Tim and Tony in "Love & War"
There is not enough Tim/Tony goodness out there, and "Love & War" deserves its own little Tim and Tony altar, because even though there has been plenty of slashy undercurrents between those two in previous seasons and episodes, it's never been so spelled out. I mean, how often is Tim/Tony the actual subplot of the episode? Yes. Exactly. Hence this post...
I may have transcribed all of the Tim/Tony dialogs. *coughs* Because:
1) It made me happy. And I can tell you that even after having written those dialogs down, I still can't believe they actually said that.
2) I'll aways be able to go back to this post whenever I'm feeling down.
3) It gave me a good excuse to practice my oral comprehension of the English language. Learning a foreign language is never done and a work of every moment. [See how I justify procrastination by giving it a work purpose. Go me.]
I'd be grateful if native speakers could help me replace the ??? by the actual words in the couple of places where I couldn't understand what they were saying. Thanks!
Scene 1 Tony and Ziva are at their desks, yelling into their
phones; Tony because of a computer problem, Ziva because of a cable problem.
[Lots of yelling. They hang up their phones simultaneously.]
ZIVA: Someone will die today.
Tim enters.
TIM: Morning team!
ZIVA: Morning.
TONY: Team?
ZIVA: You are in a particularly
good mood today McGee.
TONY: Yeah, and I don't like
it. What gives?
Tim goes to Tony's desk.
TIM: I had a good week-end.
Tim strokes a couple of keys and the problem's solved.
TIM: I had a very
good week-end.
TONY: Golden Girls marathon?
TIM: No Tony. Actually, I met
someone.
TONY: What's his name?
TIM, ignoring Tony's jibe:
Her name is Claire. She's a computer programmer.
ZIVA: Where did you meet?
TIM: Well, actually, we, er, we
haven't met in person. We met online.
Tony laughs.
TONY: Of course, you did.
Go figure.
ZIVA: So when is the first date?
TIM: Hopefully, as soon as possible.
This girl, Ziva, she's perfect, she's gorgeous, she thinks I'm hysterical, and
she's a level five sorceress.
TONY: Oh Gawd!
TIM: What?
TONY: This sadness when I hear
you talk like this. You don't know who these people are. It could be a 45-year-old
overweight man in Minnesota. I mean, like you said, you two haven't even met
yet.
TIM: What part of level five sorceress
don't you understand?
Gives arrives.
GIBBS: All of it.
[Plot of the week starts]
Scene 2 Outside the crime scene.
TONY: Decent tire track. I got
things under control here Probie. Why don't you head down to the hut, help Gibbs.
TIM: Nah, it's a bit small down
there. Wouldn't want things getting cramped.
TONY: Right. Got it. Chicken.
[Tony starts cackling.]
TIM: What?
TONY: Five years. Still can't
handle the blood bath, can you?
TIM: Yeah, that's what it is.
Look, I told you before. I had a good week-end. I'm just trying to stay in a
nice head space.
TONY: Carla.
TIM: Claire.
TONY: Whatever. Enjoy it while
it lasts. Women are trouble. Haven't you learned anything from me?
TIM: Yeah. Not to go on undercover
dates with a doctor whose father is the world's biggest arms dealer.
TONY: That's low Probie.
TIM: Oh, and not to loan your friends money. You still owe me forty bucks!
TONY: Don't change the subject!
What are you talking about?
TIM: Tony. I understand what's
going on here. You're jealous. You haven't had a date in a few weeks, it's okay.
TONY, chuckling:
Me? Jealous of the Elf Lord? I think you have me confused with someone who's
far less awesome.
TIM: Level five sorceress.
Tim snaps a picture of Tony.
Scene 3 In the victim's house.
[Blah blah about the investigation. Ziva looks at a picture of the victim
and his wife.]
ZIVA: They looked happy. It is
nice when a couple has so much in common. Like McGee and his new sorceress friend!
TONY, hesitant:
Oh, yeah. I was gonna talk to you about that. It's kind of funny actually. Er,
let's see, how do I put this delicately? Um, she... she's not real.
ZIVA: You did not.
TONY: I did. I was bored. It was
late. I'd just watched Weird
Science. Next thing I knew, I was building a fake online profile and
IM'ing with McGee.
ZIVA: He really likes her, Tony.
You have to tell him.
TONY: I know. But it's actually
kind of flattering, in a creepy way. [he so totally
added 'in a creepy way' as an after-thought]
ZIVA: What did you think would
happen?
TONY: I didn't know. The flaw
in the plan... was the plan. But I got another plan to end it.
ZIVA: Which is?
TONY: You've ever seen Fatal
Attraction?
[Cleaning lady comes in, and back to the investigation.]
Scene 4 In the bullpen.
[Blah blah about the investigation.]
TONY: So? How is it going with
your other special friend?
TIM: Claire. She's got a bit clingy.
I didn't respond to an email of hers right away, she freaked out. She started
going on about how computers are destroying civilization, which is really weird
'cause she's a computer programmer.
TONY: Kick her to the curb.
TIM: I think I'm going to give
her another shot.
Tony gives him a worried/constipated look.
TIM: Well, we connected. You know,
it's not every day that you find a--
TONY: Level five sorceress.
Tim nods. Tony walks away with Ziva.
TONY, to himself:
Hell.
ZIVA: You have to tell him the
truth.
TONY: Maybe. Not until I'm absolutely
sure lying won't work.
![]()
Scene 5 In the bullpen.
[Blah blah about the investigation. Gibbs give them more work to do.]
TIM: So much for my date tonight.
TONY: Wow! Wow!
Tony grabs Tim's arm.
TONY: What are you doing? So you're
giving the psycho another chance?
TIM: Well I was. I guess now I've
got to cancel.
TONY: What is that silliness?
Tim looks at his arm which Tony is still gripping. [unecessary
touching!]
TONY: Sorry.
Tony brushes Tim's arm a couple times. [\o/]
TONY: Ziva and I'll cover the
interviews for you.
TIM: That is awfully un-Tony of
you Tony.
TONY: Just doing you a solid Probie.
Because you having a date is about as rare as me not having one.
[Ziva does her Ziva-laugh.]
![]()
![]()
Scene 6a and 6b In the bullpen, and then a random
corridor.
[Blah blah about the investigation.]
TIM: [...] I think I have a lead
on his apartment.
GIBBS: Take Tony with you.
Gibbs throws McGee the car keys.
TONY: You mean, Tony, take McGee,
because I'm the senior field agent, which would mean that--
Gibbs ignores him and walks away.
TONY: --that's not important.
Tony tries to take the keys from McGee.
TIM: Come on Tony. If you're good I'll let you play with the siren.
Tim grins stupidly just to annoy Tony, which works supremely well.
[Cut to the random corridor where the second victim's apartment is.]
TONY: Heard you got stood up last
night Probie.
TIM: She never even called.
TONY: Well, that ends that, huh?
TIM: Maybe.
TONY: Maybe? Know when to fold
them, McGee.
Tony knocks on the door.
TONY: NCIS. Open up!
Tony turns towards McGee.
TONY: This girl's not worth it.
Trust me.
TIM: Tony, I'm not like you. It's
not that easy for me to meet women. Never has been.
Tony takes a lock-picking tool kit out of his pocket.
TIM: So I was hoping this girl
might be... you know...
Tony looks at McGee with big eyes full of guilt.
TONY: You'll find your girl.
TIM: Well I did. [*explodes*]
Tony's about to start picking the door open when McGee leans forward, turns
the door handle and pushes the door open.
TONY: NCIS!
TIM: Federal agents.
The apartment is trashed.
Scene 7 In the bullpen. The investigation is over.
TIM: He really thought it'd
work.
ZIVA: Almost did.
TONY: Is killing for love really
any different than killing for money?
Tony looks at McGee.
TONY: Speaking of love, how's
that cyber-romance going McGee?
TIM: Couldn't be worse.
Tony makes little faces pretending he's surprised or that he sympathizes.
TIM: She sent me another email.
Says she's getting back together with her ex-boyfriend.
Tony sighs loudly. Tim stares right at Tony
TIM: Tell you what though. I'm
not giving up on her.
TONY: Huh?
TIM: We got too much in common.
I think she might be scared, but you know what? We'll work through it. I'm telling
you this girl might really be the one.
Tim is still staring at Tony. Tony looks away, feeling quite uncomfortable.
They both reach for the last pizza slice at the same time and their hands brush.
TONY: Take it!
TIM: Really?
TONY: Sure.
TIM: Thanks. Hey, listen, I hate
to ask but...
TONY: Sure. I remember. Forty
dollars, with interests.
Tony stands up and hands Tim sixty dollars from his wallet.
TONY: Sorry it took so long. Alright.
See you guys later.
Tony takes his backpack and walks away. Tim smiles at Ziva.
ZIVA: I didn't tell you so you
could torture him, McGee.
Tim gives her twenty bucks.
ZIVA: Very well.
Tim looks very pleased with himself.
♥
*rubs hands together and waits for the fanfic*
I may have transcribed all of the Tim/Tony dialogs. *coughs* Because:
1) It made me happy. And I can tell you that even after having written those dialogs down, I still can't believe they actually said that.
2) I'll aways be able to go back to this post whenever I'm feeling down.
3) It gave me a good excuse to practice my oral comprehension of the English language. Learning a foreign language is never done and a work of every moment. [See how I justify procrastination by giving it a work purpose. Go me.]
I'd be grateful if native speakers could help me replace the ??? by the actual words in the couple of places where I couldn't understand what they were saying. Thanks!
Scene 1 Tony and Ziva are at their desks, yelling into their
phones; Tony because of a computer problem, Ziva because of a cable problem.
[Lots of yelling. They hang up their phones simultaneously.]
ZIVA: Someone will die today.
Tim enters.
TIM: Morning team!
ZIVA: Morning.
TONY: Team?
ZIVA: You are in a particularly
good mood today McGee.
TONY: Yeah, and I don't like
it. What gives?
Tim goes to Tony's desk.
TIM: I had a good week-end.
Tim strokes a couple of keys and the problem's solved.
TIM: I had a very
good week-end.
TONY: Golden Girls marathon?
TIM: No Tony. Actually, I met
someone.
TONY: What's his name?
TIM, ignoring Tony's jibe:
Her name is Claire. She's a computer programmer.
ZIVA: Where did you meet?
TIM: Well, actually, we, er, we
haven't met in person. We met online.
Tony laughs.
TONY: Of course, you did.
Go figure.
ZIVA: So when is the first date?
TIM: Hopefully, as soon as possible.
This girl, Ziva, she's perfect, she's gorgeous, she thinks I'm hysterical, and
she's a level five sorceress.
TONY: Oh Gawd!
TIM: What?
TONY: This sadness when I hear
you talk like this. You don't know who these people are. It could be a 45-year-old
overweight man in Minnesota. I mean, like you said, you two haven't even met
yet.
TIM: What part of level five sorceress
don't you understand?
Gives arrives.
GIBBS: All of it.
[Plot of the week starts]
Scene 2 Outside the crime scene.
TONY: Decent tire track. I got
things under control here Probie. Why don't you head down to the hut, help Gibbs.
TIM: Nah, it's a bit small down
there. Wouldn't want things getting cramped.
TONY: Right. Got it. Chicken.
[Tony starts cackling.]
TIM: What?
TONY: Five years. Still can't
handle the blood bath, can you?
TIM: Yeah, that's what it is.
Look, I told you before. I had a good week-end. I'm just trying to stay in a
nice head space.
TONY: Carla.
TIM: Claire.
TONY: Whatever. Enjoy it while
it lasts. Women are trouble. Haven't you learned anything from me?
TIM: Yeah. Not to go on undercover
dates with a doctor whose father is the world's biggest arms dealer.
TONY: That's low Probie.
TIM: Oh, and not to loan your friends money. You still owe me forty bucks!
TONY: Don't change the subject!
What are you talking about?
TIM: Tony. I understand what's
going on here. You're jealous. You haven't had a date in a few weeks, it's okay.
TONY, chuckling:
Me? Jealous of the Elf Lord? I think you have me confused with someone who's
far less awesome.
TIM: Level five sorceress.
Tim snaps a picture of Tony.
Scene 3 In the victim's house.
[Blah blah about the investigation. Ziva looks at a picture of the victim
and his wife.]
ZIVA: They looked happy. It is
nice when a couple has so much in common. Like McGee and his new sorceress friend!
TONY, hesitant:
Oh, yeah. I was gonna talk to you about that. It's kind of funny actually. Er,
let's see, how do I put this delicately? Um, she... she's not real.
ZIVA: You did not.
TONY: I did. I was bored. It was
late. I'd just watched Weird
Science. Next thing I knew, I was building a fake online profile and
IM'ing with McGee.
ZIVA: He really likes her, Tony.
You have to tell him.
TONY: I know. But it's actually
kind of flattering, in a creepy way. [he so totally
added 'in a creepy way' as an after-thought]
ZIVA: What did you think would
happen?
TONY: I didn't know. The flaw
in the plan... was the plan. But I got another plan to end it.
ZIVA: Which is?
TONY: You've ever seen Fatal
Attraction?
[Cleaning lady comes in, and back to the investigation.]
Scene 4 In the bullpen.
[Blah blah about the investigation.]
TONY: So? How is it going with
your other special friend?
TIM: Claire. She's got a bit clingy.
I didn't respond to an email of hers right away, she freaked out. She started
going on about how computers are destroying civilization, which is really weird
'cause she's a computer programmer.
TONY: Kick her to the curb.
TIM: I think I'm going to give
her another shot.
Tony gives him a worried/constipated look.
TIM: Well, we connected. You know,
it's not every day that you find a--
TONY: Level five sorceress.
Tim nods. Tony walks away with Ziva.
TONY, to himself:
Hell.
ZIVA: You have to tell him the
truth.
TONY: Maybe. Not until I'm absolutely
sure lying won't work.
Scene 5 In the bullpen.
[Blah blah about the investigation. Gibbs give them more work to do.]
TIM: So much for my date tonight.
TONY: Wow! Wow!
Tony grabs Tim's arm.
TONY: What are you doing? So you're
giving the psycho another chance?
TIM: Well I was. I guess now I've
got to cancel.
TONY: What is that silliness?
Tim looks at his arm which Tony is still gripping. [unecessary
touching!]
TONY: Sorry.
Tony brushes Tim's arm a couple times. [\o/]
TONY: Ziva and I'll cover the
interviews for you.
TIM: That is awfully un-Tony of
you Tony.
TONY: Just doing you a solid Probie.
Because you having a date is about as rare as me not having one.
[Ziva does her Ziva-laugh.]
Scene 6a and 6b In the bullpen, and then a random
corridor.
[Blah blah about the investigation.]
TIM: [...] I think I have a lead
on his apartment.
GIBBS: Take Tony with you.
Gibbs throws McGee the car keys.
TONY: You mean, Tony, take McGee,
because I'm the senior field agent, which would mean that--
Gibbs ignores him and walks away.
TONY: --that's not important.
Tony tries to take the keys from McGee.
TIM: Come on Tony. If you're good I'll let you play with the siren.
Tim grins stupidly just to annoy Tony, which works supremely well.
[Cut to the random corridor where the second victim's apartment is.]
TONY: Heard you got stood up last
night Probie.
TIM: She never even called.
TONY: Well, that ends that, huh?
TIM: Maybe.
TONY: Maybe? Know when to fold
them, McGee.
Tony knocks on the door.
TONY: NCIS. Open up!
Tony turns towards McGee.
TONY: This girl's not worth it.
Trust me.
TIM: Tony, I'm not like you. It's
not that easy for me to meet women. Never has been.
Tony takes a lock-picking tool kit out of his pocket.
TIM: So I was hoping this girl
might be... you know...
Tony looks at McGee with big eyes full of guilt.
TONY: You'll find your girl.
TIM: Well I did. [*explodes*]
Tony's about to start picking the door open when McGee leans forward, turns
the door handle and pushes the door open.
TONY: NCIS!
TIM: Federal agents.
The apartment is trashed.
Scene 7 In the bullpen. The investigation is over.
TIM: He really thought it'd
work.
ZIVA: Almost did.
TONY: Is killing for love really
any different than killing for money?
Tony looks at McGee.
TONY: Speaking of love, how's
that cyber-romance going McGee?
TIM: Couldn't be worse.
Tony makes little faces pretending he's surprised or that he sympathizes.
TIM: She sent me another email.
Says she's getting back together with her ex-boyfriend.
Tony sighs loudly. Tim stares right at Tony
TIM: Tell you what though. I'm
not giving up on her.
TONY: Huh?
TIM: We got too much in common.
I think she might be scared, but you know what? We'll work through it. I'm telling
you this girl might really be the one.
Tim is still staring at Tony. Tony looks away, feeling quite uncomfortable.
They both reach for the last pizza slice at the same time and their hands brush.
TONY: Take it!
TIM: Really?
TONY: Sure.
TIM: Thanks. Hey, listen, I hate
to ask but...
TONY: Sure. I remember. Forty
dollars, with interests.
Tony stands up and hands Tim sixty dollars from his wallet.
TONY: Sorry it took so long. Alright.
See you guys later.
Tony takes his backpack and walks away. Tim smiles at Ziva.
ZIVA: I didn't tell you so you
could torture him, McGee.
Tim gives her twenty bucks.
ZIVA: Very well.
Tim looks very pleased with himself.
♥
*rubs hands together and waits for the fanfic*