I am an onion
I hate this.........being in here-hospital,being isolated in this sterile field from those who i love and long to see,but knowing that love is not there anymore hurts so much more.I wake up on my plastic bed at 9.30 expecting to call someone I love,but i cant anymore.....
Where did that mental caress go to...... have i abused it,used it all up....being in here makes my mind go around and around,of all the would of should of could of's. I just dont know.....Watching tv hurts can you believe it,seeing all our shows,its like a bad high kicking in every time i see Doctor Cox's face on my tv.
Being on top of the world one day telling nurses and patients a like about myself and what i felt waits for me in this life,warmth,friendship,companionship and a great home,and in a matter of hours it was all gone.Maybe it was already decaying i hate knowing it was.Im looking deeper into myself in here at was the greatest part of my life,ive been offered help too.But knowing i could of done more fucking eats me up.