GAAAAAH! KEYSMASHING!
GACK!
*keysmash*
I should go with my gut feelings more often! Why the hell do I never listen to my instincts! GAH!
God, last night I had a tiny going away party with two friends of mine, one boy and one girl. The girl resolved to make me drunk for the first time in my life and at the start I agreed, but a couple of days later I'm going er-hm.... I just worry about what kind of drunk I would be.
My worst fears came to life: I turned out to be an affectionate drunk, at the beginning I was cuddly and clingy, then made out with the both of them later on in the night. Now. I don't have a problem with kissing my friend (the girl, since she can't remember what happened, and I only have the faintest recollection of kissing her - I just keep on wondering why the hell I did that.) but I have a big-ass problem with the male one.
He's my ex, and now we're >>> somehow <<< back together and I have no freaking idea what I said to make him stick to me the whole night since I didn't get back home after my friend (the girl) got taken to hospital. It's like our relationship all over again! I broke up with him in the first place after six months because I found I didn't really have feelings for him, and now this! I really hurt him the first time around and found it very hard to forgive myself afterward. GAH! I've asked for some time to think about it since I didn't want to hurt him like last time and he accepted. I know he wants a relationship, but I'm just not the right person for that. He's a really nice person, and all, but I still push him away, and I don't think I'll ever develop feelings for him. When I spoke to him today about taking it slow since I've got severe personal issues I need to get over before I can actually commit to being in a relationship, he looked upset and I fear I may have hurt him just a bit there.
WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!?!
I knew this would happen if I got drunk. I just did! I should have stopped it before it got out of hand!
*rams self into a brick wall repeatedly until I become a puddle of blood, bones and flesh*
*keysmash*
I should go with my gut feelings more often! Why the hell do I never listen to my instincts! GAH!
God, last night I had a tiny going away party with two friends of mine, one boy and one girl. The girl resolved to make me drunk for the first time in my life and at the start I agreed, but a couple of days later I'm going er-hm.... I just worry about what kind of drunk I would be.
My worst fears came to life: I turned out to be an affectionate drunk, at the beginning I was cuddly and clingy, then made out with the both of them later on in the night. Now. I don't have a problem with kissing my friend (the girl, since she can't remember what happened, and I only have the faintest recollection of kissing her - I just keep on wondering why the hell I did that.) but I have a big-ass problem with the male one.
He's my ex, and now we're >>> somehow <<< back together and I have no freaking idea what I said to make him stick to me the whole night since I didn't get back home after my friend (the girl) got taken to hospital. It's like our relationship all over again! I broke up with him in the first place after six months because I found I didn't really have feelings for him, and now this! I really hurt him the first time around and found it very hard to forgive myself afterward. GAH! I've asked for some time to think about it since I didn't want to hurt him like last time and he accepted. I know he wants a relationship, but I'm just not the right person for that. He's a really nice person, and all, but I still push him away, and I don't think I'll ever develop feelings for him. When I spoke to him today about taking it slow since I've got severe personal issues I need to get over before I can actually commit to being in a relationship, he looked upset and I fear I may have hurt him just a bit there.
WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!?!
I knew this would happen if I got drunk. I just did! I should have stopped it before it got out of hand!
*rams self into a brick wall repeatedly until I become a puddle of blood, bones and flesh*