Here we are again...
Like 2002 on Repeat
Wow..... Morose.........
It's been dreadful lately. Work sucks. Wedding sucks. Grad School prep is non-existent. I feel as if I'm going nowhere for nothing. I don't even know what I want to do and where I want to be, its just not here. It's either in the past or the future, but not here.
First of all, For NFG's new screen to your stereo they've covered Iris, which I hated when it first came out because it was right when my 10th grade boyfriend was breaking up with me, and I was a sad sack of crap for months. So I was never a fan of the Goo version, but it seems fitting right now, to have this NFG version. (Excuse me while I get a little emo...) Aside from Jordan's obvious vocal coaching, it almost seems like the same old nfg that got me through so many hard times in '02. When all I did was blog sad, devastating, treacherous entries all day about the guy who broke my heart, and all I did was cry inbetween good old times with Mike, drinking away the pain on video tape. God I had it good. I was at least in school, with friends, I was young, I had passion for things. I have about zero passion now. I don't even have passion for writing like I used to, which makes it even harder for me to believe, to push, to persue this next goal of mine. I have to escape the muck I'm in now, this job, this corporate hell, this going nowhere that I want to go. Am I doing the right thing? I want to go into a creative writing program, have I written anything lately? Has anything ever gotten past the first page? I don't even have anything to write about. I have the most perfectly boring life. I'm not traveled, I've barely left the midwest in my life. I have nothing. The last 3 years of my life have been absolute filler, just shit to go through on the way to figuring out what i really want to do. It's been such crap, and its been good for Mac, he's gotten his degree and went on to land a job he loves while I've been hanging in there. I just, I don't know. I don't know what I want to do! I don't want kids, I don't want a job. I'm so fucking sick of getting up and going to work everyday, and its only been 3 years, how is this for people who have doing it for 30? How will it be for me in 10? What do I want to be doing in ten years? How the fuck do I know? I don't even know where I want to live. All I want is good friends and good times, I don't even have that. I don't even go out. I have no energy. I am physically incapable. I am a pathetic loser blogging on myspace on Friday evening. I've been so good eating this week, I thought I could drop a pound this week, but I'm so fucking pissed at my sorry excuse for a job that I came home and shoved tasteless junk food I don't even remember eating down my throat until I thought I was going to throw up. I'm just so depressed. Maybe its this fucking birth control I just started on. This crap can screw with you. I don't know. I don't like my career path, I don't like my life path, I don't even know where I want to go from here. I thought I wanted to get my Phd in writing, but I can't even write anything. I don't even have asingle thought in my head aside from this rambling babbling shit. It's just me and NFG again. Like it was me and passing time 6 years ago. So fitting.
Wow..... Morose.........
It's been dreadful lately. Work sucks. Wedding sucks. Grad School prep is non-existent. I feel as if I'm going nowhere for nothing. I don't even know what I want to do and where I want to be, its just not here. It's either in the past or the future, but not here.
First of all, For NFG's new screen to your stereo they've covered Iris, which I hated when it first came out because it was right when my 10th grade boyfriend was breaking up with me, and I was a sad sack of crap for months. So I was never a fan of the Goo version, but it seems fitting right now, to have this NFG version. (Excuse me while I get a little emo...) Aside from Jordan's obvious vocal coaching, it almost seems like the same old nfg that got me through so many hard times in '02. When all I did was blog sad, devastating, treacherous entries all day about the guy who broke my heart, and all I did was cry inbetween good old times with Mike, drinking away the pain on video tape. God I had it good. I was at least in school, with friends, I was young, I had passion for things. I have about zero passion now. I don't even have passion for writing like I used to, which makes it even harder for me to believe, to push, to persue this next goal of mine. I have to escape the muck I'm in now, this job, this corporate hell, this going nowhere that I want to go. Am I doing the right thing? I want to go into a creative writing program, have I written anything lately? Has anything ever gotten past the first page? I don't even have anything to write about. I have the most perfectly boring life. I'm not traveled, I've barely left the midwest in my life. I have nothing. The last 3 years of my life have been absolute filler, just shit to go through on the way to figuring out what i really want to do. It's been such crap, and its been good for Mac, he's gotten his degree and went on to land a job he loves while I've been hanging in there. I just, I don't know. I don't know what I want to do! I don't want kids, I don't want a job. I'm so fucking sick of getting up and going to work everyday, and its only been 3 years, how is this for people who have doing it for 30? How will it be for me in 10? What do I want to be doing in ten years? How the fuck do I know? I don't even know where I want to live. All I want is good friends and good times, I don't even have that. I don't even go out. I have no energy. I am physically incapable. I am a pathetic loser blogging on myspace on Friday evening. I've been so good eating this week, I thought I could drop a pound this week, but I'm so fucking pissed at my sorry excuse for a job that I came home and shoved tasteless junk food I don't even remember eating down my throat until I thought I was going to throw up. I'm just so depressed. Maybe its this fucking birth control I just started on. This crap can screw with you. I don't know. I don't like my career path, I don't like my life path, I don't even know where I want to go from here. I thought I wanted to get my Phd in writing, but I can't even write anything. I don't even have asingle thought in my head aside from this rambling babbling shit. It's just me and NFG again. Like it was me and passing time 6 years ago. So fitting.