WOTD: Incommunicado - Fic: The New Man
WOTD: Incommunicado
incommunicado \in-kuh-myoo-nuh-KAH-doh\, adverb or adjective:
Without the means or right to communicate.
Story: The New Man
Sequel to: Predictable (as requested by scarlettgirl)
Author: WMR
Characters: Mostly Ten
Rated: G
I have very little confidence that I've got Ten's 'voice' at all right here, but this is it anyway. Hope you enjoy!
The New Man
He hangs up, and a thoughtful expression comes over his face. The new face. The one he’s still getting used to. With the strange teeth and sideburns, and ears that don’t stick out.
She’d sounded uncertain. As if unsure of something.
Of what? Whether he’d accept the invitation or not?
She shouldn’t have. Should have known he -
But, no, she wouldn’t. Because, before, he’d said no.
He remembers that. It just takes a few moments, sometimes, for all those centuries’-worth of memories to solidify in his mind. After all, he’s still only sixteen or so hours past his regeneration. He’s only been properly awake for a couple of hours, and in that time he’s saved a third of the human race, become the Earth’s champion, destroyed Harriet Jones’ career and - most amazing at all, from the perspective of the recent past - hugged Jackie Tyler and Mickey Smith.
So he can be forgiven for having to think for a moment, to remember which incarnation each memory belongs to. Was it Peri who’d gone with him to Deva Loka? Or was that Tegan? No, it was Tegan. Indeed, Tegan.
Now, Rose. Rose Tyler.
Who’d sounded uncertain just then. As if she thought... That’s it. She sounded as if she thought he might not want to talk to her.
Ah.
Rose should know better than that. After all they’ve been through together, she certainly should. Especially considering that he wouldn’t be alive at all if it wasn’t for her.
Ah, but she doesn’t remember that. Does she?
Now, there’s a Pandora’s Box it’d be best not to open, isn’t there? To let her know what she did, the terrible power she harnessed for him, the destruction she wrought, all for his sake. That the power of the Vortex almost destroyed her. That taking it from her is what killed him.
That he kissed her.
She’s having enough difficulty dealing with the living, breathing concept of regeneration as it is. To know these things - that he died to save her life, that while he was still in his previous body he kissed her - could do her far more harm than good.
Better she doesn’t know. She misses the old him. Even if she now accepts that he is himself - and he knows that she does now - she still longs for things as they were. He remembers what she said to Mickey while she thought he was asleep, after all.
If the Doctor was here - the proper Doctor...
Though that’s not fair. She was upset. And he knows how hard regeneration always is on companions. Should have been prepared for how difficult this would be for Rose, who is different from any other companion. Has been closer to him than any other companion.
To previous companions, he has been grandfather-figure, surrogate father, perhaps uncle, sometimes friend. Bane of their lives, much of the time. To Rose, perhaps most of those roles, but more besides. Far more. He has allowed it to be much more.
Soul-mate would not be an inapt description.
And she is only nineteen. How can he expect her to adapt this quickly to the loss of her closest friend? Her soul-mate? To understand that he is still here, just looking, sounding, behaving differently?
Though she can adapt. Is adapting. Her natural resilience is returning.
Except that she is uncertain around him. She’s keeping her distance - didn’t come to him for a hug when they came back from the Sycorax ship, didn’t run and grab his hand, as she would always have done... before.
And then he remembers.
“And you, Rose Tyler, fat lot of good you were - you gave up on me.”
Is that it? Is this why she’s wary?
That was a little unfair of him. Even if he doesn’t yet know what sort of man he is, even if he’s still finding out about all this fresh, new, shiny body and person he’s become, he knows that’s unfair.
She was lost. Grieving. Didn’t understand what was going on. But she never abandoned him. She took him home, looked after him - most of the time, but he can’t blame her for needing a break - refused to leave him behind when they decided to take refuge in the TARDIS.
Yes, she lost faith in him. Couldn’t believe he was still the Doctor - her Doctor, as she called him on Satellite Five. But can he, of all people, really blame anyone for making a mistake? For a bad judgement? For trusting, or not trusting, the wrong person?
Whatever sort of man he is now, he refuses to be a hypocrite.
No second chances. That’s the sort of man I am.
Does she take that personally, too?
No second chances. What does he mean by that, anyway?
Never? For anyone?
Only time will tell. But he thinks that maybe it means for people who should know better. Where there are no mitigating circumstances.
It doesn’t apply to Rose. That’s the instinctive response that leaps into his head, this new brain that’s still trying to process all the information inside it, all his memories, all his centuries’-worth of knowledge, all his emotions. It never applied to Rose. Or to him, really. He’s lost count of the number of second chances she’s given him, after all.
It’s just as well she invited him to dinner, he realises. Because here he was, pottering about the TARDIS, thinking about the need to find himself something to wear but actually wondering where she’s gone, what she is doing, when she is coming back. And at the same time she is in her mum’s flat, apparently thinking that he doesn’t want her around.
They haven’t been communicating. That was a mistake. He should have done better.
He hasn’t had a lot of time, of course. But it isn’t just that. Once they begin to talk, there are questions that will have to be addressed.
What really happened on Satellite Five? He already knows he won’t tell her the truth about that.
What happened to Jack? Something else it’s best not to talk about. To tell her that Jack was dead but she brought him back to life? To tell her that he knowingly left Jack behind, that he has his reasons for doing that but isn’t going to tell her what those are? Best avoided.
Has he done this regeneration thing before? She knows how old he is, and isn’t fazed by it. How will she feel to know that this is his tenth body?
And the biggest question of all... What now? Will she still want to come with him? Or can she simply not imagine travelling with him as he is now?
So many questions, questions he dreads. Answers he either doesn’t want to give or doesn’t want to hear.
Yes, there are so many things he has yet to discover about himself. And here is one more: is he a procrastinator or is he not? Can he choose to be one or the other? Will he choose the easy option? Avoidance, yet again, of those difficult questions?
For now, though, he is invited to dinner. And the important choice he has to make is to pick something to wear.
It’s a more difficult choice than it’s been in previous regenerations. Because, for some strange reason, he finds he’s not just looking for what will please himself. He’s also thinking of someone else.
Will she like him in this?
He smiles, remembering. He asked her if he is sexy. All part of his strategy to unsettle the Sycorax leader, but he wants to know all the same. Wants her to think he is.
And so here it is. No more hiding in black leather, sending don’t touch signals through his wardrobe. Trendy, this. Nice colour. Nice pin-stripes. The tie works. Trenchcoat’s the perfect finishing touch, isn’t it? She should like this.
God knows what Jack would think, but this isn’t about him. It won’t be, not for quite some time.
And he’s ready, at last. Ready to take this new body, this new outfit, for a test-drive. To brave the Tyler household for Christmas dinner.
Time for a new start. Even if it’s not time yet to have that talk with Rose, it’s time to show her that some things are still the same. That, to him, she’s still his plus-one.
He strides jauntily through the TARDIS, whistling as he goes. Because, whatever happens later, he’s going to Christmas dinner in the Tyler household.
He’s coming to dinner, because he’s a new man. A domestic kind of man, maybe. Or maybe just a man who doesn’t want to let down the gorgeous woman who saved his life and who was feeling slighted.
He’s going to see Rose, who he’s pretty sure does want to see him. And he can’t wait to find out what she thinks of his new outfit. He wants to see a smile of approval on her face, just as there was earlier when she threw him that sword.
For now, just spending some time together will be nice. Give her time to get used to the new face. Reassure her that she’s still his Rose, that he still cares about her. Just in case she’s doubting the truth of that.
And then, later, he can start bringing up those difficult questions. Starting with the hardest: are you coming with me?
And he hopes she’ll say yes.
He knocks on the door of the flat, the wood feeling, sounding different now with these new, bonier fingers. Waits for someone to let him in.
Holds his finger to his lips as Jackie answers the door, asking her silently not to announce him. He wants to surprise Rose. Jackie grins at him, evidently - and surprisingly - pleased to see him. The new man that he is plants a kiss on her cheek and whispers, “Happy Christmas.”
And then it’s time to go and find Rose. He hears her voice, follows it down the hall, finds her at the table, laughing at something with Mickey.
Then she sees him. Falls silent. But a huge smile breaks out on her face, a look of complete joy.
For him. Her Doctor.
He returns her grin, knowing that she can see his delight at seeing her, too. He’d like to hug her, but that can wait. They’re still getting used to all this newness, the two of them.
A new man. A new start.
And Rose.
End
x-posted to time_and_chips