I Won't Say I Missed You [log]

[knightess]

Who: Axel [roxascomplex] and Roxas [oathtooblivion]
Where: Roxas' house (where else?)
When: August 11th, late afternoon/early evening
Summary: Axel returns from the Organization, where he's spent the past couple of weeks or so, to find a decidedly distraught - and somehow different - Roxas.

Time was edging on towards twilight, and still no sign of Roxas - or Sakura, for that matter - in the house. Somewhat perplexed, Axel sighed, finally finishing his numerous attempt of scouring the lowest floor of the house before collapsing onto the couch in the living room again, kicking his feet back onto it and his ungloved hands behind his head. He'd promptly changed after getting home, though half debated covering his hand, where a large gash had been made, covered with a few lame attempts of bandaging.

The place was empty, as barren as a wasteland. Even trying to make things livelier with music hadn't helped, which had long since been abandoned.

"Some welcome home," he muttered, but he couldn't blame them, really. He hadn't exactly announced that he was returning that day, afterall.

Gazing up at the ceiling, Axel sighed. He was pretty much worn out, and it was rather comfortable here... His eyelids were attempting to close, to close and let himself doze off into sleep here...

Before he knew it, he was sleeping.

Some time later, the silence of the house was interrupted again, giving way to a second arrival. Roxas entered, closing the front door with a weary sigh. It had been a long and dull day, and, tired of being stuck inside in the lonely silence, Roxas had been out for the best part of three hours just for something to do with himself - other than sit around the house, bored.

He entered the - silent, as usual - living room, contemplating whether to just skip making dinner and go to bed early out of lack of anything better to do. He quickly found himself doing a double-take at the couch, where a familiar face was sleeping.

Axel.

Roxas hesistated, wondering whether to just leave him there to sleep. He looked about as exhausted as Roxas felt, if not moreso, but he could have plenty of time to sleep later. They needed to talk, and now was the time for it. Crossing the room, he kneeled to Axel's eye-level and shook one of his arms roughly. No response. "Axel," he said impatiently. "Wake up. It's Roxas."

"Nngh," was the low grunt in reply. Axel's inner mind was obviously not in the mood to let himself drift back into consciousness just yet, but Axel perservered, pulling a slight face before opening one single, emerald eye, taking a while to focus on Roxas' face. As he recognised him, a weary smile appeared on his face, the other eye flitting open. "Hey there," he said, his voice quieter than he really meant it to be.

Releasing his grip on Axel's arm, Roxas made no other movement other than to narrow his eyes, almost as if sizing Axel up. After a long moment, he simply replied, "...Hi."

His vision still obscured by sleep, Axel retreived his injured hand from behind his hand and rubbed it a bit. "You been doing alright, Roxas?" he asked slowly, blinking a few times.

Roxas shrugged absently in reply, eyeing Axel's bandaged hand. "I see you haven't. What happened to your hand?"

"Oh, this?" Axel said, his eyebrows raising as he lifted his hand to his mouth, on the spur of the moment taking hold of the bandage between his teeth, before pulling it clear, to reveal a large, gaping gash in his hand, which fortunately, seemed to mending itself - but with the state it was in, it wouldn't be surprising if a scar would form. "Well, I... got in a fight. With number seven."

If Roxas was even remotely fazed by the wound, he didn't show it, merely blinking at it and looking back at Axel's face. "You got into a fight? What was it about?" He raised an eyebrow, adding, "Or did you just feel like picking one?"

"He started..." Axel began, but soon cut himself off, dismissing the sentence with a mere wave of his hand. "He got a little bit too.. lets say, close. And accusive about... well, you. So I went for him." Axel wasn't the kind to use words to win an argument when Roxas was involved.

"You're as reckless as ever," Roxas noted disdainfully, shifting to a more comfortable sitting position and looking away, his expression deep in thought as he spoke. "If you do things like that, they'll just get all the more suspicious of you, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Axel sighed. He'd been half expecting this lecture. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. Didn't really get anything from it, mind..." he leaned back on the arm rest again, staring up at the ceiling. "...Except the rather surprised look on his face."

Roxas merely rolled his eyes in response. At this rate, Axel was going to give the two of them away. Trying to keep a level tone, he said slowly, "So... Why were you gone so long?"

"I couldn't get out. And the scrape... They wouldn't lay off. They seemed keen to get some information out of me. Never been to so many meetings in two weeks. Kept the story the same, and eventually they had to give up," Axel rubbed his head, as if the very thought of meetings was giving him a headache. "In all, they don't know about all this."

"Good," Roxas said, fractionally looking relieved. He was burning to tell Axel a whole number of things, but he resisted the temptation to blurt everything out. Instead, he said, "Sakura left a while after you. Hasn't been back since."

"What? She up and left you by yourself?" Axel's eyes widened - seemingly forgetting for a moment that his reaction was completely hypocritical, since he had, afterall, been the one to leave first. "What for?"

Roxas wasn't entirely sure how much Sakura had told Axel about herself, but Roxas was in no mood to explain, so he replied curtly, "To find her feather. I guess she figured out where it was in the city, and left to go get it."

Axel's face told all. "Feather?" he said cluelessly, before shaking his head. "So I guess, we both kinda left you by yourself, huh..."

Roxas simply gave another absent shrug, as if he didn't particularly care - or was doing a good job of concealing it. "It's not like you could help it."

"Still," Axel's arms returned to being behind his head. "Having spent the past few hours in here with no idea when anyone is returning? It's daunting. And you had it longer than just a few hours," he paused, before finally cutting straight to the chase. "Sorry about that."

On the verge of saying something, Roxas instead turned so his back was leaning on the couch, drawing his knees up and facing away from Axel. It was true, all of it. And unusual in itself for Axel to think so considerately of Roxas. Not that he'd tell Axel that, of course. "Well, it was good timing for you to come back."

Shuffling slightly where he was laying on the coach, Axel half leaned upright again, resting the side of his head in his hand as he looked down at Roxas. "Something bothering you?"

Roxas cracked; even if he was reluctant, he wanted to tell and confide in someone, anyone at all, something he hadn't been able to as he'd been entirely alone. Inhaling deeply, he turned to Axel with a heavy finality, and said simply, "I remember everything. All of it."

Opening his mouth slightly, Axel became lost for words, letting it hang there, trying to find something to say that wasn't remotely stupid, but failing, only managing to let the silence ebb further on. Eventually, he said quietly, whilst almost biting his lip, ".. ah. I see."

Thing was, Axel was of course, pleased at that - but he knew not everything in Roxas' past was him, and there were bad times. Lots, and lots, of bad times.

"That's all you have to say?" Roxas looked away from Axel again, his expression hidden, but the voice he'd managed to keep so carefully level so far was bordering on anger and bitterness. "After trying to remember for so long, that's it? You have your best friend back."

Axel considered. "If you want me to act like nothing is wrong, and that's all the return of your memories brought you, I will. But I know, Roxas. I know they weren't all shiningly brilliant. I'm not going to be all overly overjoyed when I know you-" he paused, briefly putting a hand on Roxas' shoulder before removing it, "-are drowning in the thoughts of the terrible ones. But yeah, it's not my call, so..." he trailed off. It was scary to think that once upon a time he wouldn't have even considered thinking about this, but... two weeks gave you a lot of thinking time on matters.

Roxas turned back to Axel again, mildly surprised. It was concealed by another searching look, however; the expression he'd worn when Axel first woke up, as if unsure of what to make of him. Narrowing his eyes, he replied, "You've gone soft."

Axel meekly closed his eyes for a second, a fragment of a laugh escaping from his mouth as he smiled with something of sincerity. "I know. I know..."

Continuing to watch him indifferently, Roxas added, "You don't seem all that bothered by it, either. You would have been before."

"About you remembering who I was?" Axel questioned, before continuing, "I guess it's not hit home yet. Or maybe it's just we've already gone beyond what our 'friendship' was before, Roxas."

"I'll just leave you alone and give you some time to let it sink in, shall I?" Roxas snapped irritably, making a movement as if about to stand. "It's not like this is important, is it?"

"What are you getting at? Of course it's important," Axel replied hastily, before coming to a rather abrupt halt, as if he was about to say something else but thinking it over twice. "It's only.." his voice fell so it was barely audible. "I don't want you to be hurt... over how I reply. But it seems I'm failing already, huh..."

Roxas turned around angrily again, fully this time, to face Axel, and actually seized the front of Axel's shirt in one fist, pulling their faces dangerously close with surprising strength. He was missing the point entirely here, so Roxas was going to have to make him realise. "I don't care about being 'hurt' or anything stupid like that! I just wanted you to give me a reply! I've been going crazy the past few days just thinking about this, and you're just... just..." He relinquished his grip slightly, drawing back, and he looked positively pleadingly at Axel. "Just act like you care."

Throughout the sudden physical contact on Roxas' part, Axel remained silent, watching Roxas. Was this... pity? No, it was more closer to sympathy. Never the less, he looked regretting, shaking his head and blinking absently. I don't know how to care. I'm just a nothing. "I can try..." he faltered. "No. I do want to care." It's just something I don't understand. His mouth formed those two small words before he could even stop them, even though they had passed their point of meaning from overuse. "I'm sorry."

Roxas' eyes widened and narrowed again just as quickly, clearly thinking Axel's response a pathetic one. He finally let go of Axel so roughly that it may as well have been a shove, and said icily, "You're a liar, Axel. You're a damn liar. Do you need proof to get this through your head?" He stood and straightened up, and two Keyblades appeared simultaneously in his hands; the black one, Oblivion, in a haze of darkness, the white, Oathkeeper, in the usual flash of light.

Then, in one fluid movement, he swung Oblivion and it stopped a hair's breadth before Axel's throat, holding it steadily as if for Axel to look at it. "Is this proof enough? Do you understand now? You're finally talking to that Roxas you chased across worlds when he left the Organization. You're talking to the one person who was your best friend, and your partner," He swallowed, and his voice almost trembled. "Do you have anything to say, yet?"

He hardly dared to let himself breathe. Sighing, or moving even slightly was not an option, or that'd be the end of Axel entirely. Axel didn't know what to say, or what to think. He was a liar. He always had been a stupid, stupid liar. It was all he'd either had a knack for - lying. He didn't know if he wanted Roxas this way, and he didn't know what to reply. He didn't know if any of his replies would torment Roxas further, or make him calm down.

"If I said 'welcome back'..." Axel breathed, his line of sight flickering between Oblivion at his throat and Roxas, "... would you kill me from it sounding so lame?"

"If I wanted to kill you," Roxas said testily, his hand tightening on Oblivion to stop it shaking in anger. "But unlike you, I care about my friends. Even if they're being bad ones," He paused, trying to control his temper, and added in a lower voice, "Or would you rather I just went back to being that fake Roxas?"

"No," Axel said hastily. "You should stay being you - the true you - no matter what your bad friend says about it," he paused, pointing at himself. "But I think you should stay being you."

Roxas narrowed his eyes, wondering if Axel was only saying that so as not to anger Roxas further. After all, he did have a Keyblade at his throat. Dismissing Oblivion in a cloud of darkness but still holding Oathkeeper tightly at his side, Roxas said dryly and with clear disbelief, "Do you mean it?"

Almost letting out a sigh of relief as the Keyblade was removed from the tip of his throat, Axel quenched it at the last possible second, instead taking to answering Roxas' question. "Of course. I've told you before. When it comes to you, I'm always serious."

Roxas sank back down to the floor again, still holding Oathkeeper close to him as if distrustful of Axel. "I just got to thinking," he said coldly, in a small voice, "You like lies so much that you went and fell in love with one." It was a low blow, and not entirely called for, but Roxas was far too angry and confused to care.

Letting the silence drag, Axel just looked down at Roxas, his vision frosty and cold, wanting to shout in response to that, to get his opinion heard - but it wouldn't work. He knew that without even trying. "It's not like that," he said eventually, kneeling down himself. "You're no lie, Roxas."

"I was. I had fake memories, and a fake personality to go with it. I was a fake person, a lie," Roxas replied heavily, his grip tightening on Oathkeeper even further if possible. "Don't you get anything I'm saying?"

"I get you. But Roxas. Even through those memories, that personality, the person that never really was, even under all that, you were still Roxas," he paused, pointing a finger at him before tapping it gently on Roxas' chest a few times. "In here."

Roxas did not look entirely convinced, but his expression softened slightly, and he finally dismissed Oathkeeper, too. "I'm not so sure if the others would see it that way. Sakura and Rikku, I mean."

"Sakura would see it the same," Axel said without hesitation, before he seemed surprised he'd said it with such haste - perhaps it was just the air she gave off, that she had the eyes of someone who had seen things, aged mentally beyond her years. "Rikku... she... probably would."

Lapsing into thoughtful silence, Roxas did not reply. Even if he didn't want to care about what everyone thought of him, he couldn't help it. Even if he'd broken the memory barrier, perhaps he just couldn't fully go back to how he was. Maybe he'd changed too much, spent too much time amongst normal people, like Axel...

"Why aren't you mad at me?" Roxas said suddenly, breaking the silence again. "Have you really gone that soft?"

"Eh," Axel finally sighed a little, shaking his head in thought. "We argue too much for our own good. I suppose I just didn't want to start another one." Which, was probably Axel's way of saying 'yeah, I've gone soft', but not exactly saying it.

That meant Roxas' attempts at hating Axel's guts became rather pathetic, as there was no fuel to feed the fire. But Roxas wanted to argue, because it was the only way he could think of venting the confusion of emotions within him that he shouldn't even have in the first place. He'd never been so conflicted in his life; he didn't entirely know if he wanted to continue to be angry at Axel, or pretend the last ten minutes or so never even happened and start the conversation again. So he simply settled for the reply, "So you're just gonna sit back and let me push you around?"

Axel skipped answering the question directly, simply stating, "if you want me to get angry and argue, then I will. If that's how you want to deal," he said, surprising himself about how calm he was over the whole thing.

"No," Roxas scowled immediately, once again returning to annoyance. Axel was seeing right through him, and he resented the feeling as much as it unnerved him. "I'm not arguing, especially not if you're going to be like that."

"So," Axel continued, finally leaning back off where he was kneeling against the sofa, still eyeing Roxas. "Are we going to talk this over, or have you had enough for today?" he offered.

"You sound like an advice columnist more and more by the minute," Roxas said dryly, still scowling. "What is there to 'talk over'? I think you've made it obvious what your opinion is on the whole thing."

"You're just getting riled," Axel replied. "I don't know. If you wanted to talk, I'd listen," he left it hanging.

"There's nothing to talk about," Roxas repeated insistantly, even if that was an utter lie. There was a lot he wanted to talk about, he knew, but he wasn't about to spill out all his thoughts to Axel when Axel was taking on such an irritating attitude. "If you don't think there's anything to talk about, then there isn't."

"If you say so," Axel replied bluntly, half wondering if Roxas was just lying - which he highly thought he was, but he didn't push it. "So, then... I guess I should tell you something."

Roxas looked surprised, but quickly hid it behind his usual scowl again. "Tell me what?"

"That I, er-" Axel rubbed the back of his head, for the first time in the conversation looking clearly nerved and probably flustered. "-well, that is to say, it was only - I mean, that..." he paused, recollecting his thoughts, before uttering, ".. that I've got your cloak, if you want it."

"Oh, that," Roxas said, although he didn't at all intend to tell Axel he already knew about it. Suppressing a shiver at being reminded of the haunting memories of the few nights previously, he replied, "Sure, whatever. It might be useful..."

"I'll give it to you later, then," Axel responded, obviously calming that he wasn't being lectured about being a stalker or some weirded out lunatic who liked to keep the clothes of his friends as a keepsake until they wanted them again. "Oh, you did get the money I left, didn't you?" he asked cautiously.

Roxas might have seemed guilty at that, had he not looked so absently distracted. "Yeah, I did." He didn't even so much as bother to come up with an excuse as to why he'd been in Axel's room in the first place, but he didn't care all that much whether Roxas found out or not.

On the contrary, Axel didn't seem too bothered that Roxas had been in his room at all. Perhaps it was the fact he knew he'd been careless and left the door half open, or the slight hope that Roxas would go in there in his unconscious mind. "Glad," he said simply - an outburst of annoyance would have been needed if Roxas hadn't been the one to take the money.

"So," Roxas began, finally coming out of his thoughts. "Any other possessions of mine you've decided to stash somewhere?" He didn't look particularly irritated by it, more curious than anything.

"No," Axel said flatly, though his face seemed unsure, as if he really was thinking that question over. After a few seconds he said again, "... don't think so. The cloak was all they left there."

"'They'? Where did you find it?" Roxas was fairly sure he knew who 'they' were, but as for where Roxas had been taken to after he had been defeated, he had no idea.

"In a storage cupboard," Axel frowned, in disgust with the treatment that Roxas' cloak had recieved. "Kinda just stashed in there. After DiZ realized I'd figured out where you were, he cleared off from where he was, and just left it behind."

"No, I mean the place in general," Roxas said, elaborating further, "Like, where was the place? What was it like? I might remember it, a little bit."

Axel raised an eyebrow, before stretching his arms absently and staring up at the ceiling. "... a mansion. He was in Castle Oblivion for a while, until she put Sora back here, then DiZ went to the mansion.. in..." his gaze slid back to Roxas. "Twilight Town."

Whereas Roxas would have normally inquired as to just who this mysterious 'she' might be, he was too busy straining his memory. "But that mansion was deserted. And it didn't sound like a mansion at all from what I remember... I don't know. I never saw anything."

"There was a basement," Axel said, looking somewhat amused at Roxas' response, before adding, ".. it wasn't obvious, though. It was more like an underground laboratory than anything."

"That would explain it," Roxas frowned, suddenly looking rather uncomfortable. "Who is the man that works with DiZ, anyway?"

"The man?" Axel looked momentarily puzzled - it eluded him he was referring to the other in the black cloak that tended to follow DiZ around like a loyal subject, and after a while had covered his face. "Oh," his face cleared. "A... friend of Sora's."

Roxas momentarily looked surprised, but nodded to himself as if it made sense. "Riku? Then why did he...?" he trailed off, deep in thought at the revelation and offering no explanation as to what he was talking about. "Then I did remember right. That's... crazy."

"What is?" Axel asked, raising an eyebrow. He wasn't entirely sure what Roxas was getting at. "Working with DiZ?"

"No," Roxas said, frowning. "I thought there was another man along with Riku and DiZ; there wasn't. Riku was the same person... but he changed himself."

"Ah. That," Axel looked absent for a moment. He'd heard of it, but only as a passing rumor, since he'd never really stuck around with Riku after that - perhaps because Riku had been partially responsible for what had happened to Roxas. "I doubt you would, but I'd advise not to tell Sora about that."

"I haven't seen Sora in months," Roxas replied, wondering vaguely why it would be such a big deal if Sora knew or not anyway. Shouldn't he be one of the first to know? Riku was his best friend, after all, and Sora would be more worried if he recieved no news about him rather than bad news. "But... even if I did see him, I don't have a reason to tell him anything."

"I suppose not," Axel answered, looking slightly perplexed. "It might be best not to mention it to Kairi, either."

For a moment, Roxas looked surprised. He'd almost forgotten Riku was Kairi's friend, too, perhaps because of her tendency to talk far more about Sora. "Yeah, I won't," he nodded, "He can deal with it himself if he ever comes back."

Rubbing his brow, Axel made a noise similar to one of his usual half laughs. "Yeah. I guess he can," he mused. "So. Any ideas as to when Sakura's coming back? Or is it just me and you?"

"She didn't say," Roxas shrugged, suddenly putting up a front of clear unconcern, "I don't even know if she will. If she gets her feather, she doesn't have any more reason to be here."

Axel looked surprised. "You don't want her to stay?" he questioned, but shrugged, making it clear that Roxas didn't have to answer the question if he didn't want to. "It would be kinda weird without her though," he said quietly.

"I didn't say that!" Roxas said quickly, staring down at his hands. "I just meant... She told me she'd have to leave if she found her feather. Maybe not straight away, but she'd have to go eventually."

At that, Axel looked around the room, the heart of this sanctuary of sorts, the outpost that seemed to give the three of them an escape, before they would have to come to terms with things and face the world. "I think we'd all end up not being able to stay. One day," he looked almost sorrowful, before he shook his head. "Since when did I become a pessimist? Best make the most of the time we've got together."

"Thanks for reminding me," Roxas sighed, looking back up at Axel again. Not that he needed reminding - lately it had done nothing but prey on the back of his mind. "And there's not much to make the most of with two of us up and leaving."

"I never said... now. If - when she comes back, all three of us should do something. Like you said when you took me to buy these," Axel gestured to his clothing, before smiling feebly.

"Maybe," Roxas slumped dejectedly, as if he highly doubted it would happen. "I don't know. No point in getting your hopes up, Axel."

"You shouldn't be so negative about it," Axel shrugged. "It's better than to think about the alternative."

"And get your hopes put down when Sakura decides to run off?" Roxas replied darkly. "I don't think so."

"Maybe you should have insisted you go with her," Axel said, once again seeming to miss the point Roxas was getting at, before he added, ".. I guess not," he stood up then, casting his shadow on the wall opposite. "So. Want something?"

Roxas had been about to retort but closed his mouth again, rather at a loss at Axel's question. "Want - huh? Like what?"

"To eat," Axel stretched, his arms a bit stiff from crouching on the floor for so long. "I'm famished.."

"You're offering?" Roxas' eyebrows raised in surprise up at him. "That's unusually nice of you."

"H-hey, I'm not going to do anything to it," Axel replied hastily, folding his arms and looking distractedly over at the opposite wall. "It's insane up at headquarters. Gave some time to think. I just missed you," he said, seeming to loose the ability to connect relating sentences for a brief moment.

Deciding Axel's tone was one of sincerity, Roxas shrugged with a small smile, following suit and standing as well. "Stupid. You weren't gone that long. But if you're offering, why not?"

In contrast to Roxas' slight smile, Axel's was wide. "I was hoping you'd say that," he muttered, seemingly pleased with himself. He half debated trying to cook something himself, but knowing his lack of patience, he'd probably end up disintergrating the food to dust by trying to decrease the cooking time. ".. I'm up for a takeout. What do you want?"

This was something Roxas strongly suspected he would end up paying for, but at least it was the thought from Axel that counted. ...Or something like that. "I dunno," he replied with a shrug and a thoughtful pause. "Pizza?"

Having no other suggestions, Axel merely nodded. "Sounds good," probably to anyone's surprise, he pulled out a slightly small wad of cash from one of his pockets, counting the few notes he had left - obviously what was left over from whatever labour he'd done to get the money to pay back Roxas for the CD. "I'll go get the phone," he offered, but didn't wait for Roxas reply, walking to the edge of the room, turning round to salute with two fingers once, and walking off down the corridor.

Roxas grinned slightly at Axel's retreating figure in spite of himself, shaking his head as he went out of sight. He'd acted like he didn't particularly miss Axel during his absence, but Roxas had to admit, it was nice having Axel back around, even if it only eased some tiny portion of his inner confusion. At least Axel was good at distracting him long enough to take his mind off of things, he concluded, as he sat wearily down on the couch Axel had previously occupied. Even a small difference could make things that much brighter.