Oh, NO Nature Did-ent
Literally just heard a tiny scamper on my roof.
Squirrel.
Using the tall shrub I'm sitting five feet away from.
(I work in my front window like a Gawking Weirdo. It ALMOST keeps the Russian neighbor's dog shit off my lawn)
Once they get to your roof, they get to your vents and get in your attic.
Mini chainsaw ordered for delivery some time this ( Read more... )
That would make a great horror movie. Some chain saw killer waiting for delivery of their chainsaw. But, the package gets lost…
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And he whacks the neighbors with a weed weedwhacker and hedge clippers before realizing there's a Glendale Ave SOUTH in town. House has the same number...
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So he piles his push mower, ice auger, outboard motor and collection of unused incandescent bulbs into his windowless, slightly rusted van
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...and twelve blood-drenched days later, the now-infamous Garden Tool Mangler comes home and jiggles his side door. It doesn't open. He kicks it and damn near breaks his leg. Partly in frustration--but mostly cuz he's gotta pee-the Mangler fires up his now-found saw and starts cutting a line through the middle of the door.
THOOOOOOOOMMMMM comes a typhoon of acorns, which had once filled his house from floor to roof. He turns and tries to run, but they catch his legs and down he goes. He bounces his head hard off the ground. Shaken, ears ringing from impact and helplessly pinned, he reaches for his chainsaw a half-foot away. A half-foot too far. He's still awake when Zombie Squirrel starts to gnaw at his ear. For tasty brains. EVIL brains. The very best kind.
Roll credits.
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