(no subject)
since there's no one else to talk to...
apologises in advance
why am i such a bitch sometimes? and the thing is i never even mean to be. i should be grateful that someone is trying to be my friend so badly, but then why am i pushing them away and being blatantly rude a lot of the time? maybe it's because i feel that we have nothing in common anymore; i've felt this for a long time. but that's not all, i hate myself for saying this but i don't have a good time when we hang out, i find myself with nothing to say, i feel bad because you don#t deserve anything that's happened to you at all. i feel bad that i'm surrounded by amazing people but you've found it so difficult. but constant messages all day everday asking me when i'm free, asking me pointless things as if to trip me up, repeating over and over again how we're "bestest" friends when we're not and havent been for years is getting too much for me. i hate being rude, or letting you down because you don't deserve it but i don't know what else to do. as with everything i hope the more that i ignore it then it'll all just go away. that when uni starts you'll be back to being busy. thats awful of me to say so i know. when did i turn out to be such a bad person? eh? oh man.
part of me believe's that people move on and change and i feel that's what's happened,i could feel it back in school when we'd sit at lunch in silence, often for 15 mintues at a time, so uncomfortable and i;d pray for someone else to come over and just say anything. counting down the mintues all the time. and since going to university we're apart even more, but even the few times i;ve seen you recently i just feel like i don't know you. i've met friends for life, and even people from school i'm so close to now but you're not part of that. and it hurts to say it but i don't know how else to put it.
fuck
apologises in advance
why am i such a bitch sometimes? and the thing is i never even mean to be. i should be grateful that someone is trying to be my friend so badly, but then why am i pushing them away and being blatantly rude a lot of the time? maybe it's because i feel that we have nothing in common anymore; i've felt this for a long time. but that's not all, i hate myself for saying this but i don't have a good time when we hang out, i find myself with nothing to say, i feel bad because you don#t deserve anything that's happened to you at all. i feel bad that i'm surrounded by amazing people but you've found it so difficult. but constant messages all day everday asking me when i'm free, asking me pointless things as if to trip me up, repeating over and over again how we're "bestest" friends when we're not and havent been for years is getting too much for me. i hate being rude, or letting you down because you don't deserve it but i don't know what else to do. as with everything i hope the more that i ignore it then it'll all just go away. that when uni starts you'll be back to being busy. thats awful of me to say so i know. when did i turn out to be such a bad person? eh? oh man.
part of me believe's that people move on and change and i feel that's what's happened,i could feel it back in school when we'd sit at lunch in silence, often for 15 mintues at a time, so uncomfortable and i;d pray for someone else to come over and just say anything. counting down the mintues all the time. and since going to university we're apart even more, but even the few times i;ve seen you recently i just feel like i don't know you. i've met friends for life, and even people from school i'm so close to now but you're not part of that. and it hurts to say it but i don't know how else to put it.
fuck