(no subject)

[newblackroses]

*sigh* It's been a very long, very tough couple of weeks. I'm so glad city is tomar... well tonight. Damn it's late already! I've been sitting at this computer for hours now. I suddenly feel so alone, this is the first time in two weeks that I have not had someone next to me. I don't like this feeling. I also feel very afraid for some reason. Almost like there is something I should be doing, or somewhere I should be, and I have no way to do anything about it. My mind is so confused right now, like it's spinning. So many thoughts all at once. I want to get them out, but I just don't know how. I miss someone too, first time in a very long time that I have had someone to miss like this. Oh yeah, for the record, I can't stand ignorant racists, but that's a different topic that I might write about on a different day. Right now, all I know is that, 1: I want to get my tattoo today, but I doubt I will be able too, 2: I am not going to complain about love anymore, at least not for the reasons I used too, 3: I feel like crying right now, and I don't even know why. That damn picture of my knife keeps coming into my head, and the only reason I do not have it in my hands right now is because it is in the bus and it's like 20 degrees outside. Well, the thought of the person I miss is stopping me too, which I will have to thank them for. I don't need to do that shit anymore. I have been thinking about it a lot lately, and every time, I have been able to stop myself. I think I might finally be getting over that habit. Unfortunately, I think I will soon be replacing it with tattoos and piercings, especially if I get a job soon. Ugh!!! I want to call them so bad, but I know they are sleeping right now!!! Feels like this flu is finally beginning to ease up, even though I am now hacking shit up constantly. Oh well, I am too worn out emotionally for anything. I just want to have fun tonight. There is only one person who I really want to talk too at city, but I know I will have to talk to a bunch of other people too. I am too tired to go to sleep, and the nightmares have been starting to come back as well. I wish I could just escape everything for a while, I wish I could go back in time about a day and a half and just stay there in that one moment for as long as I need to start feeling better.

... New black roses seem to be growing, I just wish I could touch them.