheek. “I’ll certainly try.”
He kissed her hand. One finger at a time. That was becoming their thing, it seemed. It was a good thing she enjoyed it. “You’re quite the therapist, Madame President. Bet you never saw that coming?”
She grinned. “You’d be surprised, Bill. In my earlier life I was a guidance counselor.”
He chuckled. “Is there anything you haven’t done?”
“Hmm. I never served in the military.”
They both laughed, and then they fell into an easy silence. She rested against him, as he rubbed her head and hair. She moaned. And he kept rubbing. His hands were made for this. “You’re gonna put me to sleep,” she said.
"Maybe that's my plan. It's like I keep saying. You're always welcome in one of my beds."
She swatted his arm, and they laughed again. "You never know, Bill, I may take you up on that one day."
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Their sessions continued. Kara didn’t bring up Lee, Sam, or even Leoben again. They rarely talked about New Caprica. Instead, Kara talked about flying. She had an almost poetic way of describing the sensations she experienced inside her viper.
It was a delight to listen to, and Laura knew, even on a good day at her job, she had never felt that passionately about anything she’d done throughout her political career. The last time Laura had felt that strongly about work was during her final year as a teacher.
New Caprica had begun to reawaken those feelings, and like the illusion it had always been, the planet cruelly destroyed them. The cylons had returned, like she had always known they would, and it was the final confirmation that they were not on Earth. That they hadn’t finished their journey. Perhaps the gods were even punishing them for their insolence.
Kara even asked Laura questions: What it had felt like when she had her first vision, how she had ended up in politics, did she like her job, was Zarek much of an improvement over Baltar. Laura answered each question candidly, and they had laughed at some of her answers, especially her hesitant ‘yes’ to the final question.
And they talked about Earth.
“I used to think neither of us would see our bright, shiny future, but maybe I was wrong,” Kara had said. She had asked what Laura wanted to see most on Earth.
“Hmm. I’d like an actual coffee shop. A bathroom with a tub. And most of all, someone else to take this job.”
Kara had grinned. “Does that tub have room for two?” She had laughed after Laura snorted out the water she’d just sipped. “I see the way he looks at you.” She had gazed at Laura. “It’s a lot like your face right now.”
Laura had nodded. “Then, yes, my dream tub would be built for two.”
Kara had ended the session after that.
After Katraine had died, Kara showed up, unscheduled but not unexpected. Kara looked broken. She sat in front of Laura’s desk. “I’ll just sit here for awhile, if that’s okay, sir.”
Laura nodded. “Of course.” She smiled sympathetically. “How are the rest of the crew?” Bill had mentioned how beloved Katraine, or Kat, had been, second only to Kara herself.
“Everyone will be fine, sir. It’s not the first…”
“No, it isn’t. But it’s okay to mourn, Kara. It’s okay to feel.”
Kara snorted. “She was such a pain in the ass.”
Laura nodded. “The best friends usually are.”
Kara was quiet after that, and Laura glanced at the open file on her desk. “I was going to address the fleet, acknowledge the sacrifices made and reassure them that we’ll be able to sustain ourselves,” Laura said.
“I liked your last address. It was real. Honest, you know.”
“I was terrified.”
Kara nodded. “I should get ready for the service. The Old Man asked me to speak.” She shrugged. “I guess I’ll wing it.”
“Just speak from the heart. You can’t go wrong that way.”
Kara stood up, and Laura rose, following Kara toward the exit. “Maybe I’ll see you there.”
Kara’s eyes widened. Laura had done her best to attend the services, especially those for Galactica’s crewmembers, but she hadn’t always been able to. In this case, she’d had Tory clear her schedule for the day.
Kara hugged Laura. It was a lot like the one she had given after the tyllium mission years ago. Spontaneous. Friendly. Caring. Laura held Kara tight. She could feel the pilot relax against her. When Kara pulled back, she said, “Thanks, Laura. For...just thanks.”
Laura smiled. “Thank you, Kara. I’ll see you later, okay?”
Kara left the office, and Laura returned to her desk to draft that address.
////////////////////////////////////////////////
When Kara had stopped them in the corridor to give Bill that figurine, it had been like a sign that Laura didn’t need to worry about Kara anymore. She had been sweet and loving and still perfectly Starbuck.
She and Bill had continued to his quarters, and Laura thought of what Kara had said before: The way he looked at her didn’t gel with what he had said about their responsibilities, and then there was the offer of a bed, and all the...touching. Perhaps she needed to take a page out of Kara’s book and make a frakkin’ move because waiting for Bill was equal parts confusing and frustrating.
They had conducted their meeting like normal. She had watched him place the figurine on his desk next to the model ship. She knew he would spend whatever time he could spare later to affix it to the ship, probably after polishing the figurine first.
She returned to Colonial One after their meeting and was finishing up some last minute files before getting ready to retire to her private quarters with the book she had borrowed from Bill. Her phone rang.
She answered and was surprised to hear Colonel Tigh on the other end. “Starbuck’s gone, Madame President.”
“Gone?”
She thought she heard him choke up slightly. “Dead. Her viper exploded in that maelstrom. Apollo saw the whole thing. I thought you should know.”
“I’ll be right there.”
“Yes, sir.”
He ended the call. She rested the phone in its cradle and put her head in her hands. How could this have happened?
She entered her private bathroom and turned on the water, as hot as she could stand, undressed quickly, and stood under the stream. Her tears fell freely then, and she had no idea which water droplets were from the shower and which were tears. Bill had mentioned Lee’s concerns with her flying. Had the three of them missed something? Had they failed to keep her safe?
When Laura was cried out, she turned off the water, got dressed, and returned to her office ready to notify Tory of her evening plans.
The phone rang before she could get ahold of Tory. It was Doctor Cottle. “I think you should come by for some tests.”
She sighed. That could only mean one thing. “I’ll be aboard Galactica tonight. I can stop by tomorrow morning. Will that do?”
“Yeah. That'll work. Now get your ass over here. You’re the only one who can come close to calming that fool of a man.”
Bill. “Understood.” She hung up the phone, quickly notified Tory. Early morning medical tests were a very convenient excuse, at least.
///////////////////////////////////////////////
As she walked through the corridors, she could see the difference in the crew. They were all as stunned and saddened as she. Aside from exchanged salutes, no one engaged her. It was as though they all knew what she was there to do and didn’t want to hold her up a second.
She knocked on Bill’s hatch.
“Not now,” he shouted.
She opened the hatch, thinking she was prepared for the worst. “Not even for me, Bill?”
He was slumped on the couch. His jacket open and tanks untucked. His beautiful model ship was lying in pieces on the desk. He looked up at her, but it was like he didn’t see her at first, but then it clicked. “You can stay.”
She fully entered the quarters, closing the hatch behind her, and sat on the sofa next to him.
“I guess you heard.”
She took his hand in hers. “I’m so sorry.”
He sobbed openly then, and she pulled him in for a hug, holding him tight. She said nothing, refusing to utter the lie that everything would be okay. It wouldn’t be. Instead, she stroked his back.
When his sobs subsided, he pulled back. “I got your jacket wet.”
She stroked his cheek. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Do you have to go back?”
She shook her head. “I’m staying aboard ‘til tomorrow.”
He nodded.
“I thought I’d finally take you up on your offer.”
The only change in his face was in his eyes. He was glad she was there, glad she was staying, but he couldn’t be happy. And neither could she. Not that night. Probably not for a long time.
He took her hand in his and stroked her fingers and palm absently. She leaned her head against his shoulder. They wouldn’t speak of Kara or the accident that night. That’d be for the next day. And she wouldn’t mention that other thing until then either. Tonight would be for mourning, for contact, for Kara, for them.