overthinking is the chink in my armour, that's just what i do.
the sound of the clip being inserted in the gun, and the echoing of the bullet across the park is a sound that i live with everyday of my life. i'm coming out, i guess, with the truth of what happened that night, that consistently replays in my head.
a year and a month ago was the worst night of my life, and when i think back on it - i put myself in danger for a boy that didn't even care. i recall the moist ground i walked on, and the group of kids that were only up to trouble that i walked with. it had just fell into night, and they came knocking on the door asking for a bag of weed. i didn't smoke at this time, but since i was dating kyle, of course i knew all of the connections. kyle wasn't home, and i had the worst headache ever. kyle was busy at a females house, doing only God knows what. i was so naive to think that maybe he cared about me, but i guess i can laugh at myself after realizing a condom was missing, and the rumours of him "fooling around" wasn't a joke.
i agreed to go on this walk to give these two kids what they want, we were to meet at the park. i brought my drug-dealing friend with me, he had the weed, i wanted the money. it was almost a year for kyle and me, and of course i had no money. i wanted to get him something special, so hey, what else? rip kids off money, and then laugh my way to the store.
we got to the park and waited. two kids emerged from the woods. bandanas covering their faces. i remember name calling back and forth, and then the gun came out. i didn't know what to do, but run. i definitely followed my instinct, and outside of the park, i heard the gun go off. luckily, later on i found out no one got here.
this night will never leave me. i fell into a pit of depression, that i still can't get out of. i'm not the same after all of this, i rarely leave the house. and the night time is the worst for me. and it's funny, i call a psychiatrist a month ago, to have someone to talk to about it all, and of course my phone call was never returned. i really believe the world is getting worst and worst each day.
i can walk down a street, and think every car that passes me by could be a drive-by shooting. every person that walks by me i believe they could attack at any moment. i stopped having trust in my own friends.
and here i am ranting. i just needed to get it out.
i guess i should mention good news though, my father and me are working on a collaboration of short stories! i'll probably post some things from it, and mention to you all how it's going!
a year and a month ago was the worst night of my life, and when i think back on it - i put myself in danger for a boy that didn't even care. i recall the moist ground i walked on, and the group of kids that were only up to trouble that i walked with. it had just fell into night, and they came knocking on the door asking for a bag of weed. i didn't smoke at this time, but since i was dating kyle, of course i knew all of the connections. kyle wasn't home, and i had the worst headache ever. kyle was busy at a females house, doing only God knows what. i was so naive to think that maybe he cared about me, but i guess i can laugh at myself after realizing a condom was missing, and the rumours of him "fooling around" wasn't a joke.
i agreed to go on this walk to give these two kids what they want, we were to meet at the park. i brought my drug-dealing friend with me, he had the weed, i wanted the money. it was almost a year for kyle and me, and of course i had no money. i wanted to get him something special, so hey, what else? rip kids off money, and then laugh my way to the store.
we got to the park and waited. two kids emerged from the woods. bandanas covering their faces. i remember name calling back and forth, and then the gun came out. i didn't know what to do, but run. i definitely followed my instinct, and outside of the park, i heard the gun go off. luckily, later on i found out no one got here.
this night will never leave me. i fell into a pit of depression, that i still can't get out of. i'm not the same after all of this, i rarely leave the house. and the night time is the worst for me. and it's funny, i call a psychiatrist a month ago, to have someone to talk to about it all, and of course my phone call was never returned. i really believe the world is getting worst and worst each day.
i can walk down a street, and think every car that passes me by could be a drive-by shooting. every person that walks by me i believe they could attack at any moment. i stopped having trust in my own friends.
and here i am ranting. i just needed to get it out.
i guess i should mention good news though, my father and me are working on a collaboration of short stories! i'll probably post some things from it, and mention to you all how it's going!