where the hell have you been?
Maybe I haven't updated for six months because after the loss of my job, I no longer sat at the computer eight hours a day with the work ethic of a procrastinator.
Maybe I haven't updated for six months because since the loss of my job, I've been experiencing more than I have time to reflect on.
Maybe since the loss of my job, it's hard to admit that time is passing quicker than I have time to find my ultimate usefulness.
It's just that without a job there is no definite structure of time, which I've confirmed is something I need to keep my time useful.
But I didn't re-open LiveJournal for the first time in ages to discuss the same thing I used to bitch about when bored. I've been living the high life lately thanks to weekly unemployment checks from the government and my desire to have a bit of fun on my search for the next phase of my life.
The 40 hours a week of my life that I reclaimed quickly were absorbed by what had been my secondary commitment: performing. I have less free time now than I did back with that pesky graphic-design career, but I couldn't be happier.
And looking back on past journal entries, I realized their importance. At this point in my life, I need to keep track of my own thoughts. I will want to remember the most pivotal six months of my life thus far.
So how do I sum it up?
Let's back it up just a bit.
During that window of time between when I called myself a "producer of drag shows who also performed," to now, when I consider myself, let's say a "performance artist" (a vague label, but intentionally open-ended) I considered myself a drag queen. At that time my sister Claire was down in the bay area, San Francisco Drag King of the Year, performing every chance she got. She moved back, and we ramped up what is now Übergay Cabaret. It filled the whole in my being that had at one time been satisfied with acting classes and community theatre (which replaced classical piano training a few years before that).
I joked that I was a drag queen in a vacuum. Besides my sister and a few other drag kings I was friends with, I felt isolated in my art.
And then buzz started forming about something new that was starting called Sissyboy. A monthly dance party and show starring punk-rock drag queens. I attended the second ever Sissyboy event, and got exactly what I expected; a satisfyingly entertaining show that was roughly assembled by a group that showed a lot of potential. My selfish being saw another platform to perform what I was already creating. One artist in particular stuck out as the clear visionary of the group; Splendora.
Flash back to a few months before, when Übergay performed at a certain queer dance party. During a solo number, my sister stripped down to leather chaps and a black dildo, and walked through the audience. One audience member who was not content with a passing swish from the spotlight turned the number into an interactive event. He pulled his pants down to his knees, bent over, and chased my sister and her dildo around the dancefloor with his asshole. That man, as we all soon learned, was Lee Kyle.
Lee Kyle is Splendora. Shortly after seeing the first Sissyboy show, I found myself at a meeting to discuss my role in the next event. Shortly after this meeting (and this is the part when we go into time-lapse mode) I found myself dating and then in love with Lee Kyle. Along the same timeline, I became absorbed in the fiber of Sissyboy.
To paraphrase an earlier entry, I've always felt like a "satellite friend." I had plenty of individual friends, most of whom rarely rarely met. I'd never felt synergy with a group of people. Sissyboy is that group for me. Finally. I have found my place socially.
It is also to Sissyboy that I can attribute my recent artistic growth. Within a group of artists with every imaginable background, I've learned to view myself as an artist. After that first step, it's just a journey through experiments and experience to find what it is I want to be doing as an artist. And so, I am no longer a Drag Queen. I am constantly exploring new (or old and lost) talents onstage. I've sung live, done old lady, zombie and hummingbird drag, emceed a show (while incredibly drunk), created scripts and characters, and made original music for the Sissyboy shows.
Months ago, the right combination of factors came together-my sudden plethoras of free time, the forming of a group I loved, a real kind of love seeking me out-and life started to seem like something that had a magical way of working out.
And as far as my relationship goes, it continues to be illuminating. Lee has committed to the life of an artist. He waits tables and has no career aspirations beyond that. He makes every kind of art (performance, painting, drawing, sculpture, poetry) and is staggeringly talented. We have a tremendous amount of respect for eachother's artistic potential. It's the most complicated relationship I've ever had with another human being, which obviously has its benefits and its pitfalls. At the time I write this, we're going through quite a bit of turbulence.
Maybe if I keep current with this updating thing, some day I'll write about the nuanced, complicated, and beautiful affair that is mine and Lee's relationship.
Some other events of note over the past six months:
I turned 21.
That was going to be a list, but it's 2:30 in the morning and I give up. Besides, if I list the entire contents of the past half-year, what does that give me to write about next time?
Until then.
Maybe I haven't updated for six months because since the loss of my job, I've been experiencing more than I have time to reflect on.
Maybe since the loss of my job, it's hard to admit that time is passing quicker than I have time to find my ultimate usefulness.
It's just that without a job there is no definite structure of time, which I've confirmed is something I need to keep my time useful.
But I didn't re-open LiveJournal for the first time in ages to discuss the same thing I used to bitch about when bored. I've been living the high life lately thanks to weekly unemployment checks from the government and my desire to have a bit of fun on my search for the next phase of my life.
The 40 hours a week of my life that I reclaimed quickly were absorbed by what had been my secondary commitment: performing. I have less free time now than I did back with that pesky graphic-design career, but I couldn't be happier.
And looking back on past journal entries, I realized their importance. At this point in my life, I need to keep track of my own thoughts. I will want to remember the most pivotal six months of my life thus far.
So how do I sum it up?
Let's back it up just a bit.
During that window of time between when I called myself a "producer of drag shows who also performed," to now, when I consider myself, let's say a "performance artist" (a vague label, but intentionally open-ended) I considered myself a drag queen. At that time my sister Claire was down in the bay area, San Francisco Drag King of the Year, performing every chance she got. She moved back, and we ramped up what is now Übergay Cabaret. It filled the whole in my being that had at one time been satisfied with acting classes and community theatre (which replaced classical piano training a few years before that).
I joked that I was a drag queen in a vacuum. Besides my sister and a few other drag kings I was friends with, I felt isolated in my art.
And then buzz started forming about something new that was starting called Sissyboy. A monthly dance party and show starring punk-rock drag queens. I attended the second ever Sissyboy event, and got exactly what I expected; a satisfyingly entertaining show that was roughly assembled by a group that showed a lot of potential. My selfish being saw another platform to perform what I was already creating. One artist in particular stuck out as the clear visionary of the group; Splendora.
Flash back to a few months before, when Übergay performed at a certain queer dance party. During a solo number, my sister stripped down to leather chaps and a black dildo, and walked through the audience. One audience member who was not content with a passing swish from the spotlight turned the number into an interactive event. He pulled his pants down to his knees, bent over, and chased my sister and her dildo around the dancefloor with his asshole. That man, as we all soon learned, was Lee Kyle.
Lee Kyle is Splendora. Shortly after seeing the first Sissyboy show, I found myself at a meeting to discuss my role in the next event. Shortly after this meeting (and this is the part when we go into time-lapse mode) I found myself dating and then in love with Lee Kyle. Along the same timeline, I became absorbed in the fiber of Sissyboy.
To paraphrase an earlier entry, I've always felt like a "satellite friend." I had plenty of individual friends, most of whom rarely rarely met. I'd never felt synergy with a group of people. Sissyboy is that group for me. Finally. I have found my place socially.
It is also to Sissyboy that I can attribute my recent artistic growth. Within a group of artists with every imaginable background, I've learned to view myself as an artist. After that first step, it's just a journey through experiments and experience to find what it is I want to be doing as an artist. And so, I am no longer a Drag Queen. I am constantly exploring new (or old and lost) talents onstage. I've sung live, done old lady, zombie and hummingbird drag, emceed a show (while incredibly drunk), created scripts and characters, and made original music for the Sissyboy shows.
Months ago, the right combination of factors came together-my sudden plethoras of free time, the forming of a group I loved, a real kind of love seeking me out-and life started to seem like something that had a magical way of working out.
And as far as my relationship goes, it continues to be illuminating. Lee has committed to the life of an artist. He waits tables and has no career aspirations beyond that. He makes every kind of art (performance, painting, drawing, sculpture, poetry) and is staggeringly talented. We have a tremendous amount of respect for eachother's artistic potential. It's the most complicated relationship I've ever had with another human being, which obviously has its benefits and its pitfalls. At the time I write this, we're going through quite a bit of turbulence.
Maybe if I keep current with this updating thing, some day I'll write about the nuanced, complicated, and beautiful affair that is mine and Lee's relationship.
Some other events of note over the past six months:
I turned 21.
That was going to be a list, but it's 2:30 in the morning and I give up. Besides, if I list the entire contents of the past half-year, what does that give me to write about next time?
Until then.