Bennies Go Home!
Okay, it has come to my attention that there are suprising amount of people, especially Jersey Shore locals, that don't know what bennies are. In my opinion, it should be illegal to live south of the Raritan River and NOT know what a benny is, but I guess this is just another failure on the part of the modern school systems.
FOR THOSE UNAWARE, A BENNY IS AS FOLLOWS:
They are the tourists that come "down the shore." They come usually from northern New Jersey and New York, but many also come from western NJ or Philadelphia. They can usually be characterized by one-day beach badges, vaguely Italian but wholly obnoxious accents, and a completely stupefying fascination with everything in a 10-mile radius of any beach.
The origin of the term benny is as strange and pointless as the bennies themselves. The two most persistent definitions are thus:
1. An acronym that generalizes the primary areas from which the bennies venture. Bayonne, Elizabeth, Newark, New York. B-E-N-NY.
2. An allusion to the fact that they spend ludicrous amounts of money, and do so in big bills. Benjamin Franklin is on the $100 dollar bill, and thus, the tourists go to the boardwalk/restaurant/bar/etc. and throw down a few "Bennies".
It is important to note that the bennies are a vital source of economy in the summer. However, they are so fucking annoying that most could do without them. They are the reason that traffic backs up for hours on the Parkway, Turnpike, Routes 34, 35, 36, 70, 71, and so on. Bennies are not only the reason that the boardwalk sells ice cream for $4 more than it's worth, they are also the reason that the line stretches out the door.
There have been stereotypical physical attributes of the bennies, but those are beginning to change. Younger generations are coming in with silver "ice" and "bling" that hangs around their popped collar. These young'uns wear their ugly chains in the water and coast on their boogie boards that they bought for too much money. Then they exaggerate a knee-high wave more than the 7-year-olds did when I was a camp counselor.
The best way to spot an older benny is that she or (usually) he is wearing socks with sandals. New York Yankees or Mets memorabilia usually adorns their large, hairy, glistening bodies or large, hairless, glistening heads. They wear too much sunscreen and loudly proclaim fallacies about the shore to their children. In restaurants, they can be heard saying things such as, "You still have smoking sections in New Jersey?" Hell yes we do, and you'd better take a seat there if you're going to keep trying to impress your kids by blowing all that smoke out your ass.
MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL:
Benny is a set of behaviors, not just a person from a certain location. I've seen people that live within five minutes of a beach act like atrocious bennies. Likewise, I've seen bennies with real shore knowledge and respect. It's kind of like seeing Bigfoot, but it happens once in a while. The point is, the cycle can only be broken by people (ESPECIALLY LOCALS) taking the iniative to ask for help and soak in the local ambience instead of treating my beautiful homeland like shit and acting like they own the place.
Now, for a Jeff Foxworthy ripoff:
You might be a benny if...
-You've never heard of Pork Roll or Taylor Ham.
-You're suprised by the existence of a smoking section in bars and restaurants.
-You've waited on line for more than an hour at Great Adventure, Seaside, Wildwood, or any other amusement park near the shore.
-You've ever said "Down the shore".
-You've told your friend that you could easily win a boarwalk game. Upon failure to do so, you frowned, gritted your teeth, and promptly plunked down more money on the same game.
-And you still didn't win.
-You've worn white pants. And you're a male.
-You've referred to Point Pleasant, or the surrounding area, as "South Jersey". (Newsflash: The state goes nearly 100 miles further south!)
-You've worn socks with sandals.
-In the ocean.
-You've ever asked, "What's a benny?"
Feel free to add comments to my musings or my list, and if any of you ARE bennies, we'll be glad to get you the proper help you need.
FOR THOSE UNAWARE, A BENNY IS AS FOLLOWS:
They are the tourists that come "down the shore." They come usually from northern New Jersey and New York, but many also come from western NJ or Philadelphia. They can usually be characterized by one-day beach badges, vaguely Italian but wholly obnoxious accents, and a completely stupefying fascination with everything in a 10-mile radius of any beach.
The origin of the term benny is as strange and pointless as the bennies themselves. The two most persistent definitions are thus:
1. An acronym that generalizes the primary areas from which the bennies venture. Bayonne, Elizabeth, Newark, New York. B-E-N-NY.
2. An allusion to the fact that they spend ludicrous amounts of money, and do so in big bills. Benjamin Franklin is on the $100 dollar bill, and thus, the tourists go to the boardwalk/restaurant/bar/etc. and throw down a few "Bennies".
It is important to note that the bennies are a vital source of economy in the summer. However, they are so fucking annoying that most could do without them. They are the reason that traffic backs up for hours on the Parkway, Turnpike, Routes 34, 35, 36, 70, 71, and so on. Bennies are not only the reason that the boardwalk sells ice cream for $4 more than it's worth, they are also the reason that the line stretches out the door.
There have been stereotypical physical attributes of the bennies, but those are beginning to change. Younger generations are coming in with silver "ice" and "bling" that hangs around their popped collar. These young'uns wear their ugly chains in the water and coast on their boogie boards that they bought for too much money. Then they exaggerate a knee-high wave more than the 7-year-olds did when I was a camp counselor.
The best way to spot an older benny is that she or (usually) he is wearing socks with sandals. New York Yankees or Mets memorabilia usually adorns their large, hairy, glistening bodies or large, hairless, glistening heads. They wear too much sunscreen and loudly proclaim fallacies about the shore to their children. In restaurants, they can be heard saying things such as, "You still have smoking sections in New Jersey?" Hell yes we do, and you'd better take a seat there if you're going to keep trying to impress your kids by blowing all that smoke out your ass.
MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL:
Benny is a set of behaviors, not just a person from a certain location. I've seen people that live within five minutes of a beach act like atrocious bennies. Likewise, I've seen bennies with real shore knowledge and respect. It's kind of like seeing Bigfoot, but it happens once in a while. The point is, the cycle can only be broken by people (ESPECIALLY LOCALS) taking the iniative to ask for help and soak in the local ambience instead of treating my beautiful homeland like shit and acting like they own the place.
Now, for a Jeff Foxworthy ripoff:
You might be a benny if...
-You've never heard of Pork Roll or Taylor Ham.
-You're suprised by the existence of a smoking section in bars and restaurants.
-You've waited on line for more than an hour at Great Adventure, Seaside, Wildwood, or any other amusement park near the shore.
-You've ever said "Down the shore".
-You've told your friend that you could easily win a boarwalk game. Upon failure to do so, you frowned, gritted your teeth, and promptly plunked down more money on the same game.
-And you still didn't win.
-You've worn white pants. And you're a male.
-You've referred to Point Pleasant, or the surrounding area, as "South Jersey". (Newsflash: The state goes nearly 100 miles further south!)
-You've worn socks with sandals.
-In the ocean.
-You've ever asked, "What's a benny?"
Feel free to add comments to my musings or my list, and if any of you ARE bennies, we'll be glad to get you the proper help you need.