Coming Home (log)
Who: Cloud Strife strifeholic and Zax Genki sanguine_rogue
Where: Their apartment
When: Night time, aaaages back. About a couple of weeks.
Huh?: Cloud finally returns home, to a messy apartment, a cute kitten and a very worried SOLDIER.
Notes: Yeah, um… backdated ^^ Like… weeks back. Sorry I’ve been very bad with posting stuffs on time D: It’s a lot of fluff! :D An amazing amount of fluff! Also rated PG-13… there’s no actual smut or anything, but there is implied nudity.
Also, Zax is played by Debzy, who took up the position when it was vacant because I asked her nicely ^_^ SHE’S COOL.
The keys felt a little alien in his hands, as Cloud knelt down and pushed aside the welcome mat to claim them. It was a pretty obvious place in this day and age to hide the spare set of house keys... but then, no one had ever broken into their apartment before. It was safe enough. And he hadn't taken any keys with him when he'd left either... so it was good that they were there.
Wonder if you're home... softly glowing blue eyes surveyed the door a moment, the key quivering gently in his slightly trembling hand, as though the object itself as afraid to get too close to the keyhole. Eventually, though, since it was cold and he couldn't really stand on the spot forever, the blonde finally sighed, and slid the keys in, unlocking the door and pushing it open with the usual loud creak.
"... tadaima,"
Almost as soon as the door had finished creaking, the fast-pace padding of little feet along the carpet could be heard, and Cloud was just in the doorway by the time the little black ball of fluff known as Sabriel rounded the corner, bouncing around on the spot a moment or so as though completely gleeful to see Daddy 2, who hadn't been home in a while.
"Hey..." the blonde smiles softly, slowly lowering himself to his knees on the floor and scooping up the small cat in his arms.
Sabriel just continues to mewl happily at him, rubbing herself up against his chest as he rose to his feet and walked through the apartment with her, dragging his bag along with him.
Gods... the place was a mess.
"Mn... he could've at least cleaned while I was gone," Cloud murmured to her, with a small disapproving sigh and the shame of his head. His body complained that it just wanted to crash on the nearest horizontal object and sleep for the next 36 hours, since in all honesty he hadn't slept much at all since catching the train from the country back into the city, which had been a 27-hour-ride. And after that, he'd loitered about a little, reluctant to go home... he knew Zax wouldn't be back until late, anyway. "Well, at least he didn't feed you too much,"
Sighing once again and tossing his bag down on the couch as he approached the living room, Cloud ran a hand through his hair, dropping the cat gently onto the couch and looking around a little. There was that annoying nagging in his head, telling him to just clean up, just a little, before he slept.
So, for the next half hour or so, Sabriel nestled among the folds of Cloud's bag sleepily, watching the overly-hygienic boy wonder about cleaning what he could, until in a tired daze he joined her on the couch, curling up with the backpack and nuzzling her a little before quickly drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
A sigh escaped him as he made his way up the flight of stairs that led to his apartment. Running a hand through his hair to smooth back the unruly tufts of spikes, he used his other hand to dig into his left pocket, sifting past a few extra gil and an uncashed paycheck, the familiar jingling of his keys against his thigh touched his fingertips. He lifted them out and then paused in front of the door, moving to unlock it and then realized something...it was already unlocked.
The mat had been moved aside too. He doubted it was a break in and if it was they hadn't left any signs of it. A distant part of him that remained hopeful throughout the entire time Cloud had been missing kept repeating over and over. What if he's home?
His heart found itself thudding a little heavily against his chest, pocketing the keys quickly and then making his way inside. Cloud...please be home...
Zax was somewhere between horror and excitement at the moment, and if you've ever seen this expression etched onto his face, it's best to have a camera ready. Wide electric sapphire eyes surveyed his once disarrayed apartment, it wasn't a whole lot cleaner, but he could actually walk across the floor without stepping on anything.
But he didn't have time to gape. For a moment panic set in, the panic he'd had since the blonde had left, searching the room and then was surprised but relieved to find he was soundly asleep on the couch, curled up underneath the sleeping bag there.
Zax didn't know whether to cry or laugh or try to wake him up, he was in shock and at a loss for what to feel. He wasn't angry, that'd already passed, he was worried. Scared shitless that the Cloud Strife he knew might be gone. Soft footsteps for surprisingly heavy boots were heard as he made his way across the carpet to the sofa. Sitting down slowly and then brushing a hand over his cheek. "Cloud..." he breathed softly…
"Mn..." the teen shifted slightly in his sleep, his brow furrowing a little at the disturbance and his head titling ever so slightly towards the hand. Sabriel flicked her ears and opened her own eyes sleepily, giving a soft mew at Zax's presence and flicking her tail in his direction, but a little too comfortable snuggled up beside her younger master to get the urge to move.
However, it didn't change the fact that Cloud was a light sleeper, no matter how tired he was. He frowned a little more, before slowly squinting his eyes open a fraction, taking a deep breath in through his nose and raising himself slightly. It took a few moments for him to gain his bearings, rubbing a hand across his eyes and opening them a little winder, finally having them come to rest on the raven-haired one sitting right by him.
He... didn't know how to react, at first. Would Zax be angry with him...? Disappointed...? Cloud averted his eyes after a few moments, his shoulders trembling lightly. "... ano..."
Zax studied his face, smudged with a bit of dirt and something that looked like soot or charcoal, his hair was a little longer, his softly glowing eyes had a different tone to them. He seemed older.
Zax couldn't find the right words to say, nothing could portray how overjoyed he was at seeing Cloud, -his- Cloud, safe at home. He was a little hurt by him leaving so suddenly, without barely a word, he'd searched endlessly, day after day, for any sign of him.
He'd even made flyers and hung them up around the city, some of his lower ranking officers in Soldier told him he seemed like he was searching for a puppy and not for a friend. Insulted by that comment he'd become a recluse from them a little more than he should have. He'd turn out going out to eat or going to the bar every weekend, haplessly looking for the boy.
He was speechless and all he wanted to do was hold him close. He gathered the blonde into his arms and held him against himself, burying his face in his hair.
A little surprised at Zax's silence, Cloud was even more surprised at this, his eyes widening a little further before closing tightly, his arms raising to wrap tightly around Zax's neck. The other wasn't angry or disappointed. It was a bit strange... the blonde had been sure he would.
"Zax..." he murmured the name brokenly, unwillingly feeling tears begin to gather, and dribble down his cheeks. Just the obvious hurt he’d seen on the other's face made it so hard to justify himself right then, even though he'd known he had to leave for a while, and it had done him a lot of good, it might've also done what he'd fear it would; create a bit of a crevasse between them.
"... I'm sorry..." Cloud went on, holding onto him more tightly. "I'm... so... sorry.... but I had to.... I had to sort things out...."
"...Gods, bud, I thought you were never comin' back..."he murmured softly, it took a lot to get Zax Genki to cry, and no one had ever seen him do it, right now, he felt like releasing all those tears that'd been pent up over this.
"...You coulda told me, spike, you coulda said somethin'... anything..." he went on in a broken manner, his voice was cracking, a telltale sign he was on the verge of shedding tears. "...I din' know what ta think..."
Cloud raised his head a little, daring to flick his deep sapphire gaze up over Zax's face, pressing a hand gently against his neck and stroking the tanned skin slightly with his thumb. "... if I'd told you, you would've come after me..." he reasoned, a smile and a laugh coming through his tears with the words. "But... I said I'd be back.. and I know I'm usually bad at stuff like that... but I was always planning to come back..."
He'd promised himself he wouldn't cry when this happened. That he'd comeback and show Zax how much stronger he'd become, but it looked as though maybe not too much had changed really over his time gone. Except for what really mattered, and that was that he'd finally managed to sort things out in his head. He wanted to say this, make Zax understand. But after a moment he realised he couldn't find anymore words, and just leant bodily against his lover, close as he could be.
Zax's broad shoulders were trembling as he hugged him closer to himself, possessively, oh he was never letting him run off like that again, never.
"I...I looked for ya spike.." he said as the liquid that'd been invading his eyes ran down his cheeks. "I looked all over... but I couldn' find ya..." His words turned jumbled now, mumbling almost incoherently. "So scared ya died...so scared someone'd gotten ya and I'd never know...did everythin' I could..."
"... baka..." Cloud muttered against the rough material of his pullover, a small smile creeping up on him. "You think I would've stayed in the city....?"
He definitely hadn't, he'd barely stayed within the inner-city of New Sanctum an hour or so after he'd left the apartment, leaving a note that said only 'I'm leaving to sort this out. Promise I'll be back'. No wonder Zax had freaked out on him... but then, anymore information and the other would've been able to find him, most likely. And that was out of the question, especially after what Jenova had nearly made Cloud do to him...
"She gone now," he went softly, finally, with traces of triumph in his voice. "She won't be bothering us anymore..."
"..she...wha..."Azure eyes widened, glowing brightly ,still moistened, as he looked to his lover. He stroked his cheek gently with his thumb pulled back to study his face.
"...spike...Christ...just tell me everything...don't leave me without any answers..." he said then, swallowing the hurt as if it were a bitter pill and forcing a slight smile, "Just… just glad you're safe."
Sabriel, totally at a loss to what was going on, rolled around onto her back and gave them both an impatient look that said 'rub my tummy :3'. Cloud just managed to notice, he look on his face softening as he did what she wanted, gently with his palm and the tips of his fingers, before looking back to Zax with the same small smile as before. "Things.... things will be better now," he assured the other in a soft and rather fragile voice, nuzzling his neck gently. "We don't have to deal with her anymore... or the Reunion... or anything... "
Zax's eyes lit up in a way that was nearly indescribable and he embraced him warmly. "...Gods Cloud....how'd you..." he murmured absently and ran his fingers through those blonde tufts.
"...proud of ya, spike...but don't ever do that again..." he sniffled a little and offered a slight smile again. "..don't ever do anything that fucking stupid.."
"... I... don't think I'll have to do it ever again..." the other offered, starting to gather his emotions a little and get some more control over them, wiping his eyes dry with the back of his hand. He curled up in Zax's arms, tugging Sabriel into his lap and letting her nuzzle against his arms, hopping around on his worn-out jeans. The school had probably kicked him out for not attending, and Shin-Ra probably wouldn't be to welcoming either... but he honestly didn't care about those things anymore. Because when he was away, Cloud realised how much he'd really been emotionally neglecting his friends, and his lover... and he had a lot of catching up to do.
"... I can't believe you didn't clean at all when I was away," he finally had to say, giving Zax a slightly amused, and slightly scolding look.
"...well...I was too busy lookin' for you and I still had work, so I din' have time." he shot back, a bit of his playfulness was missing but that was normal. He had to recover quickly. Maybe it had more to do with his pride as a Soldier, he just couldn't be seen crying. Not for long.
He was content to just keep him there against himself, taking in his scent, his warmth, his touch, drinking it in like a flower drank in rain.
"...I'm not here much either." he shifted a bit to lean back comfortably in the corner of the sofa, reaching down to stroke Sabriel gently. "...she missed ya too."
Sabriel gave a whine of agreement, curling up in a ball and tapping her tail a little on Cloud's knee, closing her eyes as she purred lazily at them. The blonde gazed down at her absently, his head against Zax's chest. "... missed you guys too," the words sounded somewhat lame when he said them. He had been the one to leave them both without barely a word. But his motives hadn't been selfish... he'd... just wanted to help. To make sure that he could be with them both without worrying over their safety. He hoped Zax wasn't thinking anything stupid... anything along the lines of Cloud having left because he didn't care...
"...." he inclined his head up then, lowering his eyelids halfway and pressing his lips gently against Zax's.
Zax hadn't thought Cloud didn't care, on the contrary, he knew Cloud did what he did for a reason even if he hadn't disclosed all of it to him. With everything that had happened he could guess why.
The raven was a little surprised at how forward he'd become and kissed him slowly back, as if asking him if it was alright. But he found it was after a moment and deepened it, making a soft satisfied grunt, stroking along his back now.
Making a soft noise, Cloud sifted closer a little, careful not to knock the cat out of his lap, wrapping his arms slowly around Zax's neck as he returned the deepened kiss. It was things like this that he'd missed to much... the warmth and the closeness. Where he'd been, not only had there been too much snow to be warm in general, but...
Stop thinking about the past, he ordered himself, you're here now. It's what matters. Everything's fine now.
Slowly the worry was melting off Zax and leaving him enveloped in a strangely warm feeling. Oh, but even if it was unidentifiable, it was bliss.
He felt as though he were pressing the blonde too tight against himself but he didn't want to let go. It was Cloud...his Cloud. He could feel the tears trying to resurface but he pushed them back. He refused to cry anymore tonight. He had his lover and that was what mattered most.
/Geez, Zax, lookit at ya....dun lose it in front of him.../ he reminded himself and continued the kiss, pressing his tongue to the boys lips and snaking it inside of his mouth, stroking the muscle against the other's in a hot passionate kiss.
Oh, this was bliss. being like this and not being afraid of any voices goading him and trying to take control, not being afraid of suddenly mutating into something awful, for once it just seemed like nothing could go wrong in this moment. Cloud knew he'd have to spill about where he was and what he'd be doing, eventually, but for now he just wanted to savour this moment... Zax was pressing him close a little too tightly, but he was beyond caring, just returning the passion in the kiss with his own in a brave attempt his old self might not have even attempted.
Tilting her head up at them again, Sabriel mewled softly in her little cat curiosity, as if she'd also noticed this change, this absence of the usual shame that little-daddy carried with him everywhere.
He released his grip a little, feeling sheepish, realizing the blonde must've been wanting for air. Smooth move...first time ya embrace him and you're gonna suffocate him ta death.
He carefully ran a hand down his side, exploring it, committing the feel of him to touch. He felt a little less lanky than he had a few months ago. He also...felt calmer. Felt as though he was finally becoming at peace with himself.
He parted the kiss reluctantly, breathlessly to alight them down his jawline, nipping and suckling firmly. Keeping his eyes closed all the while as moisture gathered in his lashes.
He was beautiful. There were no words to describe how beautiful he was to him.
But he'd show him. He'd make him feel it. Make him feel loved, wanted and needed. There weren't many things Zax -needed-...and more than anything, Cloud was one of those things.
Letting loose a gentle, approving sigh, Cloud tilting his head up and against Zax's travelling lips, nuzzling his face into that mass of raven hair and taking in his partner's scent gratefully, wincing a little as he felt teeth and tongue graze his skin in a firm but sensual manner.
Some part of him had actually truly believed that Zax wouldn't have waited for him to come back, wouldn't thought he was being 'messed with' and wanted to part in having to 'deal' with Cloud any longer, maybe moving into a better apartment, finding a better partner... but then the more logical part of his brain had sifted through their past, and realised that Zax was just not gonna leave him, even if he ever wanted him to.
And as much as Cloud knew what was coming that night, and definitely /wanted/ what was coming, he was barely able to keep his eyes open, and his joints were stiff and aching from the train-ride, still. "Zax..." he murmured, kissing the other's earlobe. There was no need to say anymore, because even though his voice was thick with desire, it was also thick with fatigue, and he knew the other would pick up on it, just like he picked up on everything else.
* * *
Zax hated mornings these days.
Maybe he had been a morning person once but that was before he'd spent such long hours searching tediously for Cloud. As slowly he became more aware of his surroundings, shifting into the waking world, he was surprised to find that he wasn't alone.
It took a moment for last night to settle in. He opened his eyes a fraction and then smiled sleepily at the familiar mop of messy blonde hair poking up in front of his face. He only snuggled into it and gave a contented sigh.
His arms were wrapped around him, holding him against himself that whole night, never wanting to part for more than five minutes. Even when Cloud had protested, "Zax! I'm using the bathroom!". He chuckled inwardly and just laid there.
He squinted a little finally when the sun's rays crept up the comforter and over Zax's face. He groaned slightly in protest as if that would make the light go away.
Meanwhile, Cloud, the one who usually would wake up at the slightest disturbance at such an hour. slept on. Whether it was because he'd been so tired before, and especially so after Zax had 'taken him to bed', or just because he was so unused to such comfort that he unconsciously wanted to make the most of it, all the boy really did at Zax's protest to the light was murmur a little and shrug closer to the other in his sleep, pressed his face against the arm honey-coloured skin, his own so pale beside it.
As the raven opened his eyes a little more, a hazy mako glow in them, he glanced down at him and smiled tenderly.
Gods. He really was beautiful...
The way the sun was falling on his golden coloured hair, tracing warm patterns across his skin, that peaceful expression he wore when he slept. Even the build of his body...everything was so gorgeous about him. That was all Zax could think right now.
If Cloud didn't want to wake up, he wouldn't force him to. But it did suddenly occur to him there wasn't anything to eat in the place. He sighed barely audibly as a worry line creased his brow. That was something he'd have to take care of. Grocery shopping was in order today. He just -knew- it..
It took a while. The minutes ticked by, and it was probably a good half hour before Cloud made a small 'oh please God I'm waking up I don't wanna wake up' kind of noise, squinting against the light as he calmly came to, parting his eyelashes slightly and blinking gently up at Zax with them, moving his hand a little against the other's side.
"Mn... s'moring already...?" he mumbled, his eyes slipping closed again. It was rare for him to feel lazy in the mornings, so this must've been one of those rare times.
"Must be, sun's up." Zax replied with a lazy grin, "Or y'know...someone could be shinin' a really, really bright light in the window. Could be aliens!"
Zax was going back to his usual embarrassing and humorous self, which was a good thing. Him being serious and silent was upsetting and out of place to anyone who knew him.
He set a hand gently on his head, sifting his fingers through his spikes and yawned a little with a soft grunt. "Ugh, ya hatin' mornins as much as me..?"
"... I like the idea of aliens better..." the blonde mumbled in reply, taking on of the unused pillows and promptly stuffing it over his head. "Mn... never used to hate mornings so much, but..." he trailed off tiredly there, still a little hesitant to start a big long story about where he'd been and what he'd been doing. "Anyway, aliens wouldn't be able to get inside the bubble..."
He lifted his head a little, rubbing his nose and cheek against the rough texture of Zax's hand, attempting a small smile at him through his fingers.
He laughed good naturedly at that and then grinned. "Who knows? Shit happens." he jested and then gave him a softer look and leaned down to kiss him briefly.
"I think we both slept like logs, eh?" he nudged his cheek gently, "Mmn..."he made a thoughtful noise and then sighed lightly, "Eh, y'know what spike? I really do wanna know everythin' that happened, but. I dun wanna do it on an empty stomach."
Slowly that smile came back into play. "Let's shower and get some grub." He winked and with his Zaxish facetiousness kissed the top of his head and tumbled out of bed to the dismay of a disgruntled Sabriel who complained loudly at being moved from near his head.
Something landed hard and noisily in the pit of Cloud's stomach. So, he would have to tell a long story today... Zax wanted to hear it all. Maybe I should make some stuff up.... he'd... get too angry with the normal version... It had all been for the greater good, and for his health, but Zax still probably wouldn't agree with the methods.
"...okay," Cloud finally breathed, shifting beneath the covers to sit up at the end of the bed, glancing down at Zax on the floor with a hint of amusement. "Dork..." he scooped a hand around Sabriel and lifted her into his arms, standing with the purpose if going into the kitchen and pouring her some cat-food first... before abruptly realising he was still naked. With a blush and a soft yelp, he sat back down heavily on the bed and dragged the covers over his lap.
Whoops.
Zax grinned up at him and pushed himself off the floor. "Awww...you ain't got nothin' ta be ashamed of, spike." he said teasingly.
He, himself, was fishing for his boxers, which he found on the floor and pulled on, then got up in his cocky unashamed manner and made his way to the dresser and dug out a clean pair for Cloud, which he tossed to him.
"Here ya go." he said, and that overjoyed grin never left his face. He couldn't help smiling around him now. He was home.
"Uh...oh yeah, your room's untouched, so if ya want, y'know, there's probably clothes and stuff still in there you can wear. Heheh..." He closed one eye, "Not that you need ta wear anything, 'cause you look great without clothes too!"
"Quite you," Cloud muttered, giving him a dark and unimpressed look that wasn't seriously meant of course, as he caught the boxers and slipped them on beneath the covers. "You just have no shame..." another small smile, to return the wide one Zax gave him that was so full of fondness that it made the boy blush yet again. He went over to Zax and gave him a small kiss on the cheek, then walked from the room with intention of getting Sabriel food.
The cat wriggled about in his arms, realising wha was going on, and in a flash had jumped off him and was scampering full speed into the kitchen. Cloud couldn't help but laugh when he heard her skid across the kitchen vinyl and smack into the fridge. So she still hadn't stopped doing that... "Saaab,"
Zax chuckled a bit and ran a hand through his hair, then went about getting some clean towels. To his dismay most of them had been used, except for the smaller ones. With a noise of disapproval he got them out of the closet and put them in the bathroom.
Unlike the rest of the house, the bathroom was one of the only things that stayed clean. Considering all Zax did was take quick showers, run his fingers through his hair, sometimes a comb and brush his teeth. He wasn't home enough for it to really be all that messy.
He sauntered back out to the kitchen and found that Sabby was rather content with her breakfast and he felt an impending tug on his own insides that demanded he be fed soon too. "Damn, she eats so much for such a lil' thing, doesn't she?" He mused out loud and then gave one of his lopsided smiles. "c'mon, let's get ya cleaned up." With that he turned and headed back to the bathroom to heat the water up.
"It's a wonder she isn't fat," Cloud went, amusedly gazing over the little black ball of fluff that was Sabriel. Out of all of them in their little household, Sabriel probably ate the most. He stayed there a moment longer, watching over her, before turning and following Zax into the bathroom.
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he was surprised to find that this place was most clean, though gave a little shudder at the sight of the bath out of the corner of his eye. He still wasn't over that. But then, the bath lead to the though of blitzball, and the thought of school, and then the thought of Shin-Ra... well. for being absent so long, Cloud had probably been kicked out of all three of them.
"... have you been busy with Shin-Ra and all?" he asked softly, stripping off again with a slight tint of red to his cheeks, and following his partner into the shower.
Zax welcomed the feel of the warm water against his skin, it'd been getting pretty cold out lately which made him enjoy it even more than usual. "Oh y'know...new people ta train, missions ta go on, three month evaluation tests are in a few days." He groaned then. "If you can't find me I'm probably stuck back at the offices collapsed under paperwork. Mourn me, Cloud."
He said dramatically and slouched over a little as if he were bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. Then with that silly smile of his turned Cloud into the water and set to washing him off.
He scrubbed at some of the dirt on his face despite his protests and then shampooed his hair, which he thought he could use a trim. "Mmn...I think ya need a hair cut, bud." he chuckled as he lathered the soap with firm but oddly gentle fingertips.
(ooc: Umm… yeah, it kinda cuts off randomly there because I didn’t save the last part of the log and Debzy lost it .___. Sooorryyy!)
Where: Their apartment
When: Night time, aaaages back. About a couple of weeks.
Huh?: Cloud finally returns home, to a messy apartment, a cute kitten and a very worried SOLDIER.
Notes: Yeah, um… backdated ^^ Like… weeks back. Sorry I’ve been very bad with posting stuffs on time D: It’s a lot of fluff! :D An amazing amount of fluff! Also rated PG-13… there’s no actual smut or anything, but there is implied nudity.
Also, Zax is played by Debzy, who took up the position when it was vacant because I asked her nicely ^_^ SHE’S COOL.
The keys felt a little alien in his hands, as Cloud knelt down and pushed aside the welcome mat to claim them. It was a pretty obvious place in this day and age to hide the spare set of house keys... but then, no one had ever broken into their apartment before. It was safe enough. And he hadn't taken any keys with him when he'd left either... so it was good that they were there.
Wonder if you're home... softly glowing blue eyes surveyed the door a moment, the key quivering gently in his slightly trembling hand, as though the object itself as afraid to get too close to the keyhole. Eventually, though, since it was cold and he couldn't really stand on the spot forever, the blonde finally sighed, and slid the keys in, unlocking the door and pushing it open with the usual loud creak.
"... tadaima,"
Almost as soon as the door had finished creaking, the fast-pace padding of little feet along the carpet could be heard, and Cloud was just in the doorway by the time the little black ball of fluff known as Sabriel rounded the corner, bouncing around on the spot a moment or so as though completely gleeful to see Daddy 2, who hadn't been home in a while.
"Hey..." the blonde smiles softly, slowly lowering himself to his knees on the floor and scooping up the small cat in his arms.
Sabriel just continues to mewl happily at him, rubbing herself up against his chest as he rose to his feet and walked through the apartment with her, dragging his bag along with him.
Gods... the place was a mess.
"Mn... he could've at least cleaned while I was gone," Cloud murmured to her, with a small disapproving sigh and the shame of his head. His body complained that it just wanted to crash on the nearest horizontal object and sleep for the next 36 hours, since in all honesty he hadn't slept much at all since catching the train from the country back into the city, which had been a 27-hour-ride. And after that, he'd loitered about a little, reluctant to go home... he knew Zax wouldn't be back until late, anyway. "Well, at least he didn't feed you too much,"
Sighing once again and tossing his bag down on the couch as he approached the living room, Cloud ran a hand through his hair, dropping the cat gently onto the couch and looking around a little. There was that annoying nagging in his head, telling him to just clean up, just a little, before he slept.
So, for the next half hour or so, Sabriel nestled among the folds of Cloud's bag sleepily, watching the overly-hygienic boy wonder about cleaning what he could, until in a tired daze he joined her on the couch, curling up with the backpack and nuzzling her a little before quickly drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
A sigh escaped him as he made his way up the flight of stairs that led to his apartment. Running a hand through his hair to smooth back the unruly tufts of spikes, he used his other hand to dig into his left pocket, sifting past a few extra gil and an uncashed paycheck, the familiar jingling of his keys against his thigh touched his fingertips. He lifted them out and then paused in front of the door, moving to unlock it and then realized something...it was already unlocked.
The mat had been moved aside too. He doubted it was a break in and if it was they hadn't left any signs of it. A distant part of him that remained hopeful throughout the entire time Cloud had been missing kept repeating over and over. What if he's home?
His heart found itself thudding a little heavily against his chest, pocketing the keys quickly and then making his way inside. Cloud...please be home...
Zax was somewhere between horror and excitement at the moment, and if you've ever seen this expression etched onto his face, it's best to have a camera ready. Wide electric sapphire eyes surveyed his once disarrayed apartment, it wasn't a whole lot cleaner, but he could actually walk across the floor without stepping on anything.
But he didn't have time to gape. For a moment panic set in, the panic he'd had since the blonde had left, searching the room and then was surprised but relieved to find he was soundly asleep on the couch, curled up underneath the sleeping bag there.
Zax didn't know whether to cry or laugh or try to wake him up, he was in shock and at a loss for what to feel. He wasn't angry, that'd already passed, he was worried. Scared shitless that the Cloud Strife he knew might be gone. Soft footsteps for surprisingly heavy boots were heard as he made his way across the carpet to the sofa. Sitting down slowly and then brushing a hand over his cheek. "Cloud..." he breathed softly…
"Mn..." the teen shifted slightly in his sleep, his brow furrowing a little at the disturbance and his head titling ever so slightly towards the hand. Sabriel flicked her ears and opened her own eyes sleepily, giving a soft mew at Zax's presence and flicking her tail in his direction, but a little too comfortable snuggled up beside her younger master to get the urge to move.
However, it didn't change the fact that Cloud was a light sleeper, no matter how tired he was. He frowned a little more, before slowly squinting his eyes open a fraction, taking a deep breath in through his nose and raising himself slightly. It took a few moments for him to gain his bearings, rubbing a hand across his eyes and opening them a little winder, finally having them come to rest on the raven-haired one sitting right by him.
He... didn't know how to react, at first. Would Zax be angry with him...? Disappointed...? Cloud averted his eyes after a few moments, his shoulders trembling lightly. "... ano..."
Zax studied his face, smudged with a bit of dirt and something that looked like soot or charcoal, his hair was a little longer, his softly glowing eyes had a different tone to them. He seemed older.
Zax couldn't find the right words to say, nothing could portray how overjoyed he was at seeing Cloud, -his- Cloud, safe at home. He was a little hurt by him leaving so suddenly, without barely a word, he'd searched endlessly, day after day, for any sign of him.
He'd even made flyers and hung them up around the city, some of his lower ranking officers in Soldier told him he seemed like he was searching for a puppy and not for a friend. Insulted by that comment he'd become a recluse from them a little more than he should have. He'd turn out going out to eat or going to the bar every weekend, haplessly looking for the boy.
He was speechless and all he wanted to do was hold him close. He gathered the blonde into his arms and held him against himself, burying his face in his hair.
A little surprised at Zax's silence, Cloud was even more surprised at this, his eyes widening a little further before closing tightly, his arms raising to wrap tightly around Zax's neck. The other wasn't angry or disappointed. It was a bit strange... the blonde had been sure he would.
"Zax..." he murmured the name brokenly, unwillingly feeling tears begin to gather, and dribble down his cheeks. Just the obvious hurt he’d seen on the other's face made it so hard to justify himself right then, even though he'd known he had to leave for a while, and it had done him a lot of good, it might've also done what he'd fear it would; create a bit of a crevasse between them.
"... I'm sorry..." Cloud went on, holding onto him more tightly. "I'm... so... sorry.... but I had to.... I had to sort things out...."
"...Gods, bud, I thought you were never comin' back..."he murmured softly, it took a lot to get Zax Genki to cry, and no one had ever seen him do it, right now, he felt like releasing all those tears that'd been pent up over this.
"...You coulda told me, spike, you coulda said somethin'... anything..." he went on in a broken manner, his voice was cracking, a telltale sign he was on the verge of shedding tears. "...I din' know what ta think..."
Cloud raised his head a little, daring to flick his deep sapphire gaze up over Zax's face, pressing a hand gently against his neck and stroking the tanned skin slightly with his thumb. "... if I'd told you, you would've come after me..." he reasoned, a smile and a laugh coming through his tears with the words. "But... I said I'd be back.. and I know I'm usually bad at stuff like that... but I was always planning to come back..."
He'd promised himself he wouldn't cry when this happened. That he'd comeback and show Zax how much stronger he'd become, but it looked as though maybe not too much had changed really over his time gone. Except for what really mattered, and that was that he'd finally managed to sort things out in his head. He wanted to say this, make Zax understand. But after a moment he realised he couldn't find anymore words, and just leant bodily against his lover, close as he could be.
Zax's broad shoulders were trembling as he hugged him closer to himself, possessively, oh he was never letting him run off like that again, never.
"I...I looked for ya spike.." he said as the liquid that'd been invading his eyes ran down his cheeks. "I looked all over... but I couldn' find ya..." His words turned jumbled now, mumbling almost incoherently. "So scared ya died...so scared someone'd gotten ya and I'd never know...did everythin' I could..."
"... baka..." Cloud muttered against the rough material of his pullover, a small smile creeping up on him. "You think I would've stayed in the city....?"
He definitely hadn't, he'd barely stayed within the inner-city of New Sanctum an hour or so after he'd left the apartment, leaving a note that said only 'I'm leaving to sort this out. Promise I'll be back'. No wonder Zax had freaked out on him... but then, anymore information and the other would've been able to find him, most likely. And that was out of the question, especially after what Jenova had nearly made Cloud do to him...
"She gone now," he went softly, finally, with traces of triumph in his voice. "She won't be bothering us anymore..."
"..she...wha..."Azure eyes widened, glowing brightly ,still moistened, as he looked to his lover. He stroked his cheek gently with his thumb pulled back to study his face.
"...spike...Christ...just tell me everything...don't leave me without any answers..." he said then, swallowing the hurt as if it were a bitter pill and forcing a slight smile, "Just… just glad you're safe."
Sabriel, totally at a loss to what was going on, rolled around onto her back and gave them both an impatient look that said 'rub my tummy :3'. Cloud just managed to notice, he look on his face softening as he did what she wanted, gently with his palm and the tips of his fingers, before looking back to Zax with the same small smile as before. "Things.... things will be better now," he assured the other in a soft and rather fragile voice, nuzzling his neck gently. "We don't have to deal with her anymore... or the Reunion... or anything... "
Zax's eyes lit up in a way that was nearly indescribable and he embraced him warmly. "...Gods Cloud....how'd you..." he murmured absently and ran his fingers through those blonde tufts.
"...proud of ya, spike...but don't ever do that again..." he sniffled a little and offered a slight smile again. "..don't ever do anything that fucking stupid.."
"... I... don't think I'll have to do it ever again..." the other offered, starting to gather his emotions a little and get some more control over them, wiping his eyes dry with the back of his hand. He curled up in Zax's arms, tugging Sabriel into his lap and letting her nuzzle against his arms, hopping around on his worn-out jeans. The school had probably kicked him out for not attending, and Shin-Ra probably wouldn't be to welcoming either... but he honestly didn't care about those things anymore. Because when he was away, Cloud realised how much he'd really been emotionally neglecting his friends, and his lover... and he had a lot of catching up to do.
"... I can't believe you didn't clean at all when I was away," he finally had to say, giving Zax a slightly amused, and slightly scolding look.
"...well...I was too busy lookin' for you and I still had work, so I din' have time." he shot back, a bit of his playfulness was missing but that was normal. He had to recover quickly. Maybe it had more to do with his pride as a Soldier, he just couldn't be seen crying. Not for long.
He was content to just keep him there against himself, taking in his scent, his warmth, his touch, drinking it in like a flower drank in rain.
"...I'm not here much either." he shifted a bit to lean back comfortably in the corner of the sofa, reaching down to stroke Sabriel gently. "...she missed ya too."
Sabriel gave a whine of agreement, curling up in a ball and tapping her tail a little on Cloud's knee, closing her eyes as she purred lazily at them. The blonde gazed down at her absently, his head against Zax's chest. "... missed you guys too," the words sounded somewhat lame when he said them. He had been the one to leave them both without barely a word. But his motives hadn't been selfish... he'd... just wanted to help. To make sure that he could be with them both without worrying over their safety. He hoped Zax wasn't thinking anything stupid... anything along the lines of Cloud having left because he didn't care...
"...." he inclined his head up then, lowering his eyelids halfway and pressing his lips gently against Zax's.
Zax hadn't thought Cloud didn't care, on the contrary, he knew Cloud did what he did for a reason even if he hadn't disclosed all of it to him. With everything that had happened he could guess why.
The raven was a little surprised at how forward he'd become and kissed him slowly back, as if asking him if it was alright. But he found it was after a moment and deepened it, making a soft satisfied grunt, stroking along his back now.
Making a soft noise, Cloud sifted closer a little, careful not to knock the cat out of his lap, wrapping his arms slowly around Zax's neck as he returned the deepened kiss. It was things like this that he'd missed to much... the warmth and the closeness. Where he'd been, not only had there been too much snow to be warm in general, but...
Stop thinking about the past, he ordered himself, you're here now. It's what matters. Everything's fine now.
Slowly the worry was melting off Zax and leaving him enveloped in a strangely warm feeling. Oh, but even if it was unidentifiable, it was bliss.
He felt as though he were pressing the blonde too tight against himself but he didn't want to let go. It was Cloud...his Cloud. He could feel the tears trying to resurface but he pushed them back. He refused to cry anymore tonight. He had his lover and that was what mattered most.
/Geez, Zax, lookit at ya....dun lose it in front of him.../ he reminded himself and continued the kiss, pressing his tongue to the boys lips and snaking it inside of his mouth, stroking the muscle against the other's in a hot passionate kiss.
Oh, this was bliss. being like this and not being afraid of any voices goading him and trying to take control, not being afraid of suddenly mutating into something awful, for once it just seemed like nothing could go wrong in this moment. Cloud knew he'd have to spill about where he was and what he'd be doing, eventually, but for now he just wanted to savour this moment... Zax was pressing him close a little too tightly, but he was beyond caring, just returning the passion in the kiss with his own in a brave attempt his old self might not have even attempted.
Tilting her head up at them again, Sabriel mewled softly in her little cat curiosity, as if she'd also noticed this change, this absence of the usual shame that little-daddy carried with him everywhere.
He released his grip a little, feeling sheepish, realizing the blonde must've been wanting for air. Smooth move...first time ya embrace him and you're gonna suffocate him ta death.
He carefully ran a hand down his side, exploring it, committing the feel of him to touch. He felt a little less lanky than he had a few months ago. He also...felt calmer. Felt as though he was finally becoming at peace with himself.
He parted the kiss reluctantly, breathlessly to alight them down his jawline, nipping and suckling firmly. Keeping his eyes closed all the while as moisture gathered in his lashes.
He was beautiful. There were no words to describe how beautiful he was to him.
But he'd show him. He'd make him feel it. Make him feel loved, wanted and needed. There weren't many things Zax -needed-...and more than anything, Cloud was one of those things.
Letting loose a gentle, approving sigh, Cloud tilting his head up and against Zax's travelling lips, nuzzling his face into that mass of raven hair and taking in his partner's scent gratefully, wincing a little as he felt teeth and tongue graze his skin in a firm but sensual manner.
Some part of him had actually truly believed that Zax wouldn't have waited for him to come back, wouldn't thought he was being 'messed with' and wanted to part in having to 'deal' with Cloud any longer, maybe moving into a better apartment, finding a better partner... but then the more logical part of his brain had sifted through their past, and realised that Zax was just not gonna leave him, even if he ever wanted him to.
And as much as Cloud knew what was coming that night, and definitely /wanted/ what was coming, he was barely able to keep his eyes open, and his joints were stiff and aching from the train-ride, still. "Zax..." he murmured, kissing the other's earlobe. There was no need to say anymore, because even though his voice was thick with desire, it was also thick with fatigue, and he knew the other would pick up on it, just like he picked up on everything else.
* * *
Zax hated mornings these days.
Maybe he had been a morning person once but that was before he'd spent such long hours searching tediously for Cloud. As slowly he became more aware of his surroundings, shifting into the waking world, he was surprised to find that he wasn't alone.
It took a moment for last night to settle in. He opened his eyes a fraction and then smiled sleepily at the familiar mop of messy blonde hair poking up in front of his face. He only snuggled into it and gave a contented sigh.
His arms were wrapped around him, holding him against himself that whole night, never wanting to part for more than five minutes. Even when Cloud had protested, "Zax! I'm using the bathroom!". He chuckled inwardly and just laid there.
He squinted a little finally when the sun's rays crept up the comforter and over Zax's face. He groaned slightly in protest as if that would make the light go away.
Meanwhile, Cloud, the one who usually would wake up at the slightest disturbance at such an hour. slept on. Whether it was because he'd been so tired before, and especially so after Zax had 'taken him to bed', or just because he was so unused to such comfort that he unconsciously wanted to make the most of it, all the boy really did at Zax's protest to the light was murmur a little and shrug closer to the other in his sleep, pressed his face against the arm honey-coloured skin, his own so pale beside it.
As the raven opened his eyes a little more, a hazy mako glow in them, he glanced down at him and smiled tenderly.
Gods. He really was beautiful...
The way the sun was falling on his golden coloured hair, tracing warm patterns across his skin, that peaceful expression he wore when he slept. Even the build of his body...everything was so gorgeous about him. That was all Zax could think right now.
If Cloud didn't want to wake up, he wouldn't force him to. But it did suddenly occur to him there wasn't anything to eat in the place. He sighed barely audibly as a worry line creased his brow. That was something he'd have to take care of. Grocery shopping was in order today. He just -knew- it..
It took a while. The minutes ticked by, and it was probably a good half hour before Cloud made a small 'oh please God I'm waking up I don't wanna wake up' kind of noise, squinting against the light as he calmly came to, parting his eyelashes slightly and blinking gently up at Zax with them, moving his hand a little against the other's side.
"Mn... s'moring already...?" he mumbled, his eyes slipping closed again. It was rare for him to feel lazy in the mornings, so this must've been one of those rare times.
"Must be, sun's up." Zax replied with a lazy grin, "Or y'know...someone could be shinin' a really, really bright light in the window. Could be aliens!"
Zax was going back to his usual embarrassing and humorous self, which was a good thing. Him being serious and silent was upsetting and out of place to anyone who knew him.
He set a hand gently on his head, sifting his fingers through his spikes and yawned a little with a soft grunt. "Ugh, ya hatin' mornins as much as me..?"
"... I like the idea of aliens better..." the blonde mumbled in reply, taking on of the unused pillows and promptly stuffing it over his head. "Mn... never used to hate mornings so much, but..." he trailed off tiredly there, still a little hesitant to start a big long story about where he'd been and what he'd been doing. "Anyway, aliens wouldn't be able to get inside the bubble..."
He lifted his head a little, rubbing his nose and cheek against the rough texture of Zax's hand, attempting a small smile at him through his fingers.
He laughed good naturedly at that and then grinned. "Who knows? Shit happens." he jested and then gave him a softer look and leaned down to kiss him briefly.
"I think we both slept like logs, eh?" he nudged his cheek gently, "Mmn..."he made a thoughtful noise and then sighed lightly, "Eh, y'know what spike? I really do wanna know everythin' that happened, but. I dun wanna do it on an empty stomach."
Slowly that smile came back into play. "Let's shower and get some grub." He winked and with his Zaxish facetiousness kissed the top of his head and tumbled out of bed to the dismay of a disgruntled Sabriel who complained loudly at being moved from near his head.
Something landed hard and noisily in the pit of Cloud's stomach. So, he would have to tell a long story today... Zax wanted to hear it all. Maybe I should make some stuff up.... he'd... get too angry with the normal version... It had all been for the greater good, and for his health, but Zax still probably wouldn't agree with the methods.
"...okay," Cloud finally breathed, shifting beneath the covers to sit up at the end of the bed, glancing down at Zax on the floor with a hint of amusement. "Dork..." he scooped a hand around Sabriel and lifted her into his arms, standing with the purpose if going into the kitchen and pouring her some cat-food first... before abruptly realising he was still naked. With a blush and a soft yelp, he sat back down heavily on the bed and dragged the covers over his lap.
Whoops.
Zax grinned up at him and pushed himself off the floor. "Awww...you ain't got nothin' ta be ashamed of, spike." he said teasingly.
He, himself, was fishing for his boxers, which he found on the floor and pulled on, then got up in his cocky unashamed manner and made his way to the dresser and dug out a clean pair for Cloud, which he tossed to him.
"Here ya go." he said, and that overjoyed grin never left his face. He couldn't help smiling around him now. He was home.
"Uh...oh yeah, your room's untouched, so if ya want, y'know, there's probably clothes and stuff still in there you can wear. Heheh..." He closed one eye, "Not that you need ta wear anything, 'cause you look great without clothes too!"
"Quite you," Cloud muttered, giving him a dark and unimpressed look that wasn't seriously meant of course, as he caught the boxers and slipped them on beneath the covers. "You just have no shame..." another small smile, to return the wide one Zax gave him that was so full of fondness that it made the boy blush yet again. He went over to Zax and gave him a small kiss on the cheek, then walked from the room with intention of getting Sabriel food.
The cat wriggled about in his arms, realising wha was going on, and in a flash had jumped off him and was scampering full speed into the kitchen. Cloud couldn't help but laugh when he heard her skid across the kitchen vinyl and smack into the fridge. So she still hadn't stopped doing that... "Saaab,"
Zax chuckled a bit and ran a hand through his hair, then went about getting some clean towels. To his dismay most of them had been used, except for the smaller ones. With a noise of disapproval he got them out of the closet and put them in the bathroom.
Unlike the rest of the house, the bathroom was one of the only things that stayed clean. Considering all Zax did was take quick showers, run his fingers through his hair, sometimes a comb and brush his teeth. He wasn't home enough for it to really be all that messy.
He sauntered back out to the kitchen and found that Sabby was rather content with her breakfast and he felt an impending tug on his own insides that demanded he be fed soon too. "Damn, she eats so much for such a lil' thing, doesn't she?" He mused out loud and then gave one of his lopsided smiles. "c'mon, let's get ya cleaned up." With that he turned and headed back to the bathroom to heat the water up.
"It's a wonder she isn't fat," Cloud went, amusedly gazing over the little black ball of fluff that was Sabriel. Out of all of them in their little household, Sabriel probably ate the most. He stayed there a moment longer, watching over her, before turning and following Zax into the bathroom.
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he was surprised to find that this place was most clean, though gave a little shudder at the sight of the bath out of the corner of his eye. He still wasn't over that. But then, the bath lead to the though of blitzball, and the thought of school, and then the thought of Shin-Ra... well. for being absent so long, Cloud had probably been kicked out of all three of them.
"... have you been busy with Shin-Ra and all?" he asked softly, stripping off again with a slight tint of red to his cheeks, and following his partner into the shower.
Zax welcomed the feel of the warm water against his skin, it'd been getting pretty cold out lately which made him enjoy it even more than usual. "Oh y'know...new people ta train, missions ta go on, three month evaluation tests are in a few days." He groaned then. "If you can't find me I'm probably stuck back at the offices collapsed under paperwork. Mourn me, Cloud."
He said dramatically and slouched over a little as if he were bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. Then with that silly smile of his turned Cloud into the water and set to washing him off.
He scrubbed at some of the dirt on his face despite his protests and then shampooed his hair, which he thought he could use a trim. "Mmn...I think ya need a hair cut, bud." he chuckled as he lathered the soap with firm but oddly gentle fingertips.
(ooc: Umm… yeah, it kinda cuts off randomly there because I didn’t save the last part of the log and Debzy lost it .___. Sooorryyy!)