(no subject)
tonight was absolutely fucking ridiculous.
i went to grandpa's for a biiig dinner in westchester and got home kinda late. i was going to go to witches brew with sarah and jesse but didn't think i would make it home in time so we rescheduled. i got home around 11:30 and michael ragosta called and i decided to go out.
the evening ended up being a whirlwind of memories of the days of yore. first, i met michael at the tucci's house, where there was some kind of absurd christmas party, complete with a karaoke machine. i saw so many people i hadn't seen since the days of sunday night borders kickball - andy and mike tucci, mike monti, bryan wenstrom (who didn't even say hi to me, until michael was like "umm, cait smith is here. right next to you." what? it makes me laugh. "i'll wait for you forever, cait smith! as long as it takes!" he says to me in 11th grade, and now he pretends i'm not there. so good. oh, the good old days), tommy trash, casey. it was awesome. and all these random kids from smithtown high school were there too, even though it was a hauppauge party. like shannon dunne (whom i danced with at ann mercedes for a million years. she also didn't talk to me), janelle metz, willy walker, joe romanello, all these random kids. so weird. i talked to monti for a while, and the tuccis are both great too. tommy trash, by means of the karaoke machine, got everyone to start doing the electric slide. it was pretty hilarious. and OH! sarah - i met danielle forman. it was great.
michael and i left that party to go over to a party at gabe fox's house. this was totally surreal, totally strange. we walked in and found andrew sclafani and walter in the kitchen. god, no matter how much time passes and how weird life is, for whatever reason, i just love walter so much. he's just the nicest, best kid in the world. it was really really good to see him. andrew is great too. he's so funny and awesome. we went in the basement and found gabe, rob rizzi, eddie storey, and mike jordan. my god. i hadn't seen mike jordan in so fucking long and he's so different now. i'm tempted to say he's a totally different person now, but that's not quite true - underneath all these layers of new mike jordan he's still very much the same and still fucking hilarious. but he just talked differently, and didn't look the same, and man it was weird. so good, though. and tom stutman! magod. there were a ton of kids there that i used to know so well.
it's interesting how many people i saw tonight at gabe's that i haven't seen in years, and it's interesting that they without a doubt know who i am and do not say hello to me. everyone said hi to michael, and he didn't even remember half of them. i can't really explain why any of that is, except that he's a rock star, so maybe they feel validated when they say hi to him and he receives them warmly. and maybe, since i was one who used to fit in with this crowd but was replaced, they feel like i'm not important. i can't explain it. i can't make sense of it. all i know is that there were people i used to know selectively ignoring me. nobody important ignored me, only minor players, of course, but still. weird.
i don't even know what to say about it. it was great to see so many people that i used to love all at once, right there in the fox family basement drinking bud light, but it was such a harsh reminder that this part of my life is over, definitively over. in some ways i wish i could go back to 10th grade and hanging out with the hauppauge kids and walking to new york pizza and eating at baja and going to andrew's beach house and swimming in mike and walter's pools, but now i can really finally feel how i've just grown out of it, grown out of some of these people, and it's strange. it's neither good nor bad, it just is. i resisted and resisted growing apart from those people for so long, and i think i might have just come to terms with it tonight.
that said, i still need to hang out with walter this break. i was suddenly struck by how important he was and is to me.
michael and i went back to the tucci's for a few after that and then left and went to the dunkin robbins on 111 right by where the outer limits used to be. we ate donuts and caught each other up on life events. i haven't really hung out with him since i guess senior year of high school, but for some reason it was surprisingly comfortable. like we never skipped a beat. nothing about it was awkward. there were no awful pauses in conversation and i don't really find myself withholding anything from him or trying really hard to seem cool or impressive. i think we legitimately make good friends, for whatever that's worth. we need to spend a lot more time together this break. i really enjoyed hanging out with him. he said his sister djs at some clubs in the city and we halfassedly made plans to go to one of those. so that better happen. i'm psyched.
and for those of you out there tracking the state of our relationship since we were 16, no, i really, really do not think there are any romantic undertones this time. no, seriously, fuckinnn there's no way i'm getting duped into that charade again, 4 years later.
i think i'm going to the new years party at the tucci's, which is going to be really great because i will be spending new years with old friends and michael AND most importantly my lover/soulmate/sista sarah fuckin' goldman.
this break is going to be somethin' interesting. already is.
i went to grandpa's for a biiig dinner in westchester and got home kinda late. i was going to go to witches brew with sarah and jesse but didn't think i would make it home in time so we rescheduled. i got home around 11:30 and michael ragosta called and i decided to go out.
the evening ended up being a whirlwind of memories of the days of yore. first, i met michael at the tucci's house, where there was some kind of absurd christmas party, complete with a karaoke machine. i saw so many people i hadn't seen since the days of sunday night borders kickball - andy and mike tucci, mike monti, bryan wenstrom (who didn't even say hi to me, until michael was like "umm, cait smith is here. right next to you." what? it makes me laugh. "i'll wait for you forever, cait smith! as long as it takes!" he says to me in 11th grade, and now he pretends i'm not there. so good. oh, the good old days), tommy trash, casey. it was awesome. and all these random kids from smithtown high school were there too, even though it was a hauppauge party. like shannon dunne (whom i danced with at ann mercedes for a million years. she also didn't talk to me), janelle metz, willy walker, joe romanello, all these random kids. so weird. i talked to monti for a while, and the tuccis are both great too. tommy trash, by means of the karaoke machine, got everyone to start doing the electric slide. it was pretty hilarious. and OH! sarah - i met danielle forman. it was great.
michael and i left that party to go over to a party at gabe fox's house. this was totally surreal, totally strange. we walked in and found andrew sclafani and walter in the kitchen. god, no matter how much time passes and how weird life is, for whatever reason, i just love walter so much. he's just the nicest, best kid in the world. it was really really good to see him. andrew is great too. he's so funny and awesome. we went in the basement and found gabe, rob rizzi, eddie storey, and mike jordan. my god. i hadn't seen mike jordan in so fucking long and he's so different now. i'm tempted to say he's a totally different person now, but that's not quite true - underneath all these layers of new mike jordan he's still very much the same and still fucking hilarious. but he just talked differently, and didn't look the same, and man it was weird. so good, though. and tom stutman! magod. there were a ton of kids there that i used to know so well.
it's interesting how many people i saw tonight at gabe's that i haven't seen in years, and it's interesting that they without a doubt know who i am and do not say hello to me. everyone said hi to michael, and he didn't even remember half of them. i can't really explain why any of that is, except that he's a rock star, so maybe they feel validated when they say hi to him and he receives them warmly. and maybe, since i was one who used to fit in with this crowd but was replaced, they feel like i'm not important. i can't explain it. i can't make sense of it. all i know is that there were people i used to know selectively ignoring me. nobody important ignored me, only minor players, of course, but still. weird.
i don't even know what to say about it. it was great to see so many people that i used to love all at once, right there in the fox family basement drinking bud light, but it was such a harsh reminder that this part of my life is over, definitively over. in some ways i wish i could go back to 10th grade and hanging out with the hauppauge kids and walking to new york pizza and eating at baja and going to andrew's beach house and swimming in mike and walter's pools, but now i can really finally feel how i've just grown out of it, grown out of some of these people, and it's strange. it's neither good nor bad, it just is. i resisted and resisted growing apart from those people for so long, and i think i might have just come to terms with it tonight.
that said, i still need to hang out with walter this break. i was suddenly struck by how important he was and is to me.
michael and i went back to the tucci's for a few after that and then left and went to the dunkin robbins on 111 right by where the outer limits used to be. we ate donuts and caught each other up on life events. i haven't really hung out with him since i guess senior year of high school, but for some reason it was surprisingly comfortable. like we never skipped a beat. nothing about it was awkward. there were no awful pauses in conversation and i don't really find myself withholding anything from him or trying really hard to seem cool or impressive. i think we legitimately make good friends, for whatever that's worth. we need to spend a lot more time together this break. i really enjoyed hanging out with him. he said his sister djs at some clubs in the city and we halfassedly made plans to go to one of those. so that better happen. i'm psyched.
and for those of you out there tracking the state of our relationship since we were 16, no, i really, really do not think there are any romantic undertones this time. no, seriously, fuckinnn there's no way i'm getting duped into that charade again, 4 years later.
i think i'm going to the new years party at the tucci's, which is going to be really great because i will be spending new years with old friends and michael AND most importantly my lover/soulmate/sista sarah fuckin' goldman.
this break is going to be somethin' interesting. already is.