Wooooooow..
Heh, no matter how many times I try to avoid it, I always end up being the fool in the end.
Yet again, I was proven that ignorance has a powerful influence on the young of heart. I seem to fall victim to my own thoughts and beliefs a lot lately.
Have I really gotten so low, so pathetically inclined to trust in hope, that I just lose myself and go completely blind of everything so obvious to other people? Why do I keep myself from seeing clearly, why do I trust so much in hope? Maybe I'm looking for something more secure, faith is a good place to start. I'm beginning to see why people use it to get away from the world and themselves. It must be truly euphoric.
I've spent a lot of time sitting by myself and swimming in my brain for hours and hours at a time recently; it's starting to put me at unease. Is it really healthy for someone my age to be so concerned about the present and future that it literally starts to eat a hole in my heart and soul? So much said and unsaid, so many people come and gone, so much done and left to do. More importantly, so many regrets to dwell on, and to think my life is only a quarter way done.. -_-
I just don't feel like myself anymore. Something is missing, and it doesn't feel right.
Maybe I really am just ignorant. I hope that's all it is.
Heh, and back to the hope. I seem to be looking for a lot of that lately.
Fortunately for me I've made some really good friends over the years, and just as much unfortunate, I lose them.
I suppose I have myself to blame for that one. If I wasn't so uptight and concerned all the time, I could stop pushing people away. There are a couple who have stuck by me a bit more than the others, and I am truly, honestly grateful for it. I couldn't ask for better friends than them.
I always hear people saying life is too short to worry so much about everything. Maybe so, but perhaps I'm just further along the line of acceptance than they. I'm ready for so much more, I need to try and take that next step.
It's been a bit tough trying to get that done when I'm stuck sitting around whining all the time. Call me moody or whatever you will, I call it being more emotionally tuned to yourself.
Not a lot of people stop to think anymore, we're driven so much on impulses and lies. It's nothing short of sad to see. Maybe it's how they're dealing with life, being a bit more carefree than others. Maybe they just have so much faith, that when they pass on, their slate will be wiped clean, no questions asked. It's so silly, faith, but it's incredible how much we rely on it just to get through our everyday lives.
Ironically nobody ever finds acceptance with themselves until they're on their deathbed, which is why I feel so ancient mentally. All this time I've been spending away from people left a lot of room for me to think and question things. I guess I hit that point of acceptance a bit earlier than I would have hoped. As morbid as that sounds, I do not plan on dying anytime soon, so anybody thinking that's where I was going with this, you can stop worrying.
I think I just need a connection. I highly doubt the likeliness of finding it, but I suppose I do believe there is something out there waiting for everyone. Sometimes it's always right there under our noses and we go our whole lives without even realizing it was there.
But if there is something you truly desire, you should more or less just try and go for it. The only consequence is having a clear conscious and knowing you at least tried to obtain it. Better to live and learn than spend all your time wondering what if.
And I guess I'm stuck somewhere on the line between thinking too much about things, and just reaching out and trying.
I've done nothing but try lately, and I have persistantly pulled myself back up when I kept being shot down. Honestly, I dunno why I bother with some of the things I do and some of the people I deal with.
Tired of reading this yet? I'm tired of writing it now, so I'll wrap it up.
If you people need me, skip a stone across the water, and listen to the ripples. You'll find me somewhere in the serenade of the water, lost and looking for that long-awaited connection.
I could really do without the bullshit, so please don't bring any with you.
Yet again, I was proven that ignorance has a powerful influence on the young of heart. I seem to fall victim to my own thoughts and beliefs a lot lately.
Have I really gotten so low, so pathetically inclined to trust in hope, that I just lose myself and go completely blind of everything so obvious to other people? Why do I keep myself from seeing clearly, why do I trust so much in hope? Maybe I'm looking for something more secure, faith is a good place to start. I'm beginning to see why people use it to get away from the world and themselves. It must be truly euphoric.
I've spent a lot of time sitting by myself and swimming in my brain for hours and hours at a time recently; it's starting to put me at unease. Is it really healthy for someone my age to be so concerned about the present and future that it literally starts to eat a hole in my heart and soul? So much said and unsaid, so many people come and gone, so much done and left to do. More importantly, so many regrets to dwell on, and to think my life is only a quarter way done.. -_-
I just don't feel like myself anymore. Something is missing, and it doesn't feel right.
Maybe I really am just ignorant. I hope that's all it is.
Heh, and back to the hope. I seem to be looking for a lot of that lately.
Fortunately for me I've made some really good friends over the years, and just as much unfortunate, I lose them.
I suppose I have myself to blame for that one. If I wasn't so uptight and concerned all the time, I could stop pushing people away. There are a couple who have stuck by me a bit more than the others, and I am truly, honestly grateful for it. I couldn't ask for better friends than them.
I always hear people saying life is too short to worry so much about everything. Maybe so, but perhaps I'm just further along the line of acceptance than they. I'm ready for so much more, I need to try and take that next step.
It's been a bit tough trying to get that done when I'm stuck sitting around whining all the time. Call me moody or whatever you will, I call it being more emotionally tuned to yourself.
Not a lot of people stop to think anymore, we're driven so much on impulses and lies. It's nothing short of sad to see. Maybe it's how they're dealing with life, being a bit more carefree than others. Maybe they just have so much faith, that when they pass on, their slate will be wiped clean, no questions asked. It's so silly, faith, but it's incredible how much we rely on it just to get through our everyday lives.
Ironically nobody ever finds acceptance with themselves until they're on their deathbed, which is why I feel so ancient mentally. All this time I've been spending away from people left a lot of room for me to think and question things. I guess I hit that point of acceptance a bit earlier than I would have hoped. As morbid as that sounds, I do not plan on dying anytime soon, so anybody thinking that's where I was going with this, you can stop worrying.
I think I just need a connection. I highly doubt the likeliness of finding it, but I suppose I do believe there is something out there waiting for everyone. Sometimes it's always right there under our noses and we go our whole lives without even realizing it was there.
But if there is something you truly desire, you should more or less just try and go for it. The only consequence is having a clear conscious and knowing you at least tried to obtain it. Better to live and learn than spend all your time wondering what if.
And I guess I'm stuck somewhere on the line between thinking too much about things, and just reaching out and trying.
I've done nothing but try lately, and I have persistantly pulled myself back up when I kept being shot down. Honestly, I dunno why I bother with some of the things I do and some of the people I deal with.
Tired of reading this yet? I'm tired of writing it now, so I'll wrap it up.
If you people need me, skip a stone across the water, and listen to the ripples. You'll find me somewhere in the serenade of the water, lost and looking for that long-awaited connection.
I could really do without the bullshit, so please don't bring any with you.