(no subject)
giving up is a tremendously hard thing to do. i just want to give up. but i can't. i've never lingered somewhere for so long as i have this one spot in my mind and heart. i can't let go. its that open wound that you can't let heal. it hurts when you touch it and you keep touching anyway. you poke it and prod and rip off the scabs. its purposely contracting a virus. theres something about the nuture of the human that we thrive upon pain. wheather emotional or physical . who knows? who wants to ? i don't . i'd be disappointed i think. i don't know what I'm saying. i need distance. i'll be deleting this journal soon and saying my words out loud .