(no subject)
Last night I kept tossing and turning. She was fast asleep next to me. I had to write. It was burning through my finger tips. here it is.
As I read her words it is as if they speak directly to my soul. Entering plunging into its despair making sense of the lost and finding a beacon of hope from the wreckage forming a new entity. One free of the shackles of the past, breaking the chains of rape.
And it seems I continue to fall deeper losing the ability to swin. and i don't want to swim. rather i want to drown myself in her. not as an attempt to escape myself. as an attempt to realize all that is beautiful in the world. In her eyes. So here i fell consciously and willingly. through the cracks she has shone me where light more brilliant than the sun seaps through. warming my soul.
And i drink of this light as if its the essence of my existence. as it pours down my throat it becomes an intrinsic part of me. as she becomes an intrinsic part of me. behind shining eyes and beating hearts she rests.
as she sleeps i wonder what happens in her dreams. if she misses me in them like i miss her in mine. she lies asleep now. in another world and try as i may i cannot reach her.
this will soon be a common affliction. there will be a pain pressing so hard against my heart that i will lose the abliity to breathe for hours at a time. my feeling for her encompasses so much. and without her it is nothing.
try so hard to say goodbye. please dont cry. myabe if i tell myself this enough i'll believe it. but her leaving is like the breaking off of a part of me. not the essential but an intrinsic part. bandaids and words wont be able to heal this wound once it is ripped open.
Sleep is elusive now. these words take flight within my skull. crashing into each other. testing my sanity. maybe the bleeding of this ink on paper will relieve their injuries.
maybe.
c/s
As I read her words it is as if they speak directly to my soul. Entering plunging into its despair making sense of the lost and finding a beacon of hope from the wreckage forming a new entity. One free of the shackles of the past, breaking the chains of rape.
And it seems I continue to fall deeper losing the ability to swin. and i don't want to swim. rather i want to drown myself in her. not as an attempt to escape myself. as an attempt to realize all that is beautiful in the world. In her eyes. So here i fell consciously and willingly. through the cracks she has shone me where light more brilliant than the sun seaps through. warming my soul.
And i drink of this light as if its the essence of my existence. as it pours down my throat it becomes an intrinsic part of me. as she becomes an intrinsic part of me. behind shining eyes and beating hearts she rests.
as she sleeps i wonder what happens in her dreams. if she misses me in them like i miss her in mine. she lies asleep now. in another world and try as i may i cannot reach her.
this will soon be a common affliction. there will be a pain pressing so hard against my heart that i will lose the abliity to breathe for hours at a time. my feeling for her encompasses so much. and without her it is nothing.
try so hard to say goodbye. please dont cry. myabe if i tell myself this enough i'll believe it. but her leaving is like the breaking off of a part of me. not the essential but an intrinsic part. bandaids and words wont be able to heal this wound once it is ripped open.
Sleep is elusive now. these words take flight within my skull. crashing into each other. testing my sanity. maybe the bleeding of this ink on paper will relieve their injuries.
maybe.
c/s