Egh.
I shouldn't be updating. But I am. I have a CRAPLOAD of stuff to do today, specifically in this hour. But....oh well. I am SOOOO tired. Over the weekend, I got minimal sleep (even on Saturday, when I slept till 10:30, cuz I didn't goto sleep until 4). Im like falling over in my chair right now, which is why I need to do sumthin interestin.
At the moment im pretty depressed. Usually Summer is my break...my cutaway from school. At the moment, I think i'd rather continue going to school that lose Stephi for 3 months (thats right. Not 2....3). This just keeps getting worse. Not only can I not go up there with her now, but shes also gunna be gone a-whole-nother month. A quarter of a year without seeing her. Dont be fooled, im not thinking like...that just because I cant see her physically ill lose interest. Thats not EVEN it. But, my mind is making up all these things like. What if I look different when she gets back, and she feels weird about kissing me cuz I dont look like me. Or, what if when she gets back, after such a long break, she realizes im not even what shes looking for. Or what if when she gets back, she's been changed by the time/place so much that shes not the same girl. My biggest fear....is to lose her. And while I refuse to give in to Fear. Fear is making a pretty strong case, especially since I have no one to argue against it (sept myself...which isnt really helping). Im sorry...the rest of this will be more happy.
Friday Stephi and I went to Graduation and then Danielle's afterwards. It was fine, up until I realized how late I was gunna be. It doesn't particularly matter how, but through my own mistakes, I ended up being really late (like 11:25). My curfew is 11, and my dad was PISSED. So ya, he yelled for like forever before he let me goto bed. And I had made Stephi mad before I dropped her off, basically because im a bad boyfriend and I blamed it on her. At any rate...my dad was pissed. And ya know what? That night, talking to Stephi for just a few minutes. Even though when I got off the phone i msure I still sounded really aggravated. I was in a pretty darn good mood, mainly cuz I knew I'd get to see Stephi the next day, for at least a few hours.
*Buzzer* Wrong. Hehe. Jua was in town, and when Stephi asked "What time are we doing sumthin?" I heard Jua yelling from across the room about how Stephi should spend time with her. I know this sounds bad...but I was happy to hear Stephi (not yell...but argue aggressively) talk back to her, and try to defend why she was asking. At any rate...she eventually gave up and told me we couldnt do anything. I think I took it pretty well, I tried to be as understanding as possible, and just said "Ohk. Thats fine. Tell Jua and your mom I said sorry for trying to mess up their plans." thas pretty good right? Usually i'd have been pretty upset, but lately....Stephi has been treating me pretty well,hehe. Spoiling me and such. She says I spoil her. And I DO try. But, she spoils me twice as bad. But, there was good news. Next Saturday (our last day in the same state until like August 18th) we get to spend the whole day together. I think ima go get her at like 8, and just hang out for like 15 hours,hehe.
Sunday was Ligia going away party. We made her a card, and were 10 minutes late, but it still worked out. She was surprised when we got there, which is awesome. We ate, talked, and played a board game (Ligia and Jett won). Im gunna miss Ligia alot, shes awesome.
Small point. Sunday morning, Mrs. Sheila said her goodbye to Jared Reagan. I know im kicking the horse here, but....she said she was really sad to leave him, and hugged him. I bet you...the last day I see her will be saturday...I bet you she doesn't so much as say I'll miss you. I know that sounds mean...and I dont blame her. By all means it doesn't seem that I deserve her daughter as even a friend. But, God has ordained it. And im going to pray, that eventually it will sit well with her. I really do love that family, and i'd like them to love me as well.
Pray for Stephi and me. We'll be fine...I know we will. I wouldn't let it go awry, and neither would she. But pray that its easier on us than it seems like it will be. Because at the moment, it feels like my back might crack under such pressure. The stress is nigh unbearable. 1/4th of a year, is 1/4 as long as we've been together. I mean...I cant think of subtracting 1/4 of the time we've been together,and...having just NOT had that time. It's gunna strain us. But, it'll help us too. Talking specifically to Stephi: I love you babe. We'll make it through this, I promise.
Well, I guess thats it. I have 4 finals this week. And I wont be here on Friday, so...ya. Friday,im helping Stephi move, which...isn't gunna make me very happy. It'll re-vamp the thought in my mind that I wont see her for 3 months. I should buy her a webcam...so I can at least see her. Egh. Well, ima go. I love you guys (Especially my Stephi)
At the moment im pretty depressed. Usually Summer is my break...my cutaway from school. At the moment, I think i'd rather continue going to school that lose Stephi for 3 months (thats right. Not 2....3). This just keeps getting worse. Not only can I not go up there with her now, but shes also gunna be gone a-whole-nother month. A quarter of a year without seeing her. Dont be fooled, im not thinking like...that just because I cant see her physically ill lose interest. Thats not EVEN it. But, my mind is making up all these things like. What if I look different when she gets back, and she feels weird about kissing me cuz I dont look like me. Or, what if when she gets back, after such a long break, she realizes im not even what shes looking for. Or what if when she gets back, she's been changed by the time/place so much that shes not the same girl. My biggest fear....is to lose her. And while I refuse to give in to Fear. Fear is making a pretty strong case, especially since I have no one to argue against it (sept myself...which isnt really helping). Im sorry...the rest of this will be more happy.
Friday Stephi and I went to Graduation and then Danielle's afterwards. It was fine, up until I realized how late I was gunna be. It doesn't particularly matter how, but through my own mistakes, I ended up being really late (like 11:25). My curfew is 11, and my dad was PISSED. So ya, he yelled for like forever before he let me goto bed. And I had made Stephi mad before I dropped her off, basically because im a bad boyfriend and I blamed it on her. At any rate...my dad was pissed. And ya know what? That night, talking to Stephi for just a few minutes. Even though when I got off the phone i msure I still sounded really aggravated. I was in a pretty darn good mood, mainly cuz I knew I'd get to see Stephi the next day, for at least a few hours.
*Buzzer* Wrong. Hehe. Jua was in town, and when Stephi asked "What time are we doing sumthin?" I heard Jua yelling from across the room about how Stephi should spend time with her. I know this sounds bad...but I was happy to hear Stephi (not yell...but argue aggressively) talk back to her, and try to defend why she was asking. At any rate...she eventually gave up and told me we couldnt do anything. I think I took it pretty well, I tried to be as understanding as possible, and just said "Ohk. Thats fine. Tell Jua and your mom I said sorry for trying to mess up their plans." thas pretty good right? Usually i'd have been pretty upset, but lately....Stephi has been treating me pretty well,hehe. Spoiling me and such. She says I spoil her. And I DO try. But, she spoils me twice as bad. But, there was good news. Next Saturday (our last day in the same state until like August 18th) we get to spend the whole day together. I think ima go get her at like 8, and just hang out for like 15 hours,hehe.
Sunday was Ligia going away party. We made her a card, and were 10 minutes late, but it still worked out. She was surprised when we got there, which is awesome. We ate, talked, and played a board game (Ligia and Jett won). Im gunna miss Ligia alot, shes awesome.
Small point. Sunday morning, Mrs. Sheila said her goodbye to Jared Reagan. I know im kicking the horse here, but....she said she was really sad to leave him, and hugged him. I bet you...the last day I see her will be saturday...I bet you she doesn't so much as say I'll miss you. I know that sounds mean...and I dont blame her. By all means it doesn't seem that I deserve her daughter as even a friend. But, God has ordained it. And im going to pray, that eventually it will sit well with her. I really do love that family, and i'd like them to love me as well.
Pray for Stephi and me. We'll be fine...I know we will. I wouldn't let it go awry, and neither would she. But pray that its easier on us than it seems like it will be. Because at the moment, it feels like my back might crack under such pressure. The stress is nigh unbearable. 1/4th of a year, is 1/4 as long as we've been together. I mean...I cant think of subtracting 1/4 of the time we've been together,and...having just NOT had that time. It's gunna strain us. But, it'll help us too. Talking specifically to Stephi: I love you babe. We'll make it through this, I promise.
Well, I guess thats it. I have 4 finals this week. And I wont be here on Friday, so...ya. Friday,im helping Stephi move, which...isn't gunna make me very happy. It'll re-vamp the thought in my mind that I wont see her for 3 months. I should buy her a webcam...so I can at least see her. Egh. Well, ima go. I love you guys (Especially my Stephi)