(no subject)
Before you read the rest of this entry, a disclaimer of sorts. I know that saying these things probably makes me appear to be a horrible, spoiled person, but really I am just ranting, providing myself with much-needed catharsis, which is just one of the many delightful purposes of this journal. You have the option of not reading this, as opposed to if I were directly talking to one of you.
"Sorry if it seems like I'm hounding you, what with the calls and e-mails, but there are some things you need to understand. I know that as a young adult you are establishing your independence and may not want to keep in constant touch with home. But you're my daughter, I love you, and I need to know that you are OK. I also feel like the steady stream of cash I send you often goes pretty much unacknowledged and when I'm not thanked I get a little bent out of shape. The $1500 a month I am sending to U-M is not a drop in the bucket. Consider that half of what I spent on your tuition last semester was essentially thrown away and perhaps you can understand that, although the University may not agree, I have a right to know how you are doing in your classes, and you have a responsibility to keep me informed. I sometimes get the feeling you think going to school there is something you are entitled to, and that it's my duty to pay your way. But actually your attending U-M is a privelege and a gift and you need to appreciate that. I don't mean to sound bitchy or harsh but these are things I've been thinking about for awhile and I had to get them off my chest. I hope you understand."
1. "Establishing" my "independence"--fuck that shit, I'm busy. I have many things to think about, and they usually do not include sending frequent messages to my mother to let her know what is happening. Does she want to know what is happening? She doesn't know that she doesn't want to know, but I do.
2. Okay, do not tell me that you love me in order to provoke remorse.
3. You've reminded me before that half of last semester's tuition was "essentially thrown away." Do you think I failed two classes deliberately? Do you think it makes me feel any goddamned better when you rub it in my face?
4. No, you do not have a right to know how I am doing in my classes. You do not have a right to know anything that I don't want to fucking tell you.
5. Privilege, gift, yes, yes, I know. Please excuse me for not showering you with gratitude every fucking second. See #1.
6. Hey, thanks for getting those things off your chest and putting them on my chest. My general good mood of the past several days has been broken. Congratulations.
"Sorry if it seems like I'm hounding you, what with the calls and e-mails, but there are some things you need to understand. I know that as a young adult you are establishing your independence and may not want to keep in constant touch with home. But you're my daughter, I love you, and I need to know that you are OK. I also feel like the steady stream of cash I send you often goes pretty much unacknowledged and when I'm not thanked I get a little bent out of shape. The $1500 a month I am sending to U-M is not a drop in the bucket. Consider that half of what I spent on your tuition last semester was essentially thrown away and perhaps you can understand that, although the University may not agree, I have a right to know how you are doing in your classes, and you have a responsibility to keep me informed. I sometimes get the feeling you think going to school there is something you are entitled to, and that it's my duty to pay your way. But actually your attending U-M is a privelege and a gift and you need to appreciate that. I don't mean to sound bitchy or harsh but these are things I've been thinking about for awhile and I had to get them off my chest. I hope you understand."
1. "Establishing" my "independence"--fuck that shit, I'm busy. I have many things to think about, and they usually do not include sending frequent messages to my mother to let her know what is happening. Does she want to know what is happening? She doesn't know that she doesn't want to know, but I do.
2. Okay, do not tell me that you love me in order to provoke remorse.
3. You've reminded me before that half of last semester's tuition was "essentially thrown away." Do you think I failed two classes deliberately? Do you think it makes me feel any goddamned better when you rub it in my face?
4. No, you do not have a right to know how I am doing in my classes. You do not have a right to know anything that I don't want to fucking tell you.
5. Privilege, gift, yes, yes, I know. Please excuse me for not showering you with gratitude every fucking second. See #1.
6. Hey, thanks for getting those things off your chest and putting them on my chest. My general good mood of the past several days has been broken. Congratulations.