loss
i think that some of the greatest losses are those you expect and know are for the best. it hurts to lose someone knowing that you care about them, knowing that this is the way things need to be, knowing that this is the end, possibly forever.
this weekend i send farewell to one of the greatest friends i have ever had. it is not because my friend died, or even moved away, not because we had grown apart or had a terrible fight. instead we just know that it is best for us to end our friendship, best for both of us.
3+ years of friendship, memories, stories, inside jokes, hurts shared, growth, challenges overcome, roads travelled...together.
i saw my friend this morning, just down the hall. as i turned away and walked upstairs i felt the ache, deep within me. and had to wonder: will this always be, will i always hurt when i see you, when i hear about you, when i see things you've given me, when i think of things you've said...? why do things that are best, rarely feel that way?
as i sulked in the park the other night i pictured one of us many years from now, seeing the other in a magazine article or hearing the other's name spoken by a mutual friend. as the group turns and asks "didn't you know this person?" or notices the distant sadness in our eyes, what will we say?: we were best friends, but that was a long time ago, i wonder how he's doing now? i wonder where she is? i wonder what his life has become? her family? his career? her relationship with God? the group will loose interest or see how we've been carried away by our memories and preoccupied by the unknown, they will wander off leaving us alone with our memories, with our hopes that we've had for each other, with our years of silent prayers we breathed on the other's behalf, with the hurt that still lingers.
i did not even plead with God, hoping he would reverse reality on my behalf. i know this is the way it needs to be. i see no remedy, but time. thus i sent to God a supplication that one day my friend and i could get a second chance. for never had either of us known such friendship, such depth of intellect, such tough love, such safety, such honesty, and at just the right time in life.
but now, God, i turn to you, and trust that you know and will do what is best.
this weekend i send farewell to one of the greatest friends i have ever had. it is not because my friend died, or even moved away, not because we had grown apart or had a terrible fight. instead we just know that it is best for us to end our friendship, best for both of us.
3+ years of friendship, memories, stories, inside jokes, hurts shared, growth, challenges overcome, roads travelled...together.
i saw my friend this morning, just down the hall. as i turned away and walked upstairs i felt the ache, deep within me. and had to wonder: will this always be, will i always hurt when i see you, when i hear about you, when i see things you've given me, when i think of things you've said...? why do things that are best, rarely feel that way?
as i sulked in the park the other night i pictured one of us many years from now, seeing the other in a magazine article or hearing the other's name spoken by a mutual friend. as the group turns and asks "didn't you know this person?" or notices the distant sadness in our eyes, what will we say?: we were best friends, but that was a long time ago, i wonder how he's doing now? i wonder where she is? i wonder what his life has become? her family? his career? her relationship with God? the group will loose interest or see how we've been carried away by our memories and preoccupied by the unknown, they will wander off leaving us alone with our memories, with our hopes that we've had for each other, with our years of silent prayers we breathed on the other's behalf, with the hurt that still lingers.
i did not even plead with God, hoping he would reverse reality on my behalf. i know this is the way it needs to be. i see no remedy, but time. thus i sent to God a supplication that one day my friend and i could get a second chance. for never had either of us known such friendship, such depth of intellect, such tough love, such safety, such honesty, and at just the right time in life.
but now, God, i turn to you, and trust that you know and will do what is best.